


7 Ways to Break Victor Nikiforov's Heart (and 10 Ways to Mend it)

by Linisen



Series: For You Vitusha, Anything [1]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Age Swap, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Author Working Thru Her Own Shit, Divorce, Don't copy to another site, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Especially in the first six chapters, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, First Meetings, Flirting, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, I swear to god he's so good, Im sorry about the angst, Its not Vicchan, Long-Haired Victor Nikiforov, Love, M/M, Mutual Pining, POV Victor Nikiforov, Pining, Rape/Non-con Elements, Yuuri is a swimmer, Yuuri is the besets boy, Yuuri isn't even in the first six chapters, bc hot damn imagine him walking around shirtless in tight swimpants, pet death, so much heartbreak, so much love, with a heart of gold
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-16
Updated: 2019-06-22
Packaged: 2019-10-29 20:32:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 19
Words: 101,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17815028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Linisen/pseuds/Linisen
Summary: Durning his teenage years, Victor encounters heartbreak after heartbreak until he feels like he can't breathe anymore. When leaving for college with his best friend Chris he decides that he will not let anyone else hurt him the way those in his past has. No more boys. No more love. No more letting anyone close.That was before Yuuri Katsuki.





	1. Heartbreak #1 - Father

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!  
> New multi chapter story. Fair warning for those who have read my other work; this is darker and more angsty then any of it. You have been warned. (there will off be fluff too bc how can I not with these lovely boys).  
> The chapters will differ in length.  
> Will try to update every 7-10 days. 
> 
> Betaed by the lovely [takeitoffhemmo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/takeitoffhemmo)

The first time Victor Nikiforov’s heart broke happened slower than all the others, years upon years in the making. It was the kind of soul crushing heartbreak that can only be delivered by someone you love without precaution, someone that you asume will stand by you thru all of your other heartbreak, all of your hurt and all of your achievements. It leaves traces that are unmatched, scars that will never heal in to whole tissue and damage deep nested into the soul.

It comes from his father. 

Victor wouldn’t say his father is a bad person. He’s guarded and doesn’t talk about his emotions. He likes to take Victor to hockey games and buy lukewarm pirozhkis and hot tea from one of the vendors outside of the arena. He drinks a little too much vodka and passes out but he’s never violent. He’s a morning person that has breakfast ready when the rest of the small family comes up. He prioritizes spending time at work before spending it with his family. Believes money is the answer to everything. Is deadly afraid of anything outside of the norm. 

Victor has his father's eyes and nose, but his mother's hair and sharp cheekbones. Victor has his father's morning personality and a drive to strive for greatness. He has his mother's glassheart. 

Being only a child, Victor barely registered the subtle changes of his parent’s relationship, for they are so small and smooth. They didn’t argue. There wasn’t any yelling, or plates smashing against the tile floor of the kitchen or doors slamming so hard the house rattles. The rift was silent and tearing, invisible to the viewer who doesn't look close enough. 

They stopped kissing first. The usual morning pecks goodbye being replaced by rushed breakfasts and hurried calls of ‘see you later’ as one of them rush out the door towards their job. The welcome home kisses replaced by ‘the food is done’ or ‘can you take out the trash before you come in.’ 

They stopped touching next. No hand holding while out shopping groceries. Gone are the lingering caresses while passing one another in the kitchen, sitting on separate ends of the couch. Victor didn’t notice, too busy living, learning, and rushing to new possibilities the way only children do. 

The irritated sighes and sharp glances came next, and Victor did notice those. The tension in the house became pliable as all of them started tiptoeing around each other. Victor tried to be as good as possible, helped out more at the house, got the highest marks on all his tests. He tried to ask them whats wrong, but his parents repeatedly assured him that everything was fine, that he shouldn't worry.  

After a while they stopped talking, only trading the most important information to keep the everyday life going. They talked to Victor but not to each other. It itched under VIctor’s skin as he tried to mediate, tried to bring them together again. They only gave him tight smiles and told him that everything would be fine. 

His father came and picked him up after school one day, which was rare, but not unheard of. 

They went to a fast food restaurant. Victor got to choose whatever he wanted to eat as his father sipped coffee. His father mumbled about the importance of having money saved up, to work hard and to never dream too big. They went home and his parents don’t greet each other. 

The next night, his father didn’t come home. 

In fact. He didn’t come home ever again.

Victor kept asking and his mother kept looking away, shrugging her shoulders and changed the subject.  

Victor heard his mother crying on the eleventh night, after Victor’s had gone to bed. He tiptoed up from his warm bed, sliding down the wall to sit outside of his door in the dark hallway as he listened to how his mother’s sobs intensified. Her broken breath cuts thru him like a knife and he tried to decide what’s the right thing to do, how to fix this, to fix her. 

He’s old enough to understand that if she's crying now, it meant that she didn’t want him to know, didn’t want to share her pain with him. Maybe she was trying to shield him. 

Victor didn’t want to be shielded. He wanted her to hold him, disappear in her embrace as he breathes in her rose heavy perfume mixing with coconut conditioner and hope that it heals both of their broken hearts. He doesn't know how long he sits there on the cold floor, knees pulled up to his chest as he hears his mother's heart break into pieces.

When the sobs quiet Victor slides back into his room. Zvezda wakes up as he crawls into bed again. She snuggles up, resting her head on his thigh before falling asleep again, loud purr filling the room. Victor couldn't sleep. Even as he heard his mother turning of the lights and going in to what used to be his parents bedroom. Not even when he heard her soft snores thru the thin apartment wall did rest come to him. He laid there, staring up into the shadowed white ceiling, mind bouncing around like a ping pong ball. He replayed memory after memory with his father until his head felt as heavy as his heart. 

Eventually his eyelids slid shut and he fell into a restless sleep. 

 

Two weeks later, all their belongings were in boxes, the house empty and a hollow feeling sits heavy in Victor’s heart. He’s stopped asking why and how and begging for this not to happen. The last time he tried she had just shook her head and said, “This is just how it is Victor, and you will just have to accept that.” 

They hadn't talked a word since then except small direction on what to pack, when the food was done and which time the moving truck would arrive. He couldn't look his mother in the face as they packed the last boxes in the truck. He sat in the back of the car as she drove away — away from everything that he knew as his home, away from school, friends and safety. They’re alone in the car, radio playing the latest pop sensation. They’re alone. Because Zvezda couldn't come, according to his mother. His beautiful black and white cat wasn't allowed to come, and now she’s dead. 

 

It’s this first heartbreak that cascades into the second, the third, the fourth and then the fifth. When thinking about it like that, Victor couldn't help but resent his father for being such a big part of turning his heart into ice. 

  
  
  
  



	2. Heartbreak #2 - Zvezda

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Victor's heart breaks because of the love of a pet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Betaed by the lovely [takeitoffhemmo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/takeitoffhemmo)
> 
>  
> 
> IM SO SORRY

When Victor is five he finds  a stray cat in the bushes outside of his preschool. She’s small and dirty and he loves her instantly as she meows at him from her rolled up form in among the leafs. Even as his father tries to pry him away, Victor refuses, shouting and crying until his father agrees to take the small whining animal with them. They drive straight to the veterinarian who does a thorough exam, one Victor’s father curses the cost for so the entire lobby hears his dissatisfaction.

When the Vet comes back with the now clean and sleeping kitty, she tells them that it's a female, around eight weeks old and in good physical shape, just a little malnourished. She will need food and water, but other than that she should be fine. Victor’s ecstatic. He always wanted a pet. His parents fight about who’s fault it is that there is a cat in the house for a week. 

Victor doesn’t care though. He has his hands full with teaching his new furry friend how to use the litter box, playing with yarn mouses and petting her soft silky fur. She purrs like a thresher everytime he strokes her head, but bites if he touches her stomach. 

He decides to name her Zvezda, which means star in Russian according to his father. They have just talked about space and stars and constellations at the preschool and it’s also a pretty word.  Her white fur with black spots sort of looks like constellations, Victor thinks as his fingers card thru it. 

Zvezda is allowed to go in and out of the house by using a cat door and it’s almost weekly she brings in some sort of ‘gift’ to proudly present to her owner. Mostly it’s dead mice, sometimes a vole and once an alive pigeon. It took an hour to get that terrified thing out, almost as long as it took to clean up all the feathers it dropped when its panicky threw itself around Victor’s bedroom. His mother cursed and locked the cat door for a month afterwards but Zvezda only looked smug, visibly very pleased with her accomplishment. 

It’s Zvezda’s fur that gets wet with tears the first time someone teases Victor about his long hair. It’s Zvezda who warms Victor’s bed every night, curled tight behind his back. She loves shrimp, but hates fish. She purrs louder than any household machine while being petted, but won’t let most people touch her. It’s Zvezda who greets him with excited meows at the door when he comes home from school. He adores her, and she adores him. They are a perfect match.  

Victor comes home one day, one week after he’s been told that they’re moving away, thirteen years old and filled with hormones and emotions as it is. He doesn’t need his parents divorcing when he’s just trying to find his way. He doesn’t need his entire life uprooted because his mother can’t stand to live in the same city that she fell in love with his father. The house is suspiciously quiet. His precious cat is nowhere to been seen which is strange. She’s usually around when he gets home, but she’s also a cat, so she might be out hunting or sleeping in his bed. 

He meets his mother in the kitchen, packing plates. Things between them have been tense since she announced they were moving. Before, Victor felt so bad for her. He had seen the strain in her shoulders and the dark circles around her eyes from lack of sleep. He heard the tears and had seen the red lining her eyes. Now he feels so frustrated. He doesn’t want to move. He likes his school and he likes his friends and their house and he doesn’t want to move to some small town where everybody knows everybody and he knows no one. The thought of being the new kid scares him more than he’s told anyone. Except Zvezda of course. She knows all his secrets. 

His mother puts down the plate she’s wrapping in magazine paper and turns to him. 

“Victor, I need to tell you something.” She starts. Victor gives out a deep sigh. He doesn't want to talk, or discuss whatever his mother wants to tell him about their new hometown. He turns to her anyway, urging her wordlessy to go on. She sighs deeply before she starts.

“There is no easy way to tell you this, but the apartment in the new town doesn’t allow pets so today I went and put Zvezda down,“ his mother says, and it’s like Victor’s blood freezes to ice. He hears her ramble on about how it was peaceful and that Zvezda knew no harm and that it went  _ fine _ , but Victor can’t grasp what his mother is saying over the pounding of his heartbeat in his ears. Tears spring forward, burning his eyes as they start flowing down his cheeks and panic induced adrenaline rolls in his stomach, the need to make this stop surging forward, to change something that’s already been done. 

Memories of Zvezda’s small frame when he carried her into that veterinarian’s office all this years ago wash over him and crash like waves as more and more memories gather until it feels like his entire body crumbles. Chasing yarn balls, catching mice, sleeping in his bed. Victor felt like he couldn’t breathe and suddenly his mother is trying to pull him into a hug. The action brings Victor back to reality, even if the tears keep rolling down his cheeks. He pushes her away with as much power he can muster, desperate to get her away. 

“Why?” he shouts, too many questions wrapped up in one.  _ Why would you get that apartment? Why would you do this? Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t I get a chance to say goodbye? _

She sighs again and then lean back, eyes hard.

“You can’t be angry at me for this Victor. I did what I had to,” she simply states, words hanging between them in the air. 

Victor can hardly grasp what that is suppose to mean. The grief and hurt from his father leaving and this betrayal from his mother feels like all-consuming fire.

“I don’t understand how you can do this to me!” Victor screams and his mother takes half a step back, eyebrows rising in surprise.

“Why?” Victor demands, fists curling at his sides as tears continue to flow down his cheeks.

“We’ve been over this Victor. We can’t stay here-.” she starts, but Victor doesn't care about the move right now. It feels like a drop in the ocean against the hurt he feels from losing his best friend. 

“I don’t care! How could you kill her!?” Victor continues to shout, the harsh words curling against his hears and he lets out a ripping sob. The ache in his heart grows and he turns, not wanting to hear his mother’s excuses or explanations. He almost doesn't care why she did it. She killed his beloved pet, his lovely Zvezda and there really isn't anything that can take that back. 

He runs upstairs to his room, slamming the door shut behind him to bury himself in the sheets as the tears soak the pillow and his sobs echo against the bare walls in the half packed bedroom. He cries himself to sleep, eyes growing heavy as the tears run dry. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, please let me know what you think in the comment section or on other platforms like:  
> [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/linisen)  
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/mjaoue)  
> If you wanna prompt me:  
> [Prompt list](https://linisen.tumblr.com/post/182470660496/send-me-a-ship-and-a-prompt-and-ill-write-a)


	3. Heartbreak #3 - Erik

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which a boy breaks Victor's heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be mindful of the tags people. 
> 
> Betaed by the lovely [takeitoffhemmo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/takeitoffhemmo)

It’s the third year of high school when Chris gets them into a college party. It’s held in one of the clubhouses on campus, and it takes them forty five minutes and two buses to get from their sleepy small town to the location of the party. No one seems to care who they are as they step thru the doors to the ratty old house. The music is blaring, base pounding so hard it makes Victor’s heart skip beats. Some girl in a neon tank top hands them some alcoholic punch in red solo cups as soon as they step further into the building, and Chris gives her the most charming smile he’s got. Even if they’re only seventeen, and it should be obvious that they are too young to be here, she just smiles back and encourages them to drink up. 

Victor had met Chris on the first day of high school. His first day of school in a new town, with no one he knew and the ripping pain of losing his father, his cat and everything he called home in the matter of a month still tugging at his heart. He had been in the small town for a few weeks when he started his new school, mostly cooped up in the house unpacking while his mother was working her new job at the mayor's office. Everyone had looked at him like some sort of zoo animal, staring completely without shame as he exited his mother's car and walked into the school and down the hallway. They were probably not used to seeing new faces, but that really didn't ease Victor’s mind. All he wanted was to go back to his old life and his old friends and not have to deal with this feeling of being completely alone and lost. He had tried to keep to himself, but as soon as Chris had sat down next to him in the auditorium for the principal’s ‘welcome new students’ speech they had become friends; Chris basically adopting Victor into his small gang of friends. 

Chris had been invited by a guy he had met at the gym a few days ago and insisted that they had to go. Apparently the guy was hot as heck, and Chris wanted to make out with the pretty college boy that could bench press a small horse. Victor really didn't see the appeal in that but he wasn't judging. If Chris was into that, Victor could suffer thru a party to make sure he had a chance.  

Drinks chugged and refilled, they make their way further into the party. There really was only one big room, one corner filled with couches that looked like they might fall apart any second, most of them occupied by students hanging off each other in various levels of drunkenness and undress. Another corner was designated to drinks, and another to a dance floor. Chris pinched Victor’s arm as they walked in, pointing to a guy in the middle of the dance floor.

“That’s him!” Chris shouted into Victor’s ear so that he would hear him over the blaring music. The guy was cute, with middle length brown hair. He was not as built as Victor had thought he would be, but he was definitely in shape. Victor approved. 

“Go get him!” He shouted back, shoving Chris in the direction of the dancefloor. 

Victor looks around the room, contemplating if he should try to find a spot on the couch or go dance. Nothing really appeals to him and without Chris he feels very out of place.  He spots a door at the far end of the room and side steps a few people to reach it, stepping out onto a small porch. A couple of people are standing outside, smoking or vomiting, and Victor takes a few steps away to avoid them. His mother will kill him if he comes home smelling like cigarette smoke or drunk vomit. He had told her they were spending the night at Chris’ playing video games and watching movies after all.  

Victor stops when he comes a few meters from the door, looking up at the stars. The chill October air wraps around him and clears his alcohol buzzed mind a little as he shivers, goosebumps appearing on his bare arms. The stars are barely visible, but if he strains his eyes he can almost make out some of the constellations he used to map out in Zvezdas soft fur. 

Suddenly a warm weight lands on his shoulders, and he looks up to lock eyes with brown smiling eyes, black shaved hair barely visible under a ball cap. He’s taller than Victor, but not much bigger. Around Victor’s shoulders rest what he presumes is this guy’s zipper sweater, black with a dark green criss cross pattern. It smells heavy with a musky perfume. 

“You looked cold.” The guy says, left hand in his jeans pocket and right hand outstretched. “I’m Erik.” 

Victor reaches forward and lets his hand slide in to Erik’s calloused one, giving one firm shake. 

“Victor.”

Erik smile grows wide and his touch lingers on Victor’s hand, thumb sliding over Victor’s knuckles. 

“Can I get you another drink?” Erik asks, and even if Victor doesn’t have a lot of reason to accept, he doesn’t really have any reason to decline either. With a small nod he agrees, and Erik’s free hand lands on the small of his back, guiding him back towards the door. They make their way back into the party, Erik’s sweater still resting on Victor’s shoulders as a warmth wrapping around him. Victor is reminded of the letterman jackets the football players at his school hand out to their girlfriends and boyfriends and suddenly the sweater feels heavier. It feels like a claim more than the warmth it had been said to be. 

Erik finds them more punch, urges Victor to drink the full cup before refilling it again and then make their way around to the front door, Victor spotting Chris dancing with the same guy as earlier, hips swaying together as they kiss, open mouthed and consuming. When they’re out in the crisp air again, Erik pulls Victor close and without much warning claims his lips. 

Victor freezes for a second, mind scrambling to try to grasp what’s happening. Erik’s mouth is sloppy and wet and Victor tries to keep up at the same time as he tries not to spill the drink he’s still holding. He has never been kissed like this before, with tongue and teeth and Erik’s hands on Victor’s waist, strong and demanding as they pull him even closer. It feels strange and Victor’s fingers tingle, if it’s from the alcohol or the kiss is hard to define.

When they part, Erik’s eyes are dark and Victor can’t help, but let out a small gasp as his lungs scream for air. 

“Look, I have to go.” Erik says, eyes still locked with Victor’s. The grip on Victor’s waist still vice-like. “But I really like you. Keep this, until we meet again,” Erik says grabbing the shirt still hanging of Victor’s shoulders.  He pulls a pen form his jeans pocket and grabs Victor’s arm, scribbling down numbers on the inside of it. “Call.” Erik says, before leaning in again - taking one more kiss. This one is just as slick and surprising and Victor has to grab Erik’s forearms for purchase, drink tumbling down to the ground. 

The next morning Victor takes out his phone and texts the number that is slightly smudged on the inside of his wrist. The answer comes a few hours later.

**Erik**

_ 16.30 _

Wanna come over?

 

Victor doesn’t. But he gets on the bus and makes the forty five minute way over back to the college the day after that. Erik picks him up at the bus stop and they walk over to Erik’s dorm in the middle of the dorm houses on campus. Erik kisses him as soon as they step into the room, pushing Victor up against the door. It makes Victor feel dizzy, head spinning and thoughts like cotton as Erik manhandles him further in to the room. They kiss and kiss and Erik grabs his ass and soon enough Victor has to go back to the bus stop so he doesn't miss the last bus back, stomach growling with hunger and lips red and chapped from all the kissing. 

Erik drives enduro so suddenly Victor’s weekends are spent at muddy tracks with engines roaring in his ears. There are jumps and turns and different colored bikes coming from different manufacturers and everybody just knows this. The first rider to the finish wins, everybody else sulks. The sport is dirty and strange and Victor has a hard time comprehending how it really works, and what the appeal of it is. But he’s sort of Erik’s boyfriend now so he guesses this is how it works. 

Erik never introduces Victor as his boyfriend tough. He doesn't kiss or touch Victor when they’re out of Erik’s dorm room, but Erik directs what he wants Victor to wear when he comes over and they always kiss a lot behind closed doors, groping becoming more and more intimate each time they meet. 

Deep inside him, Victor feels a small tugging of fear.  Worries that Erik is ashamed of him, that that’s why he doesn’t label them. But Victor doesn’t want to be seen as too young or immature so he keeps his mouth shut, scared that things will end if he asks for too much. Victor likes Erik. Erik is funny and smart and always find them new movies to watch. Victor figures Erik’s just a private person who doesn’t want to shove his love into everybody's faces. Victor can understand that. Even if that’s not how Victor wants things to be, he has to respect Erik’s wishes. 

They’ve been dating for two months when Erik decides they should have sex. 

Victor has never done anything sexual with anyone before, minus dry humping one boy in a very intense make out session of seven minutes in heaven six months ago, and that hardly counts. He and Erik haven't even done something sexual except touch outside of their clothes so when Erik pulls down Victor’s pants and underwear and reached over to the nightstand to grab the lube and a condom Victor just freezes. 

Is it suppose to feel like this? Like he can’t breathe and that his mind starts feeling like it’s made of syrup, thoughts slower and slower until they come to a complete stop - white noise flooding his mind. He tries to squirm a little as Erik’s finger pushes in, sensation burning and uncomfortable and wrong, but Erik’s other hand finds his hip and holds him steady down  to the bed, grip bruising. Victor clenches his jaw and tries to make his mind catch up. This feels weird. Is it supposed to feel weird? Nobody likes this the first time, right? That’s what everyone says, that it’s supposed to hurt the first time? 

As Erik silently works him open Victor tries to will his body to relax, thoughts bouncing around in his mind of how off this feels, like he should say something. How it’s supposed to feel different. That this feels wrong. But he likes Erik and this is something that people do with the people they like. Erik has been patient for the two months they’ve been dating, Victor should give something back.

Victor bites his cheek hard as Erik pushes in, eyes firm on the ceiling and counting.  _ One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.  _ Like beats in a song he counts, trying to focus on something other than the shivers running through him.  He tries again to will his body to relax, just to make the burn and pain less horrible, but it’s like he can’t. His body is working against the intrusion. He doesn't know how long it takes, but after awhile Erik’s breaths become erratic, and then he comes with a grunt. He slumps down next to Victor, leaving him bare except for the shirt he still has on. Erik wraps his arm around his middle and pulls him close and Victor follows the touch because he still can’t really grasp what happened.

They don’t stay too long. Victor needs to catch the last bus. and Erik has to study. They walk to the bus stop, talking like nothing happened, Erik’s hand dangling at his side, not in Victor’s.

Erik doesn’t answer Victor’s text message the next day. 

Victor thinks that maybe he’s busy. He said he had a lot of studying to do, and there is that enduro competition coming up. But Erik’s doesn’t call or text the day after that either. Or the day after that, or the day after that. 

Mind numbing pain pulsed through Victor’s heart, and he has a hard time concentrating on anything other than the complete silence of his phone. He doesn't tell anyone what happened, too ashamed to word out that he wasn't enough. When Chris asks if he and Erik want to join him and Masumi at the movies on Saturday Victor brushes him off with a dumb excuse and spends the entire weekend in bed, crying.  

A month goes by before Erik texts again. Victor is too scared or too much of a coward to ask where he’s been and Erik doesn't seem to want to share that either. As soon as they’re in the dorm room, Erik pushes him down on the bed and they have sex again. Victor stares at the ceiling the entire time. Afterwords, Erik falls asleep, and Victor detangles himself, pulls his clothes back on and walks to the bus stop. 

When he arrives he calls Chris, tears streaming down his face as he hiccups out what happened. Chris is furious and within ten minutes he comes running down from Masumi’s dorm on the same campus, winded, and looking to kick Erik’s ass. Victor convinces him not to. Victor’s just too young, or not interesting enough, or not good enough in bed to keep Erik’s interest. Erik can hardly be blamed for that, can he? 

Erik doesn’t call for another month and when he does, Victor doesn’t answer.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, please let me know what you think in the comment section or on other platforms like:  
> [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/linisen) and  
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/mjaoue)


	4. Heartbreak #3 - Richard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Victor's first love breaks his heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Betaed by the great [takeitoffhemmo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/takeitoffhemmo)

Victor has just finished his shift at the café where he works at for the summer. He’s sitting by the curb on a jersey barrier waiting for Chris to finish his shift at McDonald’s so he can come pick him up. They’re meeting some friends for a late night dip in the lake to cool off after a horrendously warm day. The air is starting to chill from the almost unbearable warmth he had to withstand while working in the small café without air conditioning. 

It was a record breaking summer heat, pushing the temperatures over the 40 C mark. Working in those conditions makes Victor’s head pound and body feel sore, but he grinded his teeth and pushed through. He needs the money to be able to pay for college in the future, and since there were no school during the summer he has to make the extra free time count by working as much as possible, even if the heat might kill him before he gets to apply for college. 

He’s just about to put his headphones in his ears when someone sits down on the jersey barrier next to his. He glances over to see one of the regulars of the café, a guy that comes in almost every morning. He’s tall and big with kind eyes, otherwise pretty unassuming. He’s always joking and lingering by the counter after he’s gotten his order, looking like he has something more to say. 

As Victor glances over, more because his eyes catch the movement than anything else, the guy smiles and waves.

“Hey, Victor right?” The guy says.

“Oh, yeah. You usually come in to the café right?” Victor answers, turning towards him as he puts his headphones down.

“Yeah, I’m Richard.” The guy answers, moving to the edge of the barrier he’s sitting on towards Victor. 

Victor nods, glancing down the street hoping to spot Chris’ car. 

“So, you going out?” Richard asks, eyeing him. 

Victor’s eyebrows furrow. It wasn't uncommon that people mistook him for older than he was, but his age was rarely something they pointed out. 

“No, I’m only eighteen.” Victor pointed out, small smile towards Richard whose jaw dropped.

“Wait? What? No way, I was totally going to hit on you!” Richard gapes and Victor can’t help but laugh a little as he stood, Chris’ car just visible down the road. 

“Goodbye Richard.” Victor says, waving a little as he got into the car. 

 

Apparently, Richard is six years older than Victor which is why he had been so shocked by Victor’s age. ‘I totally thought you were closer to my age. I’m sorry’, he says the next time he comes back to the café. He keeps coming in to order coffee in the mornings and when school starts up again and Victor’s hours in the coffee shop are limited to evenings and weekends, Richard slips him a note with his number. 

Victor contemplates for a long time if he should reach out at all. There is something strangely attractive about Richard, a charm that entices an entire room when he lets it run free. But there was also the age difference, and the fact that Richard always seemed to keep himself locked away, like he wouldn't let anyone in. Victor would be lying if he said he wasn’t intrigued by it. 

So they start texting. Almost everytime Victor looked at his phone there was a text from Richard. Wishing him good morning, wishing him good night. Texting about his classes at the college and the pranks they get up to at his dorm. Victor texts about Chris, school, his shifts at the coffee shop, and what he wants in life. The conversations often turn serious, deep confessions of what their fears are or their darkest secrets. Richard tells him about when he thought about ending his life, and Victor talks about the animosity he feels towards his parents.  Victor feels he can really open up to Richard, like he really listens and sees Victor in a different way from everyone else. It's exhilarating and Victor falls hard and fast. It’s the first time he can really say he’s in love.

The flirting seeped in slowly, compliments on sent selfies, comments about ‘wishing I could be with you.’ Victor barely noticed when Richard turned from friend to, what? Crush? They aren't boyfriends, they haven't even met since they started texting so there really isn't anything more than harmless flirting. 

Victor is online chatting with some friends from school when Richard sends a request about video chatting, like he sometimes did. Victor answered, like he always did. They talk about their days, even though they have been texting through the entire day. Victor tries to retell a story about Chris vividly describing his weekend with Masumi and one of the teachers overhearing and getting flustered. By the end of the story, Victor is giggling so hard  that Richard calls him ‘The cutest thing he had ever seen.’ 

It had been so innocent at first. Richard  asked if Victor would tie his long hair up, just so he could see his pretty neck. The next time he asked if Victor could let his oversized t-shirt slide down his shoulder. The time after that he asked if Victor could remove his shirt completely. Then he wanted Victor to rise up so he could see him better, asking if Victor could caress the flat of his stomach. 

Victor always complies, soaking in the compliments Richard showers over him. How beautiful he is, amazing he is, sexy he is. Victor really doesn't notice that Richard is masturbating until he comes, moaning around Victor’s name, getting off by just watching and stroking himself. The feeling is exciting, having that kind of power over someone. They trade nudes after that, sending pictures of themselves in different levels of undress. It got to the point where Victor didn't dare to open the texts from Richard in public, afraid of what they might contain. Victor wonders what it would be like to be with Richard for real, like a real relationship. They’ve talked about it once, living together in a big city, and spending as much time together as possible. 

Then, suddenly, all of their conversation is about sex. What Richard wanted to do to Victor if they were ever in the same room. How it would feel, how he would make Victor feel. It’s arousing and thrilling at first, but it leaves Victor with an empty ache in his chest. He misses Richard. He misses their deep conversations and feeling like he matters, like his opinions are valued. A lot of people turn their heads after Victor as he passes them on the street. He knows he’s pretty, and has no trouble getting attention for his looks. But Richard had made him feel special, and that feeling was slowly dripping away into something dirty, leaving Victor feeling hollow and used. 

So, Victor came up with a plan. If sex is what Richard wants, Victor could give it to him and maybe their conversations would go back to what they were before. It should work. Right? 

The next time Richard texts that he wishes Victor was there, Victor asks if he really means it. Richard says yes and Victor hops on the next bus towards the college, and sends Richard a picture of the bus,asking if he can come meet him. It’s impulsive and stupid and Victor’s nerves are a mess as his leg keeps bouncing up and down as the distance to the college becomes smaller and smaller. 

When he jumps off the bus, it's to an empty bus stop, sun setting in the distance. His phone buzzes with a message from Richard that he shouldn't come. That they should think about this. It was fine, but it still hurt all the same, rejection thumping in his body as he let out a deep sigh and walked over to the other side of the road, waiting for the bus back. The adrenaline from the previous nerves made him feel dull and heavy as he sits down on the bench to wait for the blue bus to come into view. According to the time table, it would be twenty minutes. 

With two minutes to spare, a new message from Richard appears, asking if Victor has left yet. When Victor answers that he hasn’t, he gets an address texted back to him. Hope surges in his stomach as he gets up, opens a map app, and makes his way through the campus. 

Richard looks shy, almost coy, as he opens the door, inviting Victor in. They sit on opposite sides of a couch, Richard looking at him like he’s something delicious, like he wants to devour him. They talk for what feel like the first time in ages, opening up about troubles in school, with parents, with friends. It feels good and Victor basks in the closeness, ecstatic about being important enough to be trusted with this. It gets late, and Victor has to go if he’s to catch the last bus. His mother won’t notice if he doesn't come home, but if he doesn't he’ll miss his first class in the morning and he has to keep up his grades if he’s to get into the college he wants. 

Just before Victor is supposed to open the door, Richard grabs his shoulder and turns him back around. He pulled his pants down, and he’s stroking himself off.

“Can you just, just suck on it. Please?”

The blow job didn’t help. Their conversations still focus on sex, even more so than before. The realisation burns in Victor’s chest, especially since the conversations before the improv blow job with Victor on his knees in the dirty hallway floor had been so much like before, so much like  _ them _ . This is not what he wanted. Every time Victor tries to change the subject Richard grows cold in his responses or quits responding at all until Victor sends something suggestive or another semi-pornographic picture that surges up the conversation again. It hurts so much, but if Victor can’t have Richard any other way, this was better than nothing. 

One morning, after a night of no texting at all, Victor wakes up to an onslaught of pictures from a college party, posted on the Facebook of his, boyfriend? Friend with benefits? Crush?, having people who Victor had no idea who they were licking cream off his face and naked chest. A numbing pain plummets in his stomach, wrapping around his heart as he spends the rest of the morning in tears. Richard texts the next day asking if Victor can come over again. 

As soon as the door to Richards dorm room closes, Victor finds himself pressed down into the bed, no conversation, no explanation, just Richard’s body pressing him down hard. His clothes soon find the floor and it feels like no time at all before he is pressed down head first into the mattress as Richard pounds him hard from behind. Victor’s mind goes blank as it suddenly become hard to breathe, vision blurring before becoming black. When he comes back to himself he is laying on the bed, Richard draped over his back. 

“Was it good for you too?” He asks, tender kiss behind Victor’s ear.

“Y-yeah.” Victor stutterd out, completely aware that he hadn’t come, he was pretty sure he hadn’t even gotten hard. 

 

The texting, or sexting, continue and even though pictures of Richard with other people keep appearing on social media they still keep in contact. Victor asks who the people are, Richard asks if he can explain in video chat, reassures him that it's nothing, just some stupid college stuff. Victor puts on the best show he can, grinding and moaning and twisting in all the ways he knows his body looks perfect in. Richard comes so hard, shouting out Victor’s name. 

Six months after the day on the jersey barriers, two months after Victor's first visit to the campus and an entire sea of tears later, Richard texts him that he can’t do this anymore. Victor was great, but the age thing was too big, and he had found someone else, someone he was in love with. The suspicion that he wasn’t worth more than being fucked hard into the mattress confirmed. The crushing pain is like going through Erik’s silent rejection, but tenfold. This end feeling nothing like closure at all. Victor felt like he was being burst open, skin cracking as he bled out on the floor, tears streaming like waterfalls. 

When the tears dried, a numbness that was starting to become companionable settled heavy in his chest. He was fine. Everything was fine. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, please let me know what you think in the comment section or on other platforms like:  
> [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/linisen) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/mjaoue)  
> If you wanna prompt me, for this story, someone else ive written or just in general:   
> [Prompt list](https://linisen.tumblr.com/post/182470660496/send-me-a-ship-and-a-prompt-and-ill-write-a)


	5. Heartbreak #5 - Mother

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which, Victor's mother breaks his heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for all your lovely comments and encouragement. It really keeps me going. I love how you're so protective of Victor and how some of you have commented that you can relate to the story. I'm so sorry you've had these experiences but it makes me happy to know that my writing feels real. 
> 
> Betaed by the great [takeitoffhemmo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/takeitoffhemmo)

The process of his mother leaving doesn't hurt as much as Victor thinks it should. It doesn’t hurt as much as his father leaving which is insane because Victor’s mother stayed and took care of him. Wants him. Or wanted, at least. 

It starts only a year after they arrived in their new hometown. 

It’s a good change at first. At first, his mother is happier, smiles more and sings while she cooks. They get along better. The ice that settled over them since his father left starts to melt as they both find their place in their new home. They go shopping for a new school wardrobe for Victor’s second year in high school. One weekend, they go to a ice show that Victor has no idea how his mother got tickets too. Victor invites Chris over and he charms his mother into letting Victor have a later curfew. It’s good. It feels warm and homey and safe. 

Then things change again. It’s just as slow as his father’s departure, antagonisingly so, except this time, Victor notices. 

His mother starts spending Friday or Saturday nights away, says she’s going out with work or friends. She seems happy when she comes home around ten, smiling and kissing his cheek, asking how his night was. And as long as she’s happy, Victor doesn’t ask questions. Chris comes over more and they watch movies or play video games. Sometimes some of their other friends are there too. They have movie marathons camped out on the apartment living room floor and it’s fun, and Victor starts liking this new town. 

Then, his mother stops coming home for the night, sleeping over at whoever it is that she’s meeting when she goes. In the beginning, she gives him a heads up, tells Victor she’s spending the night with a friend and that maybe he could sleep at Chris’ or some other friend’s. After the first month, she stops telling him. He still spends some nights at Chris’, but they spend more and more time in Victor’s home, alone. 

They learn how to cook by trial and error. Burning pots, starting the fire alarm several times and finding recipes for beginners on the internet. They learn how to get wine stains out of the carpet when one night they spill some of Victor’s mother’s red wine when trying to see how much they need to drink to get drunk. It’s not a lot. They also learn their alcohol limit that way, both of them puking on several occasions, but after a while they get the hang of it. Chris prefers red wine, Victor the rum mixed with coke. 

They invite friends over and play games, practicing kissing while playing seven minutes in heaven and doing stupid things while playing truth or dare. The group of friends is small, and they really don’t have much in common more than the same year of birth and school, but it’s fun all the same. His mother never seems to notice any of it, always smiling and humming a soft tune when she comes home late in the afternoon on Sundays. 

One Saturday, night before spent alone since Chris had gone to Masumi’s over the weekend, Victor wakes up to the smell of breakfast cooking and soft chatter filling the apartment. He pulls himself from bed, wondering for a brief second if he overslept all the way to Monday. He pulls out a sweater and finds his discarded sweatpants on the floor before walking towards the kitchen, untangling his hair with his fingers. He stops in the doorway, trying to grasp what he’s seeing.

His mother is moving around in the small kitchen, cutting vegetables as something that looks like eggs cook on the stove. A coffee pot Victor has never seen before putters on the counter top. At the table, sits a man, dark hair with grey speckles around his temples. He looks big and broad, even sitting down, white dress shirt shifting as he flips through a paper. The man looks up, frowns for a second, before smiling, turning towards the stove where Victor’s mother is pouring coffee into a cup. 

“Well, look who finally woke up. Thought we would have to come and pour cold water on you,” The man says, like he knows Victor. Like this is some inside joke between all of them. He’s just about to ask who the hell this person is and why he feels like he has any right to talk to Victor this way when his mother  _ giggles _ . A jolt of pain shoots through his heart at what feels like a betrayal and he turns, mouth slightly slack in surprise, towards his mother to get some sort of explanation.

“Good morning, Victor. This is Chad. We work together,” his mother says as she hands over the coffee cup to the man. 

“Hello,” Victor says, still not moving from the door. This is new territory, and Victor doesn’t know what to do. He looks between the other two people in the room. Clearly there is more to what his mother is saying. The scene looks painfully domestic. Like something out of one of the movies from the fifties Victor watched in school. Like something from Victor's childhood. Something before the divorce. 

“Come, have some breakfast,” his mother says, reaching for a plate in one of the high cupboards before filling it with food and handing it over to Victor. Victor considers walking back to his room to eat for a second, even if it would definitely be rude. The atmosphere in the kitchen feels suffocating and it makes Victor’s skin crawl, feeling uncomfortable in the place he sees as his home. There is something about the way Chad looks at him, looks at his mother and the way he holds himself that makes Victor want to hide. But, since he guesses it will please his mother, he takes the plate and sits down across from Chad.

“So Victor, how’s school?” Chad asks, typical adult question. 

“Uhm. It’s okay. It’s school so.” Victor answers as he starts eating. 

“Keeping grades up, I hope,” Chad states and Victor has the urge to ask why Chad hopes for anything in Victor's life, since they don’t know each other, but he can feel his mother’s eyes in the back of his neck so instead he just hums noncommittally, feigning for politeness.  

“That’s some hair you got. Sure you’re not a girl?” 

Victor drops his fork half way to his mouth, egg on it scattering as the metal hits the porcelain plate with a loud klang. 

“‘I’m sorry?” Victor asks, mouth still loose in shock.

“Well you’re over eighteen, right? A man? You should try to look like it. Image is important,” Chad says, leaning forward on his forearms, making Victor instinctively lean back as he blinks a few times. He turns, because surely his mother will say something now. Instead, he’s met with her dark eyes looking back at him, soft smile on her lips as she tilts her head in thought. 

“He’s right honey. It wouldn't hurt with a change.“

Victor feels like a bucket of cold water’s been thrown over him, chill seeping into his bones as the shock sets in. Memories of bullies tugging at his hair since he was little, teenage boys threatening to cut it when Victor’s not looking. Zvezdas fur wet with tears.  Something else starts simmering behind Victor’s shock, warm and hot anger, making Victor clench his fist and set his jaw as he turns back to his food. He can hear Chad and his mother talking, as if he isn't there. They talk about work, about some house and then about some other kids. By the time Victor’s finished, Chad rises from his chair, straightening his back. He’s even taller then Victor thought he was. 

“Well, we should get going to pick up the kids. Nice to meet you, Victor,” Chad says as he starts moving towards the door, Victor’s mother following, calling out a soft goodbye that’s followed by the front door closing. 

_ What the fuck.  _

The coming month Victor sees even less of his mother. She stays at Chad’s for the entire weekends and often at weekdays as well. Victor almost never sees her. She feels more like a ghost that sometimes fills the fridge with food and sometimes fills Victors bank account with money, probably to buy himself food so he won’t starve. 

Victor spends more and more nights at Chris’ house since Chiara, Chris’ mother, found out Victor was basically living alone. He spends Christmas and by extension his birthday there. The Giacometti's are loud and laugh with their entire body and it’s a home filled with warmth and kindness and even if they try their hardest to make Victor feel included, it feels like a hollow safety, shelter in a withering storm. Victor’s mother celebrated with her ‘New’ family, a family where Victor is not welcomed. Apparently the kids’ mother, Chad’s ex wife, doesn't like the idea of an eighteen year old around her children and Chad had suggested Victor just stay at home so not to cause any trouble. His mother had agreed. Whatever.  

 

The first week of January, Victor’s mother calls and asks him to come home. 

Something must have happened because now his mother is there all the time. She’s there in the morning to give him breakfast before school. She’s there in the evening to cook dinner and asks Victor to look at movies with her. She’s there during the weekends, wanting to hang out so Victor has to cancel his plans with Chris and their group of friends. He can’t remember ever spending this much time with his mother. It’s freaking Victor out. 

He puts up with it for two whole weeks before he asks the obvious question;

“Did you and Chad break up?”

His mother turns, eyebrows raised in surprise as something sizzles in the pan on the stove.

“Why would you say that?” She asks, confusion turning into a frown. 

“You’ve been home every night for more than a week, that never happens.“ Victor explains as he steps further into the room. 

“Oh. No, nothing like that has happened.” She says, turning back to flip the meat in the pan. She lets out a deep sigh and then turns back, eyes soft but posture tense. “Listen, since you brought it up. Chad’s gotten another job. It’s in another town. He asked me to come with him.” 

“You want us to move again?” Victor asks, panic rising in his throat. He’s so close to graduating, and spending the last semester of his high school years at a new school will definitely bring down his grades. Great grades that he’s worked hard for because needs them to get into the college he and Chris have set their minds to. Chris’ uncle Celestino owns a dorm building one block from campus that they’re going to live in. The campus has great academic courses, a movie club and apparently a really good swim team. It’s going to be great. 

“Well I was thinking, you might want to stay here, since you were so upset when we moved the last time,“ his mother says, turning back to the stove as she continues to talk. “You can keep the apartment until you go to college. I’m sure you can manage these coming months alone. I could show you how to cook some things and clean, do the laundry -”

Victor feels like he should want to scream at her that he learned all of those fucking things by himself since she hasn’t bothered to show up in his life for any constant period of time for years. He feels like this should be devastating, his mother leaving him for another family, a family he hasn't even met and isn’t welcomed in. It should crush him. It doesn’t. It makes the hollow echo that continues to fill Victor’s chest expand, dark and numbing. He does what he has learned works best in these situation; smiles. 

“Sounds like a great plan, mom. I’m happy for you,” Victor lies. In reality, he feels nothing. 

His mother smiles back and after that they only talk of pleasantries. A month later, all of the things that were only hers are packed and with a kiss on the cheek and a cheery ‘Goodbye!’ she walks towards the moving truck and drives out of his life. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YUURI! HURRY!
> 
> Thank you for reading!   
> Please let me know what you think in the comment section or on other platforms like:  
> [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/linisen) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/mjaoue)  
> If you wanna prompt me, for this story, someone else I've written or just in general, please message me or pick a number from the   
> [Prompt list](https://linisen.tumblr.com/post/182470660496/send-me-a-ship-and-a-prompt-and-ill-write-a)


	6. Heartbreak #6 - Robin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which - Victor's first boyfriend breaks his heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Betaed by the great [takeitoffhemmo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/takeitoffhemmo)
> 
> Hi guys! New chapter of pure heartbreak (I'm so sorry). 
> 
> Thank you so much for all your amazing comments! They really inspire me to keep writing and creating. 
> 
> I have a confession to make - Yuuri will be in the next chapter BUT he and Victor won't meet until the one after that (chapter 8). Just giving you a heads up since I know you're longing for him. Just know that he's hurrying to get to Victor just as much as we want them to be together.

Victor’s phone goes off one night as he’s sprawled across Chris’ bed, studying for an exam in English. It’s February and their final semester in high school. It’s a text from an unknown number.

 

**Unnown**

You’re hot in this picture

[image.jpg]

 

Victor stares at the message, sitting up as he tries to process what he’s seeing. It’s a picture of him, a few years ago, sitting cross legged on the hood of a pickup truck, hip cocked, lips pouted. It had been sent to a guy named Joachim, a guy Victor had been flirting with at the time. It had never been more than innocent flirting, trading some pictures, but never meeting up. Victor frowns and goes back to check, but he still has Joachim’s number. Without really thinking, Victor presses call.

Chris sits up straighter at his desk, previously slumped over his chemistry homework, eyeing him suspiciously.

“Who are you calling?” He asks, but Victor holds up a finger as the call connects.

 _“Well this is a surprise,”_  Joachim says through the speakers of Victor’s phone. Clearly he still has his old number, so who is it that messaged Victor, and how did they get the picture?

“Hi Joachim, quick question. You been handing out pictures of me?”

Joachim laughs, all cocky and loud and Victor is reminded of why he never even met up with the guy in the first place. All attitude and self-centered.

“You see, me and a buddy was trading war stories- ”

“I am not one of your war stories,” Victor argues.

“-and I showed him your picture. You’re pretty you know, I had to brag. Anyway. He liked what he saw so I gave him your number.”

“Without asking? Kind of a dick move Joachim,” Victor states, rubbing his eyes with his free hand. He really wishes he had been smarter when he was younger, more exclusive about who he sent what and why, just so he doesn’t have to deal with this mess.

Joachim laughs again and Victor sighes, contemplating if he should just hang up.

“You haven’t even seen my dick moves Victor, I think you would be pleased - “

“Ugh, Goodbye,” Victor says, punching the ‘end call’ button with a little too much force. He throws the phone on the bed and slumps back down, covering his eyes with his hands.

“What was that about?” Chris asks and Victor tilts his head backwards, looking at Chris upside down.

“Do you remember Joachim, the guy that, ugh, worked at that-” Victor waves his hand dismissively, he really doesn’t want to say it, but he know that if he doesn’t, Chris will. “- sextoy shop.”

Chris’ grin widens and he puts his textbook ‘The Basics of Chemistry” down on the desk.

“How could I forget?” Chris asks, clearly amused.

“Apparently he showed one of those pictures we took at your uncle's house, the one uhm, on the car?” Victor winces. It’s embarrassing enough to recall the incident without having to talk about it. Even if Chris was there, and it was his idea. “His friend texted me, saying I’m hot.”

“That’s one way to get someone's attention. Who is it?”

Victor shrugs, turning back to his phone, and tapping out a message.

**Me**

Who is this?

**Unknown**

Robin Rogersen

You’re pretty

Wanna get coffee sometime?

 

“Robin Rodgersen,” Victor echoes to Chris. “You know him?”

Chris shakes his head, but opens his laptop.

“Let’s see if we can find him on Facebook.”

They find him through Victor’s friends of friends, Joachim being the link. They also discover another link.

“Huh, Georgi’s friends with him.” Chris says, frowning. Georgi is one of their closer friends, and hangs out with them regularly. Victor sends a text, asking what he knows about this mystery guy.

 

**Me**

Strange question.

You know a Robin Rogerson?

**Georgi Popovich**

Yeah. But I don’t really know him well

Friend of friends

See him at parties sometimes.

Why?

**Me**

He’s flirting with me. I think

Good guy?

**Georgi Popovich**

As far as I know,

People usually have good things to say about him

 

Victor frowns, exiting Georgi’s messages to head back over to Robin’s, changing the contact name as he bites the inside of his cheek.

“What are you going to do?” Chris asks.

“Couldn't hurt right?” Victor answers. Chris opens his mouth to say something, but gets cut off by his phone vibrating. Victor recognizes Masumi’s contact picture and smiles softly at Chris who sighs.

“I-. I should take this,” Chris says, standing up and walking out into the hallway. Victor understands. Chris and Masumi have been having a hard time since Masumi graduated from college before Christmas, and moving away so he can chase his masters on the other side of the country. The distance is hard, especially when they’re both in school and Chris still lives with his parents. Yesterday, Chris had told Victor he thought they wouldn't work out. It’s sad. Chris and Masumi are a good couple, but the distance are eating at them and maybe it’s just too much work for them both right now. Victor looks down at the texts again. He probably shouldn't start something new with his own graduation four months away. But maybe it can just be something fun? Casual? Not that Victor has ever done casual. He really sucks at casual, but maybe practise makes perfect.

**Me**

Alright I’ll give you a shot

You’re buying

**Robin Rogerson**

Wouldn't have it anyother way.

How about tomorrow?

 

Robin picks him up in a silver Volvo that’s so low it almost scrapes the ground and Victor has to hunch down low to even get in the car. Robin smiles and reaches a hand out, introducing himself. It’s a little weird, this sort of blind date thing, but after a few awkward minutes of trying to find some sort of common topic, Robin starts talking about his job as a mechanic at the town’s go-kart track, making sure the karts are functioning. His brother races go-karts as well, so he claims to be pretty handy with them.

They go to one of the more popular cafés, and they both greet friends as they enter. The coffee is bitter, but the cake is sweet. The conversation stumbles a little, but it feels like they are both making an effort. It’s nice, but a little stiff.

They continue texting after that, and even if they don’t have much in common they get along. As they get to know each other, conversation comes easier, and two weeks after their first date Robin picks Victor up for a second one. They go to one of the few restaurants the town has and it’s a good time. Victor smiles almost as easy as he does with his friends and Robin compliments him constantly, sort of.

 

“What do you mean sort of?” Chris ask when they’re watching a movie on Victor’s couch the next day. The date had ended with Robin dropping Victor off with a  soft kiss before wishing him a good night.

“It’s like, he says something nice, but it’s also sort of rude? I don’t know how to explain,” Victor says as Tom keeps chasing after Summer on the tv screen. The Smiths’ ‘There is A Light That Never Goes Out’ is playing and Victor is getting more and more convinced that this movie won’t have a happy ending. No wonder Georgi recommended it.

“I don’t get it. Can you give an example?” Chris says as he hums along to the song. Victor knows for a fact that The Smiths is one of Chris’ dad’s favourite bands. He always plays it in the car.  

“Like, the other day when we were hanging out he said ‘That’s a cute outfit on you, don’t you think it would look better in black though? It’s more slimming,’” Victor says, eyeing the handful of popcorn he just took out of the bowl. Maybe he shouldn't eat them.

 

Robin is nice, for the most part. He doesn’t seem to be ashamed of Victor like he felt Erik and Richard might have been. They hold hands and kiss in public, and when Robin invited him over he introduced Victor to his parents as his boyfriend without even batting an eye. Victor’s never been anyone’s boyfriend before.

Robin’s mom is a sweetheart, his sister seems sort of sceptical, and the dad doesn’t say much. The little brother who races go-karts is the most fun, and he seems to take to Victor as well. He keeps talking about training and competitions, and how he’s gonna be a Formula 1 driver one day. It’s sweet.

They hang out in Victor’s apartment for the most part, watching movies and listening to music. Robin doesn’t ask much about Victor and Victor doesn’t share either. The weird comments about Victor's looks and mannerisms continue, and even if they’re always accompanied by a compliment it leaves an itch under Victor’s skin.

“It’s called ‘Negging,’” Chris says one night when they’re playing ‘Lost Cities’. Victor won the first round, but it seems Chris has better luck with the cards this time. “Masumi recognized it. We were talking about you and Robin and I brought it up. He said it’s some sort of dating technique? The goal is to make the other person uncomfortable, so you can get with someone out of your league. There's a book about it and everything. ‘The Game’. Sounds completely sick,” Chris says as he triumphantly plays the red eight, blocking Victor’s pile from getting the double points.

It does sound sick. And Victor can’t believe he didn’t figure it out before.

There are other things too. Robin likes to party, a lot. It seems every Friday and Saturday they go out, and Robin always gets stupid drunk. Victor’s had to half carry him more times than he can count. One time it’s at the go-kart track where Robin works, and he insists on driving Victor in one of them. Victor tries to talk him out of it, but eventually he gets in the kart. Thankfully, Robin only takes them around one slow lap. When Victor jumps out Robin takes another, this one in high speed, and crashes so bad he can’t walk. He refuses to go to the hospital, claiming he can just drink away the pain. His left foot turns out to have a bad sprain, and Victor thanks his lucky star that nothing worse happened.

 

One night when staying over at Chris’, trying to help him mend his broken heart after he and Masumi finally broke up, Victor wakes at 02.30 by his phone ringing. He frowns and tries to rub the sleep from his eyes as he quietly answers.

“Victor!! Come out!” Robin shouts, making Victor wince.

“What?” Victor says, trying to figure out what in the world his boyfriend would want at a time like this. He’s supposed to be out celebrating Joachim’s promotion at the sex shop at some bar. Victor had politely declined the offer to come along, rather spending the night at the Giacometti house instead of with unknown people who are too drunk. He’s been trying to keep away from Robin at those occasions for some time now.

“Come out! Or we’ll honk the horn!” Robin says and Victor can hear some giggling in the background.

“I’m at Chris’,” Victor says, still trying to get a grip on this situation. Robin sighs loudly.

“I knooow. We’re outside. Now, come down or we’ll honk the horn until everyone in the house is awake.”

Victor should tell him to fuck off, that Victor is here to hang out with his best friend and his family and that it would be incredibly rude to wake them up. But he doesn't want the drunk idiots to wake the Giacometti’s and Victor would be far too embarrassed if he had to try to explain the situation.

“Fine. Just. Wait, I’m coming,” he says as he pats around with his hands until he finds his clothes and puts them on, trying to get out of the house without waking anyone. When he slips out of the house, locking the front door with the spare key hidden behind the loose stone next to the stairs, he spots an unfamiliar black car in the driveway. As he walks up, a door to the backseat opens and loud music flows out into quiet night. Laughter and singing accompanies it and it sounds like the persons in the car are having a good time. Victor just wants to go back to sleep.

Robin sits in the seat that the door opened at, and when Victor gets to it he can see at least six more people in the  five seat car.

“Viiictoooooor. Come!” Robin says, trying to yank him in. Victor plants both his heels into the ground and resists.

“What are you doing?” Victor asks. Robin’s eyes are dazed and his cheeks flushed. Drunk. Definitely stupid drunk.

“You’re gonna come,” Robin tries again to pull Victor into the car.

“Why? I’m with a friend,” Victor says, trying not to have his first fight with his first boyfriend in the middle of the night, in front of five unknown people, while said boyfriend is drunk off his ass.

“I want you to. Come on baby, come.” Robin pleads again and one of the girls in the back seat giggles. “If you don’t, Joachim is going to honk the horn.“

Victor looks up and spots Joachim’s shit eating grin from the driver seat. _Of fucking course._

Victor considers. He really doesn’t want to get into the car. But he doesn't want to fight, and he definitely doesn't want them to wake up the Giacometti’s. They do so much for Victor, they don’t deserve do deal with Victor’s fucked up life choices. With a sigh, he lets Robin tug him forward, crawling into the car and Robin’s lap. The car is to crowded and warm and the music blaring loudly gives Victor a headache. As soon as they arrive at Robin’s parents’ house, he heads straight to bed, asleep before Victor has the chance to open his mouth and say something about how inappropriate his behaviour is. Victor sighs, texts Chris about what happened, and crawls into bed. The next morning Robin apologizes multiple times, though he keeps looking smug.

 

Things change after the seminar.

Victor’s school has a week every semester dedicated to health. These come with different themes and on their last semester the theme is ‘Love yourself’. There are ‘Boost Booths’ dedicated to people saying nice things about you, love note exchange, art and dance classes and seminars about body positivity and mindfulness. Victor doesn’t think much about it when Chris and Georgi drags him to the one on sexual health, thinking that it will probably just be one of the nurses from the health center talking about STDS and handing out condoms. It’s not. Instead, it’s a young woman who’s done extensive research about sexual abuse within relationships. The seminare revolves around being aware of one's own sexual health, right to one’s own body and right to express, or not express said sexuality.

Victor feels like someone’s slapped him in the face when she starts listing the ways sexual abuse happens within relationships and the dating world. Victor can almost see his interactions with Erik and Richard play as a movie as she ticks of the boxes. One. By. One. The world spins as he tries to grasp what this means while not having an open freak out in school. He stumbles out afterwards, Chris and Georgi already talking about next period and if they should do the self defense class or  Yoga.

Victor had been raped? He had never seen it as rape, even if he hadn’t wanted to. _Oh. Oh my._ He hadn’t wanted to. That’s not consent. And if it’s not consent then it is rape, right? But Victor hadn’t screamed or said ‘No’ or tried to get away. He had just laid there,  blacked out for parts of it. The woman had talked about freeze syndrome. How many who get sexually assaulted get so shocked they can’t fight back. Is that what happened?

Victor skips his first class in his life as Chris and Georgi decide on Yoga. Victor couldn't concentrate even if he tried. He says he’ll check out the pet café, but as soon as he spots a white and black cat he has to turn around and walk away, the lamented feeling of his soft kitty's fur against his cheek still evident. It’s silly. It’s been so many years, he shouldn't miss her anymore, but he does.

He makes it out and decides to lay down in the grass, trying to figure out what to do about this. Should he talk to someone? He drafts one email to the school counselor and three to the woman who held the seminar, but sends none.

 

When they lay in bed that night, Robin tugs him close and rolls his hips against Victor, and Victor’s mind comes to a screeching halt. Panic surges up through him, and he pulls back from the kiss, trying to get some distance between them. He can’t do this, not right now when his mind is a jumble. Not when he doesn’t have control over the hurt that still pools in his gut. Robin doesn’t seem to notice, pursuing Victor forward as he pushes him closer to the wall the bed is standing next to, claiming his lips once again. Victor pushes as far back as he can, gasping for breath, pushing air into his lungs.

“Robin, I-. Not tonight, okay?”

Robin looks at him, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. He rolls his hips again, as if he hasn’t understood what Victor said. Victor squirms, trying to get away from the pressing feeling of the other’s erection.

“What?” Robin asks as he seems to catch up to Victor’s words and actions. Thoughts run miles in Victor’s mind, trying to come up with an explanation. It all feels too new, and he feels too vulnerable to voice his new insights out loud yet. So he gives something easier.

“I-. I just don’t feel like it.”

Robin’s eyebrows furrow even more and a sigh slips out his lips. He still has Victor pinned against the wall, their bodies pressed close together. It makes Victor a little claustrophobic.

“You know, I’ve been really patient with you. You’re hot and sweet and all, but you can’t hold out on me forever.” To prove his point, he rolls his hips again. Victor stays completely still. Robin’s eyes are as hard as his voice, and a different kind of panic starts twisting in Victor, black and ugly and deep. The fear of being alone, of being left, of not being enough.

“Some other night, okay?” Victor says, trying to lean into Robin’s touch, searching for comfort and not pleasure. Robin huffs, scoots back as far as he can in the bed and then turns completely around, leaving Victor hurt and alone.

Still in disbelief and still not at all, Victor reaches out, longing to be held, praised and told that everything is alright. None of that happens. Instead, Robin shrugs off Victor’s touch, his eyes still locked at the opposite direction.

Something cold grips Victor’s heart and cements something he already knows. He’s nothing more than a pretty face and a fuck. Someone empty that others can fill with their desires for as long as they find it useful and then toss aside. This relationship is no different than the ones before. Robin will leave him, just like Erik and Richard and his parents and Victor can do nothing to stop it.

Or maybe he can.

Carefully, he moves across the bed to Robin’s form, draping his back over his as his hand sneaks down into Robin’s pants and underwear, palming at his half erect cock at the same time as he rolls his hips against his ass.

The effect is instant.

Robin turns and takes Victor in his arms, kissing him as he rolls them over, pushing Victor down into the bed. Clothes get discarded, lube gathered and Victor's face pushed down into the sheets as Robin drags his own pleasure from Victor’s body. He comes with a shout, and Victor wishes he could have blurred this out, just like he did with Richard. When Robin’s breath evens out in sleep, Victor slips from the bed and hides in the bathroom. He steps into the shower, turns the temperature on scolding and slides down the wall as the water cascades down on him, sobs getting muffled by the sound of the water pounding down on the floor.

The pain in his chest is worse than it had ever been and Victor wonders if this pain is what it costs not to be alone. He wonders why this feels worse than the times with the others, the ones that just took. Maybe because this time, he did it to himself.

Victor concedes after this. If he can’t have control over his own body, why bother. If Robin wants sex, Victor provides sex. Sometimes it feels alright, sometimes Victor has to bite the inside of his cheek just so not to burst into tears.

It’s May when it happens. He’s scrolling through Facebook on his phone when he sees an update from Robin;

“Goodbye to you. Goodbye to everything I thought I knew”

Victor stares at it for a long time, something twisting in his gut. Robin had driven him to school that day and said nothing out of the ordinary, but Victor can’t help but feel like it’s directed at him. He screenshots it and sends a text, asking what it’s about. The answer only confirms what Victor already knows.

 

**Robin Rogersen <3**

Let’s talk about it later.

 

The breakup is swift and quite standard. Robin goes through the usual platitudes of ‘It’s not you, it’s me’ and ‘I wish we would have met later in life, you’re the kind of person to settle down with and I’m not ready.’ That doesn't mean they hurt any less. Victor feels used and cast aside. Like all he had to give was taken and now he’s even hollower than before.  

Graduation comes, Victor graduating with perfect grades, and he celebrates alone. There is no one in the stands for him. His mother on a vacation to Greece had forgotten to check when the graduation was, he has no idea where his father is, and Robin, well, Victor wouldn't want him there anyway.

The Giacometti's pity him, of course, and congratulate him alongside Chris and brings them both to dinner. Victor will never be able to repay all that they have done for him.

At the senior’s party later that night someone lights fireworks. Victor stands there watching them as color paints the sky and drunk teenagers stumble around the muddy ground, shouting happy cheers of school being over. Tears stream down his cheeks as he thinks about what has been and what’s to come. Maybe he’s just not suited for relationships. Maybe he’s made just  to put others together so they can go be happy. He heard that Erik got a girlfriend, and saw that Richard’s engaged to someone on Facebook. Maybe Victor should just let himself rest.

Next to him, Chris squeezes his hand and Victor looks over just as the sky lights up, painting Chris in a golden light. Chris looks at him, soft smile before he looks up at the fireworks again.

“Let’s just have a fun summer,” Chris says and Victor squeezes his hand as he hears Chris’ voice wobble. He knows the break up with Masumi still feels fresh, even if it’s been a few months now. “Let’s just have a fun summer and then we’ll be far away from here on new adventures. Good classes, crowded living, cheering for the hot swim team.”

“No boys,” Victor says and means it. When they get to college he’s going to focus on his studies, get good grades so he can get a good job. No one's going to take care of him anyway, he’s got to make sure he can take care of himself.

Chris turns to him again, this time one of his teasing smiles on his lisp.

“No boys, only cocks.”

Victor lets out a wet laugh and shakes his head, fond smile on his lips.

“Maybe for you. Not for me. I’m going to focus on school.”

They both turn back to the sky as the fireworks come to a crescendo, a rainbow of colors bursting in patterns and stars. Victor takes a deep breath, then another, then another.

He’ll try his best to be okay. Hopefully it will work.  

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, please let me know what you think in the comment section or on other platforms like:  
> [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/linisen) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/mjaoue)  
> If you wanna prompt me, for this story, someone else ive written or just in general:  
> [Prompt list](https://linisen.tumblr.com/post/182470660496/send-me-a-ship-and-a-prompt-and-ill-write-a)


	7. Interlude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the waiting period between High School and college Victor is still suffering from past mistakes, leaning to new ones. Will the broth he's made so far help him stop before he sinks even deeper?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the love on this story. It's bean both challenging and healing to write so far and every single comment, subscription bookmark and kudos means the world to me, thank you <3
> 
> Here we go, keep track of the chapter names ppl. 
> 
>  
> 
> Betaed by the great [takeitoffhemmo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/takeitoffhemmo)

Victor can hardly remember the last time when he wasn't drunk or hungover. It’s been weeks, at least. He probably should try to get his shit together. Otherwise, one of these days he’s going to oversleep and come in late for a shift at the café. He really can’t afford to miss one or get fired. He needs to make sure to save up as much money he possibly can so he won’t have to worry too much about college tuition, rooming costs, and living expenses. Victor has saved every penny he’s earned since he got the job at the café at sixteen and even if it’s not a lot, hopefully it will make the student loans less.

He doesn’t care about work right now though. His mind is fuzzy and in the hazy alcohol fog all he wants is to dance and drink more. The pink things Chris bought the last time he went to the bar had been great. Maybe Victor could get more of those. The music is pounding and Victor’s heart beats with it as his hips sway, long ponytail swishing behind him as he moves to the beat. Faster, faster. Victor jumps and the world spins again, but he’s laughing, why is he laughing? He doesn’t know, and doesn’t really care. Chris is there, somewhere, dancing too. Victor should find him, make sure he’s okay and not getting groped. Victor spins, and the world does another lap before Victor can focus his eyes. He can’t spot Chris this way either. He’s just about to get off the dancefloor, and walk up to where the tables are scattered so that he can get a better look from higher ground, when a big arm slides around his lithe waist.

Victor sighes, ready to stomp on the guy’s foot, turn and shove him away - yelling about how his body’s not something one can just come and grab, when a breath skims his ear and a deep familiar voice breaks through the blasting sound of the music.

“Looking just as hot as ever, honey,” Richard’s voice calls and Victor sucks in a breath in shock, spinning around while still in Richard’s grip. This leaves them chest to chest which is nowhere near where Victor wants to be. He tries to take a step back but Richard’s arm around him just tightens as he squirms.

“Let go of me,” Victor hisses. The world’s  still spinning and Victor can’t tell at this point if it’s because of the alcohol or shock or both.

“What? Are you not happy to see me?” Richard asks as he leans closer, shouting the words into Victor’s cheek to make sure he hears him.

“Where is your partner, hm? The boy in the pictures on Facebook?” Victor asks, pleased that he has half a mind even if he is stupid drunk.

Richard just grins wider, tugging Victor a little closer so they’re completely pressed against each other. He looks amused. Like he’s talking to a child. Victor hates it.

“Jealous?”

Victor tries again to squirm free, but without luck. The alcohol is making his limbs sluggish and weak, unable to use his usual strength.

“I can’t stop thinking about you,” Richard says and Victor doesn’t want to know. Doesn’t want to hear it. It hurts to think about Richard and what they had and what it turned in to and how he too, left.

“Don’t say things like that,” Victor scowls. “I repeat; Where. Is. Your. Boyfriend?”

“Let’s talk about this somewhere quiet. Let me take you home.” A soft hand caresses his cheek.

“No. Answer my question.”  
“I miss you,” Richard says, but then there is an unexpected tug on Victor’s arm and it takes both of them by surprise as Victor slides out of Richard’s grip and his back hits someone else’s chest, he looks up and spots Chris, eyes hard as stone as he looks at Richard. _Thank god._  

“Chris. Hello!” Richard says over the beat of the music, charming smile as always. Chris narrows his eyes and Victor is so thankful.

“No. Fuck off,” Chris says, words slurring a little.

“I was just going to help Victor home, since he’s had a lot to drink-”

“You are not. I said fuck off, jerk.” Chris steps forward to place himself between him and the older man.

Richard laughs and shakes his head before focusing on Chris again.

“Stop hanging off him like some pining mess. It's obvious you’re in love with him, but are too much of a coward to say. He doesn’t want you. Move on.”

Victor feels shock, looking over at Chris. Is Chris in love with him? No, Victor is completely sure he’s not, so why would Richard claim that?

“Stop being a jealous prick Richard and go home to your boyfriend, so you don’t end up a jealous cheating prick,” Chris answers before turning towards Victor.

“Wanna go?” He asks and Victor only nods, the alcohol buzz simmering down slowly. They make it out of the club and into a taxi, taking them to Victor’s apartment. They dig into a tube of ice cream and Victor, not really knowing why, cries against Chris’ shoulder, heart in a stinging pain.

 

**Richard Johansson**

_July 25, 02.39_

I guess Chris doesn't like me

 

**Richard Johansson**

_July 25, 10.24_

Oh are you avoiding me now

 

**Richard Johansson**

_July 26, 16.43_

Come on honey

Talk to me

 

**Richard Johansson**

_July, 26, 23.40_

I miss you

 

**Richard Johansson**

_July 27, 09.04_

You and your cute laugh

And sexy ass

 

**Richard Johansson**

July 27, 19.12

Maybe that was inappropriate

I’ll stop

**Richard Johansson**

_July 28, 09.07_

I’m sorry

 

**Richard Johansson**

_July 29, 10.07_

Victor come on

Did I do something?

 

**Richard Johansson**

_July 30, 19.22_

I really miss talking to you

Please just answer

**Me**

_July 30, 19.30_

What do you want to talk about?

**Richard Johansson**

_July 30, 19.32_

Anything, everything.

Can I come over?

 

**Me**

_July 30, 19.58_

Fine.

  


It’s a huge mistake. Victor knows it the second he sends the message. The thing is that he’s lonely and hollow and just wants to feel _something_. The alcohol had worked up until the night he had met Richard and after that the thought alone of something alcoholic had made Victor gag. He had tried to resist answering, and really he should just have blocked the number, it would have been the mature and sensible thing to do. But Victor isn’t sensible. He just wants to feel wanted. Just wants to feel loved.

This will only end in hurt and heartbreak and if there is something Victor does not need, it’s either of those. Richard has a boyfriend that he _lives_ with. This is not some sort of epic love story where they’re supposed to be together even if all the odds are stacked against them. One where they defy all thoughts of decency and other people just so they can be together. Where they sit, fifty years from now, in front of the grandkids and their five dogs, talking about how they came together despite it all. This is a lonely heart screaming to be seen, accepting with known idiocy the person who’s just afraid to commit to one person. It can only end in disaster.

It does.

Richard comes, with sweet words and soft touches and Victor melts. He doesn’t want Richard, really, he just wants someone to want him. They don’t talk, of course they don’t. Richard is there to take and Victor to give. Besides, Victor really isn’t worth talking too, is he? Isn’t that what everyone has proved so far?

They kiss and clothes end up on the floor and hands grab smooth skin and then Victor’s back hits the soft mattress and Richard is spreading his legs and all at once panic hits Victor like a brick wall. He lets out a startled scream, as if his mind and body were out of sync and now it’s all coming crashing down as he scurries out of bed, chest heaving and his vision beginning to blur. Richard is sitting on the bed, naked, fully hard with his eyebrows raised and jaw slack.

“Victor what-?” Richard asks, but tears are already streaming down Victor’s face as he shakes his head because he can’t do this. He needs to go, get out of here and hide.

Victor flees to the bathroom, locks himself in, and waits until he hears the front door open and close before he dares to walk back out. He’s still crying and in a last attempt of finding something to hold onto he grabs his phone and scrolls through his contacts to find his mother's number. Three rings goes out before the call connects to her voicemail, telling the caller that she can’t come to the phone and to leave a message or call back later. He lowers the phone slowly, tears still streaming down his cheeks as he sobs.

  


________________________________________________________________________

 

Yuuri rolls his shoulders and shakes his arms, then takes a grounding breath before looking up at the clock on the other side of the long room. He waits until it’s just two seconds before on the dot, reaching his arms up in a peak and pushes off the squeaky rubbery surface. Arching in a perfect bow, his body flies through the air, downwards until it hits the surface and warm water rushes past him as he straightens out. Strong legs start to paddle as soon as they’re completely submerged. The taste of chlorine and salt linger on his lips as he pulls up, breaching the surface from below to gasp for a breath before pushing himself down again. Forward, forward, _faster_. The water around him supports him rather then blocks him and he’s glad he let Minako push his limits during the summer at home so not to lose form. It feels good, like flying.

Up again and then down, getting his body ready for the turn. He reaches the wall, pushes down further to be able to build momentum before twisting his body to push away, gaining speed, losing flow and power in his legs. The next breath is a stuttering one and he pushes down again using the last of his explosive power to move him forward. He reaches the starting side with a smack of his hand, palm against the cool surface, panting.

“Wow, Yuuri. That was so fast!”

Yuuri turns with a smile, pulling off glasses and cap as he turns to swim towards the ladder and his friend.

Phichit is waiting for him with a big grin, skin darker from the summer sun. He’s not in swim wear, still in his regular clothes, but in his black swim team jacket, slurping on some pink drink that’s definitely not on the diet plan. As soon as Yuuri’s out of the water, Phichit pulls him into a tight hug.

“Peach! I’ll get you wet!” Yuuri protests and regrets the words as soon as they’re out of his mouth, hearing the insinuation. Unsurprisingly, Phichit pulls back, smiles one of his devious grins and wiggles his perfectly plucked eyebrows.  

“Wow, so forward Yuuri. Not unless you buy me dinner first.”

Yuuri shoves him off and pokes at the pink monstrosity in his hands instead of starting a  war he knows he can never win.

“Yakov will have your head if he sees you with that.”

Phichit rolls his eyes, but pulls the drink closer to his chest as if to hide it, slurping through the straw.

“So he’s already here? It’s so good though. You won’t tell on me will you?”

“Yeah, I met both him and Yuri on my way in. They were meeting up to discuss training schedule and diet,” Yuuri says, poking again at the drink  before reaching for the towel he left by the sideline, wiping off his face so waterdrops stop sliding into his eyes.

“Oh Yuri too? Isn’t he on his honeymoon?”

“No, came back two days ago. Said they had a good time, the trek to Petra had been beautiful and apparently they had taken the longer trail to avoid tourists and had seen some amazing tombs. Otabek had done some DJing as well so it sounded like they were happy with it.”

Phichit nods thoughtfully. He and their coach assistant Yuri don’t have the best relationship, but they tolerate each other. Yuri is too harsh to Phichit’s bubbly upbeat personality and they usually rub each other the wrong way. In reality, they’re both just big softies. They just show their love in different ways. Phichit is all praise and hugs while Yuri is hard training regime and making sure everyone stays safe, both in the water and out of it.  

“You do anything else than swim this summer? Eat some good food? Go on a vacation? Have a summer fling?”

“Did my time just now look like I had time for a summer fling?” Yuuri asks, raising an eyebrow.

Phichit waves his hands dismissively. Yuuri knows he already knows the answer. He’s seen the emails Phichit and Mari sends each other.

“Wouldn't hurt you to have some fun Yuuri. You’re too focused sometimes. Loosen up a little. Eat some katsudon. Kiss cute boys.”

“You here to swim?” Yuuri changes the subject. It’s not that Yuuri would mind a relationship per se. He just hasn’t found anyone that he wants to hold onto, and he’s not interested in casual. Yuuri can’t do casual to save his life. He’s all or nothing, in everything he does. Besides,  there is too much pressure to focus on boys. Yuuri has grades to keep up to keep his scholarship and swim practise. Plus, he’s probably getting chosen team captain so there is also that on top of being the RA of their dorm. It’s a lot of responsibilities and Yuuri is determined not to let anyone down.

“Naaah. Gonna wait till practice starts up. You’re looking great though. Been training all summer?”

Yuuri shrugs, not wanting to go into extensive detail about how much he actually has been training. Phichit would scold, or tease and Yuuri’s not in the best head space for either of it. He knows he worked hard during the summer months he was home in Hasetsu, maybe a little too hard. But he has too if he’s to push into the shorter distance swims as well. He only fell asleep in the onsen twice, he hardly overworked himself, whatever Mari says.

“Still going for one of the shorter distances as well?” Phichit asks as he takes another slurp of the pink obscenity. Yuuri nods. It’s no secret that he’s looking to branch over from the longer swims. Yuuri has the stamina to win almost all long distance swims. It’s not a challenge anymore. The ones under 400m on the other hand… Yuuri lacks the raw power and explosiveness to win them. But maybe if he practices hard enough.

“Met any of the other ones yet?” He asks. Yuuri had been in and out of the dorm in minutes, the longing for the water strong after spending almost 24 hours traveling.

“No, Leo comes back tomorrow and Guang Hong doesn't come in until next week. Some of the house has started filling up though. I met Sara on the way in so I’m guessing she got back early. Mila will probably soon follow. No newbies yet though. Ciao Ciao said they probably won’t show up until Saturday so we need to be prepared. Oh! Also, one of the newbies is Ciao Ciao’s nephew, so we need to be on our game when they come. Also, Seung Gil has -”

“PHICHIT CHULANONT WHAT IS THAT I SEE IN YOUR HANDS!?”

Coach Yakov’s voice booms throughout the swimhall, echoing against the hard bare walls. Yuuri flinches as Phichit lets out a startled yelp, almost dropping the drink in question.

“That’smyqueuetogoseeyouathomeYuuri!” Phichit shouts as he runs straight out the door, leaving Yuuri to turn and deal with their furious coach. He fully expects Yakov to be completely red, vein in his forehead throbbing and hairline receding further. Instead, he sees the old coach shake his head and mutter something under his breath as he sits down on one of the benches on one of  the long sides of the pool, papers in his hand. Yuri walks up to him instead, eyes glued to where Phichit disappeared.

“Phichit’s not swimming?”

“Not today,” Yuuri answers as he shrugs. Yuri’s expression turns hard, jaw clenched and eyes like stone.

“Waste.” He says, shaking his head as his middle length blond hair swishes around his face.

Yuri had been a great swimmer, and still holds some of the national records. He was all set to start competing internationally when after a bar round he got robbed and the robber had punched him in the face and when he fell jumped on his knee so he could not run after him. Yuri lost a lot more than his wallet and phone that night. Six months of surgeries and Yuri could function as most, he could just never train as a professional athlete again. Yuuri knows he still holds a grudge, and that makes him want to push them all harder, make them take the chances that’s been given to them.

“You wanna time me? I think I’ve gotten better at the short distances,” Yuuri says to break Yuri out of whatever's playing in his mind.

Yuri’s eyes focus on him instead of the door and one of those rare smiles tug at his lips as he claps Yuuri on the shoulder.

“Yeah, you’ve been training, huh? Let’s do it. See if you got it in you this season to beat me,” Yuri teases and Yuuri smiles as he starts tugging on the cap and glasses, taking position by the water. A deep breath to focus before he reaches down, ready to jump. This year he will be stronger, this year he’ll make it.

“Ready, set, GO!”

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You have no idea how fast I wrote the Yuuri POV of this chapter. I hadn't realised I had missed him that much. Best boy. I also enjoy flipping the pretty common 'Victuuri is married in an Otayuu fic' (as is should be) to 'Otayuu being married in a Victuuri fic'. It's an age swap so why not swap the kitten and his bear as well. And I can't stopp giggling bout how much hair Yakov would lose in having to deal with Phichit and his social media madness.  
> "Yakov, take a picture of me when I'm swimming!"  
> "Yakov pose with me for Insta!"  
> "Yakov, why won't you like any of my pictures? I made you an account for a reason!" 
> 
> Next chapter, Victor and Yuuri finally meet! Victor may or may not be fully clothed.


	8. Mending - more than you bargained for

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor and Chris come to college. They are prepared to learn thing, grow. They were not prepared for the Celestino dorm complex. 
> 
>  
> 
> ps. they finally meet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi people!  
> I've had so much fun writing the current chapters. I'm a little bit ahed and its just because I'm having so much fun with this. I't's like I cant put it down and all I do is write. Its so nice to start healing Victor. It's also good to see Chris be thirsty and Yuuri being the softest person in the world.  
> I hope you enjoy <3
> 
> Betaed by the great [takeitoffhemmo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/takeitoffhemmo)
> 
> Edit 27 April 2019:  
> There is now art by the amazing (!!!) [Ghostlybl](https://ghostlybl.tumblr.com)

The weather is warm on the day Chris and Victor arrive at the dorm building, just off campus, in late August. It’s a nice building, built around the end of the 18th century. It’s white with high windows and grey stone stairs that lead up to a pair of green double doors. Chris’ uncle Celestino had bought it almost twenty years ago, fixed it up, and since then rented it to college students as housing. Apparently it had become sort of a community in the latest years, the students living there almost becoming a fraternity. There are five double rooms, and two of the students living there function as resident assistants. Celestino had told Chris to go find them when they arrived and they would help them with whatever they needed. Apparently they were to ask for Phichit or Yuuri who live on the top floor.  

They park the car on the parking lot behind the house and pick up a box each from the trunk when a motorcycle with two riders roars behind them, stopping in the spot next to them. The person in the back jumps off, pulling a purple helmet off as her flower patterned sundress dances in the wind. Long black hair falls out, joining the dress in its movements.

“Hi!” She says as the driver of the motorcycle pulls her helmet off as well, shaking short red hair with both hands.

“Oh look Sara! It’s the new babiiiees,” The redhead coos and Victor holds back the urge to pout for being referred to as a child. The brunette punches the redhead on her arm before stepping up towards the boys, helmet held in front of her.

“Don’t mind Mila, she’s like that all the time. You’ll get used to it, hopefully. You’re the new students right? Moving into the dorm? I’m Sara.” She reaches her hand out to great them and there's some shuffling with boxes for both Chris and Victor to get a hand free to shake Sara’s offered one. The red head, Mila, comes up to slide a hand around Sara’s waist as she kisses her cheek, offering her hand as well.  
“So, you need help carrying?”

Mila and Sara take a couple of boxes as well, and Sara shuffles her key out of her bra to unlock the door. They enter a spacious hallway lined with group photos, previous residents, the girls explain.The ground floor contains of two laundry rooms, some extra storage and a full kitchen, even if every room has it own small kitchenette. Since the building is old, there’s no elevator so they make their way up the stone stairwell to the second floor, filled with two person dorm rooms. The girls giggle about one of them only containing one resident, but when Chris asks them why, they simply wave him off, claiming that he’ll understand later when he meets him.

They arrive to find the door to their room locked so they place the boxes on the floor as Sara darts up to go get one of the RAs. In the meantime, Mila shows them her and Sara’s room across the hall. All the rooms are similar in layout, she explains. They enter a small hallway that leads into a kitchenette/living area with two small separate bedrooms. Mila and Sara’s rooms were in all deep purples and dark red, flowing fabric as curtains and big paintings on the walls. Sara is an art student, Mila explains proudly, and it’s her art on the walls. It’s all flowing patterns and bold colors and Victor loves all of them. He stops in front of one over the small couch, different from the others, motive clear as day.

“Yeah, that’s me. I box,” Mila says as an explanation of the silhouette painting in black and white, but with fiery red hair, boxing gloves just as vibrant red. Just as they end the small tour, Sara pokes her head in with a bright smile on her face.

“Found Phichit!” She states before disappearing out into the corridor again.

Victor hears Chris gasp as he steps out and when Victor comes into the corridor he sees a pink blush dusting his best friend’s cheeks, eyes glued to the person on the other side of the corridor. He has his back to them, a tanned boy in tight red yoga pants, showing off muscular thighs and a good ass. An oversized t-shirt dipping off his bare shoulder as he unlocks their new apartment door. The boy turns and Victor hears Chris’ breath hitch beside him. _Well, so much for our ‘no boys’ pact._

In Chris’ defence, the boy is cute. Black hair tousled in sweat, cheeks pink and grey eyes sharp. He has a wide smile as he turns, tilting his head to the side.

“There you go, sorry it took a little while. I was working out,”  the boy says. Chris seems to have lost the ability to speak, so Victor steps up to try to save the awkward situation. It would be great if they didn’t embarrass themselves the first day.

“Hi, I’m Victor.”

“Hi, I’m Phichit and I’m one of the RAs here. You were related to Ciao Ciao right?” Phichit asks.

Before Victor has a chance to ask what a Ciao Ciao is, Phichit reaches down to pull the hem of his shirt up to wipe sweat off his forehead, exposing an impressive set of abs and chest muscles. A pained groan echos in the corridor behind them and Phichit quirks a perfectly plucked eyebrow as he leans to the side to look behind Victor at the source of the sound.

“Hey cutie, you okay over there?”

Victor looks back over his shoulder to see if he will have to start CPR on his best friend, but it seems Chris has found his footing again, the only proof of his previous shock a blush high on his cheekbones. The charming smile he usually sports when seeing a cute guy on his face as he walks over, small sway in his hips. Victor turns back, only to see Phichit’s smile turn predatorial. _Christ, he’s surrounded by disaster gays._

Victor has no desire to stick around to see those two eye fucking, so he grabs one of the boxes they left outside the door and walks into his new home.

It’s completely bare, except the single bed, small desk and chair that sits in both of the bedrooms. The walls are white and sterile and it’s a sharp contrast to Sara and Mila’s cozy rooms. This is all the home Victor has now. The old apartment is sold, he has no belongings except for these few boxes. He sighs. They’ll have to get out and get some furniture. Victor had sold everything in the old apartment, not wanting to drag them across the country in Chris’ car. They could probably use a couch and a table, maybe a tv. He places the box in the left bedroom, claiming it as his. He turns back out to grab the next box, catching Phichit and Chris still making heart eyes at each other.

“So, I’ll have to get back to my yoga, but Yuuri will probably stop by when he comes back to say hi,” Phichit says before sauntering off, Chris’ eyes glued to his ass. Victor predicts college will be a very trying time, and it will have nothing to do with education.

Yuuri doesn’t arrive that day. He knocks on Victor and Chris’ door the next morning, far too early, considering Sara and Mila  treated them to a few too many glasses of red wine the night before to celebrate them moving in. Victor, being terribly hungover with a pounding headache and mouth tasting bitter from cheap wine, decides that there is only so much he can do about his clothing situation. Most of his clothes are still in boxes. So he simply grabs a pair of sweatpants thrown over the desk chair and goes to open the door to ask who disturbs their first college hangover at this ungodly early hour, bare chested.

The black haired man with blue rimmed glasses startles as Victor flings the door open with a little too much force, wincing as it bounces off the wall. Luckily, it doesn't dent. The man startled just as much as Victor at the bang of the door, eyes roaming down Victor’s torso, blush deepening on his cheeks as he hastily looks away.

“I- Uhm. Hi? I’m Yuuri?” the man says, wringing his hands as he stares at the floor.

“Oh right.” The other RA, Victor’s mind supplies him, echo of the door slamming still ringing in Victor’s ears. “I’m Victor.”

“Nice to meet you Victor, I’m the second RA. Phichit said you met him yesterday?” Yuuri is still staring at his feet and Victor is getting rather annoyed. He just wants to go back to his bed and hide from the bright light of the corridor. “So, are you Celestino’s nephew?”

“You think I look Italian?” Victor asks, a little amused now. Yuuri’s eyes snap back up to Victor’s face, down his torso again, and then straight back to the floor as he stutters out something unintelligible. Victor would be flattered if he wasn't so hungover that the only thing he wants is to hide, or hurl. Yuuri takes a stuttering breath, fists clenching.

“Ah. No, I guess not. Ehm, did they show you around? Yesterday?”

It’s probably an olive branch, Victor should take it. If he were feeling better, he probably would.

“No, not really. But I’m way too hungover for that,” Victor admits.

“Ah. Right. Ehm. Well, I’ll get out of your hair then.” Yuuri takes a step back, still not looking at Victor. “I’m heading out to swim practice now, but, ehm, Phichit’s probably home for another hour or so. You can find our schedule on the board inside our apartment, and there’s a toolbox in the closet next to the kitchen.”

“Why would I go into your apartment?”

“Ah, right. Well, everyone does, all the time.” Yuuri shrugs, dusting some invisible lint off his sweatpants.

“That’s rude.” Victor proclaims, just wanting this conversation to be over.  
“Oh no! We don’t mind.” Yuuri assures him, eyes snapping up again before he looks away to the side, biting the inside of his cheek.

The silence stretches between them, and after what feels like an uncomfortable eternity, “Well I should go. See you, Victor,” Yuuri says, slipping away down the corridor.

That night, Sara and Mila drag them up to the third floor and the RA’s apartment even though Victor kept trying to get out of it. He’s less hungover now and realizes that he might have been sort of rude to Yuuri. Barging into the RA’s apartment uninvited isn’t something he feels really keen on after that.

The third floor of the dorm building contains two storage closets and one regular apartment that the RAs share. Mila doesn't knock, just steps right in and kicks off her indoor slippers, heading straight for the couch, landing with a soft ‘ _ouf’_ next to a blond boy with red dyed bangs who’s typing on a laptop.

“Minami, I’ve come to give you offerings in the form of freshmen virgins.” Mila waves her hand dismissively at the door where Victor and Chris stand gaping while Sara snickers, urging them to also remove their shoes before entering.

The boy squeals and looks up at Chris and Victor with a deep blush on his cheeks. This makes Mila burst out laughing as the boy grabs a pillow and hits her straight in the face.

“Mila! You can’t just say things like that.”

“Uhm, hi?” Chris says, following Sara in. “Definitely freshmen, definitely not virgins.”

“Mila why is this a conversation we need to have with everyone that moves into this house. Have you no sense of decency and privacy?” Minami scolds.

“We’re a collective of disaster gays, there's no decency to be found anywhere,“ Mila proclaims.

The bickering continues as Sara and Chris take a seat on the big couch, but Victor feels a little uncomfortable that none of the people actually living in the apartment are there. There’s a soft hum as if from a kitchen fan and some sizzling from a frying pan so Victor decides to follow it, hoping to find Yuuri or Phichit.

He finds both.

The boys are moving around a full kitchen, much different from the small hotplate and microwave in Victor and Chris’ kitchenette.  When Victor enters Yuuri looks up from where he’s stirring something on the stove. His eyes grow wide for a second before looking down into the food.

“Victor. Hi. “

“Yeah. Uhm, Mila and Sara said it was okay if we came.”

“Of course!” Yuuri says as a small smile forms on his face and _oh, he’s sort of cute_. Victor must have missed it in his hangover haze earlier. Phichit sticks his head out from a walk-in pantry, flour on his cheek and big smile on his face.

“Most of the people who live in the house hang out here. You’re welcomed to do the same.”

Victor nods and shuffles his feet, not really sure how to continue. He should probably apologize, but he feels sort of embarrassed to do it in front of Phichit.  
“You hungry?” Yuuri asks, nodding towards the food on the stove. Victor really is. He hasn’t eaten anything since the chips Mila had dug out of her and Sara’s pantry last night.

“You don’t mind?”

Victor can’t remember the last time someone cooked for him who wasn’t Chris’ dad or his own mother, and even that seems like it’s been forever.

“No. Most eat here too. Wanna help?”

An olive branch from Yuuri, again. Victor takes it.

The statement about the apartment being open to all seems to be true, since as if called by telepathy, two more people turn up to sit down in the dining room as the stir fry is served. Phichit stands at the end of the table introducing Hikaru who rooms with Minami, and Seung Gil who for some reason lives alone. The chatter around the table is teasing and caring and they all have questions about Victor and Chris’ lives, school, and upcoming classes.

Victor expects to learn a lot from college. He wants them to give him drive and purpose to continue on this path he’s started. He assumes it will give him the tools to become a good, or at least decent journalist. He expects his classes to give him deep insight to the secrets of literature and writing.

He did not expect the effects of the Celestino dorm. The first thing it teaches him is something that Victor doesn't notice himself until Chris points it out, and then it becomes painfully obvious. At first, it’s the eating together and studying together, and Victor finds himself going up to Yuuri and Phichit’s apartment straight after class without stopping at his and Chris’. He’s there almost all the time when he’s not sleeping or in class. It’s weird at first, being around so many people. Victor’s used to the quiet and the loneliness, not the teasing and caring, and Minami baking cookies to help people keep their eyes open as they study. He feels like he should want to shy away from it, retract back to his and Chris’ lonely room and just be by himself. He had worried about living so close to Chris, having to share space. Now he’s basically living with all eight dorm room occupants, even if they all don’t hang out at the RA’s apartment all the time. Victor finds he craves it. Longs for it when he tries sitting alone to study.

There’s a dorm room message group. They share pictures and chat throughout the day. Phichit sends pictures of the pool at swim practise, Mila from the gym she boxes at and Seung Gil of his dog, curled up on the RA’s couch. There’s a food poll every week and a joint bank account where they transfer money for food. They take turns going shopping and to cook. Phichit cooks beef curry, Yuuri ramen, and Mila tries making pirozhkis that turn out soggy, but the stuffing is good. Seung Gil burns burgers and starts the fire alarm. Victor was prepared for noodles and instant coffee and having to cook all the time since Chris is completely hopeless in the kitchen. Instead, he finds himself eating real food every night, more often than not, really good food. Phichit, Yuuri and Minami have to eat well balanced and nutritious meals to be able to swim in the capacity that they do, and they are more than happy to share. They have cleaning days, Minami always opting to clean the bathroom, to everyone's relief. Sometimes they all sit quietly, studying side by side, sometimes they play games and laugh so hard Victor gets the hiccups.

On the third week, Victor finds himself sprawled out on the couch with a textbook across his face, groaning loudly.

It’s just him and Yuuri today, the other man sitting on the floor doing stretches after a afternoon run. He looks far too content for a person who’s just run a mile and is currently bent in half in the living room floor in sweatpants. The book covering Victor’s face is part because he doesn't want to read anymore, part because he’s trying not to look at Yuuri. Yuuri has a very nice swimmer’s body with lean toned muscles, strong thick thighs and a gorgeous ass and even if he’s in baggy clothes they still show. Victor has sworn off boys so he’s trying to spare his gay heart by hiding.  Besides, falling in love with his dorm’s RA must be all kinds of bad, even if he seems nicer than most guys Victor has met. But they all usually seem nice, right? Victor lifts his book and looks to the side only to spot Yuuri sliding down into a split. He snaps the book back down over his face and groans again, happy that Yuuri has his back turned to him so he didn’t see him peeking. Yuuri laughs, a little breathless from the stretches.

“College not all you thought it was?” Yuuri teases and Victor wants to throw the book at him, but opts against it. He doesn’t wanna get his ass kicked by that crazy scary Yuri that helps coach the swim team that Victor met in the cafeteria the other day.

“Why do I have to read this? What will knowledge of stuffy old authors give me in my coming occupation as a journalist? What will it give me, Yuuri?”

“Do you need me to help you?” Yuuri asks. It’s not the first time. Yuuri has helped him with two assignments so far, even if he studies sports medicine and not journalistics as Victor. Victor doesn't really know what to make of that, the fact that Yuuri so easily offers his help.

“Don’t you have your own studying to do?”  Victor says, voice muffled by the book.

“Nope, I’m on time with mine.”

“How are you like this, Yuuri? You have school and the dorm and the swim team. How do you manage?”

It’s quiet for a long time, and for a second Victor wonders if he said something wrong. Yuuri sighs deeply.

“It’s the team therapist that helps me. Makes me keep schedules and keep on track.”

The comment feels loaded and Victor has no idea how to deal with that. He’s barely fought with anyone in his life, so he doesn't want to say the wrong thing and make Yuuri uncomfortable. He tries for humor instead.

“Doesn’t help me with my problem right now though.”

Yuuri chuckles and Victor risks a glance. Yuuri has risen from his lying position, now sitting with his left leg crossing the right one, stretching out the back of his thigh as he rests his forehead on his knee, exposing the beautiful curve of his neck. Victor’s treacherous brain short circuits enough for him to open his mouth and ask, “Are all swimmers as flexible as you?”

Yuuri doesn't answer at first, but a very pretty blush spreads on his cheeks and Victor lets the book fall back on his face, pretending that he didn’t let his thirst slip out.

“I used to do ballet. Back in Japan. My swimming coach there chose between going into competitive swimming and professional ballet. She always claimed one made the other stronger so she insisted I do ballet as conditioning and strength exercise as well. I like it. Makes me relaxed.“

“Do you feel a lot of pressure? Worry about the outcome of a race?” Victor asks as the book slides of his face to the floor. He lets it be, watching as Yuuri takes a deep breath to answer. He never gets the chance though, because the door slams open, revealing a crying Sara leaning on Phichit.

Sara’s sniffles and hiccups echo in the apartment as Yuuri pushes himself off the floor, words he was going to say forgotten. As soon as Yuuri reaches them, Sara pushes herself off Phichit to circle her arms around Yuuri’s shoulders instead. Phichit darts off into the kitchen as Yuuri gently prods Sara over to the sofa, sitting down next to Victor. Sara’s tears keep streaming down her face as she rubs her red nose. Victor feels shocked, not knowing what to do. He’s never been good with dealing with other people crying.

“Mila’s parents?” Yuuri asks and Sara’s nods.

“They- they’re coming over in a few week’s and- and Mila said that maybe it would be better if we just pretend that we’re just friends and I-” Sara’s sobs intensifies as she buries her face in her hands, body shaking.

They just sit there in awkward silence, Yuuri’s hand on Sara’s shoulder, until Phichit emerges from the kitchen with tissues, four cups of tea and a big bowl of chocolates. Yuuri puts on a movie and Phichit pulls down the blinds and they all act as if this is completely normal. As if Sara and Mila’s relationship isn't falling apart. A familiar pain twists in Victor’s gut as he wonders which of them will move out, if he’s to pick sides. Who he will lose. Sara stops crying somewhere in the middle of Johnny teaching Baby to do the lift and by the time that he proclaims that ‘no one puts baby in the corner’ she’s fallen asleep, head resting on Phichit’s shoulder. There are so many questions and Victor doesn't know where to start.

“It’s a shame. I thought they were good together,” Victor says, looking down into his lap.

Yuuri and Phichit both turn towards him with furrowed eyebrows.

“What do you mean?”

“Well they were cute and I didn’t realize they were having trouble. Sucks they’re breaking up.”

Yuuri and Phichit exchange a look and then look back at him. Yuuri’s expression softens as he leans forward towards Victor.

“It was just a fight. They’ll be okay.”

Victor backtracks, remembers Sara’s face and how sad she was and tries to remember what she said. Victor has been in several romantic relationships and none of them has survived something looking like Sara did when she came in. Victor remembers crying himself to sleep after Richard had rejected him and watching sad movies after Robin’s break up.

“I- what? But they fought and Sara was so sad? Mila isn’t even here?”

“Yeah, well, couples fight sometimes. Didn’t your parents ever fight?” Phichit asks, carefully sliding Sara down into the soft cushions.

“No, they never fought and they still got divorced,” Victor snaps. He feels like he’s being talked down to, like he’s a child not understanding something simple.

“Okay. I’m sorry about that. That was insensitive,” Phichit says, tilting his head to the side before continuing. “Mila’s parents have a hard time with her being gay. She generally tries to hide it. It really hurts Sara.”

“They’ve had this fight before. It’s not good, but it will probably be okay. I can’t promise they won’t break up, but Mila will probably be here soon to apologize,“ Yuuri continues. Phichit nods, smile gracing his face as if he remembers a previous incident.

“They’re both very temperamental. Sometimes they get to a point where it’s better to just cool off and then meet up to talk about things when you’re not as emotional.”

Sure enough, an hour later, Mila quietly opens the door and slips in, looking like a dog with her tail between her legs. Phichit says nothing and Yuuri asks if she wants tea which she declines. The boys pull Victor with them into the kitchen and when they emerge with food an hour later, Sara and Mila are holding hands at the dining room table talking to Hikaru as Seung Gil sets the table. Just like nothing happened. Victor expects it to be stiff and awkward, but dinner is just like it always is, with the minor exception that Mila and Sara keep giving each other soft looks. Victor doesn’t get it.

 

Some nights, parts of the swim team hang out in the apartment as well. Guang Hong and Leo, who swim relays with Yuuri and Phichit, are open and kind and very much in love.  They hold hands and can’t seem to stop kissing and Victor wonders if they ever get any swimming done if they can’t keep their hands of each other for more than five seconds. It must drive their swimming coach mad. Leo plays guitar and tries to teach Chris, and Guang Hong kicks all of their asses in Mario Kart. They fit right in with the dorm residents.

“It’s just like a family,” Chris whispers one night, mid-October, as they’re watching some old movie, all curled up on the couch or on pillows on the floor. “It feels just like when my cousins come over and have dinner. A group of very different people that care for each other no matter what. It’s nice.“

Warmth spreads in Victor’s gut. Family. He barely remembers how it feels to be a part of one. He looks around at Yuuri laughing and Mila tickling Minami while Sara and Phichit come back from their kitchen run with snacks.

“Yeah? Who’s the parents?” Victor asks and Chris looks him dead in the eye, smirk on his face.

“Well, I wouldn't mind calling Phichit ‘Daddy’.”

Victor can’t contain his laughter as he shoves his best friend away, the others asking what was so funny as Chris laughs even louder. Victor laughs too, carefree and happy.

Family, huh.

 

One night, after studying for an exam, Victor wakes by soft fingers caressing stray hair from his forehead and a hand shaking his shoulder.

“Victor,” Yuuri’s soft voice calls and Victor blinks, trying to make sense of where he is and what's happening. It seems he’s in the library, slumped over a book about 18th century literature. Crap. He must have fallen asleep.

“Yuuri, what are you doing here?” He asks, trying to rub the sleepiness out of his eyes.

“I was on my way home from practice when I called Phichit. He said you didn’t come home after class. I tried your phone, but it was off. I got worried. Chris said you might be here, so.” Yuuri shrugs, hands folded in front of him as he leans against the table as he smiles one of those soft smiles that he only seems to give Victor. Something warm stirs in the pit of Victor’s stomach and spreads slowly though his body making him feel all fuzzy. It’s so nice, and really scary.

Yuuri clears his throat and looks away, staring at the bookshelf behind them.

“You ready to head home?”

“Can’t, gotta finish these first,” Victor says, determined, poking at the folder with his study guide. He has a test in a few days and he needs to have it all down until then. College is a lot different from high school where teachers praise Victor for his dedication and work ethics. In college he feels invisible, like no matter how active he is in class, someone else is always better. He’s been neglecting his schoolwork for a few days since he’s been out handing out resumes to the local coffee shops, hoping to land a job. Yuuri furrows his eyebrows, gaze moving towards Victor’s dead phone.

“Take my phone at least. I don't want you to walk home though campus without one,” Yuuri says, unpocketing his phone with the soft blue poodle case, holding it out towards Victor.

“Yuuri, I couldn't possibly-”  
“Please? I don’t want you to be robbed or something,“ Yuuri plead. There’s been a string of robberies lately, both on and off campus so Yuuri’s concern isn't misplaced, still..

“What about you, huh? You think I want you to wander around phoneless?” Victor counters. He hadn't thought about it earlier. Victor isn't really used to taking care of anybody, but himself, and even that he’s really shitty at. Still, now that he started thinking about it  it makes him uncomfortable to think about Yuuri walking home alone, phone or not.

“Alright. I’ll stay then,” Yuuri says, pushing himself off the table to slide down next to Victor on the sofa. Victor startles by the quick change, scooting back to give Yuuri more room.

“Aren't you tired after swimming since like noon?”

“You keeping tabs on me, Nikiforov?” Yuuri teases and Victor feels his face heat up, blush coloring his face red. _Busted_.

It’s not like Victor is unaware. He’s seen the looks Yuuri gives him. He knows that Yuuri’s soft smile, sweet as it spreads all the way up too his cinnamon eyes, rarely turns towards anyone else. He sees how Yuuri listens attentively to what he has to say, always has time for Victor, no matter what the time or the concern. It’s only been two months and Yuuri has managed to give Victor more attention than all of his exes combined. At least it feels that way.

He can see how Yuuri holds himself back, always respecting Victor boundaries, even if he’s never shied away from Yuuri. Victor knows he should. He would be lying if he didn’t say he feels something there too. Yuuri is sweet and kind and Victor likes him, too much already. He’s too good for Victor to mess up. Victor had said no boys because it only ends in heartbreak. Victor is so damaged he thinks he might wreck the sweetness that is Yuuri if he even allows himself to feel this crush that’s slowly blooming in his chest. Instead, he pushes it down and focuses on what's important. Studies. Just like he had planned. Make sure he can get a good job, take care of himself.

Yuuri clears his throat again, reaching over to Victor’s study folder, pulling out the study guide sheet.

“Oh, I have an idea!” He says, leaning back to his bag, rummaging around for awhile before pulling out a bag of candy with a victorious ‘ _Aha!_ ’

Victor moch gasps, putting his right hand over his heart.

“Yuuri Katsuki, captain of the swim team is that candy I see in your hands!”

Yuuri wiggles his eyebrows conspiratory and puts his finger up to do a ‘Shh’ sound.

“Don’t tell coach. Besides, they’re not for me, they’re for you.“ Yuuri picks up the questionnaire sheet again, waving the stack of papers in the air. “I ask a question, you get it right, you get candy!”

“What?”

“Yes. It’s good motivation. Besides, aren’t these your favourite?” Yuuri asks, quirking his eyebrows knowingly as he shakes the bag. It’s true, it is Victor’s favourite chocolate candies. It’s not Yuuri’s preferred type though. Yuuri usually picks those horrible sour ones that makes Victor's mouth screw up by only thinking about them. He tries not to think too much about the fact that Yuuri carries his favourites, or that Victor knows exactly what’s Yuuri’s favourite in turn.

“Okay. Let’s do it.”

They spend the next two hours like that, sitting cross legged on the library couch as Yuuri reads the questions and Victor answers. Victor’s jean clad knees touching Yuuri’s sweatpants clad ones on the narrow sofa, both of their shoes kicked off in a heap on the floor. Victor tries to pretend the touch doesn't send warmth pulsating through him, butterflies filling his stomach and blush tainting his cheeks. True to his word, Yuuri gives Victor candy everytime he recites an answer correctly. If he misses, Yuuri holds them over his head as Victor tries to grab for them anyway, silver ponytail swishing around him as he does. Their giggles get hissed several times before the librarian either gives up or goes home, the hour growing late. The candy ends and they pack up, both of them helping in putting back books onto shelves before heading back to the dorm, their home.

Yuuri follows Victor to his door before darting up to his apartment. Chris isn’t there, but Victor guesses that he’s spending the night in a bed one floor above theirs.

When Victor plugs in his phone there’s a few messages in the messenger group chat asking where he is and four missed calls, two from Yuuri, one from Hikaru and one from Mila. He types out that he’s home safe and that he just went to the library to study, receiving several relieved answers and a few scolding ones, Sara writing that he ‘ _shouldn't scare his sister like that’_. Sister. Family. It feels strange, and so good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I adore the library scene so much, you have no idea. Please check out the artist, they are truly amazing! [Ghostlybl](https://ghostlybl.tumblr.com)
> 
> Thank you for reading, please let me know what you think in the comment section or on other platforms like:  
> [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/linisen) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/mjaoue)


	9. Mending - To be trusted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor learns more about Yuuri and the different versions of him, while Yuuri learns more about Victor's past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a little late, sorry sorry!
> 
> Betaed by the great [takeitoffhemmo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/takeitoffhemmo)

Victor comes up to the apartment with his books, ready to study while being mental support for Chris, who’s cooking. Chris is going to try making his father’s ‘Rösti’. He had been feeling homesick for a while, November marking three months away from their sleepy small town. Victor didn't really miss much about it. He sometimes missed Georgi, but then he just sent a text and usually got a quick response. Not like Chris who has spent his entire life there, who still has people he loves there.

When Chris’ family sent them a picture of a family dinner with said dish, Chris had decided he would make it the next time it was his time to cook. Victor had gone with him to shop for ingredients, following the message Chris’ father had sent to the dot. Chris had seemed nervous, carefully picking types of potato, which seasoned oil, bacon and apples. Victor thinks it might have something to do with the fact that he was going to share something very personal with a certain someone, but decided not to comment on it.

Chris and Phichit have been orbiting around each other for a while now. The instant attraction has stuck and turned into flirting and small lingering touches. Victor  expected them to crash into each other already with how forward they both are, but according to Chris nothing more explicit than a kiss on the cheek one time has happened. It doesn’t seem to worry Chris though.

“It’s like there’s this gravity pull. We’re moving towards one another and we both know it. At some point we’ll crash into each other and as long as we both know that, I’m in no rush.”

Chris’ smile had been small and his cheeks flushed and he looked almost bashful, which was a look Victor hadn’t seen on his friend since the first year of high school. Still, Chris seems happy and content. Relaxed even. And as long as he is happy, Victor is happy for him. Phichit, for all his bounciness and flirtatious charm has turned out to be much more than Victor had first anticipated. He and Yuuri makes a solid team in taking care of the rowdy college students at the dorm, and if Yuuri always made sure everybody is home safe and fed, Phichit has a knack for cheering people up when they are homesick or down and is alway there to hand out hugs. Victor is sure that whenever Chris and Phichit do ‘crash’ it will bloom to something beautiful.  

When Victor comes into the kitchen it becomes evident that he doesn’t need to support his friend. Phichit and Chris are moving around the kitchen, trading flirtatious comebacks and playful smirks. It’s more than cute and completely horrible to be a third wheel to. Instead, Victor heads back to the living room, lying down on the carpet next to the sofa, spread out like a starfish. On the sofa, Hikaru and Minami are studying for an exam. It’s not due until next week but both plan on being at the swim competition the entire weekend, Minami as a competitor and Hikaru as audience, just like the rest of the dorm. Even Seung Gil has said he’s planning on sitting in the stands through the event.

“Not studying Victor?” Hikaru asks as he looks up from his architecture maps. Victor answers with an non-committal hum. He should look through his notes for his next exam. He too is planning on hanging around the swim hall the entire weekend, cheering for his dorm mates and the rest of the swim team. But Victor can’t concentrate. He keeps glancing at the door, hoping Yuuri will walk in. Truth be told, Yuuri keeps invading his mind, making it hard to concentrate on such mundane task as studying or making lattes at work. He keeps thinking about things Yuuri said, or the way their elbows brushed last time they cooked together. It feels like they’re drawn together, something pulling Victor to stay in Yuuri’s orbit. Even if he would never admit it. He’s still holding on tight to the ‘no boys’ rule, even if Chris had ditched it for the first good ass he saw. No boys, no love, no heartbreak. Still, it doesn’t hurt to be around Yuuri, does it? Yuuri made him feel good so what was the danger in spending time together?

Problem was that Victor has barely seen Yuuri for two whole weeks. Yuuri has been training even more in the upcoming weeks to the competition and with Victor’s new work at the off campus coffee shop he hasn’t even gotten a glimpse of the other man for ten days, not that he’s counting. Yuuri hasn’t even written anything in the group chat for fourteen days and when Victor asked Phichit about it Phichit made an extremely tense face, saying something about Yuuri sometimes needing some extra time to focus before a competition and then quickly changing the subject. It doesn’t feel right.

Just as Phichit comes out from the kitchen with plates, ready to set the table, the door flings open and Yuuri walks in, kicking off his shoes, eyes glued to the floor. Victor sees Phichit freeze, noticing how Minami and Hikaru seem to do the same. For a second it feels like time stands still.

“Not swimming tonight?” Phichit asks and Yuuri startles, looking up around him as if he isn’t expecting anybody to be home, which is insane since there is always people here, especially around dinner time.

“Yuri kicked me out,” Yuuri mumbles and it’s almost inaudible over the soft hum from the kitchen fan. Victor rises from his lying position, sitting up to lean closer. Something is wrong with Yuuri. His shoulders are up at his ears, tensed just like his brows, and his jaw is set hard. He’s not speaking or looking at Victor, or anyone really. This feels like a startling wake up call because Yuuri always looks at him, soft smile and pink blush and now it’s like he can’t even see Victor sitting there. He’s just about to ask what’s wrong when Phichit’s voice beats him too it.

“You want some food?”

Yuuri doesn’t answer, just shakes his head once before crossing the floor in long, fast steps, rushing past them before reaching his door sliding in and closing it with a soft _‘click’._

A loud groan cuts through the shock Victor’s feeling as he looks over to the table where Phichit is rubbing furiously at his eyes before planting both palms straight down on the table with a loud _‘thud’._

“Fuck,” Phicht hisses, jaw clenched. “Why does Yuri have to be such an asshole!”

“Which Yuuri?” Minami asks and Phicht looks up, looking almost as surprised to see the three of them there as Yuuri did. His eyes dart over to Victor, clearly taking in his surprised expression, as his jaw sets again.

“Coach Yuri. Couldn't he just let him swim himself tired? It’s not like he doesn’t know! It’s not like this is the first time.”

Minami hums affirmatively and Victor wonders if everyone has gone mad because clearly something is wrong and swimming oneself exhausted seems like a really idiotic thing to do in any case, especially before a competition.  

“What’s going on?” Victor finally asks as the silence grows in the apartment, everybody looking more and more uncomfortable by the second. Phichit looks at him and opens his mouth a few times, looking like he’s trying to find the words to explain but nothing comes. An uncomfortable itching starts spreading under Victor’s skin and something he has almost forgotten in the few months he has spent in the dorm makes itself known in full force. Victor feels left out, alone. So if no one is going to help him understand, Victor decides to go looking for answers himself. He stands up, brushing some invisible lint from his pants, and walks straight to Yuuri’s door. He knocks twice in rapid succession. Behind him Phichit calls out.

“Victor, don’t. Just leave it.”

Instead of listening he knocks twice again before simply opening the door and walking in, closing it softly behind him. Yuuri’s lying on the bed, but at the sound of the door closing he turns, sighing deeply.

“It’s fine Phichit go out and enjoy cooking with - “ Yuuri spots him then and shoots straight up form bed, tangling in the sheets and almost falling over. “Victor!”

Up close like this he can see the dark circles under Yuuri’s eyes, the hollowness around them, the paleness of his cheeks. He looks completely exhausted and overworked and something uncomfortable turns in Victor’s stomach as he takes in the sight. How could things have changed so much in two weeks, and why hadn’t anybody said anything?

“Wha- what are you doing here?” Yuuri asks, as if Victor flew across the world to find him and not take three steps from the living room carpet over to his door. He means to ask what's wrong, means to reach out to comfort Yuuri, but as he takes a step forward Yuuri flinches, and that dark ugly feeling of loneliness pools in Victor’s gut, anger rising as he straightens, looking straight at Yuuri.

“Did I do something to upset you?” He bites, coming out harsh and angry. Yuuri startles again, like a scared cat, and looks at Victor with wide eyes.

“No- I- Why do you think that?” Yuuri keeps wringing his hands, slight tremble as he does. It catches Victor off guard and he realizes he’s never done this before. He’s never confronted anyone about their feelings and he certainly has never fought with anyone. Usually he just bites his tongue and hopes it goes away. He’s never really seen anybody fight before he moved into the dorm, but since then he’s seen several couples fight and all of them are still together. Not that Yuuri and him are a couple. Because Victor has a ‘no boys’ rule. Which is clearly wise because feeling things for boys land him in heartbreaking situations, something that feels close to this one, even if Victor can’t figure out why.

“Well something’s wrong. You look like you haven't slept for days and I haven't seen or heard from you for weeks and then you don’t even look at me, so clearly I did something,” Victor snaps, trying to pretend that the fact that he sounds a little bit like a child doesn’t affect him.

Yuuri looks at him, eyes wide and glossy, and for a second Victor thinks that he might start crying which would be horrible because Victor doesn’t even know if he’s seen someone else but himself cry and has no idea how to deal with that. Yuuri seems to hold his breath for an agonizing minute before letting it all out in a small puff, tension from his shoulders dropping and expression turning a little softer. He still looks hollow, but as he makes eye contact with Victor he seems more relaxed. Yuuri closes his eyes and takes several deep breaths before opening them again. Victor is baffled. He’s been prepared for screaming and fighting and now Yuuri is just looking at him, turning the adrenaline in Victor’s veins sour.

“I’m sorry,“ Yuuri says, sitting down on the bed heavy, looking at his hands folded with the palms up in his lap. “It’s not you. It’s not anybody. It’s me. It’s the race.”

Victor deflates, anger running out of him as well as he tries to wrap his head around this new information without understanding a word of it.

“Why? Didn’t you win nationals last year? Aren't you faster since then?” Victor doesn’t get it. If you’re the best at something and you’re even better now then you were then, why work yourself into a tense mess before the race, surely that’s counter productive. Yuuri looks at him, squinting a little before rubbing his eyes. His glasses are laying on the nightstand, but he makes no move to pick them up.

“It’s not like that,” Yuuri claims, as if that explains anything. Yuuri takes another breath, deep and long.

“What is it like then?” He walks over, the distance between them feeling strange now. He sits down too, next to Yuuri but several inches apart.

“It’s hard to explain. My therapist says I should try to do it more often so I don’t feel as weird when I do it, but I can never bring myself to. “ Yuuri is staring out into the room, palms rubbing slowly against each other. “I don’t want to push my problem onto others.”

Victor’s mind catches on the word therapist. Yuuri has mentioned it before, that the team has one. He had assumed it was just to deal with some of the pressure, but it seems to be more than that.

“My mind trips me up sometimes. It’s hard to explain, but it ties itself into knots, that I have a hard time working out myself. I overthink things, they say.”

“What kind of things?” Victor’s voice is small, quiet in the small bedroom.

Victor feels like he’s ventured into extremely unknown territory, like Yuuri’s letting him in on something valuable, priceless. Nobody has ever done that before and it scares the hell out of him. What if he says the wrong thing? What if he asks the wrong question? What if Yuuri doesn’t want to be his friend anymore? What if he leaves?

“I start going over everything that could go wrong, it becomes almost like a checklist. And then that spirals into what would happen if one, some or all of those things happened. Would I lose the scholarship? Would I be able to stay and finish school? Would my family be disappointed? Will I let my teammates down?”

Yuuri looks down again and the vulnerability he shares with Victor feels so precious Victor doesn’t know what to do with it. It feels like they’re standing at a cliffside and what Victor says or does affects what comes next. And he has no idea what's the right thing to do, or what he wants going forward.

“Swim for me then.”

It seems silly. A strange declaration thrown out but it’s all he has.

“What?” Yuuri finally looks at him, eyebrows furrowed and eyes searching.

“Swim for me? Don’t swim for scholarships, or your family or the school, do it for me.” Victor repeats, with more confidence now.

“That might be worse,” Yuuri mumbles as he looks down again.

“Aw, but Yuuri. I’m sure you’re really cute in the pool,” Victor teases.

Yuuri snorts then and it’s a very dorky but cute sound.

“I’m not supposed to be cute Victor. I’m suppose be strong and graceful. I’m suppose to win.”

Silence falls over them again and Victor looks over at Yuuri, eyes cast down and hands softly clasped together. He looks more relaxed now, but Victor can still see the pinch between his eyebrows. He looks defeated, and well, they can’t have that. He lets the urge to touch Yuuri that Victor always keeps at bay slip through and leans over, letting his lips caress the soft skin of Yuuri’s cheekbone for a second. It’s barely a touch, but Yuuri sits up straight, eyes growing wide. Victor feels blood rush to his cheeks, a warm and bubbly feeling filling him as he braces to lean in and kiss Yuuri’s soft skin again. Yuuri stays silent and doesn’t turn, for which Victor is immensely grateful for. He’s really not prepared for any type of fall out from his action. It just looked like Yuuri needed more comforting and Victor had no more words to give. But now, a surge of boldness flows through him and even if he shouldn't, risking giving Yuuri false hope, he keeps his face close, counting the dark lashes of Yuuri’s eye.

“Just do your best, okay? I believe in you.”

With that Victor rises. He crosses the room without looking back and slides out the door, closing it with as soft click. At the dinner table, most of the dorm occupants sit, eating just as usual. They all stop as Victor comes out, looking at him expectantly. Victor doesn't really know what to say. There is an emotional turmoil inside him, partly because of what just transpired in the bedroom behind him and partly because now that he sees them he’s still a little mad at some of them for not explaining and just letting Yuuri’s mind run amok in there.

“He okay?” Victor can see the worry in Phichit’s eyes and it makes him relent a little. He shrugs because he’s not really sure if Yuuri is, with the way he left.

“You hungry?” Chris asks and Victor is, but he also needs to be alone, sort his mind out.

“Nah, sorry I- I’m just gonna head down.”

When he reaches his and Chris’ dorm room he heads straight for bed, flopping down with his back first, mattress bouncing a little as he lands. He sighs deeply, letting the bubbly feeling in his chest bloom for a minute. He can't believe he did that. Barging in into Yuuri’s room, demanding things as if he has any right. And Yuuri, with his kind heart just, opens up, gives things when Victor asks instead of pushing him away. He has no idea how to deal with that. Victor is supposed to keep this slowly building crush at bay, push it deep, deep down where no one can find it and focus on school. Sure, Yuuri is cute and sweet, but that doesn’t mean things won’t change as soon as Victor lets his guard or pants down. That seems to change every man’s opinion about how much time they want to spend in his presence. Victor is so done with it, has no desire to give himself away only to come out of it battered and bruised and broken - again. No matter how pretty Yuuri’s eyes are, how attentive he is when he listens or how gorgeous his ass is.

Victor sighs and turns, pulling the covers up to cover him. He just needs to push this bubbliness down again and focus on what matters.

 

The dorm residents met up in the house hallway, packed with schoolwork, picnic baskets and banners, ready to head out and support their friends. ‘ _Family,’_ Mila points out and that of course leads to the conversation about which person is which family member in the group. Everyone agree that Seung Gil is the weird uncle, Hikaru the big brother and Sara and Mila land somewhere between being the fun cousins or aunts. It doesn’t matter much. Chris pulls the ‘ _Phichit can be my daddy whenever he wants’_ joke again and Mila wiggles her eyebrows, asking if Chris is a ‘ _good daddy’s boy_ ’ which makes Hikaru sputter all of his newly drunk coffee out, some of it even coming out of his nose.

They reach the arena and get seated just before the start of the qualifiers for 50m breaststroke, Minami swimming in the first and Guang Hong participating in the second race. Hikaru explains that there are four major styles, breaststroke, in which Guang Hong and Minami participate, backstroke, which is Leo’s speciality, butterfly, which Phichit partakes in and freestyle where Yuuri dominates, but Phichit and Minami also partakes in. Hikaru says that there are two events that mix the styles, individual medley, in which the swimmer swims one length of the pool in all four styles. There is also the relay where four swimmers compete in a team. There are different lengths in races and some of their friends will swim several of them. It’s all a blur of information and Mila laughs at both Chris and Victor’s confused expressions, promising them that they will get the grip of it in due time.

Apparently this is a sectionals, the schools in the area facing off. The best two from each final race will move on to regionals and the best two from that move on to nationals. From there, if you meet the criteria time you can compete in the national swim competition for all swimmers, not just colleges.

Minami steps up, black swim pants with a red streak and a red swim cap and goggles, jumping up and down a little before stepping up on the block. Mila and Sara hold up a banner with Minami’s name and as the starter pistol goes off, the entire arena erupts into cheers. Minami finishes second in his qualifier and moves on to the final, which will be swum tomorrow. Guang Hong finishes first, with the best time of the day. The competition continues with the rest of the 50m races, and then the heats starts over with breaststroke 100m. It goes well for all of them, Guang Hong keeping on claiming best times of the day and Phichit and Leo moving on in their respective stances. Mila informs him that Yuuri generally swims all the free distances from 400m and up, but this year will try for the 200m and therefore dropping the 800m. This means he will swim three free distances and the relay. Sounds like a suicide mission to Victor, no wonder Yuuri’s stressed.

Leo’s 100m backstroke goes well, and so does Phichit’s 100m butterfly, both of them moving on to the finals the following day.  The competitions continues, and the dorm mates eat the contents of the picnic basket Sara has prepared. Minami and Leo comes up as they finish their qualifying distances at 200m, just holding out for the 4x100m relay which is the last race of the day. Guang Hong  joins them shortly after, a little breathless from running up the stairs, informing them that Yuuri and Phichit’s 200m freestyle is up next.

Sure enough, when Victor turns towards the entrance he immediately spots Phichit. His eyes search the row of swimmers for floppy black hair and blue glasses but comes up short. Frowning, he goes through them again and then his mind comes to a complete halt.

Victor thought he has kept his crush at bay. That even if Yuuri is crazy cute with his soft hair, sweet eyes and looks cuddly in his too big hoodies and team jacket, Victor has kept himself on a short leash. That even if Yuuri is kind and seems to respect Victor in a way no one has before, Victor has managed to keep his feelings tucked away. He has in no way prepared for this. Victor spots Yuuri, but it’s not the Yuuri he recognizes.  

This Yuuri’s back is straight as an arrow, naked shoulders rolled back and head held high. And what a back and shoulders they are. Muscles, usually hidden under far too much clothing, sculpted and strong as they shimmer from the drops of water tumbling down Yuuri’s body, following the line of his abs. The black swim wear with a blue line curving around his hips hug his thick thighs and beautiful ass too well and Victor isn’t sure if he’s grateful or upset that Yuuri stretches in baggy sweatpants at the apartment.  The usually tousled hair is wet and slicked back, glasses missing, making Yuuri’s features sharper, cheekbones like knives, cinnamon eyes big and focused. Yuuri looks towards the pool and as his eyes turn sharp in determination he bites his lip and Victor’s breath hitches in his throat.

“Oh shit, someone flipped Yuuri’s switch,” Mila says behind him and that breaks Victor out of his staring, eyes roaming the audience to see so many of them looking at Yuuri. A new feeling flairs up in Victor, something he hasn’t felt before. It’s similar to anger and irritation, but more bitter. An urge to run down to the pool and cover Yuuri in whatever sweater he can find, just so everybody stops staring at him.

“Oh yeah. He was crazy determined when I left. It’s gonna be good.” Guang Hong pipes up as Leo hands him an energy bar and smoothie to eat.

“I hope so. He’s been working so hard for this shorter distance,” Minami says, chewing on his lower lip as his eye’s trail the swimmers as they line up behind the blocks. Yuuri pulls on a swim cap and goggles and as the announcer proclaims it’s time he steps up on the block, side by side with Phichit as the crowd falls silent. Phichit holds an arm out, hand knotted in a fist which Yuuri bumps with his own, a _fucking_ smirk on his lips and Victor’s heart thunders in his chest. This is bad. This is terribly scary and -

The starter pistol goes off and Yuuri snaps into action as the arena roars out cheers, volume of the cheers growing louder as the swimmer’s do their first turn. It looks like Yuuri’s flying in the water, like it parts for him and moves to help him flow. Victor doesn’t find swimming pretty, but with Yuuri in the water it’s impossible to look away. Last night, Yuuri had said he needed to be strong and graceful. To Victor, he looks like a God.

Yuuri and Phichit are neck and neck and from how Minami is shaking Hikaru and ramberling out praise like _‘amazing’_ and _‘Yuuri did it he really did it!’_ even if more than half the race is still left. He seems to be right though because as they turn for the last lap Phichit falls behind as Yuuri keeps steady, not slowing for a beat.

Sara and Mila are on their feet and Victor rises too, watching as Yuuri pushes the last bit, arm stretched out to bang his palm into the tile. He comes up with a hiss, chugging in a breath as he rips the cap and goggles off, squinting at the scoreboard.

First.

Yuuri comes in first, two seconds before Phichit. Yuuri is still squinting when Phichit clasps his shoulder and seemingly tells him the score which makes Yuuri’s mouth drop open in shock as Phichit laughs and pulls him into a hug over the lane line separating them. There’s a wide smile spreading on Yuuri face and he looks up the stares straight at Victor, as if he knows he’s sitting right there. A shiver runs through him as he watches Yuuri beam, joy radiating off him. It makes Victor’s heart flutter in his chest as butterflies burst in his stomach. Yuuri’s hair is still wet and half slicked back, but the smile makes him look soft and somehow it’s a mix of the cute Yuuri from the dorm and the hot swimmer Yuuri, and if Victor doesn’t sit down he’s going to faint. So he sits with a loud thump. Eyes never leaving Yuuri as the dark haired man makes it out of the pool, the coaching assistant, Yuri, approaching him as he does, clasping Yuuri’s shoulder in acknowledgement. All the while, Victor’s heart keeps beating loudly in his chest.

The competition continues, Phichit coming up to eat and sit too close to Chris for it to be strictly platonic. Victor even catches them holding hands, fingers laced to rest between their thighs. Yuuri advances in the longer distances as well but doesn't come up to the stands. The relay team leaves for the last qualifier and it’s by a hair’s breadth they make it through, coming in second in their qualifier. Victor thinks Yuuri looks tired as he swims the last lap, which isn't that strange since he raced four races today. When he voices this, Sara agrees.

“But it’s because it’s only sectionals. The competition isn’t as big and they aren't expecting to qualify in all races,” she explains.

The gang packs up, food all eaten and banners packed carefully to be reused during the finals the next day. Mila, Sara, Minami, Hikaru, and Seung Gil decide to head home as soon as the race is done, but Victor can feel Chris lingering and he doesn’t blame him. Claiming to act as a good best friend he opts to stay, even if he secretly wants to stay so he’s sure he’ll have an opportunity to congratulate Yuuri.

Leo and Guang Hong come out of the locker room first, knowing smiles on their faces as they accept Victor and Chris’ congratulations, claiming that Yuuri and Phichit will be out soon before heading home. Victor watches them go as their joint hands swing between them, exchanging soft looks as Leo talks about something inaudible and Guang Hong laughs.

Phichit’s face spreads to an enormous grin as he spots Chris, linking their arms together as he starts walking them towards the dorm. Victor stays back, not wanting to disturb them but also really itching to see Yuuri.

They haven’t talked since Victor’s heart ran away from him and he kissed Yuuri’s cheek and Victor wonders if Yuuri is mad. Before he has too much time to dwell on it, the locker room door opens and Yuuri steps out, fiddling with the strap on his bag. Victor‘s leaning against the opposite wall, twirling a strand of long silver hair between his fingers, trying to look cool. Yuuri looks up and a soft pink flush dusts his cheeks as he spots Victor, eyes still void of the glasses, but hair back to it’s floppy soft style. Victor has seen many versions of Yuuri Katsuki today, he can’t decide which he likes the most.

“Good job today, Yuuri.”

Yuuri smiles, syrupy sweet and the sight is so cute that Victor has to bite his cheek just so not to say something stupid, like that he wants to kiss him.

“Thank you. It was mostly because of you though so I can’t take credit,” Yuuri says as he walks up to Victor who pushes himself of the wall. They start walking, silence stretching between them as the sun dips, painting the world in orange and yellow.  It’s a comfortable quiet and Victor wonders what changed between yesterday and today to make this feel so relaxed.

Yuuri’s hand dangles in between them and Victor wonders how it would feel, reaching over and lacing their fingers together. Would Yuuri pull back? Would the butterflies in Victor’s stomach burst forward again? Would he be able to let go?

Victor is startled out of his thoughts by a soft _‘mjaou’_ and he looks down to spot a small cat. Like on cue, his heart pangs with pain and he looks away, even as the cat rubs itself on his leg. Yuuri stops, kneeling as he runs his hands over what Victor assumes is really soft fur and Victor can feel a phantom caress of soft cat hair between his fingers. It’s silly. It’s been so long but it still hurts so much.

“You don’t like cats?” Yuuri asks, looking up at him as the cat starts to purr against Yuuri’s stretched out palm.

“It’s not that,” Victor says, looking down at them. The cat is really cute, a soft orange and white with a pink nose.

The vulnerability Yuuri showed him last night has left something unraveling in Victor’s chest and maybe that’s why he, too, kneels, letting the cat press their head against his offered hand. It’s the first time he’s petting a cat since Zvezda.

“I used to have one. A cat, I mean,” Victor explains and Yuuri looks at him, allowing him to continue or leave it if he pleases. “She was black and white. I rescued her from a bush behind my elementary school.”

Yuuri stays quiet for a while, his fingers brushing Victor’s as they keep petting the cat together.

“You think you would ever want a pet again?” He asks when the feline tires of them, bouncing off across the empty campus. Victor takes a moment to really think about it. Yuuri, always patient, gives him all the time he needs.

“Yeah, I think I'd like that. Not a cat, though. I would feel like I was letting her down. Replacing her. It’s silly, I know.” Breathless laugh escaping him in his embarrassment.

“It’s not. “ Yuuri reassures, opening the door to the Celestino dorm for Victor.

“I think I would like a dog. A big fluffy one to carry around like a huge baby,” Victor proclaims as they walk up the stairs, imagining it with a smile. A companion would be good, so he wouldn't be so lonely.

Yuuri nods and stops just outside of Victor dorm room.

“I love it. You should. You coming up?”

Victor shakes his head. He really does need to get through those notes before the exam and being around Yuuri seems to only distract him lately.

“I need to study so I can come cheer you on tomorrow. See you then?”

Yuuri’s smile falls a little, but he nods, taking half a step back towards the stairwell. Suddenly Victor thinks of something. It’s impulsive and stupid, but he seems to be malfunctioning today as he grabs Yuuri’s wrist, stopping him from moving any further away. He closes the gap between them, pressing a soft kiss on the same cheek as yesterday, a little harder this time. He pulls back, letting Yuuri’s hand drop between them.

“For good luck. See you tomorrow.”

With that, he turns, unlocks the door, and steps in without even glancing at Yuuri, scared to death to see Yuuri’s expression or face the consequences of this tightrope he keeps stepping out on.

All of the swim team manages to qualify for regionals the next day, not in all distances, but at least one each. Yuuri looks just as determined today, still as hot. Victor thought he would be more prepared today but since he now expects it he feels light headed before Yuuri has even stepped into the arena.  When he does, Victor’s heart flutters in his chest as his eyes roam over Yuuri’s basically naked form. Wow. This is bad. This is really bad.

 

It’s early evening in the beginning of December, the students starting to filter into the RAs’ apartment for dinner. Victor is on time with all of his work for once, just laying on the couch listening to Mila and Hikaru going through their anatomy homework for the next day. It’s Seung Gil’s turn to cook and the smell of the sticky chicken for the bibimbap flows through the apartment. Victor had offered his help but Seung Gil had only given him a pointed look before asking him to get lost.

Chris and Phichit are sitting next to each other on the couch, and everyone’s pretending like they aren't noticing how they are playing with each others fingers. Just below him on the floor sits Yuuri, stitching together a seam that had ripped in a sweater.

Minami and Sara walk in, toeing off their shoes as their conversation continuing as they sit down on the floor next to Yuuri. Victor is dosing off, warm and comfortable, so he’s not paying attention until Chris very ungracefully snorts on his end of the couch and calls for him.

“Sound like someone we know Victor?”

Victor opens his eyes, blinking a few times before sitting up, looking over at Chris where Phichit is playing with the hair in the nape of his neck. _Unbelievable_.

“Sorry what?”

“Minami, tell Victor what you just said,” Chris presses and Minami frowns, but turns dutifully towards Victor.

“There is this guy in Sara and mine’s business class and almost everyday he gives me a compliment, but they’re always weird, like they’re not a compliment at all.”

A knot of something dark and hurtful  pools in Victor’s stomach and he bites the inside of his cheek, looking out the window to try to hide the effect it has on him.

“Like ‘Hey your hair looks really cute but you would look better as a brunette’?” Victor asks.

“Yeah, exactly like that.”

“Sounds like negging.”

Minami wrinkles his nose, eyes glued on Victor. “Negging? What’s that?”

“It’s a way to break someone's self esteem so they will sleep with you, even if they’re out of your league. Like a mind game. Victor’s ex used to do it all the time.” Chris supplies and if there weren't so many people eyeing him in that moment Victor would throw a pillow at  Chris for bringing that up, or leave. Victor really doesn’t want to bring all of his dirty ugly history here, broken and bruised heart on display.

“Ex?” Phichit asks and Victor can feel Yuuri’s eyes on him and he doesn’t want it, wants to run away and hide.

“Mhm, he was a jerk.” Chris explains and Phichit snort.

“Sounds like it.”

“They were all jerks.” Chris says and that’s enough. Victor’s eyes snap towards him and stares hard.

“That’s enough, Chris.”

“What? It’s not like it’s not true?” Chris says, but Victor has no interest in having this kind of attention. He looks down for a second, catching Yuuri's wide eyes and mouth forming a soft ‘o’.

“Anyway, don’t fall for it. It won’t lead to any good,” Victor says, turning back towards Minami who’s frowning but nodding.

“Should have taken that advice yourself, huh?” Chris teases, but Victor is in no mood to be teased. He’s just about to lash out when Seung Gil cuts him off.

“Dinner’s ready.” Seung Gil calls and suddenly everyone is scrambling off the couch towards the food. Victor rises to follow as well, but Yuuri catches his wrist in a loose grip.

“Hey. You okay?” It’s soft and just a whisper, but it curls around Victor’s heart like a safety blanket. He’s pretty sure no one’s ever asked him that before. A sudden urge to open up to Yuuri overcomes him and he steps close, wraps his arms around Yuuri’s neck, nose pressed into the skin of his throat.

“No. It’ll pass soon though,” he admits. Yuuri squeezes his waist once, breath ghosting over Victor's cheek.

“You can talk to me. When you want to. If you want to.”

Victor hums, breathing in deeply again, something feeling like champagne bubbles rising in his stomach, before stepping back.

“Thank you, Yuuri.”

“Come on, the food’s getting cold!” Minami calls and Victor turns, smiling as he reaches the tables, sliding into the chair next to the one Yuuri comes to sit in.

“Looks delicious.”

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've commissioned some art for this chapter, made by [Jhim](https://www.instagram.com/jhim.a/). Please check out all the pretty art. 
> 
>  
> 
> Look at them being all soft, I love them so much. 
> 
> Thank you for reading, please let me know what you think in the comment section or on other platforms like:  
> [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/linisen) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/mjaoue)


	10. Mending - In Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri and Victor get to spend a lot of time alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Betaed by the sweet [takeitoffhemmo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/takeitoffhemmo)
> 
> There is some art that I commissioned from [Jhim](https://www.instagram.com/jhim.a/)
> 
> Check it out [here](https://linisen.tumblr.com/post/184359472626/chapter-9-of-7-ways-to-break-victor-nikiforovs)

It feels like he’s floating, body light as a feather as Yuuri’s warm hands travel up his bare sides while his mouth moves with soft caresses down his neck, stopping at the hollow of his throat to suck. Victor gasps, back like an arch as Yuuri’s tongue swipes over the mark. 

“So pretty. I love the way you sound,” Yuuri praises. 

Victor melts under it, unable to form any coherent words other than softly gasping the other man’s name, eyes screwed shut as the pleasure builds. Yuuri’s hand move downwards again, along with his mouth, leaving a trail of soft kisses and caresses in their wake. Caring, like he’s worshiping Victor’s body. His mouth stops above Victor’s right nipple, tongue flicking out as Yuuri’s right hand continues down, teasing caresses across his lower stomach, hips and thighs. His hand is so close, almost where Victor wants it the most. He begs, pleads for Yuuri to touch him, to take him in hand, mouth anything. Yuuri’s kisses are so sweet and soft that Victor feels he might dissolve into nothing underneath it. It feels amazing. Yuuri’s hand wraps around Victor's hard length and Victor moans, despairingly, from the touch. 

“Relax Victor, I’ll take care off you.” 

Victor wakes with a gasp, body trembling and heat pooling in the pit of his stomach. Shit. It was only a dream.  His rock hard cock aches for touch and Victor looks down at it, irritated and offended. It’s not that he doesn’t enjoy stroking himself off, it’s just that this is the third time this week he’s woken up from a wet dream about Yuuri, and it's only Thursday. He’s lost count on how many times it’s been in total. 

He reaches down into his pyjama pants, grabbing at the base before taking a deep calming breath, summoning the thoughts of how Yuuri’s hands felt in his dream. Touches soft and light. Caressing and caring. He wonders if that’s the kind of lover Yuuri is. Attentive and giving. If he would touch Victor like that, fleeting touches mixed with harsher bites and love marks, fingers gripping tight on his thighs and hips. If it would feel differently if it were Yuuri’s hand stroking him instead of his own. If Yuuri would use his mouth, those soft, pink lips spread wide around him. Would he open Victor up gently, whispering praise and sweet things in Victor’s ear as he takes him apart, piece by piece? How would Yuuri feel inside him, coming in blissed, erotic pleasure? If he would actually make Victor come, wanting Victor’s pleasure as well, something no one else has wanted. Pleasure builds in the pit of his stomach, pooling as the fantasies intensify. Yuuri’s soft brown eyes, his praise, his gorgeous body. Victor comes with a silent shout, spurting all over his bare stomach and chest in long stripes. When the adrenaline goes down he draws in a shaky breath, looking up at the ceiling to try to make his heart rate slow down even more. 

The problem isn’t the dreams themselves, or the masturbating after. It’s the fact that they tangle his emotions. Dream Yuuri merges with Real life Yuuri and after a while he has a hard time distinguishing who is who and what he’s actually feeling. He finds himself looking at Yuuri even more now, his hands twitching to reach out to caress his bangs out of his eyes, hold his hand as they walk to class, hug him when they part for the night. Maybe not leave at all. 

 

There is a soft knock on the door and Victor finishes putting his jacket on before opening, met by Yuuri’s softly smiling face. 

“Morning,” he says, holding out the reusable takeaway cup Victor’s gotten used to drinking his morning coffee from. 

“Good morning, Yuuri.” Victor closes the door behind him and they fall into step with each other as they make their way out of the dorm room. This is some sort of new routine they have. It had started with Victor complaining about never having time to run up to the RAs apartment to get coffee before lectures but also being too tired to make his own. The next morning there had been a soft knock on the door and a blushing Yuuri, offering him delicious coffee. 

So for the past few weeks, Yuuri comes by in the morning with coffee and walks him to class before taking off to swim practice. They walk side by side, gloved hands sometimes brushing as they make their way across campus to the lecture hall Victor has class in that day. 

Some days they talk about class or swimming, or something else entirely like what series they like, childhood memories, or food. Sometimes they just walk side by side, sipping their hot drinks in silence. It’s the best part of Victor’s day. The apartment is often too crowded to have alone time and Victor doesn’t know how to ask for it anyway. He longs desperately to be close to Yuuri, but is scared out of his mind to actually have it. Which is why these walks are perfect. He doesn’t have to share Yuuri, but they’re not alone, there’s other students huddling in jackets in the cold December air around them.

“Are you going home during the holidays?” Yuuri asks and Victor has to do a double take to try to remind himself that Christmas is approaching and his mother hasn’t called to invite him anywhere. A familiar dull ache wraps around his heart and he takes a sip of the coffee to gather himself before answering.

“No. I’m gonna stay at the dorm. Don’t really have any other place to go.” 

Yuuri’s pace slows for a moment, but picks up again, falling in step with Victor again. 

“I’m sorry.” 

Victor shakes his head, ponytail swishing around him as he does. “Don’t be. I don’t think I would want to spend it with either of them even if they asked,” Victor admits. He still hasn’t heard from his father since he left over six years ago and he has no desire to spend any time with Chad and the family he’s not welcomed in, holiday or not. 

“You’ve never talked about your father,” Yuuri comments and it’s such a Yuuri thing to do. It leaves an opening for Victor, the chance to open up and explain, but it demands nothing of him. It’s not a question, and he doesn’t insist. It’s why it’s so easy to share. 

“There isn’t really much to say. He was a good dad, had his flaws like any. He and my mom decided to get divorced six years ago and he left. Haven’t seen him since.“

“That must have been hard,” Yuuri comments, eyes forward when Victor looks over. He’s bundled up in a thick coat, the weather well below zero degrees. He has a soft looking scarf wrapped around his neck, covering his chin and lower lip. The cold is bringing out a small blush in his cheeks and nose. He looks extremely cuddly.

“Yeah, well. The whole thing got pretty crazy. Mom didn’t want to stay after that so we moved and I didn’t really want to. I was just starting high school and moving from everything I knew felt terrifying. And …” This is the hard part. Victor had barely ever told anybody about what happened to Zvezda because he doesn’t know how to phrase it. He didn’t lose her, she was taken. She didn’t die, she was put down - killed. It’s easier to grieve over the loss of a parent, people usually understand that. This. Many wouldn't understand. Yuuri walks beside him, silent, letting Victor sort himself out. 

“That’s the last time I saw my cat,” he says finally, and the words hurt so much. It’s so strange for the double loss to still be this painful. There’s a weight in his hand and when Victor looks down he can see Yuuri’s knitted glove in his, hand giving his a squeeze. He looks up, blood rushing towards his face. Yuuri is still looking straight ahead, not missing a step as the blush on his face darkens.

“What did she look like?”

They get to the more crowded parts of campus, but Yuuri doesn’t let go. The swim team captain is somewhat of a college celebrity, national champion that he is. Victor sees how he often cowers away from it, uncomfortable. Victor doesn’t want to add to the gossip and rumors but Yuuri holds tight, only dropping Victor’s hand when they reach the lecture hall. He watches Yuuri go, baffled once again about how easy it i to open up to him. How, whenever Victor runs into a wall about opening up, Yuuri opens a door. Sometimes Victor walks through it, sometimes he doesn’t. And Yuuri doesn't seem to care about him any less when he doesn’t. It’s a little intoxicating. 

Someone approaches Yuuri, grabbing his arm with a big smile on their face. And even though he sees Yuuri flinch and carefully twist out of the grip, an uncomfortableness twists in Victor’s gut. 

 

It’s a few days before Christmas and the dorm room has started emptying. Seung Gil, Sara and Mila have already left to their respective parents. Hikaru’s luggage for home sits neatly in a pile by the door, the owner of them trying and failing at kicking Guang Hong’s ass in street fighter one last time before leaving. Leo sits behind his boyfriend, cheering loudly as Guang Hong’s fighter roundhouse kicks Hikaru’s in the chest. The both of them are going to Leo’s family for Christmas, much like Chris is bringing Phichit with him home to meet his. 

Chris had asked if Victor wanted to join of course, and even if Victor misses Chris’ family a little he doesn’t want to interrupt the ‘Meet the boyfriend’ vacation. None of the dorm room residents have figured out when the two actually became a couple. One day they just kissed during dinner and while everyone was freaking out the pair seemed completely shocked, which prompts Victor to believe that they had been doing the kissing part for a while. They look happy. Chris smiles constantly and Victor doesn’t think his best friend has slept in his own bed since the swim competition in the beginning of November. 

The only ones that are still going to be around are Victor, Minami and Yuuri. Victor had suspected Yuuri wanted to go home. He had gotten a good amount of money from the last win and Victor was pretty sure he had heard Yuuri say to Sara he was going home during Christmas, but when Victor asked when he was leaving a few days after he told Yuuri he was staying Yuuri had said he was staying as well. 

“I sent my parents the money the school endorsed me for my win instead. I don’t wanna spend so much time flying and miss practice time before the training camp.” Yuuri shrugged as he was dusting the window sill in the living room. Behind them Phichit snorted while he was vacuuming and Victor caught Yuuri giving Phichit a death glare he hoped to never be at the receiving end of. Victor knows something’s up, but he doesn't mind. He’s kind of thrilled. He had been worried about spending so much time alone, or hanging out with Minami that much. Minami’s sweet but a little too excitable for Victors taste. 

Victor is sitting on the couch, just coming up from his own dorm room to say goodbye to the people leaving, watching the video game slaughterer that is the sweet and deadly Guang Hong. Yuuri walks out of the bathroom, toothbrush in his mouth, watching with eyebrows raised as Leo keeps yelling profanities at  Hikaru and the screen. He notices Victor on the couch and smiles. They haven’t met today yet, and to see Yuuri smile like that in the morning makes Victor’s heart beat a little faster. 

“Hey,” he says, expression soft.

“Morning, Yuuri.” 

“Any plans today?” Yuuri walks over, sitting down next to him on the couch, toothbrush still in his mouth. 

“It’s so weird you don’t do that in front of the mirror,” Victor says, frowning at the toothbrush. “I have a short shift at the café, ends at three. Why?”

Yuuri pulls the toothbrush out and bites his lip, small smudge of toothpaste in the juncture of his mouth. He looks nervous as he looks over at the game. 

“You wanna do something with me after?” 

Victor watches Yuuri, who’s still watching the game, soft pink blush dusting his cheekbones. It’s too cute. Victor has to look away because otherwise he’s gonna start smiling like a dork.

“Sure. What are we doing?”

It turns out it’s a trip to the aquarium, which is in no way what Victor would have guessed they would be doing, but when he thinks about it, it makes sense. Yuuri is an animal person. He stops to pets dogs when he meets them. When he sees a wild rabbit or rare bird he always stops and points it out. He loves water, looks like he belongs in it when he swims. An aquarium seems like a perfect place for Yuuri. They buy alcohol free mulled wine before Yuuri gets them tickets and they head inside. Due to it being the Christmas season there’s fairy lights everywhere, and the presumably otherwise well lit aquarium is painted in aqua blue from the tanks and soft gold from the small lamps lining the walkways. The mulled wine is sweet and spicy and warms Victor from the inside as they walk between displays and tanks, Yuuri pointing out animals and telling Victor facts about them. 

Victor feels carefree here in the empty aquarium with Yuuri. Warm, sweet Yuuri who smiles softly and talks even softer about stingrays and sharks. They reach the walk-through tube, completely surrounded by blue and water except for the floor and stop to take in the view.  

“What do you want to do for Christmas?” Yuuri asks, face turned up too look at the fish swimming above their heads. 

“I don’t know.” Victor comes up to stand beside him, watching as a stim of colorful fishes swim by. 

“What do you usually do?” 

Victor sighs. When it comes to things like traditions there is no ‘usual’ for him. 

“Well, last year I spent it with Chris’ family. The year before I think I was alone. The year before that mom and I went out to a restaurant, I got to pick, since it’s my birthday.” 

“What did you say?” 

“Which part?”

“December 25th is your birthday?” Yuuri asks and Victor looks away from the shark swimming above them to look at Yuuri. The other is looking back at him with that determined and focused look he usually only gets when talking about swim competitions, regionals currently. Victor nods, holding Yuuri’s gaze.

“I didn’t know that.” 

“Why would you?” Victor shrugs. “I didn’t tell you.” 

“But you celebrated my birthday!” Yuuri protests with a pout and Victor laughs, his memory of Yuuri’s birthday a fond one. He and Chris had made an attempt of baking a cake, turning out eatable but not much more. Minami had tried to cook Yuuri’s favorite dish and burnt the pork cutlets. Yuuri had eaten it all with a fond smile. He had been serenaded in birthday songs in at least five languages and later they had watched ‘My neighbour Totoro’ while Phichit and Hikaru were acting out the parts. Later, Yuuri’s family had Skyped and everyone at the dorm got to greet them. It had been a great day. 

“Yeah, well, you didn’t tell anybody about that either. The only reason we knew was because Phichit made sure we all knew. “ Victor points out and Yuuri ducks his head, knows he’s been called out. 

“Fair, but can we celebrate yours?” Yuuri asks, leaning a little closer. Victor looks into those deep brown eyes and takes a leap of faith, heart in his hand. 

“Do you want to?” Victor asks, a little scared. It’s always been an inconvenience, his birthday, being on the day that it is. 

“Of course I do. Anything special you want to do?” 

Yuuri is beautiful painted in soft blue, cheeks red from the hot beverage. And here, underwater and alone, Victor can pretend to be brave and bold. To fold away all of his insecurities and fears down, and for a second, be free. So instead of shrugging it off and saying that it doesn’t matter, he leans a little closer and says:

“Surprise me.”

 

Surprise him, Yuuri does. Victor suspects Yuuri to have gotten some sort of cake, perhaps baked something. He expects that he’ll be feed and that Yuuri might have gotten him something. Maybe they’ll watch a movie, play some video games. It will be fun, as long as it’s with Yuuri.

He does not expect Yuuri to come down, order him into warm clothes and then drag him out the door. Two bus rides and a short walk in the softly falling snow later they reach their destination. Yuuri looks nervous, wringing his hands as he bites his lip, cheeks reddening from more than just the cold. 

“A dog shelter?” Victor asks, curious. 

“Yeah, well, I thought we could take some of them out of their cages. We did a charity thing for the shelter with the swim club last summer, so I’m familiar with some of the personnel.  I rented the dog training center that’s just behind here and we could just take some of them there.” 

He looks nervous, biting his lips and looking expectantly at Victor. 

“I love it.”

The owner picked out five dogs. A poodle called Siri, a siberian husky named Frost, a golden retriever named Ronja, a fox terrier named Ozzy, and a mix called Eros. They move the dogs to the training center, letting the dogs loose so they can just run around. While Frost, Ronja and Ozzy seems content on doing that, Siri and Eros cuddle up to Victor and Yuuri as they sit down on the floor, throwing balls to the other when they bring them. They sit and talk for awhile, before getting up and chasing the dogs around the room. Yuuri’s laugh is so pretty and Victor laughs too, carefree and so happy. After a couple of hours, they return the dogs, and Yuuri takes him back to the bus into town. They step off a few stops before their usual one and walk to the bowling alley. 

“Sorry,” Yuuri says, scrunching up his nose to emphasize his point. “There wasn’t a lot open today. I had another idea but…” Yuuri trails of eyeing the entrance. Victor reaches out and grabs his hand.    
“Looks like fun, I bet I can beat you Mr. National Champion.” 

Yuuri brightens up,  that’s all Victor really wants, and they head inside. The bowling alley is packed, but Yuuri has booked a lane, and after they order some burgers and drinks, they head towards the lanes. They are both equally competitive, cheering and vying over points. Victor laughs harder than he ever has when Yuuri takes a step too fast and slips on the slippery surface of the lanes.  Victor wins, even if he can’t remember the last time he played, and Yuuri buys him a small trophy that say ‘No 1. Bowler’ from the reception. 

“I’ll get you next time,” Yuuri says as they’re waiting for the bus, rubbing his tail bone. Victor’s smile is so big it feels like he’s going to combust from happiness. He can’t wait. 

 

When they get back, Yuuri asks him to sit back on the wooden couch in the kitchen while he prepares the food. 

“I know Minami did his best, but I’d like to try to make my favourite dish a little more justice. I think you would like it,” Yuuri says as he starts the kettle to boil some tea while he starts taking out ingredients. A cup of Victor’s favourite black tea gets handed over and then Yuuri starts to rinse out the rice. 

“Katsudon? Right?” Victor remembers Phichit and Minami talking about it in the weeks leading up to Yuuri’s birthday, searching online for  recipes and making grocery lists. 

“Yes. My mom makes the best version, but she’s showed me some tricks,” Yuuri says, small smirk on his face. 

“Is that how you got so good at cooking?” Victor sips his tea, letting it warm him from their walk from the bus stop, toes still tingling from the cold. 

“You like my cooking?” Yuuri teases and Victor rolls his eyes, mostly to tease back. “Yeah. I think I’ve told you they have a onsen with a restaurant, right?” Yuuri keeps puttering around in the kitchen, calm pace, organized. Victor loves watching Yuuri cook. He’s spent many hours in this sofa in the past months, reading poems and books for class as Yuuri cooks. Content in each others company.

“Me and my sister both needed to help out and clean and cook so I had to learn. Mom’s really so much better though.”

Victor wonders what Yuuri’s family is really like. He’s only waved at them through a computer screen and for the rest of the conversation Yuuri and them had spoken Japanese. He wonders if they’re as kind as Yuuri. As determined and fierce. Caring and considerate. He wonders if he’ll ever meet them. 

“What about you? Where did you learn to cook?” Yuuri’s seasoning some meat now, eyes focused on the food rather than Victor. He looks incredibly cute, apron and all. 

“I didn’t have much choice. It was only me so I had to learn,” he explains, sipping on the tea. Yuuri’s momentum falters and he turns to look at Victor, biting his lip before turning back to the food preparations.

“You don’t really talk about how your life was before you moved here,” Yuuri comments. Victor’s heart warms because there it is again. The offer to open up without the demand for it. Victor’s having a harder and harder time to find reasons not to. It feels good to talk about things he’s kept bottled up, to open up and share. So for the first time, he takes a giant leap of faith, and offers more than Yuuri gave him opportunity for.

“What do you want to know?”

Yuuri turns then, and the smile he gives is so radiant it sends a warm shiver all through Victor’s body. 

“You told me about your dad leaving when you were like thirteen? What about your mom?” 

Victor sits quiet for a moment, watching Yuuri coat the meat in flour as he gathers his thoughts. 

“We don’t really have the best  relationship either. I guess after we moved she was in a pretty dark place, and I might not have given her the easiest of time. We were pretty angry at the circumstances, both of us. She started dating someone pretty soon after we moved and spent a lot of time with him. I was alone for the most time.”

“Oh, that sounds rough. When was this?”

“I guess around fifteen?” 

Yuuri stops his cooking then, turning with wide eyes. 

“She left you alone when you were fifteen!?” 

Victor shrugs, a little taken aback by the strong reaction. People usually reacted with something in the line of ‘cool’ or ‘neat’. Kids that have attentive parents love the idea of getting away from them. When you don’t have your parents’ attention however... 

“Victor that’s. Wow. I’m really sorry that happened to you.” Yuuri is still looking at him and the intensity of it is making Victor squirm in his seat. 

“I guess I’m not really worth it,” Victor answers, far more bitterly than intended. He looks away, unable to sit under Yuuri’s scrutiny anymore. Shit. This was too much sharing, wasn’t it?  Victor bared his ugly scars and now Yuuri will pull back, shy away from him. That empty and lonely feeling that has been disappearing from the power of Yuuri’s constant reassurances and attention will come back again. 

There is soft patter on the floor and then Yuuri’s kneeling in front of him.  

“Hey.” 

Victor looks down at him, and even if there is a hurtful pinch in his chest, he can’t help but smile at Yuuri’s soft eyes and beautiful pink cheeks, the right one with a smudge of flour.

“Thank you for telling me,” Yuuri says and it’s so unexpected Victor feels his jaw go a little slack, eyes widening. 

“A parent's love shouldn't be about conditions. If they left you, that’s on them, not who you are or what you did,” Yuuri continues. “Besides, I think you’re kind of amazing.” With that, Yuuri taps his nose. Victor can see the smudge of white as he goes cross eyed to look at the tip of this nose to see it. Yuuri starts to giggle hysterically. 

“Yuuuriii! Watch it or I’ll retaliate.” Victor smiles, wiping his nose with his sleeve as warmth flutters in his stomach. 

“Ooh, am I gonna know the wrath of Victor Nikiforov now?” Yuuri stands again, looking down at Victor now. Victor smiles, helpless underneath the beautiful hazel gaze as he sips more of his tea.

“Naah, I’ll have mercy on you.”

Yuuri turns back to the food preparations then, and in the hum of the kitchen fan, it’s almost impossible to hear the next thing Yuuri says. 

“Yeah, I hope you do.”

 

Victor has a few shifts at the coffee shop during the days between Christmas and New Years and Yuuri seems to be hard at work swimming until his joints fall off. After a very slow shift at the coffee shop, Victor decides to take the detour past the swim hall to see if he can pick up Yuuri from practice early so they can get a headstart on dinner. They have eaten together every night since the rest of the dorm emptied out. Some nights Minami joins them and some nights they’re alone. The door to the pool deck and stands are locked, but the male locker room isn't, so Victor uses that to get in, toeing off his shoes and socks so not to get them wet. He walks past the coach offices and spots a whiteboard with a list in the one that must be Yuri’s, picture frame with a photo of him and Otabek on the desk. He takes another step closer, giggling as he sees what it says. 

 

_ Number of times Yuri has had to kick a member of the swim team out: _

_Guang Hong and Leo for having sex in the pool_ _2_

 _Phichit for trying to take a ridiculous and dangerous selfie_ _17_

 _Minami for spying on Yuuri_ _3_

 _Yuuri for over training himself like the idiot he is_ _47_

 

Victor can’t help but stop and take a picture of it, huge grin on his face as he sends it to Chris. His best friend responds almost immediately, saying he and Phichit will be coming for Leo and Guang Hong’s score. Victor sends a silent prayer to Yuri’s patience and the cleanness of the pool. 

He continues out into the pool area, lights turned off with only the blue light in the water illuminating the space. There’s a soft splashing sound and as Victor focuses on the pool he sees Yuuri, slow free strokes transporting him through the water. He hasn't spotted Victor yet and that’s just as well, for it gives Victor the opportunity to watch him without Yuuri noticing. Here, in the dim light and quiet, it’s easy to be swept away in the feelings he keeps pushing down. Feelings he knows has grown in tenfold since he and Yuuri were left almost alone. It’s addictive, being close to Yuuri, and Victor can’t help but want to continue down this path. To know more, to be more. It still scares him enough to back paddle, and the amazing thing is, Yuuri is still there when Victor comes back, always letting Victor be exactly who he is. Even if that is someone who needs to take two steps forward and one step back.

He sits down next to the pool, one lane from Yuuri, and just watches as the swim captain flows through the water in almost lazy strokes. Victor wonders if it’s some sort of cool off or endurance training. He should probably learn more about it, surrounded by swimmers as he is. Whatever it is Yuuri is doing, it’s beautiful. He watches the muscles in Yuuri’s back flex and relax as powerful arms strokes through the soft water, graceful and smooth. 

Yuuri does a few more laps, face only twisting upwards to gasp for air, before stopping at the far side of the pool. He pulls off his goggles and cap, looking up at the clock on the wall. 

“You coming home yet or do I have to put one more bar on Yuri’s board in his office?”

Yuuri jumps at the sound of Victor’s voice, clearly not noticing his presence before Victor spoke up. His shocked face turns sweet in an instant as he spots Victor on the side of the pool. The look on his face makes Victor’s heart soar. 

“Did you know that he makes us come over and clean out all of the cat hair in his couch if we pass a five count point?” Yuuri asks as he pushes himself over the lane line towards the other man.

“Wow, with your fifty counts that must mean you’ve gotten pretty good at that.” 

“Forty seven, thank you very much. And yes. How do you think we got so close?” Yuuri reaches the ladder now and makes quick work of it, giving Victor an excellent view of his body dripping with water. 

“Ew, that sounded dirty Yuuri,” Victor teases, knowing fully well that’s not what he meant.

“Oh my god no! “ Yuuri protests, stopping to turn towards Victor to shake his head and wave his arms. It gives Victor a perfect view of his abs and chest. Hot. So,  _ so _ hot. 

“Kidding,” Victor relents, leaning back as Yuuri mutters something under his breath as he reaches for a towel. 

“What do you want to eat today? Is Minami joining us?” Victor asks, trying not to be too obvious about checking Yuuri out. He has to take his chances after all. Yuuri is always bundled up in far too much baggy clothing, hiding all that raw sexiness from the world.

“No, he had a Sherlock marathon with his movie club tonight. You’ll have to make due with just me.”

“That’s how I like it best,” Victor says before realising his mistake and hastily changes the subject, not yet ready to have that full conversation hanging between them. “So, you wanna teach me how to do dumplings tonight?”

 

They end up watching movies together most nights as well, both too tired to play video games or  study. They switch who gets to choose every other night and it becomes a good mix of drama, anime, and musicals. Victor tries his best to hide that he gets teary eyed every time something remotely sad or overly sweet happens. Yuuri never teases about that, at least. Saying ‘good night’ at the end of it starts feeling more and more strange as time goes on. It feels awkward, leaving the warm apartment to walk down the stairs to his own room and lie down in the cold bed after just have been cozily wrapped in blankets in the warm sofa in the flat above. The alternative of asking to stay feels too scary though, a line Victor wants to cross but doesn't dare. Yuuri never mentions it so Victor doesn’t either. 

One morning, however, he wakes fully clothed in Yuuri’s bed instead of his own. He flushes as he realises that he must have fallen asleep and that Yuuri must have carried him in there. Just thinking about Yuuri being so strong that he can carry Victor around without waking him makes a tingling heat prickle in the gut of his stomach and he has to push that feeling down as far as he can because he can absolutely not get a hard on in Yuuri’s bed right now. The man himself isn’t in the bed, which is just as much a relief as it is a disappointment. Even if Victor realises where his feelings for Yuuri are leading, he’s definitely not ready for waking up next to Yuuri just yet, even if many of his fantasies have revolved around it. 

He jumps out of bed, walking out into the living room, finding a comforter and pillow folded on the couch, text in his phone from Yuuri saying he had early practice. A joyous warmth spreads in Victor’s body thinking about how Yuuri cares so much for his comfort and security. The  _ ‘no boys’ _ rule seems to be slipping out of Victor’s hands more and more for everyday that goes by. 

The eighth of January, after much of their lives have gone back to normal with the rest of the dorm occupants returning, Yuuri comes knocking at Victor’s door. It’s unusual. Normally, Victor comes up for dinner by seven, even if he’s trying to get some alone time to study. It’s only five thirty and Yuuri is bouncing around in the corridor like a nervous puppy. 

“Yuuri what?”

“Can I come in?”

Victor opens the door wider, letting Yuuri slip in. Chris hasn’t been home today, which either means he has a late lecture or that he’s already up in the RAs apartment with Phichit. 

Yuuri heads straight for Victor’s room, sitting down on the bed, legs bouncing. 

“Yuuri what is it?” Victor asks, the nervous energy radiating off Yuuri spreading to him as well. 

“Yakov told me today that there is a sports company that wants to sponsor me, pending how regionals go.” 

“That’s great!” Victor exclaims, smile breaking out on his face. “Yuuri, that’s wonderful, I’m so proud of you.”

“I don’t know if I should take it,” Yuuri says, looking up and Victor has to pause because this is a new version of Yuuri too. It’s close to the anxiousness, but this is more calm, almost sad. Victor sits down next to him, eyeing him closely. He tries to figure out what could have caused this reaction to such amazing news. Since becoming friends with the entire college swim team, Victor has had to learn a few things, one of them being that it’s hard to support yourself as a professional swimmer. Most keep a part time job, which is why all of the athletes on the team are also students, and all the other money comes from endorsements, price money and sponsors. Endorsements can come from the school or people who generally just wants to support you while price money is usually low if you aren't winning big competitions. Sponsoring can go a long way if someone is interested in supporting you.  For Yuuri to consider turning it down, there must be a good reason.

“Why shouldn't you?”

“The company is a little too conservative for my taste. Plus it sets up a completely different pressure on me as a competitor, winning and such.” Yuuri wrings his hands, eyes locked downwards. 

“Well, what did Yakov think?” Victor asks as he pulls his leg up onto the bed, eyeing Yuuri closely. 

“He said I should take it. Yura said I shouldn't.” 

“I think you have some good concerns, even if I think you should focus more on if it’s a company you want to represent than the score part. I know you don’t think that, but if they choose to sponsor you, all you can do is to do your best, which you already are.” 

Yuuri smiles then, it’s small and feels more like a polite thing then anything else, but it’s nice to know Yuuri listens a little to his compliments about his hard work.

“It would mean more money to send home, probably. They would probably just give some sportswear in the beginning, but the company is known to pick up upcoming athletes and support them with small things to then up their sponsorship if the athlete goes pro. It could be a long time thing.” 

Yuuri gets that contemplating look again, biting the inside of his cheek. 

“Did you have to decide now? Or do you have until regionals?” 

“Regionals. They want to see how I perform there first.” 

“Alright, then you have like a few weeks to decide. The training camp starts tomorrow, and then you leave for regionals the day after that, right?” 

There’s two sister schools that compete in a different region that’s coming to the school for a one week training camp to prepare for the event, ending in a friendly competition. The team has been buzzing about it since winter break and tomorrow it’s finally starting. Victor’s a little sad, since it means he’s not going to be able to see Yuuri as much. Still, all the swim team members claim it’s a good way to get into competition mode so Victor will have to suck it up, hopefully, he can spend more time with Yuuri when he gets home from qualifying for nationals.

“Yeah. You’re right. No need to rush things,” Yuuri agrees, smile spreading a little wider. “Thanks, Victor.” 

It’s so nice to know that Yuuri would come to him for advice when he needs it. Victor doesn’t really know what to do with that. 

 

The training camp seems to be brutal, and Victor sees almost nothing of the swim team for the entire week, including Yuuri. In a weak moment, he considers doing what Chris is doing, which is sleep in Phichit’s bed every night so they at least get to see each other for a few minutes everyday. He crushes that thought though, knowing he shouldn't disturb Yuuri now. Still, it is a nice thought. 

The dorm residents do get up to go watch the competition at the end of the week and when they enter the arena they have the great luck to run into Leo and Yuuri as they do some warm up sprints in the hallway. Victor takes advantage of the situation, pulling Yuuri in for a ‘good luck’ hug. 

“Are you going to win for me?” Victor whispers. Yuuri squeezes him a little tighter and as they pull back, that determined look on his face is back.

“Yeah. I’ll win for you.”

And when Yuuri does, right after Phichit has won his race, Chris pulls him into a hug and laughs.

“We’re just gonna be trophy boyfriends to them, aren't we?” Chris says and Victor can’t help but laugh too, bright and happy, because thinking about Yuuri being his boyfriend sends an amazing jolt of happiness through him. 

Yuuri looks up just then, spotting Victor and a huge grin breaks out over his face. He points up and mouths ‘All you’, referencing to the win and Victor thinks that this must truly be how it feels to be silly, silly in love.  

He thinks that he should ask Yuuri out, after he has changed. That would be a great prize after all, for all the hard work Yuuri has done, both in and out of the water. Plus that means Victor can celebrate with Yuuri all alone. 

His phone vibrates with a call coming in and Victor looks down, seeing the contact ID of Richard Johansson lighting up the screen. Victor directly declines the call, frowning. Since this summer and the horrible sex that thankfully didn’t happen, Victor has heard nothing from Richard. He’s removed him from social media and had thought he had removed his contact as well, apparently not. The call disappears and on the display sits four messages from Richard. He opens the phone, sitting down in his seat. 

 

**Richard Johansson**

_ 15.34 _

Well, I never expected to see you here

[img.jpg]

Looking as good as ever 

You into swimming now, or just swimmers? 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, please let me know what you think in the comment section or on other platforms like:  
> [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/linisen) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/mjaoue)


	11. Heartbreak #7 - Victor and the Ghosts of his past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which, Victor breaks his own heart in the name of love because of the ghosts of his past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SORRY
> 
>  
> 
> *hand's out offering*  
> Remember the library scene in chapter 8? Now there is art! Please check it out [here](https://linisen.tumblr.com/post/184486459826/new-chapter-of-7-ways-to-break-victor-nikiforovs) or at the end of chapter 8.

Victor keeps staring down at the phone in disbelief. It feels like all of the blood has left his body as he stares down at the picture of himself, mid-cheer, in the stands. It must have been taken only minutes ago, during Yuuri’s last race. He looks up at the stands on the opposite side, searching for a second and almost drops the phone in his hand as he spots him. It’s unmistakable, now that he’s really looking. Richard looks just the same, same t-shirts and jeans and frame and Victor feels like he’s in a nightmare. His phone vibrates again and he unlocks it, reading the new messages.  

 

**Richard Johansson**

_ 15.40 _

You were cheering pretty hard, Yuuri a friend of yours?

 

Rage surges up in Victor by the mentioning of Yuuri’s name and even if he doesn't mean to his eyes dart down, searching for the other man. Yuuri must have already left, a new row of swimmers getting ready to compete. His phone buzzes again. 

 

**Richard Johansson**

_ 15.42 _

You like him or something?

 

**Me**

_ 15.43 _

None of your fucking business

What are you doing here?

**Richard Johansson**

_ 15.44 _

My boyfriend competes against yours

Emanuel

Is that it? Yuuri’s your boyfriend?

**Me**

_ 15.45 _

Emanuel? What happened to Paul?

**Richard Johansson**

_ 15.45 _

Didn’t work out

**Me**

_ 15.46 _

Shocking

Good bye

**Richard Johansson**

15.46

WAIT

Can’t we talk?

**Me**

_ 15.47 _

No

**RIchard Johansson**

_ 15.48 _

[img.jpg]

Didn’t want to do this

But if you wont listen

 

Victor stares down at the new picture. It’s from two years ago, a screenshot off one of the times Victor had touched himself in a webcam for Richard. The cold feeling in his body from seeing Richard gets replaced by a white hot rage, body flooding with warmth. 

**Me**

_ 15.50 _

Why do you have that?

**Richard Johansson**

_ 15.52 _

Will you come talk to me now?

**Me**

_ 15.54 _

NO!   
Delete it!

Now!

**Richard Johansson**

_ 15.56 _

No. 

I heard Yuuri got some sponsors interested

I’m pretty sure they don’t want their new recruit being 

together with someone who has pictures like this online.

**Me**

_ 16.01 _

What do you want?

**Richard Johansson**

_ 16.01 _

Come to my hotel room. 

Finish what we started this summer

**Me**

_ 16.02 _

What about Emanuel?

**Richard Johansson**

_ 16.03 _

I miss you baby

**Me**

_ 16.05 _

Fuck off

**Richard Johansson**

_ 16.06 _

Rather fuck you instead

**Me**

_ 16.07 _

I’m not coming to your room

There is nothing between me and Yuuri

Whatever you do won’t affect him

I’m blocking you now

If you post it I’m going to the police

 

Tears start to burn his eyes. Victor has to get away, has to be anywhere but here, where Richard can’t see him, where anyone can’t see him. He rises, making a quick way out of the stands to rush down the stairs. He hears his friends call for him but he doesn't turn, desperate to get out, get some air. He’s darting between small crowds of people in the lobby when he almost runs straight into someone as they step into what looked like a clear path. Victor looks up, ready to apologize when he’s met with familiar brown eyes. 

Yuuri sees Victor’s distress instantly, because of course he fucking does. This is a danger of letting someone in that Victor didn’t anticipate. Now, it’s not only his heart he has to break, he has to break Yuuri’s too. 

“Victor.” Yuuri looks completely shocked, holding onto Victor’s forearms to steady him, eyes darting across his face as if it could give him an answer. “What’s wrong?”

“Just let me go okay?” Victor pleads, trying to rip away from Yuuri’s grip. Yuuri lets go instantly and Victor’s grateful and hates it all the same. 

“Tell me what’s happening,” Yuuri asks, body leaning forward as if he wants to grab onto Victor again, comfort him. Make things right. 

“No,” Victor says, shaking his head as the tears starts to spill down his face. 

“Victor, please,” Yuuri pleads and the hurt in his eyes are enough for Victor to realise that he can’t do this now, he can’t  break both of their hearts in one of Yuuri’s favorite places, in front of far too many people. He cares for him too much,  _ loves him _ too much. 

So instead, he runs. 

Victor doesn’t go home like he should. He runs until he’s out of breath and his feet hurt and then he walks around until it gets dark and the tears stop flowing down his face, phone turned off. He walks until he remembers  the party Sara and Mila had tried to talk him into going to all week. This week he’s been trying to summon the courage to ask Yuuri out after his competition. Now that will never happen. Now, Victor will probably have pictures of himself in several states of nakedness all over the internet and never be able to get a serious job as a journalist. All the money spent on college for nothing. 

He finds the party, the kitchen filled with booze, and grabs a bottle of vodka and starts chugging away. The alcohol goes straight to his head and it’s such a beautiful numbing feeling he has to chug more of it, chasing more of the void. When he’s in a severe state of drunkenness, Sara finds him. She’s equally drunk, which is is an amazing relief. 

“Victor!” She shouts, plopping down with her own drink in hand next to him on the floor smiling brightly. “We looked for you. Everyone was so worried. But I found you! Yay me!” 

“Yay you!” Victor cheers with her, tipping his half full bottle towards her before taking another drink. 

“Do you want to dance? I saw some cute boys on the dance floor?” Sara points at something, Victor has no idea what, while trying to sit up straight but failing. Victor giggles and then gives her a very serious stare.    
“No Sara. I decided no boys, there will be no boys!”

Sara giggles too, then hiccups and then giggles again. 

“We play on the same team then, I’ve sworn off boys too.”

“I don’t think how that’s how it works,” Victor frowns. The world has started to spin and he has to lie down a little to make it stop. He closes his eyes, remembering how pretty Yuuri’s lashes are when they fan out over his cheeks. He’s just about to tell Sara when a familiar voice interrupts that line of thought.

“Shit. Sara, you found Victor?”

“Yep!” Sara says, popping the p. “Yay!” 

“Here I aaaam!” Victor sing songs, trying to sit up, the room swaying far too much as he does, so he forgoes that idea. 

“Shit, shit.  Victor are you drunk?” Mila asks, kneeling in front of him. 

“Yep!” Victor echoes Sara’s previous answer. 

“How much did you drink?” 

Victor holds up the bottle of vodka that is now more empty than full. “This was unopened when I got to it.”

“Shit, shit, shit. I’m calling Yuuri,” Mila says, digging into her pocket to pull out her phone. Victor tries to grab it, but Mila is too fast and holds it out of reach, scrolling on it while holding Victor upright with her other hand. 

“Nooo, no Yuuri.” Victor protests, the memory of Yuuri’s sad eyes from the afternoon playing in his mind. 

“Why?” Sara asks, eyes wide. 

“He’s too good and I broke his heart.” Victor explains, trying to grab Sara’s drink. Mila takes it as soon as he reaches it and places it behind her back. Beside him, Sara gasps.   
“Victor, you can’t do that. Yuuri has the purest of hearts.”

“I know. That’s why I had to break it!” Victor protests and both girls are frowning at him now, clearly not understanding Victor’s excellent explanation. On the floor, Mila’s phone lays, the phone signals going through from the speaker as Mila tries to keep Victor from falling down on the floor.

“Hello?”

“Yuuri, I found him,” Mila answers, holding Victor back again as he tries to reach the bottle. Victor pouts at her, but the room is spinning far too much to try to grab it again.

“What? Where?” 

There’s rustling in the background and Victor wonders what Yuuri was doing, if he was thinking about Victor too. 

“At the party. He’s pretty drunk,” Mila answers just as Sara shouts ‘Hi Yuuri!’. 

“I’m coming,” Yuuri says and Victor can’t help but smile at how cute Yuuri sounds. He always does though. Because he always is. Cute that is. Shit, everything is really spinning. 

“Yuuri, don’t you dare go get him!” Phichit’s voice comes through the speaker. It’s lower than Yuuri’s, probably speaking in the background.

“Shut up, Phichit!” Yuuri shouts. There's more rustling and then they can hear Phichit call out for Yuuri before a door slams shut. 

“Okay, so where are you?”

When Victor sees Yuuri his heart does a flip, because Yuuri looks like the cutest thing Victor has ever seen. He’s all soft in a big coat and his hair is all fluffy and Victor desperately wants to run his fingers through it. 

“Yuuriiiiiii,” he shouts from his position sitting on the floor, head lolling to the side. He should get up, so he can hold Yuuri. Yuuri always looks so cuddly. Except when he’s about to swim. Then he’s hot. So hot. Sexy. 

“Victor you’re so thirsty!” Sara giggles next to him, rubbing her nose. 

Oh, Victor must have said it out loud. 

Yuuri sees them and hurries over, opening his coat on the way. He must be so warm. The party is so hot and Yuuri has a huge coat on. He always has big clothes on, it’s a shame, really. 

“Yuuri!” Victor says, reaching up when Yuuri comes into somewhat touching distance. There is something sad in Yuuri’s eyes. Victor hates it. 

“Hey, how are you doing?” Yuuri asks, kneeling in front of him. Yuuri’s a few feet away and Victor realises it’s too far away to reach, even if he leans forward. He also realises that leaning forward makes him a little dizzy, even if Mila has taken the vodka bottle and fed him chips and water for the last fifteen minutes. 

“I’m very drunk Yuuri,” Victor tells him, trying to sound serious, because Yuuri needs to know he’s being honest. Yuuri chuckles a little, eyes warm but still sad. 

“I can see that. How are you feeling?”

Victor takes a minute to really feel. Because he really should answer truthfully. 

“Dizzy. My heart hurts.”

“What? Why? Since when?” Yuuri says, leaning closer and the panic in his eyes is adorable. Yuuri’s being so worried about him. Victor should marry him. Oh, but he can’t. Because of stupid Richard and super stupid past Victor. 

“Uhm. Since forever. Or you know. A long time. But then I met you. And it didn’t hurt as much. But then I couldn't be with you. So now it hurts again,” Victor explains. Yuuri looks even more sad now and that’s even worse. He shouldn't be sad. Yuuri is the kindest person Victor knows, he should always be happy.  

“Yuuri. Why are you so sad?”   
“Let’s get you home okay?”

Victor can’t walk without tripping, so Yuuri wraps him up in the extra jacket he brought and zips his own up, lifting Victor like he weighs nothing. It’s amazing. Victor should have Yuuri carry him everywhere with his strong swimmer arms wrapped around his thighs. 

“You’re so sweet, Yuuri,” Victor mumbles into his coat as Yuuri carries him across campus, chill of the night feeling good against Victor’s warm skin. “I can’t be with you though. I’ll just ruin everything with my mess.” Victor needs Yuuri to understand, since it’s all Victor’s fault. 

“What if I want your mess?” Yuuri asks, turning his head so his nose tickles Victor throat. It’s a lovely feeling. Yuuri is lovely. 

“Nobody wants a mess,” Victor says sternly because they don’t. Victor has been a mess long enough to know that.

“I do. If it’s you I want it all,” Yuuri says, breath ghosting over Victor’s throat and it’s perfect. Just like Yuuri always is.

“I’ll think about it,” Victor promises, head starting to feel heavy as the rhythmic bouncing of Yuuri’s walking slowly making him feel sleepy. 

“Thank you,” Yuuri says, pressing his nose a little deeper into Victor throat before pulling back, focusing forward. 

“You have weird requests, Yuuri. You really should have higher standards, national champion and all,” Victor teases, the tight knot in his chest a little looser now. Yuuri always knows what to say to make him feel better.    
“I think I have exceptionally high standards. I’ve never wanted anyone like I want you,” Yuuri whispers into the cold January night and Victor wraps his arms closer, trying to slow his racing heart. 

“You can’t say things like that. It makes me fall in love with you.”

“Do you not want to be in love with me?” Yuuri sounds calm, but his voice trembles a little. Victor doesn’t know if it’s from the cold, the strain from carrying Victor or something else.

“It doesn't matter. I don’t think I could stop if I tried,” Victor admits. 

“I’ll give you all the time you need then.”

 

The next morning, Victor wakes in his own bed, pyjamas clad and with aspirin, water and mouthwash on his nightstand, trashcan next to him on the floor. He groans and squeezes his eyes shut, because his head feels like it’s going to explode. He sits up, the world no longer spinning, like it did last night, which is a good sign. He reaches for the pills and the bottle of water and starts taking small sips. He should probably try to get it all down if he’s to ever feel human again. Last night's a blur, even if he thinks he remembers most of it, the taste of vodka still on the back of his tongue. He had really made a mess. A dull pain pounds in his chest, thinking about Yuuri’s warm hands on his thighs and nose against his throat. It had felt so good. Better than when anyone else has touched him. He wishes he could have Yuuri’s hands on him all the time.

He’s gotten about halfway through the water bottle when the door to his bedroom swings open, smacking into the wall with a far too loud bang. Victor winces at the high noise, rubbing his temples again. When he looks up he spots Chris leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed and expression stern. Victor sighs, he feels a lecture coming and he doesn’t have the patience for it today, maybe not this week, or ever.

“Morning,” Chris says. “Have a good time last night?” The question is highly sarcastic and Victor has no energy to deal with that attitude right now. 

“Fuck off.”  

Chris arches an eyebrow and Victor thinks that it’s only because they have been friends for a long time that Chris doesn’t bite back. He only sighs and walks in to sit down on the bed next to him. Victor wonders when they last spent time together, just the two of them. 

“What happened?” Chris asks. He sounds tired. Like he’s been up all night. “I know we haven’t talked much since, whenever, but it seemed like you were happier. That things were good with Yuuri.” 

Yuuri. Victor had been such an ass to Yuuri. And amazing, wonderful, beautiful Yuuri had been just as kind and lovely as always. Victor looks over at his friend. Chris knows most of his dirty secrets, has lived through them. 

“Remember Richard?” Victor says, sipping on his water. His hair is braided and he wonders if Yuuri braided it for him. He can’t remember. 

Chris frowns as he looks as him, small nod. 

“Johansson? Uhm, yeah? Of course I remember that jerk. Why? I hardly think Yuuri would be anything like that if that’s what you’re worried about.” 

Victor knows he’s not. Deep down, underneath all of his fears of being hurt again or used, he knows Yuuri is a good person who only has his best interest at heart. That Yuuri wouldn’t open up to him like he has if he wasn’t serious. 

“He was at the race yesterday.”

Chris is still looking at him, quiet. Victor takes a deep chug of the water and looks down at the bottle in his lap.

“Remember how we used to cam a lot?” 

Chris is still looking puzzled, just nodding as answer. Victor takes a deep breath, gathering himself. His head is still pounding. 

“Apparently he screen saved some of it and he- he said that if I didn’t go to him yesterday he would post them.” 

The change in Chris is instant. All that fire that he’s always showed in protecting Victor flares up and he flies of the bed, eyes wide.

“WHAT!?”

Victor lets out a huff of laughter, bitter and angry. “Yeah.”

“That jerk! I’m gonna kill him! You didn’t go did you? Victor please, please tell me-”

“I didn’t go.” 

Chris deflates a little and Victor smiles, despite the hollow feeling in his chest and the pain in his head. Chris is a good friend. He’s missed him. 

“Thank god,” Chris says as he flops down on the bed again, laying down this time. “I don’t see how this has anything to do with Yuuri though?” 

“He, Richard, he knew about Yuuri’s sponsors and he said…” It hurts so much to think about it, to say it makes it so real, that he can never be with Yuuri. “He said that if Yuuri was with me he would never be able to get sponsors, because it would be a scandal. And besides, it’s not like I’m going to be able to get any good job after that.”

“I hate him,” Chris says, balling his hands into fists. “I don’t think Yuuri would care though. Seriously, screw that jerk.” 

“I know.” The pain of losing Yuuri before even having him pains Victor so much tears spring up in his eyes. It feels like someone's pushed a dagger into his heart and he’s bleeding out on the carpet. “But how can I do that to Yuuri, Chris? Richard’s right. If he posts those pictures it could ruin both of our lives. You see how Yuuri hates the attention around school. What if this comes out just when he has his big break or something like that? I can’t do that to him.” The tears are flowing down his cheeks now, the headache increasing and sobs loud in the bare room. 

“Oh, Victor.” Chris sits up and gathers him in his arms, holds him tight as Victor cries, and cries and cries as his heart bleeds. 

“I’m so in love with him, Chris. I don’t know what to do.” 

 

The swim races aren't shown on any tv channel, being only regionals. The swim team facetimes throughout the race from the stands instead, and Seung Gil has managed to set his phone up with the tv screen so everyone can watch. The dorm room residents cuddle up with blankets and candies and watch as Guang Hong and Leo qualify for their respective distances, coming up to the screen to celebrate. Minami just misses, but is happy nonetheless. 

“Next year!” he says, determinedly, with a wink into the camera and everyone cheers. 

Victor has had a hard time deciding if he should write something to Yuuri. If he would help or only make it worse. Just before the 200m free swim race he scrambles for his phone and quickly types out. 

**Me**

I believe in you

Do your best

 

When Yuuri comes into view, Victor’s stomach drops. He looks a mess, even in the grainy reception of the facetime call it’s obvious. His eyes are downcast, shoulders slumped, hands trembling at his sides. Victor desperately wants to reach out though the screen, to touch his cheek, to hold him. Reassure him. He’s not sure if it’s the anxiety Yuuri talked about before or if this is his fault, if he broke him completely. Maybe a bit of both. It hurts to see either way. 

Victor cries again then, silent tears that start slowly, stream down his face as he watches the man he’s in love with step up to the block for the race he’s been fighting towards for months, already looking defeated. Phichit, on the other hand, looks absolutely furious as he steps up. Victor is pretty sure that’s directed at him. If he remembers the drunken night correctly, Phichit wasn’t too happy with him. There’s probably going to be hell to pay when they come home. Maybe Victor should just make it easier for everyone and move out. He looks around the room, eyeing the worried glaces on his friends, wondering what it would be like to move into one of the dorm rooms the school has. Lonely, he’s sure, but then again, Victor is used to being lonely. 

The line of men step up and he can see Phichit turn to say something to Yuuri, who only answers with a sharp nod, before they both pull the goggles and get into position. The starter pistol goes off and all the men jump into the water, but Victor only has eyes for one. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Gives out kladdkaka (sticky cake) and hugs.*
> 
> Want a pick me up? Check out that pretty art ; [here](https://linisen.tumblr.com/post/184486459826/new-chapter-of-7-ways-to-break-victor-nikiforovs) or at the end of chapter 8.
> 
>  
> 
> Thank you for reading, please let me know what you think in the comment section or on other platforms like:  
> [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/linisen) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/mjaoue)


	12. Mending: Falling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Betaed by the lovely [takeitoffhemmo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/takeitoffhemmo)

Victor breathes out a sigh of relief. Yuuri made it. He qualifies for the national championship in the 200m free swim and Victor’s heart is pounding so hard he can hardly breathe. He did it. Yuuri did it. He worked so hard and he had done it. As soon as that pistol went of something changed, and even if Yuuri didn’t look as fierce as he did in the sectionals swim he had looked strong and sure. Victor wonders what Phichit could have said to make Yuuri change his attitude so fast. 

The team are gone for the entire weekend, and Yuuri has several races the upcoming days. He doesn't look as strong as in the sectional ones there either, and misses to qualify in the 400m race, but gets to move on on the longer distances. The team just makes it in the relay as well. Yuuri is stronger in that one but instead it’s Phichit and Leo who waiver a little. 

There’s a tension in the dorm building after the races are done. The absence of three of the residents leaves an empty and hollow feeling and they all seem to feel it. The weighing feeling got too much for Victor, and the morning that the swim team is supposed to arrive back he wakes before the sun has risen. There was a nightmare filled with pounding pain, gut wrenching hollowness, Yuuri and crying and Victor wakes with a startle, panting. He grabs a change of clothes, a pair of jeans and a hoodie he may or may not have stolen out of Yuuri’s room yesterday. He ties his hair up in a knot on his head, grabs Chris’ car keys and drives up to the lookout point on the mountain that overlooks the city. He parks as close as he can get and walks the last few meters before crawling up on the wall, sitting down. The city is still asleep, a  few cars moving through it but otherwise it’s the streetlights that brightens the area, the houses still dark. 

The air is cold, and Victor nuzzles into his thick jacket, thinking about how cute Yuuri had looked when he came and got Victor off the floor of some stupid party, trying to drink his pain away. How good it had felt with Yuuri’s nose tucked into his throat. How his heart flutters in his chest everytime Yuuri laughs or smiles or sneezes. God, he’s so gone. 

He wonders how much of the others know of his and Yuuri’s relationship. Has Yuuri talked about it with them? Has he talked to Phichit? Chris? Yuuri hasn't even talked about his feelings with Victor, which Victor finds a little strange but maybe it’s been implied. Victor doesn’t like implied. Doesn’t trust it. Implied feelings led to him trusting Erik, trusting Richard. Both of which ended up complete disasters so Victor needs more. If he’s going to take a chance on this, he needs something real. 

These last few days without Yuuri have been torture. Victor hadn’t realised he has gotten so attached, but he guesses that’s what comes with the love thing. He can feel his resolve crack already. The ‘no boys’ rule has been slipping for a long time. He can see it when he looks back. Maybe since he first laid eyes on Yuuri. Maybe the first time Yuuri made him laugh, maybe it was that time in the library. 

His resolve about keeping away from Yuuri because of Richard has also been crackling, crumbling to pieces as the minutes apart track on. If he tells Yuuri, will he understand? Will he step back from this, whatever they are? That would probably be easier. Will he still want Victor when he knows all his cracked nooks and crannies, has seen the ugly and dark? Will he leave, decide Victor isn’t worth it?

Victor wants Yuuri so much it pains him. It hurts to be without him, both with the actual distance and with the ridge Victor has created between them. How would it be to be Yuuri’s? Would Yuuri kiss him in the mornings, kiss him in front of any and everyone? Would he introduce him to his family? Hold him during the night? Would sex with Yuuri be good? Loving? Hot? Overwhelming like everyone else seems to feel? Victor has gotten aroused with partners, wanted it to some extent, but they never cared for his pleasure. Would Yuuri?

The sun rises as he sits there, nose and cheeks cold in the January air. Breaths turning into clouds as he tries to gather his thoughts. He doesn’t cry, even if there’s still pain in his chest. None of these questions will answer themselves. In reality, Victor has already decided. He yields to the silent storm that is Katsuki Yuuri. Bares his throat, admits defeat. It’s up to Yuuri now, he supposes.

* * *

 

When he steps into the RA’s apartment around lunch, after showering the lingering cold in his bones away, the place is empty and quiet. There seems to only be one person there and that's just what Victor has hoped for. Yuuri is sitting in the armchair Guang Hong and Leo brought after Christmas, big and soft and he fits so perfect in it, big headphones over his ears. He’s looking the opposite direction of the door, eyes seemingly staring out the window as his fingers tap a rhythm on the arm rest. The black locks fall against pale skin on his neck, sweater soft cream color. Victor’s heart aches. 

He walks in, rounding the armchair to sit on the couch. For a moment, Yuuri says nothing, only watches him with a soft smile, fingers continuing to tap. After a while, maybe when the song ends, he pulls the headphones off. 

“Hi.” Yuuri’s voice is soft, eyes warm and Victor wants to move forward now. For how slowly they’ve been moving towards each other, every centimeter between them now feels like light years. 

“Hi.” 

“You have a minute for me?”  

If it’s a question of want, Victor wonders if the answer will ever be no. 

“Yes.”

Yuuri makes them tea and sits down opposite Victor on the couch, close but not touching. He looks down into the cup as he speaks. 

“I’ve had a lot of time to think these last few days. I think I’ve narrowed it down to a few possibilities. The first one is that I’ve just vastly misread this...” Yuuri waives his hand between them and Victor considers reaching out to grab it, lace their fingers together like that time when they walked to class together and Victor talked about his parents divorce. He doesn’t, he wants to hear what Yuuri has to say. “...and that I have made advances that have been unwanted. If that’s the case then I’m so, so sorry. I never wanted to make you uncomfortable or pressure you into anything,” Yuuri says looking up with a pained expression.   
“That’s not it,” Victor admits.

“Okay, so then I'm left with that something must have happened. Before the last day of the training camp things were so good. We were-” Yuuri cuts himself off, swallowing as if it’s painful to think about how happy they were during the Christmas break and the weeks leading up to the training camp. It hurts Victor too.  “Anyway. I figured I must have done something because I can’t wrap my head around what changed.”

“You're not completely wrong.“   
“Okay. So I blew it?” Yuuri asks on an exhale, breathless and hurt. There’s tears in his eyes. 

“No. It wasn't you. You didn’t do anything bad Yuuri. You always- You’ve taken such good care of me. I - It was something else.” Victor doesn’t know why it’s so hard to just say it, explain. He usually doesn’t tell anybody anything, he keeps it all bottled up and under closed wraps. He doesn’t know where to start. Yuuri is looking at him, contemplating and biting his lip before straightening a little. 

“Then tell me something. Do you like me? As more than a friend I mean?”

Victor’s heart beats so fast it feels like it’s going to overwork itself and stop in his chest. 

“Yes. Yes, Yuuri, so much.” Victor can feel the tears in his own eyes too, threatening to spill over. Yuuri smiles then, eyes turning warm and gentle. 

Yuuri places his cup on the table before reaching out, closing the distance as his hands met Victor’s, finally lacing their fingers together. 

“Me too Victor I- I’ve never felt like I feel for you for anyone, anything.” Yuuri squeezes his hands, warm and firm. “Please tell me what happened.”

Victor is so scared, terrified that he will rip his heart out, place it in Yuuri’s hands and when Yuuri has looked at all the faults in it, will give it back, saying he wants nothing more than friendship from Victor. He’s come to an edge, and now he has to trust in Yuuri to keep taking care of him as he falls.

Victor starts at the beginning. He tells him that he met Richard at his old job and that they traded phone numbers, how the conversation started like friends and then moved towards something else. He tries to explain how he felt coaxed into what they did, without it sounding like he’s looking for sympathy or that he’s exaggerating. He tries to explain how lonely he was and how desperate he was for attention. Victor can see it now, looking back at it. How destructive his decisions were, fueled by the ache in his heart. Yuuri sits quiet. Listens through the quick re-encounters of Victor and Richard’s interactions. Victor tries not to look at Yuuri’s expression, terrified. Instead he keeps his eyes glued to their joined hands as Yuuri’s thumbs caresses the side of his palms.  He reaches the last interaction, the part from the final day of the swim camp.

“I really thought I would never see him again, and then just after you had swam the 200m I got a call, and it was him. I ignored it but then I saw a bunch of messages and well. I think he saw how I looked at you. That he got jealous. Long story short, he wanted me to come see him. I said I didn't want to and then he sent me a screenshot of one of the times we video chatted. He said he would publish the pictures if I didn’t.”

Yuuri’s hands tightens their grip and Victor dares to look up. For all the versions of Yuuri he has seen, knows, he has never seen this one. Yuuri’s jaw set hard, eyes dark as a thunderstorm. He looks furious.

“That it would mess with your sponsorship if we were in a relationship,” Victor continues eyes locked with Yuuri’s deep brown ones. The rage that seems to be boiling in Yuuri fade a little as his eyes widen, searching Victor’s eyes. 

“Did you go?” 

It’s fear, Victor realises, in the tremble of Yuuri’s voice. Fear that Victor did something he didn't want for Yuuri. Fear that Victor has hurt himself for the sake of Yuuri’s career. It feels strange to have someone care so much that they fear for Victor, it sends trembling warmth through him. 

“No. I told him we are just friends and that publishing them would have no impact on you. But that means…” Victor has to look down now, pain surging up in his heart again as the tears that’s been burning in his eyes slowly start to drip down his face. “Yuuri, that means you can’t be with me. Because I did some stupid shit, and now it could ruin your career.“

Yuuri lets go of his hands and for a second Victor thinks he was right, that Yuuri will pull away now, agree. Instead, Yuuri’s hands land on his cheeks, getting wet by the tears, his forehead tipped forward to rest against Victor’s.

“I don’t care about that,” he whispers in the small space between them, breath ghosting over Victor’s lips.   
“What?” Victor’s voice cracks as the tears continues to spill.

“I don’t care about some stupid sponsorship if that’s the price for it.” 

That’s idiotic, Victor isn't worth that. 

“But Yuuri, you want to swim!” he protests, trying to put some force behind it. It doesn't really work since he’s still crying and shaking. 

“I can still swim without the sponsors. That’s not the issue,” Yuuri says, straightening so he can look Victor in the eyes better. 

“You hate being in the spotlight like that! What if this blows up just as you make it into international competitions or win something? This will probably never go away,” Victor tries to protest, tries to make Yuuri understand the extent of this. 

“You’re worth that.” Yuuri looks so sure, determined, just like before he’s swimming. “You’re worth more than all of that.”

Victor is taken back, jaw dropping open as his heart races in his chest. Because he’s not. He’s been an idiot kid who didn’t think about the consequences of his actions and now someone vindictive is trying to ruin both of their lives. It’s even worse now that he knows Yuuri feels the same. It’s so cruel, to be given someone as amazing as Yuuri, and not be able to have him. 

“I’m not!” Victor protests, moving backwards, but for once, Yuuri doesn’t let go. He holds on and even if Victor manages to increase the space between them Yuuri’s hands stay on his cheeks, thumbs stroking his cheekbones. 

“Don’t you dare say that. You are the most mesmerising person I have ever met. You’re so smart, and charming and kind. You care so much and give so much of yourself all the time and I can’t stop gravitating towards you. All the shit you’ve gone though and you’re still so strong, and I get the feeling I’ve only heard parts of that. If that shit comes we’ll deal with it together. You and me. If you want me like that, if you’ll have me.“

It’s too much. Victor can feel his resolve slipping, like sand running through his fingers, unable to grasp. Yuuri still looks determined, but sad and longing all at once and it causes Victor to finally crumble. 

“Yes. Yes I want you like that.”

He only sees the smile on Yuuri’s lips for a second before he closes his eyes, head tilted to press against Yuuri’s soft lips, hands coming up to tangle in Yuuri’s hair. The kiss is chaste only a few seconds, before Yuuri grips his sides and pulls him closer, into his lap. Chests press together as Yuuri opens his mouth, coaxing Victor to do the same. Victor can taste the salt on his own lips as he does, tears salty sweet as Yuuri deepens the kiss more, grabbing hard at Victor sides as if he’s an anchor in the storm. They kiss until they’re breathless and Yuuri’s hands have tangled in his hair, hair tie fallen out sometime during the heavy kissing. When Victor opens his eyes, Yuuri’s smiling, bright like sunshine, and Victor has to smile back, warmth and joy flooding through him.

“I never wanted anyone like this.“ Yuuri breathes as he kisses Victor again, a peck on his lips, tip of his nose, his jaw. Victor laughs, not finding words to describe what he feels. It’s new, bright, bold and wonderful. 

“Are you going to be my boyfriend now?” Yuuri asks, as if he still needs to make sure, as if he still can’t believe it.

“Yes.”

“Oh thank god.”

* * *

 

They move over to Yuuri’s bedroom after they’ve eaten lunch, laying down to lazily kiss on the bed. It’s strange how natural this feels, to sink into Yuuri and just be. To touch and be touched, lips only leaving to attach themselves again. It’s amazing. Being with someone has never felt like this before. Victor has always felt so aware of everything he was doing when kissing his exes, trying to imagine in his head how to bend or touch to be what they wanted. With Yuuri it comes naturally. His hands roams freely over Yuuri’s body, caresses and touches exploring. He has wanted this for so long, longed for this since before he was even consciously aware of it. Yuuri has enchanted him, and Victor wants nothing more now than to be with him. If the world is going to work against them, he will take Yuuri’s words to heart. He will stand strong next to him, for as long as Yuuri will have him. 

When the door to the apartment opens and Phichit calls out a  _ ‘I’m home!’  _ followed by Chris’ ‘ _ Hi!’  _ Victor presses closer to Yuuri, resting his head against his sternum. 

“I don’t want to go out there,” he admits. Yuuri’s hands are making lazy patterns on his back and Victor buries deeper into Yuuri’s chest. 

“Okay, why?”

“It’s been pretty tense for a few days, since you left. And I’m pretty sure Phichit is mad at me.” Victor sighs, turning his head up to leave a small peck on Yuuri’s lips. “Mostly I just don’t want to share you right now. “ 

Yuuri hums, fingers treading through his hair. He looks uncertain in a way he usually doesn’t. “Do you not want them to know?” 

Theres is something hidden in Yuuri’s voice, slightly trembling. Victor looks at him, fear pooling in his gut.

“Do  _ you _ not want them to know?” Victor asks, dreading the answer. He hopes Yuuri wants them to. That he’s not embarrassed by Victor or this thing between them. Yuuri’s smile is small, as if he’s holding back. 

“I do. But if you don’t feel comfortable-” 

Victor cuts him of with a kiss, basically pouncing on him as he rolls them so he’s on top of Yuuri. It’s not much of a kiss, since Victor’s smiling too widely now, joy filling him to the brim. 

“You want our friends to know you like me?” Victor asks, blush high on his cheekbones. Yuuri smiles too, moving Victor’s ponytail back behind his shoulder. 

“In love with you,” Yuuri corrects, and Victor’s heart soars. It’s beating so hard that if he didn’t feel happiness rushing through him, adrenaline mixed with endorphins, he might think he was having a heart attack. “Besides,” Yuuri continues. “I think I want to tell the world.”

“The world?” Victor askes, a little breathless. Yuuri nods. 

“You drive me crazy, you know that? Just thinking about you wanting to be my boyfriend makes me wanna do backflips.”   
It’s too much. Victor can’t contain all his feelings as he rolls off Yuuri, hiding his face in his hands and letting out a shriek. Beside him, Yuuri laughs and when Victor has managed to let out enough of the energy that’s threatening to make him explode he removes his hands from his face. Yuuri is looming over him now, eyes glittering with warmth and joy. He’s so beautiful. Crazy beautiful. 

“Cute,” Yuuri says, leaning down to kiss Victor again. Victor’s hands wind around Yuuri’s neck, pulling him closer as he opens up, wanting to taste Yuuri. Yuuri sighs into the kiss and Victor moves on impulse, drawn in as he pushes himself up, pressing their bodies closer together. 

“Yuuri, I know things suck but- Oh.” Phichit’s voice rings though the room, door open  to the living room. 

Yuuri pulls back, regrettably, and Victor lets out a soft sigh out of frustration at being interrupted. They should have locked the door. Is there even a lock on the door? Victor will have to get one if there isn’t. He opens his eyes, turning towards the door, unsurprisingly seeing Phichit standing there, fidgeting. Chris’ head pops up by his side, giving Victor a thumbs up. 

“Knocking?” Yuuri asks and even if Victor can’t fully see his face from this angle he seems annoyed. Victor pushes up to sit too, then, a little awkward now. He wants to tuck himself underneath Yuuri’s arm, bury his face in his neck. Instead, he sits a little behind him, unsure of what's allowed now. 

“Sorry,” Phichit says, looking a little sheepish for the first time in what Victor suspects must be his entire life.  “I didn’t suspect this, really.” 

“Yeah,” Yuuri says, turning back towards Victor with a wide smile, pulling him closer. Victor goes willingly, still so amazed that he gets to be with Yuuri like this. That Yuuri wants to be seen with Victor like this. Yuuri tucks him into his side, arm draped across Victor’s back. It’s warm and comforting and when Yuuri places his nose just above Victor’s hair to inhale for a second, seemingly forgetting the fidgeting best friend in the door, Victor can’t hold back the smile forming on his face. 

“Wow. Okay. Get a room,” Chris says and Victor laughs, the joy from before less intense now but still filling him completely. Yuuri gestures to the actual bedroom they’re in with his free hand and then Phichit laughs too, a little strained. He looks tense and Victor presses closer to Yuuri, not ready to deal with whatever lecture Phichit might want to give him. 

“So this worked out?” Phichit still sounds unconvinced but Yuuri feels relaxed beside Victor so he allows himself to relax a little too. 

“It did,” Yuuri says, looking at Victor with all that sparkling in his eyes again and Victor has to bite his lip, hard, just so not to make that shrieking sound again. 

“Yeah,” Victor agrees. “It did.” 

“Thank goodness!” Chris exclaims and Victor laughs again, turning towards his best friend who’s leaning against the doorframe, arm around Phichit’s waist. Phichit still looks a little irritated, like he thinks Victor’s gonna eat Yuuri or something. Victor might, just not in a bad way. Phichit takes a deep breath, eyes fixed on Victor. 

“Okay. So this shit you pulled, the flakiness and giving him hope and then taking it can’t happen again.” Phichit starts and now Victor feels Yuuri tense beside him, sitting up straighter as he pulls Victor tighter against his side. 

“Phichit-” Yuuri starts but is immediately interrupted.

“No. It’s not cool what you did, Victor, what you have been doing. It almost cost Yuuri something he’s been working really hard for, for a long time and that’s not fair. I won’t have you play with him like this.” Phichit gets a little breathless at the end, hands balling to fists at his sides.    
“Phichit that’s not fair,” Yuuri says, voice soft but certain. 

“It is though. What would have happened if-”

“If what? You hadn’t used him to rile me up? To motivate me?” Yuuri asks. Victor frowns, looking over at Yuuri. This must be something about the race. He’ll have to ask about it later. Phichit looks a little sheepish again, hands relaxing. 

“That’s not the same though,” he mumbles as he shuffles his feet a little. Yuuri lets out a sigh. Victor and Phichit haven’t had much time to talk since Victor and Chris moved into the dorm, both of them occupied with school, training and separate love affairs. They don’t know each other on any deep level. Not like Victor has gotten close to Mila, Sara or Hikaru. Maybe they should though, now that they’re dating each other's best friend.

“I get that you’re worried Phichit, but I really care for Yuuri. I don’t want to hurt him. I never wanted that, okay?” Victor tries. Phichit still doesn’t look convinced. Chris on the other side looks thrilled. Well, maybe Victor will have some inside help to convince Phichit to give him a second chance. 

“Look. We talked it over. I get it now. We’re fine. More than fine. I’ve wanted this, him, for a long time. I’m so happy Phi you have no idea. I appreciate the shovel thing but seriously, lay off. “ 

Victor has to kiss him then, it’s not his fault at all, as he places a hand on Yuuri’s cheek, turning his face towards him so he can put his lips on Yuuri’s pink kiss-swollen ones. 

* * *

 

Victor wakes the next morning in Yuuri’s soft bed, warm and cozy. Pressed with his back against Yuuri’s front. He can’t remember being this comfortable in bed, ever. He never wants to leave. Maybe they can stay here forever, curled up together under the sheets. Victor doesn't need a degree surely, and Yuuri could practice swimming in bed, maybe.They could stay, pretend the rest of the world doesn’t exist. Victor turns, snuggling closer into Yuuri’s embrace. He’s so warm, like a furnace. Victor can’t remember feeling this comfortable sleeping around anyone before. Maybe Yuuri is just extra snuggly. Maybe Victor’s just in love. Maybe Yuuri is magic. He hasn’t even opened his eyes yet when he feels Yuuri stir,  leaning down to kiss Victor’s hair, forehead, nose, cheeks, before finding his lips. The kiss is warm too, like sunshine. Victor presses closer and when he does, he feels it. Yuuri’s hard. A blush blooms on Victor’s cheeks as something cold pools in his gut. It’s strange, because he finds Yuuri extremely sexy, has dreamt and fantasized about similar scenarios to this so many times but now that he’s faced with it he feels afraid. It will be fine though, right? Yuuri is good to Victor so Victor can give Yuuri what he wants, even if the cold feeling in his gut doesn’t ease up. He just needs to relax. That worked the other times, relax and think about something else and then it will be over. 

They're still kissing, but Yuuri’s pulling back a little, sighing as if content. What?

“Morning pretty boy,” Yuuri says leaning forward to kiss Victor again, chaste and sweet, before opening his eyes, smiling. “Did you sleep well?”

“Yes, I did.” Victor can still feel Yuuri’s erection. It’s not pressed against him, more like Yuuri’s hip is resting against Victor’s leg and that’s why he feels it. 

“Me too,” Yuuri agrees, still smiling. “You have class today, right?” 

“Yeah, I start at eight. You have practise?” Victor asks, mind still very occupied by the fact that Yuuri is not rolling his hips into Victor’s groin. 

Yuuri hums, stretching out with a soft pleased smile as he rolls to his side, yawning. 

“Can I walk you to class?” Yuuri asks, as if he hadn't been doing that for months now. Victor nods, still trying to figure out what’s happening. Does Yuuri not find him sexy? Does Yuuri not want him that way? 

Victor knew Yuuri has wanted and enjoyed sex in the past. They talked about this about a month after Victor and Chris had moved in during a game of twenty questions, to get to know each other. All of the dorm residents had participated and when Seung Gil had said he was asexual, something Victor had never heard of before, it had led to a long discussion about different types of sexuality and everyone shared the view of their own. Victor knew this, remembered Yuuri’s adorable blush as he explained, under wolf whistles from Phichit and Mila. So why doesn’t he make a move now? 

It’s strange to feel so conflicted about this. He doesn’t want to have sex right now, but he has never been with anyone that didn’t make a move when in bed together. He wants Yuuri to want him that way, wants to share those kind of experiences with him. So why did Victor not make a move? He’s still scared, Victor realises. Even if he trusts Yuuri more than probably anyone right now, there is still fear that all he wants Victor for is sex. That his value lies only in his appearance. 

Yuuri rolls out of bed, seemingly unaware of Victor’s inner turmoil. Should Victor ask? That is how relationships are supposed to work right, communication? It feels really scary though. He shouldn't-.

“Hey.“ Yuuri broke though his inner rambling, eyes worried as he moves back to the bed, leaning over Victor as he’s resting on a knee and elbow. “You okay? Something wrong?”

Victor shakes his head, mostly because he feels so silly. Why is he feeling so overwhelmed by this?

“Did you change your mind?” Yuuri asks, voice trembling a little. Victor shoots up, arms wrapping around Yuuri’s shoulders as he hugs him tight. 

“No, never.” 

Yuuri relaxes then, body pressing down onto Victor’s. 

“What is it then?” Yuuri asks, face in the juncture between his shoulder and neck, leaving small kisses. This is so embarrassing. Victor has no idea where to even start explaining how he feels without making a fool out of himself. 

“Yuuri, you want me right?” He asks, voice unsteady. Yuuri rises a little then, brows furrowed.  

“Yeah. Yeah, of course. Why?”

Victor feels his cheeks burn as he flushes. He’s never talked about sex with anyone like this, in bed, with someone he actually wants to have sex with. 

“Uhm, like-, in a physical way too?” Victor asks, looking anywhere but at Yuuri. 

“Oh! I, uh, yeah. Do you not want?” Yuuri asks and then Victor’s eyes snaps back to him, eyes wide. 

“Yes. Yes, I do. I just- It’s not just that, right?” Victor feels so small, Yuuri on top of him comforting and a little intimidating at the same time. Yuuri’s frown disappears by that, leaning down to kiss between his eyebrow. 

“I want all parts of you. For a long time. Okay?” Yuuri moves downwards then, kissing down the bridge of Victor’s nose, his lips, his chin, his jaw, down to his neck. “I like your mind and your humor. I like your engagement in things. Your strength and when you let yourself be vulnerable.” He moves lower then, kissing on top of Victor’s shirt, well it was really Yuuri’s sleep shirt on Victor,  down his chest. “I like your smile and your hands, you have a great ass. Beautiful waist.” Yuuri’s hands find said waist, as he moves higher again, coming up so they can look at each other. “I like lots and lots of things about you. And when it feels right for the both of us, I would love to see more of this fair skin. Touch it, taste it, mark it.” Victor feels hot, like Yuuri have been turning up the heat in the room during his speech. “When we’re ready, I wanna do a lot of very sweet and some really dirty things to you, but only when you want it. You can always say no Victor, you know that right?” 

He knows that, in reality he knows, but no one's ever said it. Victor feels too much at the same time. One part of him got very turned on by Yuuri’s low voice and words, body aching to know what kind of dirty things. At the same time he feels so grateful he could cry, which isn’t very sexy. He brings Yuuri down instead, kissing him softly, whispers of gratitudes against his lips.

* * *

 

“I have a question.” Yuuri says one night when they’re cooking together for the dorm. They’ve been together for a week and Victor doesn’t think he’s ever felt this relaxed. He can hear Mila and Minami singing out in the living room. Chris had found Phichit’s quite impressive collection of SingStar records on Yuuri’s PS4 and now Mila is on a mission trying to break them all. Victor has been singing so much this last week he lost his voice for all of yesterday. Phichit had out-sung all of them so Victor had given up for today, opting to help Yuuri instead. 

The reactions to the change in his and Yuuri’s relationship has caused several different reactions. Mila screamd, Sara cried, Minami blushed and asked him to take good care of Yuuri. Hikaru had given them both hugs and Seung Gil had smiled, which was probably the biggest approval they had been given. 

Yuuri is stirring the pot of chicken curry stew they’re making as Victor chops vegetables beside him. He leans over as Yuuri turns, leaving a small peck on Yuuri’s soft lips. Yuuri laughs, carefree, and Victor smiles back, concentrating on the task at hand again.

“Alright,” he agrees as he slices the onions. 

“Yuri, told me about Russian diminutives, that there are certain nicknames of sort, that one uses. He uses them for Otabek, and Otabek for him. Your dad was Russian, right?”

“Hm, yeah. Both of my parents, really, but my mother didn’t really use them besides when we were over there. My father’s family used them more. Mom, not so much though. Why?” Victor tries not to think too much about his parents and their families. It’s not like he has much contact with anyone. His mother still texts sometimes, but they’re few and far inbetween, his connection to her family becoming less and less throughout the years. They had never been particularly close. His paternal grandmother used to send cards on his birthday and call every once in a while, even after the divorce. Then one day it just stopped. Victor wondered if it had something to do with one or both of his parents, but he never asked his mother and she never said anything, and it wasn’t like he could ask his father, disappeared as he was. He looks back at Yuuri, fiddling by the stove. 

“Is there something you want me to call you instead?” He asks, looking into the pot instead of at Victor. 

He considers this for a moment. He doesn’t really feel a strong connection to his Russian heritage, considering his relationship with his family is barely a relationship at all. What he does remember of the diminutive thing, he found sweet, and the thought of Yuuri using pet names for him feels like something he would really like. A small excited shiver runs through him when thinking about Yuuri using a different name for him than everyone else, something just for him, something no one has called him before. 

“Yeah, I’d like that.” Victor smiles. 

“So, Vitya?” Yuuri asks and Victor scrunches up his nose as he shakes his head. 

“No, that’s what my grandmother used to call me!”

Yuuri smiles a little wider then, coming closer to wrap an arm around Victor’s waist, lips only a breath away. 

“Hm, how about, Vitusha then?” His voice is lower now and it sends a jolt of something warm and hot to Victor’s gut. 

“Yeah, I love that. “

* * *

 

“Hey Yuuri?” Victor asks, spinning the hair brush in his hands as he picks it up from his basket on Yuuri’s desk. More and more of Victor’s sparse belongings have made their way from his dorm room to Yuuri’s. It’s not like he sleeps there anymore anyway. They tried once, but Victor’s bed was smaller and lumpier and in the end Yuuri had almost fallen out of it as he tried to turn. Laughing they had made their way back up to Yuuri’s bed, their bed, falling into it as they giggled and kissed. Victor thought he was a person who needed alone time and space. That did not seem to include Yuuri. Victor feels like he wants to glue himself to Yuuri, which is so scary. Luckily, Yuuri seems to feel the same, hence the basket of Victor’s things on the desk, half of the space in the closet and some space for Victor’s books on Yuuri’s shelfs. 

“Yes?” Yuuri answers, looking up from his PSP with a frown. Clearly the game is going so, so. He hasn’t thrown the thing away yet so probably not too bad. 

“Did you braid my hair, that night of the party?” Victor moves forward towards the bed. Yuuri puts the game down,  smiling a little. 

“Yeah, you tried but you got dizzy and asked me if I could. Why?” 

Victor smiles then, a little bashful, as he holds out the brush. 

“Can you do it again?”

Yuuri nods, smile bright as he accepts the brush. He scoots back on the bed, Victor sitting down and turning his back towards his boyfriend. Yuuri’s fingers thread though his hair first, carding through small tangles. He picks up the brush, other hand coming to rest on Victor’s hip, applying light pressure. 

“Scoot back a little more.”

Victor does and Yuuri starts, brush starting at the end of the strands, working tangles out as Yuuri move upwards. 

“I’m sorry you had to see me like that,” Victor admits, relaxing with a soft hum as the brush move up to his scalp. 

“I’m just glad they found you. I was really worried.” 

Victor doesn’t remember all of it. It’s a little out of focus, words mixing. He can’t see Yuuri’s expression clearly in the memories. Worried? Hurt?

“Yeah. I’m sorry about running away too.” 

“It’s okay,” Yuuri says as he continues to brush, the hair flowing smoothly through it now. “I get why you did it, just, I hope if something makes you want to run again, you run to me, not from me.”

Yuuri sounds sad, and Victor hates that, so he turns, hair slipping from Yuuri’s hand as he does, so he can leave a peck on Yuuri’s lips.

“I’ll try.” 

Yuuri smiles a little then, giving Victor a kiss back before he turns again, handing over the elastic. Yuuri starts braiding, slow and steady. 

“You don’t drink.” It’s more of a statement then a question, and Victor might have taken a page from Yuuri’s book in that. 

“Yeah, well, professional swimming and alcohol isn’t really the best combo, with diets and such. Besides, I take after my dad when it comes to drinking, which means black out drunk and dancing on tables. Not something I want to expose myself or others to. There, all done,” Yuuri says and Victor turns so he can kiss him properly. 

“Thank you. For the braid and for telling me.” 

Victor has realised more and more that these small pieces of information isn’t something everybody gets. Yuuri seems to only give these glimpses to him. Victor guesses Phichit gets them too, with how close they are, but he has never seen Yuuri share like he does with Victor with the rest of the group. It makes him feel special. Strong. Yuuri kisses him again, smiling into it this time. 

“You wanna watch a movie?” 

They do. Victor sits back against Yuuri’s chest after Yuuri sets up his computer on the desk chair. It’s some action movie, Victor really isn’t paying attention to it. There is something rushing through his body. It’s been building for awhile now and today it’s stronger, more. Maybe it’s spending every morning and night in heavy make out sessions. Maybe it’s how sexy Yuuri looks in his sleep wear, t-shirt and boxers. Maybe, Victor has started to trust more. 

He rocks his hips back, pressing firmer into Yuuri’s groin. Yuuri’s breath hitches and Victor feels adrenaline rush though him as it does. He feels powerful here, in Yuuri’s embrace. Like he’s in charge, leading them. He moves his hips again and Yuuri’s breathing becomes shallower against his neck. So he continues, rocking backwards as heat pools in his gut, warm, hot fire, just waiting to explode. Yuuri moves Victor’s too big shirt to the side, exposing shoulder and neck more, before kissing softly towards Victor’s ear, sucking an earlobe into his mouth, teeth scraping softly. Victor moans, rocking faster. He feels Yuuri getting hard behind him, erection pressing against him. It’s a dizzying feeling, having this effect on Yuuri. 

Yuuri’s hands slide down his sides to the hem of the shirt, sliding underneath. 

“Can I take this off?” He asks, voice low. Victor nods, continuing to rock back as he raises his arms above his head. Yuuri discards the shirt immediately, hands sliding down his bare arms to his exposed chest. His hands leave for a second, only to remove his own shirt, before their back on Victor’s skin. 

“You’re so hot, Vitusha,” Yuuri whispers as a hand finds his right nipple, rubbing softly. The other hand slides down low on his stomach and Victor vibrates with anticipation of where it’s going. “I can’t believe you’re mine. So beautiful like this. I want you to feel so good.”

Victor moans, hot and needy. He feels sexy, hot under Yuuri’s gaze. 

“This okay?” Yuuri’s breath is soft against his ear as his hand continues to move low on his stomach, fingers trailing just under the waistband of Victor’s underwear, sending shivers across his skin. 

“Yes,” Victor breathes, tipping his head back against Yuuri’s shoulder, focusing on the sensation of Yuuri’s fingers on his skin. He feels worshipped, adored.

Yuuri’s left hand comes up to his hip, squeezing a little before starting to pull the waistband down. 

“Can I take these off too?” He mumbles as he leaves wet, open mouth kisses across Victor’s naked shoulder. Victor can only nod, breathless from the sensation of Yuuri’s hand brushing lower into his underwear. Yuuri tugs the black garment off, Victor having to push himself up a little to get them down, before pressing closer against Victor’s back. The bulge in Yuuri’s own underwear presses against Victor’s bare ass. Yuuri’s hand caresses from his stomach to his thighs, light pressure asking him to part them, spread them wide on the bed where they’re sitting. Victor follows his directions, every touch from Yuuri feeling electric. He’s so hard, and his head feels filled with dizzying lust. 

“You’re so sexy, Vitusha,” Yuuri breathes against his skin as one of his hands come to rest at the juncture between hip and groin, as a spit slick hand wraps around the base of his cock. Victor jerks into the touch, breathless moan escaping his lips  as he turns towards Yuuri’s lips, seeking more. Yuuri kisses as lazily as he drags his hand up and down his erection. Wet, hot, slow. Victor feels like he’s vibrating from the inside, something drumming in his veins as Yuuri takes his time to build Victor’s pleasure. His thumb swiping over the head of his cock from time to time, making Victor jerk again, hips trying to increase the pace but Yuuri’s other hand holds him firmly back against him. Victor’s hands search for something to hold on to, anything to ground him to Yuuri. His hands come up, sliding into Yuuri’s soft black hair, gripping hard. Yuuri moans, mouth dropping down to Victor’s shoulder, sucking marks into it as Victor’s head tips back again, unable to focus on anything other than the feeling of Yuuri surrounding him, Yuuri’s touch on him. Yuuri is stroking him faster now, precome dripping from Victor’s cock making the drag slicker, the sound of it mingling with Victor’s moans. 

“Aah, Yu-Yuuri. Aa, fuuck.” 

He feels Yuuri smile against his skin, nipping softly at the flesh of his neck as the pleasure continues to build, causing Victor’s thighs to tremble. 

“I’ve thought so much about this,” Yuuri admits with a slow roll of his hips, erection rock hard against Victor’s ass. “How you would look, blissed out in pleasure in my bed. How you would sound, taste like. You’re so pretty, Victor, I barely know what to do with myself sometimes when I think about how you would feel around me, withering, coming.” 

Yuuri’s voice is low, almost dangerous, and Victor adores it, adores this man who can focus solely on him, on bringing wave after wave of this breathtaking heat. 

“Yuuri, I’m- I’m, Oh, yeess.” 

“Come on my Vitusha, come for me.” 

Victor does with a shout, cum spurting all over the sheets, Yuuri’s hand, and his own stomach as he shakes by the force of it. Yuuri keeps stroking throughout the entire orgasm, Victor a trembling mess in his embrace.    
“So pretty, Vitusha. All mine.” Yuuri sighs happily against Victor’s temple. Victor feels like he’s floating, light and tired and so happy, euphoric. He turns his head, nuzzling into Yuuri’s neck. Yuuri’s hands are moving, some fabric coming up to wipe him off carefully as he hisses at the over sensitivity, Yuuri mumbling a soft  _ ‘Sorry’ _ . Yuuri lies him down onto the bed then, peppering kisses over his collarbones, chest, stomach. It’s loving and lovely and Victor feels like the most blessed man in the world. 

He can still see Yuuri’s erection in his underwear. His arms feel heavy, movements slow, but he reaches up anyway, thumbs hooking into Yuuri’s underwear. He looks up, question in his eyes. Yuuri nods, shifting his hips to help as Victor slides the boxers down. Yuuri kicks them off as Victor focuses on Yuuri’s hard cock. It’s thick, a good length and flushed pink. Victor thinks, for the first time in his life, that he would love to have it in his mouth. He’s reaches down, fingers trailing softly up and down and Yuuri moans, loudly. It’s an amazing sound, Victor wants more of it. He takes a good grip around the base, starting to pump up and down, watching as Yuuri melts above him. He loses the grip of time as he watches his hand move up and down on Yuuri’s erection, eyes dark in lust. Yuuri says Victor is pretty, but Yuuri is truly beautiful, enchanting. Victor is too far gone to ever come back. 

“Vitusha, aaa, yees.”

Victor pumps faster then, pace relentless as Yuuri withers, his name slipping out uninhibited. Yuuri comes with a long moan, cum spurting across Victor’s stomach again, warm and sticky. Yuuri sits back between Victor’s legs, breathing heavy as he comes down. 

Wow. 

Wow.

Victor gets it now, what all the fuss about sex is about. If this is the feeling it can bring, he definitely understands the obsession. He could get addicted to this, seeing Yuuri like this, being Yuuri’s in this way.

Yuuri seems to come back to himself after a few breaths, dropping forward to kiss every part of Victor’s face he can reach. 

“Thank you,” Yuuri whispers against his skin. “Thank you for sharing that with me.” 

Victor is in love. Crazy, obsessively in love. He only hopes, that this one will last. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *THROWS CONFETTI*   
> FINALLY! Look at that. Angst, communication, fluff and smut all in one chapter. What a rollercoaster. 
> 
> Thank you for reading, please let me know what you think in the comment section or on other platforms like:  
> [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/linisen) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/mjaoue)


	13. Mending: Believing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor deals with the people in Yuuri's current life, and Yuuri deals with the people of Victor's past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Betaed by the amazing [takeitoffhemmo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/takeitoffhemmo)

Waking up naked in Yuuri’s bed feels strange. Victor feels warm and snuggly under the covers, but also a little exposed, even if he has them wrapped around him. He looks over at the door, making sure it’s locked this time, and breathes a sigh of relief when he sees that it is. He doesn’t want someone barging in when his clothes are scattered all across the floor of Yuuri’s small bedroom, alongside Yuuri’s own discarded garments. The sight brings a flush to Victor’s face. Yuuri’s hands had felt so good on him the previous night. He didn’t know sex could feel so overwhelming and hot. Victor had almost felt he wasn’t in control. Like his body moved and wanted and ached and all he could do was obey, as Yuuri led him.

Victor turns, facing his sleeping boyfriend. Yuuri’s hair is a ruffled mess, face relaxed in sleep. He looks peaceful. A memory from last night passes Victor mind, Yuuri’s head thrown back as he loomed above him, Victor’s hand wrapped around Yuuri’s hard erection, moaning Victor's name. The fire he felt yesterday sparks alive again, burning low in his veins. The fire was not as consuming now, more slow and lazy flames that slicked up his body, willing him to move closer to Yuuri. To touch.

He obeys, hand coming up to Yuuri’s cheek. He strokes his thumb over Yuuri’s cheekbone. He’s warm, always so warm. Victor wonders if that is why he feels so comfortable spending so much time in the water. Victor is always cold, so having a human furnace as a boyfriend is perfect.

He presses closer, naked torso pressing against Yuuri’s as he wraps his arms around his chest, hand stroking from the nape of Yuuri’s neck down his spine, and back up. He doesn't dare to reach lower. It feels like imposing, like taking something without permission. Even if he really does want to squeeze Yuuri’s ass. Yuuri has an amazing ass. Victor would love to run his hands down it, squeeze it, see if it jiggles. Kiss it, bite into it. Yuuri said he likes Victor’s ass too, so he clearly has been checking it out.

Victor wonders if Yuuri would like to fuck him. He wonders if that too will feel different with Yuuri. He hopes it will. Would Yuuri want Victor to fuck him? Victor cranes his neck, looking down at Yuuri’s ass over his shoulder as he lifts the covers a little. The fire in his stomach stirs warmer. The idea of Yuuri underneath him, legs on his shoulders as he... Yeah, okay. Victor really likes that idea.

Then he thinks about all the times before, with the others, and his hands stops on Yuuri’s back. He can’t do that. What if he makes Yuuri feel like _that_? He never, ever wants Yuuri to feel like Victor did then. Wrong, wanting to be anywhere but there, in that person’s embrace. It’s too big, too much responsibility. He snuggles closer to Yuuri, pressing his head underneath his chin along with his thoughts. He can think about that later. Yuuri smells good. Victor lets his lips trail slowly across the hollow of Yuuri’s throat, feeling warm and snuggly. Maybe he can sleep a little while longer, safe in this embrace.

The next time he wakes, it’s Yuuri’s hands that’s stroking up and down his back, soft caresses tingling under Victor’s skin. He must have stirred as he woke because Yuuri leans down to kiss his forehead.

“Good morning,” he mumbles, voice low and gentle. Victor cracks his eyes open, a need to see Yuuri filling him. Last night had truly been amazing, and now, with Yuuri’s loving eyes on him, his nakedness doesn't make him feel as vulnerable as it did before.

“Hi,” Victor answers as they move together, closing the gap between them in a chaste morning kiss. Yuuri hums happily and Victor can’t hold back his smile. Victor really can’t believe his luck.

“Was- was last night okay?” Yuuri asks, uncertainty lacing his voice. Victor opens his eyes again, frowning.

“Did- Was I not- You didn't like it?” Victor asks, wanting to slap a hand over his mouth to make it stop producing such stumbling sounds. Yuuri’s eyes grow wide, head shaking.

“No, no it’s not that. I- I really like it.” His cheeks dust that pretty pink and Victor smiles at that, the sentiment of Yuuri enjoying himself just as much as Victor did last night filling him with pride.”I just thought, maybe we should have talked about it first?”

“Talked about what?” Victor asks, confused. None of his previous partners wanted to talk before sex, but then again, Yuuri has proven himself to be different from them in almost every way.

“You know, like experience levels, what you like or don’t like?” Yuuri says, as if Victor should know, as if having conversations about exes and previous experiences is a normal thing.

“I don’t know. Like what?” Victor asks, trying to stall for time to think of something, anything, other than having to blurt out his previous love life with all of its horribleness. If Yuuri knew, he might realise how broken Victor really is.

“Like, I know we never really finished that part of our conversation back then but, was Richard your first?”

Victor mind comes to a halt as he tries to find anything to answer to that. The memories of Eriks face as he came, the bus stop he used to get off at and the tears as Chris came and got him all bubble up, almost making it hard to breathe. He can’t tell Yuuri that, he can’t.

Yuuri’s alarm goes off on the bedside table and Victor breathes a sigh of relief. Saved by the bell. Yuuri frowns, reaching over Victor for his phone, turning off the alarm before looking down at Victor.   
“Sorry. I have a private session with Yakov this morning and I really can’t be late,” Yuuri says, leaning down to kiss Victor again. “See you later, okay?”

“Y-yeah, I got that essay to write anyway,” Victor says as he watches Yuuri climb over him, reaching for his shirt on the floor. Yuuri smiles as he lifts it, as if remembering how it had gotten there too. Victor blushes but smiles too. If he can keep this topic from Yuuri, maybe they can do it again. Soon.

“Do you wanna stay in bed or join me for breakfast?” Yuuri asks, and it’s an easy decision, really.

“Breakfast.”

 

Victor gets absolutely nothing written on his essay. His thoughts keep drifting back to this morning's conversation in bed, and what he’s going to do. He can hope Yuuri will just forget about it, but it seems unlikely. This appears to be something Yuuri has put a lot of thought into. Something that he has been worrying about. Thinking Yuuri will forget it might be too optimistic. Yuuri would probably accept it if Victor said he didn’t want to talk about it, so maybe that’s what he’ll have to do, even if Yuuri will be disappointed. He feels antsy, flincing and dropping things. When the door opens, two hours before he expects anyone to come home, it’s Phichit.

Things are still tense between them. They haven’t really talked since Phichit walked into Yuuri’s bedroom a month ago, the day after Victor and Yuuri got together. They probably should have. Victor knows he should have tried to make a bigger effort, but he’s a little bit intimidated by Phichit. Not only is he a bouncing ball of sunshine and social media savvy, he’s Victor’s boyfriend’s best friend, and his best friend’s boyfriend. It’s all tangled up. It would be good if they could make up, even if they haven’t really been fighting, because that would mean couples dates that Victor is sure both Yuuri and Chris would enjoy. Victor would probably enjoy them too. Victor doesn’t mind Phichit, they just haven’t had time to really get to know each other.

Phichit spots him on the couch and Victor gives a small wave, wondering if he should try to fix things now, just  to distract him from the inner turmoil about discussing exes with Yuuri and -- _oh god_ does Yuuri have exes? -- and Victor really doesn't want to know about other people's lips on Yuuri or…

“Hi.”  
Phichit is still standing in the doorway, shuffling a little on his feet.

“Hi,” Victor answers, going for cheery. “Chris not with you today?”

Phichit shakes his head, still standing right inside the door, shoes on. Weird.

“No, he had a late lecture. Uhm.” Phichit’s brows furrows. “Do you want to go get a drink?”

Victor’s taken aback by the suggestion. It’s in the middle of the afternoon, and drinking seems like a bad idea, since Victor only seems to do it when he’s sad, angry or lonely, but if Phichit’s making an effort, so should Victor. He can always grab a soda or something. They probably have tea, even if it’s a bar, right?

“Yeah, sure.” Victor says, standing from the couch. “Let me just pack up my things and get a sweater?”

Phichit nods and Victor gathers his books in a hurry and darts into Yuuri’s room, depositing them on the bed. He grabs his shirt hanging in the closet, but on his way out he spots Yuuri’s team jacket hanging on the desk chair. He grabs it and leaves his own, pulling his hair out after putting it on, walking back out. Phichit nods and waits as Victor pulls on his shoes and then they head out. They don’t say much during the walk, Phichit asking if he has a bar preference and Victor answering that he hasn’t been to a single bar since he came to the university. Phichit laughs at that and steers them to a coffee shop instead. After ordering a coffee each, they sit down at a small table in the corner.

“Sooo,” Phichit drags out, looking over at Victor. “You like Yuuri? Right?”

Victor is a little taken aback by the question, and kind of offended.

“Of course I like Yuuri, “ Victor says, locking his jaws so not to bite back something harsh. He and Yuuri have been together for a month, they spend almost all of their time together when not at school, practice or  work. Yuuri makes him smile, makes his heart race. Victor has never liked anyone the way he likes Yuuri. Phichit sighs and looks down into his cup, shuffling a little in his seat.

“Look, I don’t mean to come here and bite your head off or anything, it’s just... I need to look out for Yuuri. Because he’s so gone for you I’m not sure it’s healthy. It’s definitely not if you’re just playing him.”

“I’m not. I would never, why would you assume that?” Victor asks, shocked. He’s so gone for Yuuri too, so gone it scares him more than he wants to think about. Victor wasn’t supposed to let anybody in, he was supposed to keep a leveled head, study, and make sure he never got hurt again. Now here he is, heart in Yuuri’s hands, hoping, praying it won't all come crashing down on him. His hands tremble around the cup.

“You haven’t exactly been very clear about your feelings, have you?”

Victor stares at Phichit, eyes wide. Is that what Yuuri thinks? Has Yuuri told Phichit that Victor isn’t opening up enough? Shit, _shit_ , is Yuuri going to leave?

“I- Yuuri said that?” Victor stutters, trying to will down his rapidly increasing heartbeat. Phichit frowns as he studies Victor.

“No, I mean... Yuuri came to practice the day he met you and said he had met the prettiest boy he had ever seen, and I got worried because I sort of already had my eye on Chris and thought it was him he was talking about. Luckily it turned out to be you.” Phichit looks thoughtful, biting his lip before continuing. “Then you got closer and Yuuri just kept falling. He would come home and be so happy because of something you had said or done, and the next day be so filled with doubts because you had pulled back. I don’t know if you’ve noticed but Yuuri is a popular guy, even if he can be sort of oblivious to it himself. A lot of people like him, a lot of people flirt with him.”

This doesn’t really help the panic that’s building inside Victor, memories of people approaching Yuuri when they’re crossing campus or message notifications in Yuuri’s phone from unknown numbers. Yuuri is beautiful, kind, strong and a national champion. Victor has noticed, of course he has, how people look at Yuuri, but whenever they’re together, Yuuri never looks at them. He only looks at Victor. Phichit seems oblivious to Victor’s inner panic, continuing.

“Yuuri doesn’t fall in love often. He doesn't get crushes. He’s dedicated. He has goals and he wants to swim, and then you come along and it’s like his world has tilted on its axis. He is still Yuuri, he still loves to swim but… but now he lights up when he talks about you and cooks the food you said you liked and he worries about you. Not in the way he worries about the others at the dorm or even me.” Phichit pauses then, takes a sip out of his tea. Victor’s heart is beating so hard, hanging of every one of Phichit’s words, in dread and amazement. “Chris says you’ve been through a lot of shit. He told Yuuri too, no specifics, but he told Yuuri the second week after you moved in that if he didn’t plan on treating you right he could forget it. Yuuri has been in this for the long haul since day one. I just need you to know that. I love him. He’s my best friend. Don’t you dare hurt him on purpose.”

Victor feels so overwhelmed, like someone is standing on his chest as his heart pounds violently. He’s so broken and Yuuri is so wonderful. Victor knew this, he did, but it's different to hear it. Like he’s been stringing Yuuri along, playing with him. Oh god, Victor can’t _breathe_.

“Hey,” Phichit calls out, hand wrapping around Victor’s wrist. Victor’s eyes snap to him. His hands are trembling more now, breaths coming out rapidly. “Shit, what? Do you have anxiety too?”

Victor shakes his head as he thinks about Yuuri and the hollowness under his eyes during regionals, they way he didn’t look at Victor when he got to the dorm room before sectionals and talking about the team therapist and, _oh shit_ is this how Yuuri feels?

“Okay, Victor. You need to breath. Deep breaths, with me okay? In on four. One, Two, Three, Four. Good, now out on six. One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six. Good, again.”

Victor follows Phichit’s instructions, breaths calming as his heart rate slows. His head feels heavy, breaths strained.

“Shit, I’m sorry. I just wanted to give you a shovel talk. I didn’t think.. Do you want to talk about it?” Phichit sounds so soft now, eye concerned. Victor shakes his head, but starts talking anyway.

“I would never hurt him Phichit. I’m so scared. Terrified that he’ll leave.” It’s true, it might be the truest thing Victor has said in a long time. This month with Yuuri, Victor can’t remember ever feeling so happy. Phichit nods slowly, releasing his grip on Victor’s wrist.

“I believe you. I’m sorry. I-, I should probably have listened more to Chris and Yuuri. I really just meant to make sure you know how good Yuuri is. Nobody gave you a shovel talk before?”

Victor shakes his head, no one has been scared that he’ll hurt someone before. He’s not sure if that says more about him or his previous partners and their friends. Phichit nods slowly, eyeing him closely.

“Maybe we should get back. Yuuri usually gets super tired after something like that, even if you did calm down quickly.”

They gather themselves, and on the way back they start talking about Phichit’s photography class. Phichit lights up and starts waving his hands, words flowing rapidly as he describes the specifics of his current assignment. Even if Victor feels tired, he also feels lighter, which is strange. Maybe it’s because it feels a little bit like he and Phichit are on better terms now, maybe even friends. Phichit asks about Victor wanting to be a journalist and they slide over into talking about the possibility to travel the world while working but still have the opportunity of working in one place as well. When they reach the dorm it’s dark outside, windows in the top apartment kindle in the dark. The ascend the stairs, walking slowly towards the top together.

The apartment smells like food, Minami is sprawled across the couch while Chris is sitting in the armchair, both of them with their noses deep in books. In the kitchen, Victor can see Hikaru moving around. Phichit kicks off his shoes fast, darting into Yuuri’s room quickly, shutting the door behind him. Victor’s not really sure what to think about that.  He toes off his shoes and heads for the couch, itching to see Yuuri, but terrified all the same. He wonders what Phichit is saying, if he’s revealing Victor’s fear and strange behaviour at the café. He hasn't even made it to the couch before Yuuri’s door opens, his eyes wide as he looks around until they stop on Victor. Victor smiles, or at least he tries, but it feels weak. It must look like it too because Yuuri is pushing Phichit out, grabbing Victor’s wrist as Phichit steps out and pulls him in, door slamming shut behind Victor’s back. Faintly, he can hear Chris ask what’s going on on the other side of the door, but it becomes secondary to Yuuri’s eyes, wide and searching.

“Can I hold you?” Yuuri asks and it’s such a strange thing to ask. These last few weeks they’ve been so free with their touches. Hand holding, arms wrapped around waists and shoulders. Hugs, kisses, cuddles. Why does Yuuri feel the need to ask now? Victor frowns but nods and Yuuri steps closer immediately, as if vibrating with wanting to hold Victor close.

Yuuri’s touch feels amazing. Victor melts into the embrace, breathing in the smell of Yuuri’s shampoo, deodorant and fabric softener. It smells like the closest thing Victor has to a home, and that is the scariest thing of all.

“You okay?” Yuuri asks, voice soft as his breath tickles Victor’s ear.

“Yeah. Sorry.”

Yuuri pulls back, just so he can see Victor, frowning.

“Sorry about what?”

“Making you worry.” Victor still has a hard time grasping that people worry about him. That Mila and Sara and the others he shares a living space with keeps track of him. Feels the need to know he got home safe, has eaten, isn’t over working himself. He can see it in Yuuri now, who leans forward, resting his forehead against Victor’s.

“It’s okay. I care about you, that means you worry sometimes.”

Victor hugs him tighter, finding it hard to form words.

“I’m sorry too,” Yuuri says, as his hands start moving in familiar patterns on Victor’s back.

“About what?”

“Phichit. He’s just worried. I-, I’ll talk to him.”

Victor shakes his head. He gets it now, even if it still scares Victor half to death, all of the things Phichit said and what he implied, he still gets it. Phichit was just looking out for someone he loves.

“No need. We’re good. I think we might be friends now,” Victor admits, shrugging. Yuuri looks down on him, shocked expression slowly turning to something warm, loving. Victor loves that look. It makes him feel good, worthy of so much more than he probably deserves.

“My Vitusha, always surprising.”

Victor’s heart does a double beat, breath coming up short. Sometimes Yuuri says things like this, and Victor feels like he’s not sure he’s awake or dreaming. He leans up and kisses Yuuri’s cheek, blush blooming beautifully pink under his lips. He kisses Yuuri’s lips next, reveling in the fact that he missed him. They’ve only been separated since this morning but Victor missed him so much. He’s not sure if it’s the emotional turmoil he got thrown through before or if it’s just the effect Yuuri has on him, but as they pull apart for air, the words escape him.

“I missed you today.”

Victor’s eyes are still closed, too scared to open them and see Yuuri’s reaction, but he doesn’t need to. Yuuri leans close, lips on Victor’s spread into a wide smile.

“I missed you too, is that why you’re wearing my team jacket?”

Victor contemplates if he should show Yuuri how much he missed him and under Yuuri’s warm hands he feels bold and safe, takes a risk. He leans back from Yuuri’s lips, hands unwinding from behind his neck to unzip the jacket, showing off the t-shirt he’s wearing underneath. Yuuri’s t-shirt. Yuuri’s eyes turn soft as he sees what Victor’s wearing and then Yuuri wraps a hand around Victor’s neck, pulling him back into a kiss.

“Hot,” Yuuri murmurs against his lips as he nips at it with is teeth. “So hot.“

Victor gasps as Yuuri moves down his jaw, sucking a mark just underneath it.

“You- you like when I wear your clothes?”

“Mmh, yes,” Yuuri agrees, kissing down Victor’s neck, skin tingling under Yuuri’s lips.

A loud knock startles them out of it, Victor stumbling a little into Yuuri’s arms, bumping his chin to Yuuri’s head.

“Food’s ready!” Sara calls out. She must have arrived after Phichit and Victor. They look at each other, still startled, and then burst into giggles. Victor tries to fix Yuuri’s hair where he has tussled it and Yuuri zips the jacket back up, covering at least some of the marks.

“Later,” Victor says with a wink, before turning towards the door.

Later becomes something entirely different. After dinner it’s like all the energy drains from Victor’s body. Yuuri supports him into the bedroom, brushes Victor’s hair again, helps him into pyjamas. Yuuri then strips too, pulling a worn t-shirt over his head as he crawls into bed. It’s still early, but Yuuri snuggles close.

“Are you tired too?” Victor asks, confused. Yuuri shakes his head, lips kissing between Victor’s shoulder blades through the shirt.

“No, but I really want to hold you.”

Victor is too tired to get too excited by that, so he just lets a smile spread lazily across his face instead.

“Thank you,” he says, feeling his eyes slide shut. Yuuri kisses his exposed neck.

“Sleep, Vitusha,” Yuuri mumbles against his skin as he falls asleep.

 

Victor comes into the swimhall around four, his lecture ending a little earlier than he expected. He’s missing Yuuri, and knows he’s supposed to end his practise around four so he’s decided to go meet him, just to get a few extra minutes together. He walks the now familiar path through the locker room, turning the corner past the coaches office. Yakov’s office door is closed, but Yuri’s is open. Victor can hear him talking to someone in there. Victor’s planning on just passing, glancing in to wave before continuing to the pool area. Yuri calls out for him though, and Victor stops and turns back. He knows Yuri is an important figure in Yuuri’s life, and even if Victor has never talked to him personally before, now might be as good a time as any. He hopes Yuri isn’t mad that he’s showing up like this. He’s not planning on disturbing Yuuri. He can be just as content with just looking at his boyfriend in the water if Yuuri isn’t done yet. He puts on his best smile when he walks into the small office. Yuri is leaning against the desk, turned towards Victor. Next to him there is another man, with black hair in an undercut. He has a hand around Yuri’s hip. Oh, this must be Yuri’s husband.

“Hi!” Victor says, his hand coming up to greet this new person. “I’m Victor.”

“Otabek,” the man answers, hand coming up to shake Victor’s. “I’m Yuri’s husband.”  Yuri looks a little flushed at that. It’s a new look on him for Victor. It makes him look softer.

“Nice to meet you,” Victor says, tilting his head towards Yuri in question. Yuri clears his throat and Otabek gets an amused look on his face.

“Look. I’ve noticed that you and Yuuri have a,” Yuri makes a face, as if it pains him to have to word this out. “Thing, or whatever.”

Victor quirks his eyebrow.  Is this a shovel talk again?

“Uhm, yeah. We have a, thing?”

Yuri straightens, Otabek looks even more amused.

“Just- You break his heart, I break your face.”

Oh, wow. That’s more upfront than Phichit. This, Victor can grasp.

“I won’t. He means a lot to me.” He smiles then. Otabek has what looks like a smirk on his face but Yuri’s still scolding.

“You better not,” he bites. His expression softens a little, a look Victor’s unfamiliar with on Yuri’s face as well. He’s usually so stern in practice or competitions. “He seems happier. He doesn’t stay and work himself into exhaustion as much. Take care of that, okay?”

That’s as close to an acceptance Victor thinks he’s going to get so he nods, trying to hold back the smile spreading on his lips. He needs to get out of there if he’s not to show it.

“Okay, I’m gonna go see if he’s ready. Bye.” He ducks his head as he walks away, grin spreading as he goes. It feels good to be accepted. Even better that it feels like he and Yuuri are a real thing now. Yuri’s coach knows about them. Yuuri asked him about _nicknames_ for Victor. That must mean Yuuri talks about him. It’s so lovely Victor wants to squeal.

He comes out into the pool area, stepping closer to the water just as Yuuri gets out of it, water rushing off his body as he pulls himself up by the ladder. The muscles in his arms and back flexing. Victor feels his knees tremble a little as he watches the muscles move,  shoulders sculpted and so beautiful. He’s like a sculpture. Victor wants to kiss all the way from his neck down his spine, trace the water across his shoulders. Yuuri turns then and it is a miracle that Victor can function at all when he has a boyfriend that looks like _that_. Yuuri spots him, smiling that soft, sweet smile, and takes a few fast steps towards him to wrap his arms around Victor to pull him in. Sometimes it feels like magnetism. Like they get pulled towards each other almost without thought. Victor doesn't care that he’s getting wet or that Yuuri tastes like chlorine. In moments like this, Yuuri’s arms around him is all he wants. Thoughts like that are dangerous though, because any minute, Yuuri could change his mind. Yuuri could leave, and that is the scariest thought of them all.

“I missed you today,” Yuuri says against his lips and Victor smiles, pushing down his doubts for now. It seems like _this_ minute, Yuuri will stay.

“I missed you too, “ he sighs, kissing Yuuri one more time before leaning back a little. Yuuri looks down and frowns.

“Oh, I got you wet.”

He looks genuinely surprised by this, frowning as he looks down at Victor’s semi soaked clothes. Victor has to laugh at that, amazed by how drawn Yuuri is to him as well. His heart swells in his chest. Memories from the other night comes to mind and Victor pushes closer again, lips caressing Yuuri’s cheekbone as he leans up.

“You can take it off me when we get back to the dorm.”

Victor feels Yuuri’s skin prickle under his hands, feels the shiver that runs through him. It’s addictive, having this kind of power over someone you care so much for. Yuuri presses close again. Lips pressing hard against Victor’s cheek.

“Hi Victor!”

Yuuri loosens his grip and turns a little, still holding onto Victor. Guang Hong waves from the other side of the pool. Oh. Victor hadn’t really been paying attention when he came in. Apparently the whole team is here. At least all of them are smiling, which is nice, even if Victor feels a little embarrassed about the open display of PDA. It’s nice though, that Yuuri doesn’t pull away from him, likes to be seen with him. Phichit snickers, and even if Victor’s still feeling a little pensive about their new friendship, he’s glad things between them are better. Victor ducks his head, hiding a little in Yuuri’s neck. It’s one part because everything feels overwhelming, and one part because it’s nice to be close to Yuuri.

“You’re still coming with me and Sara to yoga tomorrow?” Guang Hong asks as he comes closer, towel draped across his neck.

“Oh, yeah! I’m really looking forward to it,” Victor agrees as he raises his head. Once a week, Yakov encourages the swimmers to do some other type of training, one they can choose themselves. Yuuri does ballet, Phichit goes with Mila to boxing. Guang Hong and Sara do yoga, and asked if Victor wanted to join. Victor hasn't been training much lately, the turmoil of college not leaving much room for extra activities. Now that he’s feeling a little more at home here, it would be good to start working out. Yoga seems like something that might suit him.

“Great! You’ll just come with Sara right? So she can direct you to the gym? We usually meet there.”  

Victor nods at Guang Hong, smiling a little and nodding in greeting to Leo coming up, draping an arm around Guang Hong's shoulders.

“Yeah, yoga’s great. Very good for flexibility,” he says, and then winks as he hip bumps his boyfriend who blushes bright red. Victor feels his entire face flush at the innuendo as well, pressing a little closer to Yuuri as Leo laughs.

“Leo! I have yet see you make a good transition today!” Yakov’s voice echoes through the room, making all of the swimmers wince. Leo turns, throwing his arms up in surrender, hurrying over to the pool. Guang Hong giggles, turning back as he waves.

“Bye guys! See you tomorrow, Victor!” He calls as he runs back to the pool.

He joins Yuuri in the locker room, Yuuri stepping into the showers to wash off as Victor tries his hardest not to look too much where he sits on the bench. Yuuri is rubbing his hair, lathering himself up with soap and Victor needs to think about something else, focus.

“Victor,” Yuuri calls and Victor looks up at the ceiling, trying to not look over at his wet boyfriend who’s right there. He can’t get a boner in the locker room. They have to walk all the way across campus and that will just be super uncomfortable.

“Victor,” Yuuri calls again, bringing Victor back from his inner rambling.

“Yeah?” Victor answers, still not looking at Yuuri. It sounds like Yuuri is taking a deep breath, but the water is beating down on the floor and since Victor is refusing to look at him, he can’t be sure.

“Was Richard your first?”

The question has Victor’s head snapping towards Yuuri, eye wide.

“I- what?” Yuuri wants to talk about this now?

“Richard, was he your first?”

“My frist what?” Victor asks. He thinks Yuuri means his first sexpartner. but he’s not sure. Yuuri shrugs, water rinsing off the soap.

“Boyfriend? Or you know, sex partner? The first person you were in love with?” Yuuri looks calm, as if they're talking about the weather or what to cook tonight. It’s insane.

“No, I-” Victor cuts himself off. He really doesn’t want to have this conversation, at all. “Why does it matter?”

“Because I want to know,” Yuuri presses.

“Well, I don’t really want to know about who has had their hands on you so I don’t understand why you would want to know that about me,” Victor bites back, defensive.

“It’s not about that,” Yuuri says as he steps out, reaching for the towel. He really is unfairly hot, it’s far too distracting.

“What is it about then?” Victor has a hard time wrapping his mind around why Yuuri is so persistent about this. He rarely is. If Victor wants to keep something to himself, Yuuri lets him.

“I just, I don’t want to do something to hurt you,” Yuuri presses. He has the towel wrapped around him now, low on his hips. He has lovely hips. A few stray drops still clings to his skin. Victor reacher out to swipe them away with his thumb, almost absentmindedly.

“I’m not fragile, Yuuri.” It’s a lie. Victor is. He would break so easily if Yuuri just said the right things, break into a gazillion pieces all over the floor, nothing worth to salvage. Yuuri doesn’t need to know that. He doesn’t want Yuuri to think about him like that.

“I know that,” Yuuri agrees, finger coming down to tip Victor’s face up, pulling him from the trance of swiping away water from Yuuri’s soft skin. “I care so much about you. There is so much I want with you but, but I’m scared. Clearly, after what you told me about Richard, things haven’t always been ideal with sex partners. I just want to know.” He leans down then, soft lips pressing against Victor’s. He still stays after, faces only a few centimeters apart. “I want to make you feel so good Victor. I just want to know how, and what to avoid.”

It’s not fair when Yuuri does things like this. It makes Victor weak in the knees, breathless and wanting. He would give most things anyway, but like this. It’s like he loses control completely.

“Okay,” Victor breathes and Yuuri smiles, leaning in to kiss him with more heat this time. They part before either of them get too carried away. There is, after all, an entire swim team outside the door and a grumpy coach. Victor would rather not have his name on Yuri’s score board, especially if he’s on good terms with him right now.

“What do you want to know?” Victor asks, when Yuuri turns towards his locker. He opens it and hands over a extra shirt.

“Start from the beginning?”

Victor bites his lip, trying to find the words as he quickly changes out of the cold wet shirt and pulls Yuuri’s on instead. What’s the beginning, where does he start? One person comes to mind.

“When I was seventeen, just before I was supposed to turn eighteen, Chris and I went to a party. I met a guy there. He was a few years older than me, went to college. We started hanging out after that. I guess I sort of thought we were together, even if we never really said it. We hung out a lot around his friends,“ Victor pauses, trying to will down the hurt the memories bring. “We ended up having sex-”

“Wait,” Yuuri cuts him off. He’s in pants now, but still shirtless, frown on his face. “What do you mean with ‘ended up’? Did you not talk about it before?”

Victor shakes his head, eyes darting to his hands. Why does this still hurt so much. “No I-, Erik sort of wanted it I guess? I don’t really remember. The sex. It hurt a lot, so I sort of tried to think about something else when we did it?”

He looks up. The muscles in Yuuri’s back are tense, shoulders drawn up around his ears as he stands turned towards the locker.

“Okay,” Yuuri, says, voice low. “What happened next?”

“I guess it wasn’t good for him, or something like that. I don’t know. We didn’t talk afterwards and then I couldn't get ahold of him for week and then I sort of stopped trying. Then he called, I think it was a month after the last time we met and then, when I got there, we had sex again.”

Yuuri turns then, eyeing Victor closely. “Then what?”

Victor laughs, more a breath than anything else, cold and hard.

“Then it was basically the same thing again. When he called after that month had passed I didn’t answer. I haven’t seen him since.”

Yuuri closes the distance between them, kneels down and wraps his arms around Victor’s waist. Like this, Victor is taller him him, Yuuri’s forehead coming up to his lips. Victor kisses it absentmindedly. He hadn’t realised that he’s shaking until he has Yuuri’s bare shoulders to hold onto.

“That- That’s horrible. I’m so sorry you had to go though that, Victor.” Yuuri looks sad when he looks up and Victor hates it. He wants to tell him that he knew this was a bad idea but Yuuri leans in, stopping close to his lips.

“Can I kiss you?” Yuuri asks and Victor leans in, pressing their lips together. There is no heat there. It’s soft, comfort and safety.  Yuuri holds him for a long time, warm against Victor’s chest as Victor plays with Yuuri’s wet hair. He wonders if the hug is to comfort him or Yuuri, maybe both. Yuuri untangles after a while to stand, another peck on Victor’s lips before turning back to the locker, pulling a shirt out.

“Okay, did you meet Richard after that?”

“Yeah,” Victor sighs. It feels good to tell Yuuri. Yuuri didn’t run after the first story. He even seemed to agree that what Erik did was wrong. Hope sparks in him as he continues. “And you know that story so...”

“Have you thought about going to the police? With the threats that he made?” Yuuri asks. Victor shrugs.

“I’ve thought about it, but he didn’t really do anything so..”

Yuuri frowns, biting his lip a little. “Well, he threatened you so that’s something. I don’t know, it’s up to you but if you want to I’ll go with you, okay?” Yuuri smiles then, soft and sweet. It doesn’t reach his eyes. Victor nods. He’ll think about it. Maybe it would be better to do something before Richard has a chance to find out about him and Yuuri and actually take action. He blocked Richard as soon as he got out of the swimhall the day of the training camp. He hasn’t talked to him since.

“Thank you, Yuuri,” Victor says. Yuuri comes back to kiss him again.

“Anything for you, Vitusha.”

Yuuri has the ability to make Victor feel bold, strong and brave. Maybe that’s why he continues to speak, even if Yuuri hasn’t asked him to.

“After Richard left there was another guy. The one Chris talked about once? The one with the negging?”

Yuuri nods to that, pulling on a jacket and shoes before reaching an arm out to lace his fingers with Victor’s, pulling him off the bench. They start walking towards the dorm while Victor continues.

“That was him. We were officially a couple and well, things weren't really good. He had a lot of problems with alcohol and things like that. He wanted a lot of sex, didn’t like it when I didn’t want to, called me… things. He had a nice family and it felt good to belong somewhere, to not be alone. We, yeah, I was probably mostly with him because I was so lonely. I didn’t really like being around myself so it was good, being with him in that sense. We broke up very undramatic. He just told me we were over and that was that.” Victor says. They’re halfway across the campus now, hands swinging between them as they walk. Yuuri is quiet, eyes focused forward even if Victor can feel his attention on him.

“That’s it I guess. Those were the boys in my life, before you.” Yuuri squeezes his hand, one warm long squeeze.

“I hate that. That they treated you like that.“ His eyes are still focused forward and Victor’s heart sinks. This is why he didn’t want to talk about this. Yuuri will see him differently now. Will pull back and not want him, leave. Will Yuuri do it now, as soon as they’re alone in the apartment? Maybe it’s for the best, rip the band-aid as they say.

They reach the dorm, walking up the stairs all the way to the top. Yuuri keeps holding onto his hand but lets it go when they get inside in favour of shrugging his shoes and jackets off. Yuuri steps in to the apartment first, but stops just a few steps away. Hands balling into fists, a slight tremble in his them.

“Yuuri?” Victor calls and Yuuri lets out a shaky breath, eyes focused on Victor. His hands relax a little, hands coming up between them and then stopping.

“Can I- Can I…” Yuuri doesn’t finish the sentence. He steps half a step closer but then stops again. He looks unsure, like Victor will refuse him, like Victor might be scared of him. There are a lot of things Victor is scared of, terrified. Yuuri treating him with anything less than respect is not one of them.

“You can touch me Yuuri. You are not them.”

Yuuri nods and moves closer slowly, wrapping his hands around Victor’s hips. He pulls Victor in and Victor lets out a shaky breath, one he didn’t know he was holding. Yuuri's lips are soft on his hair, moving down his forehead, the bridge of his nose, across cheekbones. Yuuri kisses all over his face, feather light, opposite to the grip on his hips.

“Is this okay?” Yuuri asks into his skin and all Victor can do is nod, breathless. Of all the reactions he had anticipated, this had not been it. Yuuri pushes him backwards and Victor lets himself be lead further into the apartment. They reach the bedroom and Yuuri kicks the door close, hands and lips never leaving Victor. His hands have left his hips now, trailing softly up his back. Victor gasps, arousal starting to pool in his gut again, as if only put on pause during their conversation, from earlier in the locker room.

“You’re so beautiful,” Yuuri whispers into the hollow of Victor's throat, voice dripping with adoration. Victor shivers with pleasure underneath it. “Never, ever do something you don’t want with me. Never. Promise me, Victusha.”

“Yes, Yuuri.” Victor gasps as Yuuri sucks a mark on his collar bone, sweater  pushed aside. Yuuri’s hands caress underneath the hem of Victor’s shirt, fingers hot like fire as they come in contact with his skin.

“Can I take this off?” Yuuri asks, pressing his forehead against Victor’s. Blood rushes so fast in his veins, pulse beating frantically under Yuuri’s hands, words, gaze.

“Yes, just- Yours too,” Victor says, hands finding Yuuri’s shirt. Yuuri raises his hands, leaning in to kiss Victor again before having to pull back as the shirt passes over his head. Yuuri reaches for Victor’s in return, pulling it off. His fingers tangle a little in Victor’s hair and the elastic to the ponytail comes off with the shirt, silver strands falling freely down his back. Yuuri’s hands cups his neck, pulling Victor close, pressing their bodis together tight.

“I adore this,” Yuuri says, fingers pressing into the base of Victor’s scalp. “It looks like starlight. Like you’re some sort of fairy, a prince.” Yuuri kisses him again then, hands wandering down his bare neck and back, down his arms and back again. Every touch feels filled with emotions, as if Yuuri stops touching him they’ll both break apart. Like he’s trying to mend every time someone touched Victor without him wanting it. Hands skim over the hem of Victor’s pants squeezing his ass.

“This is gorgeous too, I just want to bite into it.”

Yuuri’s mouth moves down, hands still in a firm grip on his ass, kissing down his neck, sternum, until he reaches Victor’s nipples, tongue swiping over the right one. The feeling is so new, foreign. It sends sparks shooting up Victor’s spine. Victor has to gasp at it, heat overwhelming him as he arches his back, pressing into Yuuri’s hands and mouth at the same time.

“Yuuri, Yuuri, please.”

“What?” Yuuri asks, pulling back from his chest and Victor whines, something he’s pretty sure he’s never done in his entire life before this.  “Anything, I’ll give you anything.“

Victor’s head is spinning. This feels so good, so right, but most of his experiences before this hasn’t and he has no idea what he wants, what to ask for. He just knows he wants, needs, Yuuri to keep touching him. Yuuri’s eyes are intent on him, brown eyes so filled with emotions it makes Victor dizzy.

“I- I don’t know. I haven’t. I haven’t had many good experiences with this,” Victor pants out. Yuuri’s hands moves up, thumbs rubbing soothing circles low on his back. Yuuri is going to ruin him for anybody else with all of these sweet touches. “I just. Everything you do feels good. Please Yuuri, please make me feel good.”

Victor has never begged before either, but if he’s going to beg anyone, it’s going to be Yuuri. Yuuri kisses him softly again, slow and still.

“Have you not come with previous partners? Ever?”

Victor shakes his head and Yuuri lets out a groan, pulling Victor close again. They kiss, slow and hot, holding onto each other. It’s so much, to feel cared for like this.

“Yuuri?” Victor asks when they part for a breath. “Can we move to the bed?”

Yuuri smiles against his lips and nods, pressing closer so they don’t have to part as they move over. Victor he reaches for his pants, jiggling out of them and his underwear before sliding down onto the bed. Yuuri follows, stripping down completely before joining Victor on the bed. They continue to kiss, warm and slow and loving. Hands trailing up and down in soft caresses. Whenever they part, Yuuri whispers words like gorgeous, strong, breathtaking, amazing, into Victor’s skin. Victor is so hard, arousal burning in him like wildfire. Yuuri’s hard too, he feels his hard length pressing against his groin.

“Yuuri, please, touch me.”

Yuuri smiles then, dangerous but sweet.

“Whatever you want, Vitusha.”

With that, he descends, kisses and licks trailing down Victor’s chest, sucking marks, teeth scraping, tongue circling a nipple, his belly button. He continues lower and lower until his tongue licks over the tip of Victor’s cock, one hand steady in the juncture between hip and thigh, the other caressing one of Victor’s nipples. Victor all but arches off the bed, the heat of Yuuri’s mouth so incredibly good.

“Oh shit, Yuuri,” he pants. Hands coming down to tangle in Yuuri’s hair, tugging on soft black stands, still a little damp from the shower. Yuuri answers that with sucking the tip of Victor’s erection into his mouth and Victor has to bite his lips hard as the sensation almost overwhelms him. Yuuri releases him with a _pop_ , crawling up again to kiss Victor on the mouth, wet and filthy.

“Victor, can I- Can I finger you?” Yuuri looks hopeful, and even if Victor usually finds it burning and uncomfortable, this is Yuuri. Yuuri who keeps giving him new experience after new experience, changing his mind about things he thought he knew. He can try, for Yuuri he can try.

“Only if you want to,” Yuuri adds, kissing his cheek softly, nuzzling the side of his nose. Victor giggles, turning his head to kiss Yuuri’s lips.

“Yeah, okay.” Victor agrees, nodding into the kiss. Yuuri smiles and kisses once, twice, before reaching over to the nightstand, opening the second drawer to grab a bottle of lube. He kisses down Victor’s side this time, down ribs and hip bone, every touch so filled with overwhelming adoration. Yuuri settles between his legs again, placing Victor’s legs over his shoulders as he licks from the base of Victor’s cock all the way to the tip. Victor lets out a loud, filthy moan, unable to hold back. Yuuri kisses the tip twice before starting to swallow him down. The hotness of Yuuri’s mouth is so distracting that when Yuuri starts to bob his head up and down, taking more and more with every descend, Victor doesn’t notice the slick warm finger that circles his hole at first. He only notices when Yuuri pushes in, his body relaxed in a way he’s never been when someone has opened him up before. It burns a little, sure, but his body is so focused on the pleasure of Yuuri’s mouth that the finger slides in easy, body relaxing for Yuuri. And maybe that’s it. Victor trusts Yuuri with his heart, the one thing he wants to protect the most. After doing that, giving his body is easier.

Yuuri pumps his finger in time with the bobbing of his head, moans vibrating through Victor as he takes him deeper down his throat. Victor is a panting, gasping, mess, Yuuri’s name spilling from his lips over and over as the pleasure keeps building, his hands in Yuuri’s hair the only thing grounding him. Another finger joins the first, and this too, burns, but it’s almost pleasant, the slick wet feeling of Yuuri moving in and out of him. Yuuri changes the angle and Victor looks down, Yuuri’s dark eyes lust blown and wanting as he looks up at Victor, as if he’s searching. The fingers shift inside him again and Victor is just about to ask what Yuuri is doing when a shot of white hot pleasure shoots through him, having him arching up into Yuuri’s mouth as he gasps.

“Fuck, aaah. What was that?”

He gets no answer but Yuuri smirks around Victor’s cock, as his fingers moves over the spot over and over and Victor's going to come, it’s so much, _too_ much and so good. _So so good, oh shit._

“Yuuri, Yuuri I’m gonna, aah -”

He comes with a shock down Yuuri’s throat before he has the chance to utter the words, Yuuri swallowing around him as he does, sucking him through his orgasm. He keeps Victor’s softening cock in his mouth until Victor tugs roughly at Yuuri’s hair, pulling him off. Yuuri rises to his knees, cock red and hard between his legs. Victor wonders what it would feel like to taste it, have it in his mouth like Yuuri just did with him. Yuuri looks gorgeous, so sexy as he strokes himself off with the fingers that were just inside Victor. Yuuri pumps fast, head thrown back in pleasure as he looks down at Victor, naked and pleasured out of his mind. Yuuri comes with a shout, white stripes of cum spreading across Victor stomach as Yuuri’s chest heaves for a few seconds before he slumps down, squishing the mess between them. Yuuri kisses his jaw, still so loving. Victor feels completely boneless, like he’s never ever going to be able to stand again, because he’s turned to jello. Yuuri keeps peppering kisses all over his face, making Victor giggle into it, turning to try to capture Yuuri’s mouth as his boyfriend playfully moves out of the way just in time.

“Yuuri, come kiss meee,” Victor complains but his tone is joyus, happy. Yuuri complies, leans down and kisses him properly, smiling as he does.

“I told you, anything you want,” Yuuri says, kissing him again.

In this moment, and the next when Yuuri cleans them up before they tangle together under the covers, facing each other. Yuuri’s hand over Victor heart, Victor’s hands wrapped tightly around Yuuri. Here, Victor allows himself to believe that this might not have to end. That Yuuri might accept all the ugly scars Victor has. He has so far after all. Maybe he needs to give Yuuri more credit. Believe in him more, just like Yuuri believes in Victor. After all, Yuuri had said he wanted them to face things together, as a team. Victor wants that too.

“Hey Yuuri,” he whispers in the space between them, foreheads pressed together. “I’m really in love with you, you know. Please take care of me.”

Yuuri looks up. The room is still slightly light, the sun still up outside, still late afternoon. Soon, the apartment will flood with people and they will have to get up. Victor will try to beat Mila at SingStar or Yuuri will try to beat Guang Hong at Mario Kart, but right now it’s just them. Yuuri smiles, warm and small.

“I will, for as long as you let me.” He leans in and kisses Victor then, soft and quick. “Please take care of me too.”

Victor will. With all he has.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, please let me know what you think in the comment section or on other platforms like:  
> [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/linisen) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/mjaoue)


	14. Mending: Stitched together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If the ending confuses you, please check the ending notes. 
> 
>  
> 
> Thank you for reading, please let me know what you think in the comment section or on other platforms like:  
> [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/linisen) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/mjaoue)

When Victor wakes up the next day he does so alone, which is a bit of a disappointment, but there are three sweet texts on his phone about how cute he is when he sleeps and how Yuuri had to get up to train. That reminds Victor of his meet up with Sara and he bounces out of bed, finding workout tights, one of Yuuri’s t-shirts that’s too big for him, but smells just like his boyfriend, and grabs Yuuri’s yoga mat and heads out, apple in hand. He feels a little lighter after telling Yuuri everything, especially after how caring Yuuri had been afterwards. He’s glad he told him. He needs to trust Yuuri more often if this is how good it will feel. 

Sara is almost ready when Victor arrives, smiling brightly as she opens the door. Apparently Mila had headed out early too, and Sara had spent the morning painting after she did.    
“I’m in such a good head space to paint right now. It’s so nice to feel that way, like it’s just flowing through my fingers into the paint and onto the canvas,” Sara says as they move across campus towards the gym. “I really hope some of them will get picked to be shown at this year’s spring exhibition.” 

They continue to talk as they move across campus, about their significant others, about the dorm, school. Sara will graduate in the summer and is starting to feel the pressure of needing to know what to do when she needs to be an adult for real. Victor has no answers and tells her as much. Guang Hong is waiting for them outside the gym, smiling and waving as he spots them. They head in, Victor getting a guest pass from the receptionist and they head further into the gym. They leave their bags and valuables in lockers in the changing rooms, a little early for class. 

“Is it okay if I go say hi to Mila?” Sara asks as she moves further back in the gym, away from the room where the class will be held. Victor and Guang Hong agrees and follows her, past bodybuilders and treadmills. 

They come to a opening, a boxing ring in the middle of the room where Phichit is sparing with someone Victor doesn’t recognize. The sides are lined with bags and there are some occupied while some are unused. Victor glances around the room, eyes searching for Mila. When he finds her he stops walking, mouth falling open. 

She’s standing behind a boxing bag, holding it in place as Yuuri stands in front of it, hands taped and eyes fixed, glasses nowhere in sight. He’s in a pair of loose shorts, chest bare. He keeps pounding hard at the bag, in a rhythm. Bang, bang, bang. Pause to breathe. Bang, bang, bang.  There is so much force in Yuuri’s movements, Mila’s eyes worried on him. Victor can only see Yuuri’s profile from where he stands, but it’s enough. His jaw is locked, sweat clinging to his tense shoulders. His eyes are dark, but not like last night. Not like lust, like rage. Yuuri pounds the bag hard, a series of punches landing before he takes a step back, grabbing his hair.

“Fuck!” The shout is breathless, Yuuri clearly exhausted. Victor wonders how long he’s been here, punching all his frustrations out.  

“Yuuri,”  Mila calls, softer than Victor has ever heard her. Yuuri just shakes his head.

“Again.” 

The punches are just as ruthless this time and Victor winces as Yuuri’s hands keep colliding with the bag. Everything seems to have gone still in the room, or it might be Victor who can’t look away. Yuuri is always beautiful, and Victor watches him always. Now he can’t look away because Yuuri looks furious. Like he could punch the shit out of someone and maybe he could, maybe he would, if he hadn’t come here. Mila has spoted them and she looks equal parts worried and relieved. Victor can’t seem to echo her feelings. Is Yuuri this angry at him? It doesn't make sense. Not after the texts this morning and how Yuuri had touched him last night and how well he had accepted what Victor had told him about… oh. 

Yuuri isn’t mad  _ at _ Victor, he’s mad  _ for _ him. 

The realisation is almost too much. That Yuuri cares to this extent. That he can’t stand the thought of someone hurting Victor to the degree that he has to physically punch something. Victor has to bite the inside of his cheek just so not to start crying for this man. This man who’s so kind, and amazing, and still wants Victor, cares for Victor. Is in love with Victor. 

Yuuri punches the bag again. Bang, bang, bang. Pause. Bang, bang. Victor moves forward slowly,  taking a deep breath before he softly calls out. 

“Yuuri.” 

Yuuri stills, taking a deep breath before he turns. He looks startled, eyes wide. Victor feels a little scared as he approaches. This is new. He has no idea how to soothe someone who’s this angry. There is nothing he can do about it either. The events are in the past, he can't go back and change them. 

When he comes close enough he raises his arms, action much more determined than he feels, and wraps them around Yuuri’s shoulders. It takes a moment, but Yuuri relaxes into the embrace, slumping against Victor as his arms wraps around his waist. They stand like that for a while, just holding on. Yuuri kisses Victor’s collarbone through the shirt, twice, before looking up into Victor’s eyes. 

“I won’t let anyone hurt you like that again.” 

It’s such an earnest promise, and in that moment, Victor knows what he has to do, for the both of them. 

Victor never goes to yoga class that day. He sits in the locker room, going through the events of Richard’s threatening texts with Yuuri again as Yuuri showers and changes. They walk back to the dorm, arms wrapped around shoulders and waists. Victor changes out of the workout clothes into jeans and one of Yuuri’s soft sweaters, and hand in hand they walk down to the city. Fear pooling in Victor’s gut, growing bigger with each step as he tries to convince himself that he can do this for Yuuri, and he can do this for himself.

The police station is cold and empty. There is a receptionist that greets them and Victor holds Yuuri’s hand as tight as he can while he explains he’s there to report a threat he received. They have to sit down and wait for a few minutes before a police officer comes to get Victor. Yuuri isn’t allowed come with him, but he hugs Victor tight and kisses his cheek. 

“I’m right here, okay?” Yuuri says. Victor wonders if it’s hardest for him to walk away, or for Yuuri to let him go.  

He gets placed in a cold and bare interrogation room and he briefly goes through his and Richard’s relationship, the nature of their chats. It’s embarrassing, having to spell out every detail of how he touched himself and why and what kind of sexual relationship he and Richard had after that. It feels like it was so long ago, and it’s hard to remember everything, but when it gets too hard and the officers press too much, Victor thinks about Yuuri pounding that bag just an hour ago and that makes it easier, this is to protect them. They go into vast detail about the actual threat as well and that’s easier, to explain what Richard texted, what he asked for, how he threatened both Victor and Yuuri. The officers ask, and push, and ask even more, until Victor barely knows what he’s saying.

After what feels like an eternity, they finally let him go, after getting the texts from his phone and some contact information. Yuuri rushes up to him as soon as he steps out, grabbing his hand to pull him outside. Ss soon as they’re out of the station, Yuuri pulls in him to his arms and holds him, whispers about how brave he was into his skin. Now all they can do is wait, and live their lives as they do. 

 

“Nope, try again,” Yuuri teases, biting into the candy himself instead of giving it to Victor, like the tease he is. Victor gasps, crawling forward on the library couch to try to get the candy anyway. He ends up kissing Yuuri instead, which is truly a better reward than any candy. Yuuri smiles into the kiss, tasting like the chocolate he just stole, Victor’s favorite. Yuuri always seems to have it in his gym bag, even if he swears it’s not his own favourite. This has led Victor to the conclusion that either his boyfriend is a candy eating liar or he does it just so he can give them to Victor. The second one gives him far too many butterflies in his stomach for it to be healthy. 

“Hey! This is cheating!” Yuuri protests, still kissing him though so he can’t be too displeased. Victor giggles against Yuuri’s lips and steals a candy from Yuuri’s hand when he’s distracted by Victor’s tongue swiping across his bottom lip. Victor leans back, opening the candy wrapper and  putting the chocolate in his mouth, smiling victoriously. Yuuri shakes his head, but still smiles. 

“This was much easier when you didn’t distract me like that,” Yuuri points out. 

“I didn’t distract you before?” Victor teases and Yuuri blushes. Pretty, he’s so pretty. Victor has to kiss him again. Yuuri kisses back, chaste and sweet. 

“You did,” he admits when they separate. “But then it was all in my head. Now I can act on it.”

Kissing Yuuri is way better than studying so Victor leans in to do it again, only for Yuuri to turn away, laughing as Victor kisses his cheek instead. Making a show of pouting he pulls back.    
“So cruel, Yuuri!”

“I’m supposed to help you study!” Yuuri exclaims, earning a sharp ‘ shh’ from someone on the other side of one of the book shelves. He blushes and looks a little sheepish. It’s adorable. 

“What do I need foreign affairs for?” Victor complains. Studying for this exam has been so slow. He likes the subject but the teachers have been so boring throughout this class. 

“You need it if you want to be a foreign affairs journalist,” Yuuri points out and Victor pouts again. He really wants to do other things than studying. Like kissing Yuuri, and maybe pull him back to the dorm for some heavier making out and maybe something more. 

Since taking things further, it’s like there is this fire burning underneath Victor’s skin, all the time. He wants to have his hands on Yuuri, caress his soft skin, kiss his lips, neck. Suck marks into his throat, lick down his chest. It’s all consuming and it’s driving him mad. In a very good way. 

He’s even started researching things, just to know how to best pleasure Yuuri. He hasn’t gotten a chance to do much of it though. It’s hard when you live in a house with several other people, in an apartment that’s always flooded with students. There has mostly been heated makeouts and a few handsjobs underneath covers. Which has all been really good, but Victor craves more. Needs more. The more he thinks about it, the more he wants Yuuri, and all he wants to give.

As much as Victor notices that Yuuri wants him too, he feels like his boyfriend is holding back. Maybe it’s the environment they’re in right now. Maybe he’s waiting for Victor. Victor adores him for all of his care. How he got so lucky as to find someone as considerate as Yuuri, he’ll never know. Hopefully, he can hold onto him for a long time. Still, he really wants to try out the things he’s been reading up on, and the apartment should be empty for a while. Victor leans in closer to Yuuri on the couch again, twisting his body a little so it looks as good as possible. Yuuri’s gaze drops, appreciative gleam in his eyes, before flickering back to his eyes. Yes. 

“I can be a sports journalist,” Victor suggests, moving yet a little closer. He’s almost in Yuuri’s lap now.   
“You hate sports,” Yuuri points out. This is true. Victor can appreciate how much time and energy goes into a hobby like that, and especially into professional athleticism, but he has no interest in watching it. Unless…  

“Well, I love looking at you,” Victor drags out with a low voice, pulling himself into Yuuri’s lap. Like this, he can look down on him, seeing all the different nuances of his beautiful brown eyes, cute pink blush. 

“Sounds like a boring career,” Yuuri whispers as Victor drags the tip of his nose across Yuuri’s cheek.

“Oh, I disagree,” Victor says, rolling his ass slowly down on Yuuri’s lap. It’s a small movement, laced with intent. Yuuri lets out a soft gasp, hands gripping Victor’s hips.

“Vitusha,” Yuuri breathes, but Victor has a plan, and he wants to follow through. 

“You know, Phichit and Chris are going to the movies straight after class today.” Another roll of hips.  “And Minami has his movie club.” Another roll, Yuuri’s breath hitches again. “Sara and Mila have their anniversary, going on a date.” One more roll. “The dorm should be pretty empty.” Yuuri’s grip on his hips tightens but he says nothing, waiting. Victor rolls his hips again. 

“I really wanna taste you,” he whispers. “Will you let me, Yuuri?”

Yuuri’s moans, his answer breathless and wanting. 

“Yes.” 

 

When they finally reach the dorm, apartment door shut behind them, bedroom locked, and a text to Hikaru from Victor saying  _ ‘Keep yourself and Seung Gil out of the RA apartment bc I’m gonna go down on my boyfriend’ _ sent, Victor pushes Yuuri back up against the bedroom door. His hands are already pushing Yuuri’s soft sweater up, hands caressing the soft plains there. Yuuri has a beautiful stomach, abs clearly lined but still soft. Victor has had far too many fantasies about licking them to be healthy. That’s not Victor’s plan for right now though, but maybe later. 

Victor has given blow jobs before, when asked. He’s never really enjoyed giving them much. The thing about Yuuri is that Victor wants to give him everything, wants to see Yuuri as a mess because Victor made him that way. So he’s been reading up, and now he’s going to do his best to make sure Yuuri has never been given as good blow job in his life. 

Victor kisses Yuuri with as much passion as he can, licking into his mouth as he rolls his hips against Yuuri’s, hard and needy. Yuuri groans against his lips, half hard in his pants already. Victor will have to do something about that. He pulls away from Yuuri’s lips, kissing down his jaw and neck, sucking and biting, until he reaches the collar of Yuuri’s shirt. He sinks down to his knees then, looking up through silver lashes. Yuuri looks down at him, eyes wide but dark, his hand cards though Victor hair. Victor reaches up to tug his ponytail free, silver strands cascading down his shoulders and back. Yuuri continues to card through it, blunt fingernails scraping his scalp. Victor hums into the touch as he leans forward, mouthing Yuuri’s eraction though his pants, dampening the fabric of Yuuri’s jeans. Yuuri’s moans, and Victor spreads his knees wide on the floor as he sits back, hands moving up from Yuuri’s calves, caressing his muscular thighs. He lets one of his hands caress softly across Yuuri’s hardening cock before moving to the button of his jeans.

“Can I take these off?” He asks, putting as much innocence as he can into his voice as he leans in to scrape his teach against the zipper. Yuuri shudders but nods, hands still carding though Victor’s hair. Victor stands slowly on his knees, until he’s eye level with the button of Yuuri’s jeans. He opens them slowly, pushing them down to his ankles, leaving Yuuri in his black boxers. Yuuri has beautiful thighs, muscular and thick. They work hard, they should get more aprichation. Victor sits back again, kissing up the left thigh, from Yuuri’s knee to the hem of his underwear. He moves over to the right leg next, licking the inside of it, letting his tongue swipe just under the hem of the boxers leg. Yuuri moans. It’s a beautiful sound. Victor loves Yuuri’s moans, loves knowing he can make Yuuri feel this way. He had no idea someone else's sounds of being pleasured could be such a turn on. He’s already achingly hard in his own pants, but he has something he has to do before he can focus on that. 

He mouths at Yuuri’s erection again, soaking the cotton fabric with his tongue, looking up at Yuuri from his position on the floor. Yuuri’s hand has stilled in Victor hair, eyes downcast and glued to Victor. Perfect. 

Victor hooks his thumbs into Yuuri’s boxers, pulling them down to where his pants are pooled around his feet. Victor urges Yuuri to lift, pulling both of the garments off completely. He gazes at Yuuri’s cock after that, letting his hands travel from Yuuri’s ankles up his thighs, settling in the junctures of Yuuri’s hips.  He just sits back a while, looking at his boyfriend’s erection. Yuuri is really hard, cock erect and flushed, a small bead of precome at the tip. Yuuri is thick, and a perfect length. It will probably stretch Victor’s mouth wide. 

“Such a pretty cock, Yuuri,” Victor compliments as he leans in to lick up the underside from base to tip. Yuuri moans again, a breathy  _ ‘Vitusha’ _ escaping his lips followed by a loud and filthy  _ ‘Yes’ _ as his head falls back against the door with a soft thump. Victor grabs at the base of Yuuri’s erection then, holding it still as he leans in to lick at the tip, tasting him proper. It’s musky and salty and it turns Victor on so much. 

“Mmh, tasty,” he compliments before he leans in to suck the tip of Yuuri’s cock into his mouth. It is thick on his tongue, and the stretch is noticeable but not hurting. Victor hums and Yuuri shudders out a breath. 

“Oh, fuck,” Yuuri moans and Victor smiles as he sucks on the head, once, twice, reveling in the sounds that Yuuri makes. He wants to touch himself so badly, but holds back. He wants to focus on Yuuri now. 

He lowers his head slowly, bobbing up once before going down deeper, and then again. He won't fit it all. Victor has read guides online that explained how to deepthroat but he’ll need to practice for that. Hopefully, Yuuri will let him do this again so he can try. 

Victor sets a steady pace, his right hand working the length he can’t fit in his mouth. The other hand is fisted in Yuuri’s soft sweater, eyes up, looking at what a mess he’s making of his boyfriend. Yuuri looks so sexy, cheeks flushed with arousal, mouth open, eyes half lidded and dark as the night. 

Looking at Yuuri, hearing his moans, it’s too much. Arousal is burning in Victor as he lets go of Yuuri’s sweater so he can palm his aching cock through his pants, moaning around Yuuri’s length as he does. The friction feels amazing, and he wishes he could just rip his pants open and touch himself propper. He’s needs more, feels empty without Yuuri’s hands on him, Yuuri’s fingers inside him. 

“Aah, fuuck, Vitusha,” Yuuri moans out and Victor moans again as he press down harder on his length. He’s so aroused, the vision of Yuuri hot in pleasure making him ache. He wants Yuuri’s hands on him, wants to be skin to skin, pressed close. He wants Yuuri inside him, kissing him as he thrust inside him with his cock, like his fingers did that felt so good. When will they get this chance again? Apartment empty and no need to keep quiet? Realisation hits him fast and he pulls off Yuuri’s cock, panting but eyes wide. 

“Yuuri. I want you to fuck me.”  

Yuuri’s eyes go just as wide, searching Victor’s face. The room falls quiet for a moment.

“You- you’re sure?” Yuuri stutters, hands leaving Victor’s hair so he can reach for his hand.

Victor nuzzles at Yuuri’s groin, kissing the hard cock once, before taking Yuuri’s hand, letting himself be pulled up. 

“Yes,” he says, pressing close to Yuuri, rolling his hips into Yuuri’s groin, making them both let out a soft moan. “Please, Yuuri, will you?” 

Yuuri winds his hands into the hair at the base of Victor’s neck, kissing him properly. They stand there for a while, just kissing, as their hands explore each other’s bodies. Yuuri finds the hem of Victor shirt and pulls it off, Victor doing the same to Yuuri’s. They move towards the bed, Yuuri unbuttoning Victor’s pants as he keeps kissing him. His pants and underwear drops to the floor, Victor kicking them off completely. When his knees hit the bed, he goes down smoothly, scooting back as Yuuri crawls on top of him, kissing from his hip bone, up his stomach, spending some extra time with Victor’s nipple, licking and sucking at it until it’s hard and sensitive, before giving the other the same treatment. Victor is so hard, cock beading pearls of come onto his stomach as he grips at Yuuri’s shoulders to anchor himself in the moment. He wants this so much, he trusts Yuuri with this in a way he thought he never would. He wants this because he wants them to have this experience together, not because he’s afraid Yuuri will leave if they don’t or because he’s lonely. He’s  so in love with Yuuri he thinks he could burst from the sheer force of it. 

Yuuri crawls up to his mouth, soft lips kissing him breathless as he grinds his hips down, cocks brushing together. 

“You sure?” Yuuri asks against Victor’s lips and Victor nods. He’s never been as sure about anything as this. “We can do it the other way if you like?” 

Victor shakes his head at that, leaning up to kiss Yuuri again, craving more contact. 

“Some other time? Just, I want you inside me. Please, Yuuri.” 

The thought of taking Yuuri like that still feels too big. Victor wants to feel more comfortable with sex before that kind of responsibility. He also has the overwhelming need to wash all of the other persons who have touched him away and exchange it with Yuuri’s touch, his kisses, his pleasure. It feels like a silly thought, but it burns bright in Victor’s mind anyway. He rolls his hips up, their joined moan filling the room. 

“Make me feel good, Yuuri.” 

Yuuri shudders out a breath, kissing Victor again before leaning over to the nightstand to grab the lube. They had gone to the college health clinic after they had first become sexually active, making sure they were both clean, so no condom needed. Victor is thankful for it now, knowing he will be able to feel Yuuri without barriers. 

Yuuri settles back between his legs, hand caressing the inside of Victor’s thigh softly, eyes roaming over his body. He smiles  as he leans down, kissing the juncture of Victor’s mouth. 

“So pretty. Open up for me,” he whispers and Victor does, lets his legs fall even more open as Yuuri rises again, pouring lube on his fingers, warming it between them. One of Yuuri’s hands spreads him wider as the other finds Victor’s entrance. He circles the rim once, twice, before slowly pushing in. It burns, and Victor takes deep breaths to relax, to trust. Yuuri’s finger slides in deeper when he does, slowly moving in and out of his body. 

“You’re doing so good for me baby, so beautiful,” Yuuri praises and Victor loves it, loves having Yuuri’s attention and care. He looks up at his amazing boyfriend, eyes dark with want as he studies Victor’s reaction, eyes flicking from his face down to where his finger is working him open.

“I’m gonna add another now okay? Make you all ready for me to fill you up.” 

“Yes, Yuuri. Please.” 

“Anything you want, baby.”

Yuuri does, a second finger pressing in next to the first one and Victor moans, both at the stretch and at Yuuri’s words. He wants to be as close to Yuuri as he can, give him pleasure and for Yuuri to give into the same need that’s pulsating through Victor’s body. Yuuri curves his fingers and brushes against that spot inside Victor. It sends sparks of pleasure through him and he arches off the bed, moan loud and filthy. 

“Aah, Yuuri!”

“Perfect, Vitusha. Amazing,” Yuuri says, leaning down to kiss at every patch of skin he seems to be able to reach. A third finger joins the others and Victor pants out a plea for  _ ‘more’ _ . Yuuri is so good at this. He knows Yuuri cares for him, will take care of him. 

“Please Yuuri,” he begs, because he needs Yuuri closer, inside him. “I’m ready, please.” 

Yuuri nods, pulling his fingers out before grabbing the lube again to coat his cock. He strokes it a few times, head falling back as he moans. He’s so hot. Victor needs him, aches for him. Yuuri comes back down, leaning on his elbows on either side of Victor’s head, draping his body over Victor’s. They kiss slowly, Yuuri’s erection just resting against Victor’s as they kiss, hot and wet, but sweet. Yuuri’s hands roam down his body until it reaches his cock, lining up to Victor’s entrance. Yuuri breaks the kiss, leaning up a bit to make eye contact, and pushes in. 

Victor sighes, in relief or pleasure he isn’t sure, because finally,  _ finally,  _ his body sings. It still burns, but there is pleasure there too, anticipation. As if the body remembers the way Yuuri’s fingers felt when they moved against his prostate and now wants more. Yuuri presses in slowly, but in one movement, until he is completely seated in Victor’s body. Their lips pressed together as they share breaths, both of them panting. Victor’s arms are wound around Yuuri’s shoulers, to steady himself. As he bottoms out, Victor can feel Yuuri trembling in his arms. 

“Yuuri?” he asks, breathless and hot. God, Yuuri feels amazing inside him. 

“Sorry,“ Yuuri says against his lips. “Overwhelmed, give me a second. Fuck, you feel so good.” 

Victor laughs, breathless and wanting as he slowly pushes his hips into the mattress before rocking back up, moaning as he does. Yuuri moans too, pressing his lips harder into Victor’s before slowly starting to rock his hips with Victor’s thrust, pace slowly building. Yuuri shifts his hips a little, searching for that spot he found with his fingers earlier. When Yuuri’s cock brushes against it, Victor can’t help but  cry out, sparks of pleasure rushing up his spine and down his legs.

“Yes, God Yuuri, Yes!” 

Yuuri’s pace increases then, pounding into Victor as he continues to kiss him, consume him. It feels amazing, being filled and claimed and surrounded by Yuuri. Being his. Victor loves being his, loves this amazing wonderful man that has grabbed all of his attention and given him more than he could ever have hoped for. When Yuuri’s hand wraps around his length, pumping in time with his thrusts it becomes too much for Victor. His hips stutters, pleasure exploding in his body as he falls over the edge, orgasm ripping through his body as he clenches down on Yuuri’s hard erection, come spurting out on Yuuri’s and and their stomachs.

“Ah, Yuuri, Yuurii, Aaah-”

“So good Vitusha, so fucking- aah fuck. “

Yuuri’s fucks him through it, his own moans loud as his hips lose the steady pace, rhythm frantic as he too chases release. Victor just looks at him as he falls over too, breathtakingly beautiful as he comes, empting inside Victor. 

They’re both panting messes after that, holding onto each other as they come down from the euphoric bliss of orgasm. 

“I adore you,” Yuuri breathes into his ear, peppering soft kisses beneath Victor’s ear. Victor laughs. 

“Likewise, gorgeous.”

 

It’s been two weeks since they went to the police when Victor gets an email from them, saying the case has been closed due to lack of evidence. Victor stares at if for a full minute before closing his laptop, pulling his favourite of Yuuri’s hoodies on and walking straight down to the swimhall. He usually sits down in the stands with a book, waits for Yuuri to finish swimming or training so he can kiss him without risking the wrath of Yakov and/or Yuri, but right now he doesn’t care. He needs Yuuri, and he needs him  _ now _ . 

He’s not angry, which is odd. He should be furious, outraged, because how can there not be enough evidence? It was right there, all of it. The person, the texts, Victor's statement. How could it be more clear? Right now, he just feels tired.

He walks into the gym where Yuuri and Leo are on the treadmills, running. Yuuri spots him immediately, smiling wide for a second before his face drops, clearly taking in Victor’s somber expression. 

“What happened?” he asks as he steps off the treadmill, pulling out his headphones. Leo raises an  eyebrow at them but continues running, headphones still on. 

“They dropped it,” Victor says, voice unsteady and shaking. Yuuri’s hands are on his waist immediately, eyes wide.

“What? The police?”

“Yeah,” Victor says with a breathless laugh, his own hands coming up to land on Yuuri’s chest. “They said that it was lack of evidence.” 

“What?” Yuuri questions again and then tugs Victor towards the door. They walk into Yuri’s empty office, sitting down on the two desk chairs there. Victor pulls out his phone so Yuuri can read the email himself. He does so, several times, frown deepening with each read. 

“That’s insane. Did they even question him?” Yuuri asks, handing back the phone with wide eyes. Victor shakes his head. 

“I have no idea, this is all the information I got.”

They just look at each other for a while, stumped. Yuuri breaks the silence first. 

“Victor, do you think- would it be alright if we told Yuri?” Yuuri reaches out to lace their fingers together and Victor immediately relaxes from the touch. He wants to crawl into Yuuri’s lap and just cuddle there. He feels so empty, void of emotions. Hollow. The contact with Yuuri helps a little though. It’s warm and comforting, and even if Yuuri looks as lost as Victor feels, at least he’s here. A team. Just like Yuuri said they would be.

“Yuri? What could he do?” Telling Yuuri’s swim coach assistant about his awful life choices is not at the top of any of Victor’s lists, especially since he’s someone important to Yuuri. Someone who’s opinion Yuuri values. 

“Yeah.. I totally get if you don’t want to, it’s totally up to you. I just know he has some experience with dealing with the police after his attack, maybe he have some advice in what to do?” 

Victor thinks this over for a second. He doesn't want to repeat this story to anyone ever again, but if Yuri can help... 

“Okay, let's tell him.”

Yuri lets Victor tell the entire story without any interruptions. He’s not very specific, mostly because he can’t really see the point. He focuses on the texts, shows them to Yuri, explains about the police and the report being dropped. Yuuri holds Victor’s hand through the whole thing, rubbing circles with his thumb. Yuri listens, eyes hard as stone. Victor isn’t sure if that's just his face or if he’s actually furious at him and will demand that Victor leaves Yuuri alone before he completely ruins his career. When the story is done, Yuri stands.

“Fucking shit.” His voice is calm, but his hands are balled into fists. He looks at Victor for a while, then over at Yuuri.

“Why the fuck didn’t you say something sooner?” He questions.

“It’s not really my thing to tell,” Yuuri explains. “I really hoped the police would…” Yuuri trails off, the words hanging in the air. Victor looks down, focuses on their joined hands. 

“Yeah, that’s fucking rich. They didn’t help me either so.” Yuri runs his hands through his hair and sighs. “Fucking bastard,” he mutters before looking over at Victor. “It sucks that this idiot did this to you, and even more that the police aren’t taking it seriously.”  

“Yuri, is there something else we can do?” Yuuri asks. He’s holding on so tight to Victor, like he needs grounding into reality. Maybe he wants Victor to crawl up into his lap as well, snuggle close and whisper sweet things to each other until this awful day can be over. Yuri sighs and slumps down, taping his fingers on the desk. 

“Well, you can do appeals and shit but that takes a lot of time and energy. You could run it yourselves I guess, but I have no idea how that works.” Yuri stops then, something flashing in his eyes, sitting up straighter. 

“Can I see those texts again?”

Yuri reads them again, wide grin forming as he does. He looks up when he’s done, a light glimmering in his eyes. 

“What?” Yuuri asks, frowning. 

“That shit he did there,” Yuri says, pointing to the message where Richard mentions his boyfriend, Emanuel, and then Yuuri. “That shit means he tried blackmail. We can claim interference because of that. I can take that to the SA.” 

“Really? But we don’t know if Emanuel had anything to do with it?” Yuuri exclaims, surprised look on his face.   
“It doesn’t matter. Someone tried to throw you off your game by blackmail. They take that shit seriously.”

“Wait, what's the SA?” Victor asks, looking between the two Yuri’s. Yuri looks extremely smug while Yuuri looks a little worried but a little more hopeful than before. 

“The Swim Association. If someone in the vicinity of an athlete tries to blackmail them or affect them negatively they would be the ones to get involved.” Yuri explains.

“You think they would? The threat wasn’t at me or my swimming?” Yuuri asks. Yuri shrugs. 

“I can’t be sure, but it would be worth a try. They have super loaded lawyers. They might be able to get him to sign some sort of waiver or something, I have no idea how it works, but if the police have dropped it...” 

“Okay,” Yuuri turns to Victor then, squeezing his hand. “You wanna think about it?” 

His eyes are so soft, no expectations, just love. Even if Victor just wants to put this entire thing behind them and forget, this would be better. To finally be done with it for real, so it can’t come back and haunt them. If this could protect them both, and especially Yuuri, there is really only one answer. 

“Let’s do it.” 

Yuri says he’ll talk to Yakov alone, something Victor is extremely grateful for, and then contact the SA. What will happen next is something none of them knows. None of them has experience with something like this after all. 

 

Victor fidgets on the chair as Yuuri sets the computer on the desk. He bites the side of his thumb, trying to focus on anything else than the fact that soon, really soon, he’ll officially meet Yuuri’s family. He met them on Yuuri’s birthday of course, but that was with everyone and just a quick  _ ‘Hello’ _ . This is one on one, Yuuri introducing him as his boyfriend and  _ oh god _ Victor should have tried to learn some Japanese. He had said they had a hard time with English and Victor should have tried to make an effort. He wonders if he’ll be able to learn some words if he picks up his phone now and googles greeting phrases. Yuuri sits down next to him, fingers trembling a little as he opens the laptop. Victor wants to wrap Yuuri into a hug and just stay there, where it’s always warm and safe. When had Yuuri become such a safe haven for all his fears? Soaking into all parts of Victor, finding every nook and cranny and building a home there. It’s equal parts scary and soothing. Yuuri’s hands are still trembling a little and he removes them from the keypad to shake them, twice. Strange. Victor looks up at his face, Yuuri’s jaw clenched, eyes worried. Does Yuuri not want him here? He had asked if Victor would want to join him, but had he changed his mind?

“Yuuri, if you don’t want them to meet me I can go,” Victor says. It hurts, but Victor understands. He doesn't have that kind of connection to his parents but it seems to be a big deal for other people. Chris had been really nervous when he was bringing Phichit home during Christmas. 

Yuuri looks over at him, brows furrowing deeper and then relaxing, words rushing out

“No, no, no. It’s just. I’m scared they’ll tell you embarrassing things about me.” He takes a breath then, seemingly to steady himself. “Just, don’t stop liking me because they say… things.” 

Oh, Yuuri is worried, not because of what his parents would think of Victor, but what Victor would think of them and Yuuri. 

“Yuuri!” Victor says, smiling now as he leans forward to kiss his cheek. “I would never.” 

Yuuri lets out a shaky breath and smiles back, looking a little bit more relaxed but still with some tension in his shoulders. He focuses on the computer again after that, opening the Skype app and scrolling down to find the contact. Victor wants to reach out and touch him again, but holds back. Yuuri should probably lead this. 

The call starts and Yuuri straightens, looking at the small window of them in the lower right corner before turning to Victor, kissing him hastily on the lips. 

“Yuuri!” 

They both turn, the screen filled with a woman's face, Hiroko, Victor reminds himself. She’s smiling and Yuuri flushes bright red, Victor can’t stop the laughter bubbling out of him. 

“Hi mom!” Yuuri says as Hiroko leans back, showing Toshiya and Mari. Toshiya smiles too, looking as amused as his wife looks thrilled. Mari looks more calculating. “This is Victor, who you met you know, on my birthday.” 

“Hi!” Victor waves, smiling as brightly as he can. He’s so nervous his voice trembles. These are people who are important to Yuuri, who cares about him, who loves him. 

“Hi Victor!” Hiroko says. “You’re being kind to our Yuuri, yes? He says as much.” 

Victor feels a bright red flush spread across his cheeks as Hiroko giggles. Beside her, Yuuri’s sister looks smug.

“Mom!” Yuuri whines and hides his face in his hands and that makes Mari laugh. Victor can’t help but smile, the joy of the Katsukis and Yuuri’s nervousness infectious. 

“We gotta make sure you’re taken care of,” Mari says and Victor takes a deep breath, steading himself.

“Well, I could probably be better at that. It’s mostly Yuuri who takes care of me,” Victor admits, turning towards Yuuri with the blush burning bright on his cheeks. Yuuri looks at him too, pink dusting his cheeks as well, but with a fond smile on his lips.

“We take care of each other,” Yuuri says and Victor smiles wider, interlacing their fingers underneath the desk. 

“Oh my god,” Mari sighs and Victor would guess that she’s rolling her eyes while Hiroko’s coos comes through the computer speakers. 

 

Victor wakes with a start, panting as his heart hammers in his chest, adrenaline sweet in his mouth. The room is dark, the streetlights outside of the window shining in through the crack in the blinds. Victor has to pull himself up to a sitting position, trying to will down his still racing heart, to make sense of his surroundings. He’s in Yuuri’s bedroom. Their bed. He can see where he put his clothes last night, right next to Yuuri’s. He can see the pinboard on the wall with all of Yuuri’s swimmers pins. There is a collection of books on the desk, his and Yuuri’s, mixed. 

He tries to remember what they did last night. They had both needed to study, sitting pressed together with a book each, sharing earbuds as Yuuri played music from his favorite playlist as they read. They had eaten with the rest of the dorm before that. There had been no fight, no tears. Yuuri had not left.

It was just a dream.

It was just a dream. 

Just a dream.

He looks down at Yuuri’s sleeping form, face relaxed and mouth slightly opened. He’s so pretty, and he had not broken up with Victor. It was just his mind playing tricks on him. 

He lets out a sigh of relief. He cards his hand through Yuuri’s bed ruffled hair, longing to place a kiss on his forehead, but resists. He doesn’t want to wake Yuuri just because he had a nightmare. A very terrifying nightmare, but still. A nightmare where Yuuri left him. Victor shakes his head to clear it and slides out of bed. Maybe a visit to the bathroom will clear his mind. 

He washes his face with cold water and pats it dry, the adrenaline that the nightmare gave slowly fading. He looks at himself in the mirror, taking a deep breath once, twice, before walking into the kitchen. The apartment is dark, the streetlight and the moonlight the only thing guiding him as he tries to move as quietly as he can, so not to wake any one. He drinks two glasses of water before heading back to bed. His heart rate has gone back to normal but he’s not very tired. Maybe wrapping himself around his warm boyfriend will lull him back to sleep. 

As soon as he slides underneath the covers, Yuuri pulls him close, chest to chest, lips resting against his forehead. 

“You’re okay?” His voice is husky and laced with sleep. 

“Mhm, just a bad dream.”

Yuuri pulls him even closer then and Victor sighs into the embrace. Just a stupid dream. 

“Wanna talk about it?” Yuuri asks, moving back a little so he can look at Victor who sighs. 

“It was silly. I dreamt you broke up with me.” 

“Silly,” Yuuri agrees with a lazy smile, more charming than should be allowed. “I’d never break up with you, Vitusha. I love you.” 

Victor’s heart stops. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, me and my beta came upon a cultural/ language difference when going though this. I write this in English but my brain sort of works in Swedish, since thats where I'm from.   
> In Sweden, we have different words for being 'In love' (Kär) and 'To love' (älska).   
> To say you're in love is not a big deal, it's something you feel for your partner or someone you like, the butterfly, I wanna kiss you and hold your hand type of feeling. But saying you love someone is a much bigger thing, its deep and profound and something you say to someone who is really close to you, like a spouse, family, your best friends or your kids.   
> So in this, Yuuri has said he's in love with Victor before, and Victor knows that he is, but he's never said he LOVES him, and thats why he's so shocked. 
> 
> I hope this made sense, LOL. 
> 
> Thank you for reading, please let me know what you think in the comment section or on other platforms like:  
> [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/linisen) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/mjaoue)


	15. Mending: Loved

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feelings, unexpected bonding, a sex shop, something wet and an unexpected call.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Betaed by the great [takeitoffhemmo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/takeitoffhemmo)
> 
>  
> 
> Y'all have no idea how close I came to posting the wrong chapter xD

“Yuuri! You can’t just say it like that!” 

“What?” Yuuri’s frowning now, clearly still sleepy and might not have realised what he said, but Victor’s heart is pounding so hard he can hardly breath. He’s so happy and in love and it’s all gonna bubble over. He can’t handle all these emotions. No one, beside his parents, have ever said they love Victor. Victor can’t even remember the last time someone said it, and being loved by Yuuri. That’s better than being loved by anybody else in the entire world. It’s too much. Victor’s gonna explode from emotional overload if he doesn’t do something about it.

“Aren’t you supposed to make some big declaration or something?” Victor teases, smile huge on his face as he presses it into Yuuri’s neck. 

“I-what? Big declaration of what?” Yuuri is so cute when he’s sleepy, it’s like it takes him a full five minutes to wake up and for his brain to function at all. Victor might need to shock him into awakeness if they’re going to have this conversation. Victor pulls himself from the comfort of snuggling into Yuuri’s neck to pull himself up to his elbows, stroking a  few fly away hairs from Yuuri’s forehead. If anyone had told him a year ago, when he and Robin was just breaking up and he felt himself fall deeper and deeper into hollowness, if anyone had told him that something resembling a prince from a fairytale would swoop in and start healing all his cracks, he would have laughed in their faces and called them ridiculous. Still, here he is. In the arms of the most caring person he knows. The one that stands strong in the face of the storms they’ve met so far, holds his hands in promise of doing the same in those who comes. The one who brings laughter and pleasure and  _ love _ . 

Victor looks at him, smiling widely at Yuuri’s still sleepy smile and has to lean down to kiss him, twice on the lips and once on the nose before locking eyes with Yuuri again. 

“I love you too.”

Yuuri blinks, then blinks again, before realisation seems to finally hit him, a state of shock crossing his expression before turning into joy as he surges up, arms wrapping around Victor as he pulls him into a kiss. It’s a really bad kiss. It’s all teeth and they both seem to smile too much to be able to pull themselves into something that might resemble a real kiss. Victor doesn’t care. He doesn’t care at all. All he can focus on is Yuuri’s body pressed against his, a grounding reassurance that this is real. That he gets to have this. That he has this. 

“Victor,” Yuuri breathes against his lips and Victor kisses him proper this time, filled with overwhelming joy. Yuuri kisses back, fingers tangling in Victor’s hair as Yuuri tips him over so they’re both lying on their sides. This way, they can deepen the kiss, tongues licking into each others mouths as they pull at each other’s torsos, trying to get closer. When they break apart for air, Yuuri is still smiling like a love struck fool, just like Victor feels.

“I wasn’t supposed to tell you like this,” Yuuri admits, leaning in to peck at his lips again, still smiling. “I wasn’t sure how you would take it and, I thought that if I did, it should be this big thing you know. Because you deserve that.” He strokes Victor’s braid back from his shoulder then, fond look in his eyes. Victor shakes his head, hand snaking underneath Yuuri’s sleep shirt to trace patterns into his heated skin. 

“I don’t care. I’m just,” Victor lets out a sigh, because he has to or he’ll float away, “I’m really happy, Yuuri. I don’t-, I can’t ever remember someone saying they love me.” Victor looks down then, embarrassed. Yuuri’s hand finds his cheek, swiping at the cheekbone before traveling down to tip his chin up again so their eyes meet.

“The world is mad, Victor Nikiforov, if it doesn't appreciate what an amazing person you are. “

Victor has nothing to say to something as overwhelming as that, so he kisses Yuuri again, and again, and again, and neither of them sleep anymore that night.  

 

They’re at Yuri and Otabek’s house for dinner, under the pretence of preparing for the meeting with SA in a couple of days. No one has mentioned the meeting yet though, for which Victor is grateful. Yuri and Yuuri are currently cooking in the kitchen, like some well oiled machine, they move across counters and stoves, chopping and stirring. Yuri had grabbed Yuuri as soon as they had gotten their shoes off, directing him in the kitchen with just a quick wave in Victor’s direction. Otabek had chuckled and then directed Victor to follow them, handing him a cup of tea and sat him down in an armchair, overlooking the two Yuri’s working in the kitchen as Otabek took a seat next to him, cup in hand. 

Yuuri is smiling like crazy while Yuri points at him with a knife, saying something about the proper way of chopping onions.

“They seem to be having fun,” Victor comments as he sips his tea. It tastes just like his grandmother used to make it, strong black blend with blackberry jam. A wave of slightly painful notialga washes over him. It’s strange, being nostalgic over something you hardly miss. 

“Yeah,” Otabek chuckles as he looks over at the kitchen, fond look in his eyes. “They get like this. I think it’s because they both have this thing about swimming that us normal humans that aren't born with fins between our toes can’t understand, they get each other.” 

Victor laughs at that and Yuuri looks up, smiling at him, before Yuri tells him to get back to work.

“How are you feeling about everything?” Otabek asks, pulling Victor back from ogling his boyfriend who’s looking fine in an apron. He sighs and looks down into his cup, shrugging.

“I don’t know. I feel foolish. I wish I could go back in time and have some things undone. I wish I didn’t have to put Yuuri through this.” 

Otabek is quiet for a while, so long that Victor thinks he might have dropped it. In the kitchen, the Yuri’s are talking quietly now, probably about swimming. Then, Otabek takes a deep breath beside him, drawing Victor’s attention back to him. 

“I was in a relationship when I met Yuri. I thought it was good. We had similar interests, a good group of friends. We had been together a long time, and I think we both thought that it would stay that way. 

“We had a lot of fun, but he used to pressure me a lot. Guilt trip me into things, like sex.”  Otabek’s eyes are glued to Yuri as he talks, gaze following him as he chops things. Victor looks at Otabek tentatively, surprised and intrigued. He’s never talked to anyone who might have gone through something similar as him.  

“I didn’t think too much about it then. I thought it was me, you know, that I was in the wrong, who didn’t want him everytime he wanted to have sex. It broke me down, made me stop saying no, just let it happen because it was easier. The sex wasn't good, I don’t think either of us thought that it was, but he got what he wanted and I felt less like an ass. 

“Then I met Yuri at the gym where he did his physical therapy after his injury. We started talking and just hit it off. We became closer and closer until one day I realised I felt more for him than just friendship. We reached a point where we either needed to go our separate ways, or I needed to end my relationship and be with Yuri instead. When I reached that conclusion, the choice was simple. 

“It wasn’t until I was with Yuri that I realised how toxic that environment had been, how much it had affected me. Me and Yuri had a lot of fights about it until we both understood what was wrong. Things got a lot easier after that, but sometimes it’s still hard. Maybe it will always be.”

Otabek looks away from his husband in the kitchen then, turning towards Victor. His expression is relaxed, almost serene. 

“What I’m saying is that it’s not your fault and it’s not only you that has made mistakes. Yuuri is a good person, and I hope he treats you right. Lean on each other and talk more than feels necessary, and things will work out if you do, I think.” 

Victor smiles, a little unsure on what to say. Luckily, Yuuri calls them over to the table then, bright smile and a kiss on the cheek for Victor as he comes over to the pulled out chair. 

 

The interview with the SA is so undramatic it takes Victor by surprise. Maybe he’s numb to talking about it after so many twists and turns, or it’s because the woman from the SA is an actual saint. Her name is Satsuki and she smiles softly as they get seated. She insists on having the people that Victor trusts in the room, no more, no less. This means Yuuri and Yuri cram into the small office with Victor and Satsuki but no one complains. Yuuri can even sit next to him and hold his hand and when he does, Satsuki just smiles as she sets up her recorder. 

The questions aren’t as invasive as the police. Satsuki explains that she just wants a short explanation who the person blackmailing and/or threatening them is, their relationship with them, possible reasons for blackmail and a description of the threat. Satsuki gets a copy of the texts as well and before she leaves she shakes all of their hands, lingering with Victor.

“I’m not sure we will be able to claim blackmail towards Mr. Katsuki, which is what the SA foremost is looking into. This case is tangled with a lot of other things than swimming, but I hope we’ll be able to do something. It’s highly unsportsmanship behaviour, and if you ask me, rather cruel.” She smiles then and Victor smiles back, Yuuri’s hand on his lower back a comforting reminder that he’s not alone, and what he’s fighting for. 

 

“I can’t believe you talked me into this,” Victor sighs, reaching out to look at some of the goods but pulling his hand back before he touches them when he remembers what they are, pushing his hands down into his jeans pockets. Chris giggles next to him, pulling some sort of box from a shelf and eyeing it closely. 

When Chris had asked him to come with him to help him pick out a birthday present for Phichit, Victor had imagined an afternoon on the town, walking through shops, looking at  some new training gear, clothes, jewelry? Instead, he got pulled into a sexshop and was now trying to give Chris advice about cock rings and butt plugs and lingerie. Things he had absolutely no experience in, at all. 

“What about this?” Chris asks, holding up a red cock ring with a golden fastening. “He does look good in red.” 

“Oh, god I don’t want to think about what that looks like around Phichit’s dick.” Victor shakes his head, trying to get away from the images forming in his mind. 

Chris snickers at that, putting the ring into a cart, he picked up a freaking cart, and walks on. 

“So, if you don’t want to think about my lovely boyfriend’s cock, how about your own’s. Yuuri likes blue, right?  Anything you need to spice up things in the bedroom?”

Victor blushes, thinking about how Yuuri had felt as he fucked him against the wall last night. Things has continued to be very good, and sexy in that department, in the weeks since they had had sex for the first time. Victor is very content with how they are right now. Yuuri’s cock is heaven, in his hand, on his tongue and inside him. Exploring things is so much fun, seeing which spots on their bodies are sensitive or ticklish. Which positions feel the best and in which angles. Victor still has a hard time with anything where he can’t see Yuuri, so they have stuck to positions that allowed that. They both enjoy praise but neither likes giving or receiving humiliation, something they haven’t even tried but talked about anyway, Yuuri bringing it up when they were discussing preferences. Things are good, really good.

“No, I’m good with his cock as it is,” Victor answers cheekily and Chris laughs loudly. 

“I’m sure you are,” Chris says, going up on the balls of his feet to reach a box on a higher shelf. “But wouldn’t it be fun to tease that cock.” 

Victor thinks about this for a moment, blush rising on his cheeks as he thinks about surprising Yuuri with something, something to make that pretty, pink, blush bloom on his cheeks and his lips part in that soft ‘o’ as his eyes darkens with desire. Yeah, he might like that. He turns to Chris then, licking his lips nervously. 

“What did you have in mind?”

Chris grins wide and tosses him the box he plucked for the higher shelf.

“How do you feel about something like that?”

 

“You wanna head back to the dorm?” Chris asks as they come out of the shop, bag swinging in his hand. 

“No, I think I’ll go see if I can coax Yuuri back to the dorm so he doesn’t drown.”

Chris frowns, chewing on his lower lip a little. 

“Yeah, they’re all getting a little keyed up with Nationals approaching, aren't they?” 

Victor hums, looking down the road that leads to the swimhall. They are all pushing hard now, to get that extra edge for Nationals. Victor hopes things will work out, that something, like this whole mess with Richard won’t throw Yuuri off his game, like it almost had at Regionals. 

“We just have to support them in the best way we can,” Chris says and Victor turns to smile at him before stepping close to give him a hug. 

“Yeah. Let’s do that.” 

When they step away from the embrace, Chris slips a handful of small packs of lube into Victor’s back pocket before giving his ass a slap.

“Go fuck Yuuri in the pool,” he says, eyes gleaming with mischief. Victor simply rolls his eyes. Yeah, like that’s gonna happen. 

 

The lights are off in the pool area when Victor enters, only the lamps in the pool lighting the water, casting a soft blue shimmer in the arena. There’s sounds of water moving, a now familiar sound of Yuuri’s body moving across the distance of the pool. It’s late. Far too late. Yuuri should have been out long ago, but Nationals are approaching and with everything else going on, Victor isn’t that surprised to see Yuuri still training. Especially since he knew Victor wouldn't be home since he was going out shopping with Chris. 

Victor walks closer, kicking off his shoes and socks before sitting down on the edge at the shallower end. He rolls up his jeans before letting his legs fall down into the water, into the lane where Yuuri is swimming. 

He’s on his way away from Victor right now, but he reaches the edge quickly and turns. Victor can see the second he spots the feet in the water since his pace falters a little, breaking the flow of movement and the surface, coming up to look at who’s invading his sanctuary this late. His face breaks into a smile when he spots Victor and he pulls off his goggles and cap before starting to slowly swim over. The pace increases and Victor smiles, kicking his legs a little. He’s missed Yuuri today. He misses Yuuri every day, but being with his best friend talking about relationships and sex toys has made Victor ache for his boyfriend. He wonders if he can coax Yuuri into spending the night in his and Chris’ basically abandoned dorm room so they don’t have to worry about being heard, or hearing Phichit and Chris use the newly bought supplies. 

Yuuri has reached him now and Victor is about to scold him about being in the pool for too long but he never gets the chance. He barely registers hands on his calves before he’s tugged off the edge, falling into the pool with a splash. Since it’s  shallow here he doesn’t completely drown, and Yuuri pins him against the wall in an instant, water reaching up to their chests. Yuuri kisses his neck immediately, hands roaming down Victor’s now drenched sweater as Victor steadies himself by grabbing Yuuri’s upper arms tight, gasping for air. 

“Yuuri! You got me wet!” Victor laughs as Yuuri sucks a mark into his neck, making Victor’s laughter die in his throat, coming out as a soft moan instead. He wraps his legs around Yuuri’s waist under the water. The heat that’s been pooling in his gut during the afternoon fantasising about everything he and Yuuri could do with all the things he and Chris looked at explodes now that Yuuri has his hands on him, lips on him. 

“Don’t care,” Yuuri breathes into his skin, lips wet and cold. “I have extra clothes in my locker.” 

Victor lets out a soft whimper as Yuuri sucks at his pulse point, definitely leaving a mark.    
“Yeah, you always enjoy me in your clothes,” Victor teases, even if he loves it just as much as Yuuri does. Yuuri smiles against his skin, kissing his clavicle twice before straightening, pressure from Yuuri’s pelvis against his increasing as he pushes Victor harder against the wall. He smiles at Victor, all sweet and innocent, while he keeps working Victor into full hardness. 

“Yeah, I do love that,” Yuuri agrees before leaning in, kissing him proper on the lips. He tastes like chlorine and salt and Victor loves kissing him, loves the way Yuuri’s tongue swipes into his mouth while his hands travel down to grip his ass. Victor leaning his head back, breaking the kiss, as he pants. 

“Yuuri, if you keep doing that we should move.” Victor really enjoys the idea of Yuuri fucking him in the pool, but he can’t really imagine that being comfortable, especially when he’s not prepared and they don’t have… oh. 

“Yeah,” Yuuri breaths against his lips. “What you have in mind?”  

Victor is blushing like crazy now, because if he admits the plan forming in his mind it will seem like he came very prepared, which he did, but not with this intention. 

“Uhm,” he says into the kiss. Yuuri hums encouragingly and moves down to kiss alongside Victor’s jaw. “I might have lube with me, in my back pocket.” 

Yuuri stills, removes his lips from Victor’s skin and straightens, eyes wide in surprise that morphes over into gleaming in delight. 

“You come here to seduce me Vitusha?” He asks, hands moving over to brush against Victor’s erection. 

“It was you who pulled me into the pool,” Victor reminds him, hands traveling down Yuuri’s chest towards the hem of his swimpants. He wants Yuuri so bad, it drives him mad. 

“True,” Yuuri chuckles before kissing Victor lightly on the lips. “I have an idea, come.” 

Yuuri laces their fingers together and they make their way across the water hand in hand. When they reach the edge, Yuuri pulls himself up to a sitting position on it, legs still dipped into the water. While still in the pool, this gives Victor a perfect view of Yuuri’s thights and the bulge in Yuuri’s swimwear. Just as Yuuri has seated himself, Victor pulls himself closer and places himself between Yuuri’s thighs. He lets his teeth scrape across the wet material towards Yuuri’s crotch. Yuuri lets out a breathy moan, head falling back as he winds his fingers into Victor wet hair. Yuuri looks like a wet dream, literally, with water drops running down his sculpted chest and abdomen, throat exposed and hair wild and wet. He’s the sexiest thing Victor has ever seen, and it’s almost overwhelming to know that he gets to see Yuuri like this, have him like this. Victor stops before he reaches Yuuri’s obvious bulge and bites into Yuuri’s thigh. Yuuri shudders and gasps, tugging at Victor’s hair. 

Victor hooks his thumbs into Yuuri’s swim pants, Yuuri pushing himself up so Victor can pull them down enough to free his erection. Yuuri presses closer to the edge so Victor can come close enough to grab the base to steady it, Yuuri moaning loudly, the sound echoing through the pool area. Victor smiles as he leans in, licking at the slit, pleased hum escaping at the taste. His other hand starts massaging Yuuri’s balls as he sucks the tip into his mouth, sucking at it once before he slowly starts swallowing Yuuri down. The angle is a little weird, and he can’t get all of it into his mouth and throat, which he has practised since that first time, but Yuuri’s thighs tremble around his head anyway, gasps falling of his lips, spurring Victor on. He only gets a few bobs in before Yuuri tugs at his hair, pulling him off. Yuuri looks wrecked, eyes half lidded and pupils blown wide on lust, chest heaving. God Victor loves him.  

“Vitusha, come up here, please,” Yuuri begs and Victor is so weak for him, could never deny him when he wants him just as bad as well. Yuuri scoots back a little, spreading his legs wider so Victor has somewhere to push himself up, and helps pull him the last bit, moving so Victor can straddle him. As soon as he’s securely seated across Yuuri’s thighs, Victor kisses him heatedly, mouth open and gasping as he grinds down into Yuuri’s lap. Yuuri’s hands move his wet shirt up and over his head, it lands with a wet slap on the tile floor next to them. His hands roam over Victor’s exposed chest, thumbs stopping at his nipples to caress them to hardness. 

“Ha, Yuuri,” Victor gasps, grinding down harder into Yuuri’s lap, making both of them gasp. His hands leave Yuuri’s neck to reach for the fastening of his own pants, needing them off, needing Yuuri’s hands on him. The material protests, wet and stiff under his hand. Yuuri is grinding up against his ass now, only spurring on the need to get these wretched clothes off, now. 

“Yuuri, Yuuri, wait,” he pants as he manages to get the pants open. Yuuri stills immediately, looking up into Victor’s eyes. His hands come up to cup his cheeks, eyes worried.

“Too much? You wanna stop?” 

Victor adores him. Adores that Yuuri can go from the sexiest thing alive, grinding up into Victor’s ass, to sweetest boyfriend in the world with just one sentence from Victor. He turns to kiss Yuuri’s palms as he shakes his head, smiling. 

“No, I just need to get up to get my pants off,” he says, pushing himself off Yuuri’s warm lap so he can shimmy himself out of the soaked and clinging garment. 

“Oh, yeah. That’s- That’s a good idea,” Yuuri says, eyeing him closely as Victor lets his pants fall to the side with a slap, slowly seating himself back in Yuuri’s lap, eyeing his exposed cock with hunger. He wants it in him so bad. 

“You wanna get me ready for that thick cock of yours?” He asks, biting his lip as he grinds down into Yuuri’s lap.

“Aah, yes, yeah,” Yuuri moans and Victor smiles and rises to his knees, reaching over to his discarded pants to find the small packs of lube that Chris put there. He places the packets next to them, picking up one and opens it with his teeth. He coats Yuuri’s fingers with it before rising a little, making room for Yuuri’s hands to find his entrance. Yuuri’s hands skim down his ass, one hand holding his cheeks open as the other circles Victor’s rim. He pushes in slowly, one knuckle first, Victor gasping as Yuuri’s finger enters him. It’s different now. Before, this was a means to an end. Something to bite his cheek and get through. Now his body recognizes it as something that will lead to pleasure, and it sings as Yuuri’s finger slides in a little deeper. It still burns, but there is pleasure in it now, want. Need. 

Yuuri starts working his finger in and out at a steady pace, giving Victor’s body time to adjust, get comfortable, before he pulls out and coats his fingers with more lube before entering two fingers into Victor’s hole. Victor gasps, holding onto Yuuri’s shoulders like an anchor, leaving sloppy open mouthed kisses along Yuuri’s collarbone, neck, shoulder. Yuuri will be peppered with marks, visible during tomorrow's training. Yakov will probably scream himself red and blue about it. Victor sucks a deep purple one just in the hollow or Yuuri’s throat. Let them all know that Victor knows how to make Yuuri, National Champion, into a sexcrazed mess. 

They’re both breathing heavy, soft moans echoing around the area. Yuuri adds a third finger and finds Victor’s prostate after some prodding, smiling smugly into Victor cheek as Victor shouts. 

“Ready, pretty boy?” Yuuri asks as he pulls his fingers out, leaving Victor empty and throbbing with want. 

“Yes, Yuuri. Fill me up, please.” 

They squirm a little, Yuuri pushing this swim pants down lower and coat his erection with lube, Victor seating himself properly into Yuuri’s lap so Yuuri can line him up just right. 

“Take it slow, okay? Tell me if it’s too much,” Yuuri breathes, flush so beautiful across his cheeks. Victor kisses him softly, pouring all his love into the kiss as he grabs Yuuri’s cock, holding it steady as he sinks himself down on the thick length. Victor gasps, tipping his head forward so his forehead rests against Yuuri’s, their breaths mingling as Victor sinks himself down slowly, body opening for Yuuri’s cock. 

“Oh God, Vitusha. You feel so good,” Yuuri moans, grip on Victor’s hips almost bruising. Victor’s fingers twines into Yuuri’s hair, steadying himself as he gets fully seated in Yuuri’s lap, panting loudly. 

“Yuuri, Yuuri,” Victor chants. The stretch is so good, overwhelming him. They sit there for a moment, adjusting and reveling in just kissing, until the fire starts rushing through them both again, kisses increasing in intensity. They start rocking together, pace slow but heated, desperate. Victor can’t stop looking at Yuuri. Can’t take his eyes off the pink flushed cheeks, parted and wet lips, eyes dark with hunger. 

Their pace increases, Victor bouncing in Yuuri’s lap, moans loud and heated as they chase pleasure from each other. Yuuri rocks up as much as he can to meet Victor, sucking marks into Victor’s neck and underneath his jaw, fingers skimming over Victor’s nipples before slowly sinking down to wrap around Victor’s neglected cock, pumping in time with Victor’s movements. It’s so good, pleasure is building so fast in his body as he pushes himself down repeatedly on Yuuri’s erection, hitting his prostate just right. 

“Fuck, Yuuri. Fuck. That feels so good.” 

“Aah, so tight, Vitusha.” Yuuri answers, looking just as wrecked as Victor feels. Yuuri looks so good like this, at Victor’s mercy. That thought is what pushes him over, orgasm hitting him hard.

“Yuuri, Yuuri I’m gonna, Aah-,” 

He comes all over Yuuri’s hand and both of their stomachs and as he clenches down, trembling with the force of the orgasm, Yuuri rocks into him until he, too, shouts, filling Victor up inside. Yuuri pulls Victor close as he collapses, panting into Yuuri’s neck as they both come down from the high of orgasm. 

“Wow, that was. Shit, that was good,” Yuuri murmurs into Victor’s forehead and Victor smiles, still too overwhelmed to speak. 

“Yeah, so good,” he manages, straightening so he can give Yuuri a proper kiss, slow and lazy.  “How many times have you thought about having sex in here?” 

Yuuri smiles, a little sheepish, as he slowly pulls out of Victor. They both move to stand on shaky legs, Yuuri grabbing his towel to wrap around Victor as he pulls his own swimwear up. They gather up Victor’s wet and discarded clothes and the lube packets.

“Since I met you? Far too many times to be healthy,” Yuuri admits as they make their way from the pool towards the locker room. Victor laughs and pulls off Yuuri’s towel and hangs it on the hook by the lockers before stepping into the showers to wash off the come and the chlorine. The water is warm and he hums and closes his eyes as it washes over him. He hadn't realised his skin had gotten so cold. Yuuri joins him under the spray shortly after, naked now as well, hand snaking around Victor’s waist, pulling him back to rest against Yuuri’s chest, fingers intertwining on Victor’s stomach. Yuuri kisses his shoulder, soft and sweet.    
“Where did you get the lube?” Yuuri asks. Victor leans his head back, water cascading down his face before tipping his face down again, giggling. 

“Chris put it in my back pocket, told me to go fuck you in the pool.”

Yuuri laughs, the trembles from it shaking Victor’s body too as they laugh together. 

“Well, I guess you succeeded,” Yuuri says as he moves Victor’s hair out of the way so he can kiss the back of his neck. Victor laughs at that, turning so he can playfully shove Yuuri away from him before pulling him back to kiss him.    
“It wasn’t my plan. I just missed you.” They’ve turned off the shower now and are stepping out, Yuuri handing one towel over to Victor while wrapping the other around himself. 

“Why did he have them?” Yuuri asks as he towels himself dry, folding the wet clothes and putting them in a plastic bag. Victor blushes as he dries his hair, handing the towel over in exchange for dry clothes. He smiles when he sees Yuuri’s team jacket in the pile.

“Oh, we went to a sex shop to look for a birthday present for Phichit,” Victor says, as if talking about the weather. Yuuri’s eyebrows shoot up, eyes wide. 

“You did what?” 

“Let’s just say, we should sleep in my dorm room on Phichit’s birthday.” 

“Yeah, sounds like a good plan,” Yuuri chuckles as he pulls on a hoodie and sweats, then gets a mischievous look in his eyes. “Did you get something too?”

Victor, pulling Yuuri’s jacket on, now ready to head out in the cool spring evening, smiles sweetly, tilting his head to the side. 

“Guess you’ll find out.” 

They walk back to the dorm hand in hand and when there, they greet the onslaught of people just hanging around, studying, playing video games, talking. It fills Victor’s heart with warmth that they have this little family, where everyone is accepted as they are and loved for it. Yuuri heads for the kitchen to make them something to eat while Victor heads for the showers, claiming he needs to condition his hair if he doesn’t want it to look like a crows nest when it’s dried. Yuuri  kisses him softly before they head their opposite ways. Victor sings a soft tune as he goes though his beauty products, taking some extra time to scrub and moisturise. When he steps out he feels relaxed, content. He walks into his and Yuuri’s bedroom, only to find Yuuri pacing the floor, phone to his ear. His eyebrows pinched, jaw clenched, eyes hard, and all of Victor’s contentment runs off of him, exchanged by dread. 

Yuuri spots him and immediately comes over to pull him into his side, soft kiss on his temple as he continues to listen to the person on the phone. Victor doesn’t recognize the voice on the other side, and it’s rare for Yuuri to be speaking to anyone on the phone. He mostly communicates through texts or social media apps. Nerves and anger practically radiate off Yuuri as the arms around Victor’s waist tightens. 

“I don’t know what you want me to say,” Yuuri says, and the person on the other line says something that Yuuri cuts off. “Your boyfriend did a lot of shit, Emanuel.”

Victor stiffens by the name. This must be Richard’s boyfriend, and to some extent, Yuuri’s friend. Yuuri had said they had hung out a bit during the training camp. That Emanuel was kind and fun. 

Emanuel goes off on the phone again and Yuuri puts his hand over the receiver, leaning down to whisper into Victor’s ear.

“He wants to talk to you, how do you feel?” 

Victor takes a deep breath. He’s not sure he wants to, not sure what Emanuel could want, but Yuuri has said Emanuel came across as a good person, and RIchard did screw him over too. Maybe talking to him will straighten some things out. 

Victor nods and Yuuri leans his forehead against his for a second, a silent encouragement and support. 

“Yeah, I have Victor here now, you wanna talk?” 

Yuuri pulls them towards the bed, scooting back until his back hits the wall, legs open so Victor can crawl in between them and rest his back against Yuuri’s chest. As soon as they are seated, Yuuri hands the phone over to Victor and then wraps his arms around him, one over his stomach, one hand over his rapidly beating heart. 

“Hello.”

_ “Hi, is this Victor Nikiforov?”  _

“It is.” 

_ “Hi, uhm, my name’s Emanuel and I’m-” _

“I know who you are, Emanuel,” Victor cuts off. He sounds kind, gentle. Victor hates the thought of Richard being with someone like that, but then again, he would, wouldn't he? Emanuel lets out a shaky breath, voice lowering. 

_ “How do you know that?”  _

“Well, you swam with my Yuuri at the training camp, right?” Victor says, Yuuri’s lips pressing into his temple. It’s not a complete lie. Yuuri had talked about several swimmers while the training camp was going on, Emanuel being one of them. It’s not the entire truth, of course, and Emanuel seems to know it. He laughs through the speakers and Victor smiles. 

_ “Yeah. He talked a lot about you too. I’m glad things worked out,”  _ Emanuel says and he sounds so sincere Victor’s heart aches. Here he sits, surrounded by someone who gives him more joy than he can believe most days. Someone he trusts. Emanuel might have thought he had that, and depending on how much he already knows, Victor might be breaking his heart soon.

“Yeah, I am too.” Victor simply agrees. He’s not ready to be the one pushing this towards where this conversation is clearly going. There can be several reasons for Emanuel calling, but there can only be one person who’s led them here. 

_ “Is there any other reason that you know me?” _ Emanuel asks and Victor takes a deep breath, pushing himself further into Yuuri’s chest. 

“Are you talking about Richard?” 

There is a sigh, and then a pause, followed by another sigh. 

_ “Yeah, I guess. I don’t know. I found some texts, on his phone. And then I went to look you up on social media and I saw you were friends with Yuuri and it sort of clicked. I wanted to call you but Richard had his phone and I…” _ Emanuel trails of then, taking a deep breath. 

“So you called Yuuri instead,” Victor fills in. Emanuel laughs, breathless and hollow. 

_ “Yeah, I just. I was going crazy and I needed to do something.”  _

“I get that,” Victor agrees. The hand not holding the phone tracing patterns into Yuuri’s thigh. “What do you want to know?” 

_ “Ugh,” _ Emanuel says and then laughs again. _ “Nothing really. I wish I could just forget I ever saw them and just, pretend this never happened.” _

Victor is quiet. This must be so painful, knowing you’ll hurt yourself by asking this question, but not being able to stand the thought of not knowing either. He lets Emanuel take his time. Even if Richard is the source of most of his stress and anxiety right now, that's not Emanuel’s fault. In a way, he’s just as affected by this turn of events as he and Yuuri are. What will happen if the SA deems that it was blackmail? Will Emanuel suffer for it? Suspension from competition? Trouble with sponsors? Victor doesn’t want that, he just wants Richard to stop harassing them. 

_ “You dated, in the past?” _ Emanuel asks and the question takes Victor by surprise. He had expected him to want to know about the competition, not their history. 

“Uhm, yeah. Sort of, I guess. Richard he- he never wanted to label it, and it was a… bad relationship sort of thing. It was almost two years ago now, and then we sort of hooked up last summer. He was with Paul then, I think.” 

Emanuel is quiet again, and then the question comes.

_ “Did you go to him, after that text about publishing the photos?” _

“No,” Victor answers immediately. There is no use in dragging that out. 

_ “Oh, you didn’t? But you and Yuuri…”  _

“Yeah, it almost broke us apart completely. I got into a really dark space and Yuuri almost lost Regionals because of it.” Victor turns in Yuuri’s grip then, so he can rest the side of his head against Yuuri’s shoulder but still look up at him. Yuuri looks sad, but there is a soft smile on his face still. Victor reaches up to leave a soundless kiss on his lips. Silent reminder that everything is okay now, that they will be okay.

_ “Yeah. Yeah that’s not-. Do you know if he published the pictures?”  _

“I have no idea. I haven’t gone looking for them and I blocked Richard’s number right after I told him about the police thing.” 

_ “Oh, okay. I guess, I guess I have some talking to do with my boyfriend.”  _

“Yeah, I guess you do.” 

They sit in silence for a moment again. Yuuri looks worried but Victor smiles softly. This went better than he would have expected and with Yuuri’s arms around him, Victor feels safe in a way he didn’t think was possible. 

The door flings open, revealing Guang Hong waving a PS4 console in his hand.

“Hey Yuuri, wanna get your ass kicked? Everyone else says they’re tired of losing.”

Yuuri looks down at Victor who nods while straightening.

“Look Emanuel, I have to go. Call Yuuri again if there’s anything else okay?” Victor hopes he doesn’t, but it seems wrong not to offer.  

_ “Yeah, sure. Thanks. Say bye to Yuuri for me, okay?”  _

They hang up and Victor feels so tired. It’s been a day of a lot of impressions and emotions and he feels a bit drained. Yuuri tugs him off the bed, lacing their fingers before he kisses his cheek. 

“You up for it? You can always stay in here if you want?” 

Victor shakes his head, walking towards the door. 

“Naah, I think I’d rather drape myself over my boyfriend's back when he gets his ass kicked at video games.”

“Hey!”, Yuuri says, pulling Victor back so he can softly nip at his lower lip. Victor laughs, because even in the midst of all of the hurt, they can still be happy.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> QUESTION (bc I can’t make up my mind).   
> If Yuuri would meet someone of the following characters, who would you rather see? (Don’t say Richard, he’s not on the list ;)  
> \- Erik   
> \- Robin   
> \- Victor’s father 
> 
> Hugs and kisses!


	16. Mending: Your heart, Your Body

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for all the responses to my question in the notes in the last chapter! I'm so happy you are so invested in this story and shared your feelings about it. Thank you. 
> 
> Huge thank you to my amazing beta [takeitoffhemmo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/takeitoffhemmo). I'm so incredibly grateful for ou putting up with all my typos.

The buzzing of Victor’s phone distracts him, as he’s about to pull on his shoes, and he lets it ring out in his pocket. He has no time for phone salesmen, or whoever it is, right now. He needs to get to the swimhall, sooner rather than later. 

Today an elementary school is visiting the college. Victor can’t imagine it being much fun for a bunch of eight year olds but he’s not complaining. Especially since they’re going to visit the swimhall. Yuuri, being a National Champion, is going to teach them things. Victor can’t think of many things cuter than Yuuri teaching a bunch of kids how to swim. Maybe if there were puppies involved, but that's too much to ask. 

Yuuri had not told him about this magical happening. If he had, Victor would have made sure to write the last part of his essay yesterday, or any day before this, so he would have had the chance to sit though the whole thing. Sadly, Yuuri hadn’t though it was important and Victor had gotten the information from Phichit this morning during breakfast. Which meant Victor had five hours to get the essay done before the kids were scheduled to come to the swimhall and Victor was determined to get it done within that timespan. It is now five minutes until the lesson is about to start, and it takes at least ten to get to the arena. Still, Victor will have plenty of time if he just manages to get out the door now. His phone starts ringing again and Victor frowns, pulling it out of his pocket to see who it is. 

He stares down at his mother's caller ID for a second, before pocketing his phone again, letting it ring out. He hasn’t talked to her in about a month, but he’s not really in the mood right now. He could talk to her on the way to the swimhall, their calls are always superficial and short anyway, but he is really looking forward to listen to the new playlist that Leo shared in the group chat yesterday. He has been thinking about it all day, alongside with how adorable Yuuri is going to be with the kids. He can call his mother another time. 

His phone buzzes with another call as he makes his way down the winding stairs towards the front door, letting it ring out as well. He’s just managed to untangle his headphones but yet to put them into his ears when he steps out the front door. He’s stopped in his tracks by someone calling his name to his right. He turns towards it, eyes going wide as he spots his mother’s smiling face. 

 

Victor can’t really avoid his mother when he’s facing her, like he can with her calls, even if he wishes he could. He can’t remember the last time he saw her. He remembers visiting one time at her new house with Chad, while his kids were with their mother. God forbid Victor meeting them one time and ruining them for the rest of their lives. It had been just as awkward and stiff as the breakfast in Victor's apartment. Chad had thrown insult after insult against Victor's choice in college, choice in curriculum and choice in overall appearances. Victor had left, promising he was never going to have to deal with Chad ever again. 

That is apparently a promise he has to go back on now, because here he sits, the pompous idiot, in the armchair in Victor’s boyfriend’s apartment, demanding coffee. After ‘running into’ them, Victor’s mother basically invited herself and Chad into the dorm room. Victor has showed them the basically empty room where it says he and Chirs lives, but had unfortunately let it slip that there is another apartment he mostly hangs out in at the top floor. His mother demanded to see it, and then planted herself and Chad on the sofa and armchair. Chad demanded coffee and now, here Victor is, making coffee for two people he’d rather not see, especially when he should be looking at Yuuri being cute with kids. Unbelievable. 

He pulls out his phone to text Yuuri as he waits for the coffee to get done. 

**Me**

Hi sweet thing. 

I know this is weird but can you come home as soon as possible? 

I sort of need back up

Hope practise goes well. 

<3

 

He takes a deep breath, digs out some of the cookies Minami baked during Christmas from the freezer, and heads back out into the living room with heavy steps. He sits down, his mother in the L-shaped couch to his left, and Chad in the armchair to his right. 

“So, what brings you to the other side of the country?” Victor asks, trying to sound as civil as possible. He has no idea why this is happening, why he agreed to them coming in.

“Chad had some business here, so we decided to make a weekend of it, take time for each other,” his mother says, leaning forward to lift the coffee cup. Victor hums, wrapping his own hands around the cup of tea he made for himself. It’s Yuuri’s favourite blend. He hopes that the comforting smell will make him feel less alone, remind him that there’s a man, not too far away, that doesn't care about what these people think about him. 

“Oh, that’s nice,” Victor answers. 

“Yes, we love the girls so much but sometimes it’s great to just get away and have some alone time. We did a family trip last month...”

Then his mother continues to gush about this ‘family tip’ and Victor is shocked about how it stings. 

On one hand, he’s surprised it doesn’t hurt more. It’s supposed to, right? When your mother refers to a ‘family trip’ and it doesn’t include you. Victor saw the furrow in Sara’s eyebrows when he said he wasn’t going home during Christmas. Noticed the look Chris’ parents shared, every time Victor turned up on their doorstep. He heard the tremor in Hiroko's voice a week ago, when he called her to ask how to best make Katsudon for Yuuri when he wins Nationals. She asked him if he had any family recipes, and he laughed out that he couldn’t remember the last time any of his parents cooked for him. The shaky  _ ‘Alright, Vicchan’ _ made dread pool in Victor’s gut for days afterwards. All of these things makes him think he should feel more pain about this  _ abandonment _ , that it should hurt like an open wound now that his mother continues to gush about a pair of girls he has never met, like they are her children. 

On the other hand, he’s surprised it hurts at all anymore. Shouldn't he be immune to this now? To the pinching feeling and his stomach dropping to his gut. He has a new family now, people who actually like hanging out with him, and make sure he’s cared for. He’s doing good. Even with all the drama with Richard, Victor is in such a good place now compared to a year ago, three years ago. He feels lighter than he has in a long time. This meeting just proves it, how it weighs on him, how he dreads his mother’s calls, how he doesn't want them in his life. 

His phone buzzes next to him, a quick glance confirming that it’s Yuuri. Victor smiles, reaching down to unlock it to see a few more coming in rapid succession. 

  
  
  


**Yuuri <3**

Oh, I just got out, didn’t see your text until now. 

Be  there fast as I can

Is everything alright?

<3

**Me**

Yes, just please com

 

The message sends unfinished, Victor’s thumb skimming over the ‘send’ button as the phone is plucked out of his hand. Shocked, he looks up to see Chad placing it face down on the coffee table, out of Victor’s reach. Silence falls over the room as Victor blinks once, twice. On the table, the phone buzzes, probably Yuuri, worried about the strange response. 

“Can I have my phone back?” Victor asks, holding the hand he just held it in out for Chad to give it back. Chad smiles, that smug smirk that he seems to have plastered on there all the time. 

“Now, it’s not very polite to be on your phone when you have company,” Chad remarks and Victor's jaw almost drops, because is this man for real? Is he really trying to scold Victor? The phone starts buzzing with an incoming call and Victor reaches for it, only for Chad to push it further away. 

“You should listen to Chad, dear. He’s very well liked. Social skills are important.” 

Victor feels like he’s being treated like he’s five. This is completely insane. 

“I really don’t think any of you have the right to dictate my life or take my property. Give it back.” 

“Victor, is that anyway to speak to family? We’re just looking out for you,” his mother says and he can’t believe this. Victor doesn’t know if he should shout, or laugh, or just walk out the door. His phone starts buzzing again. Shit. Yuuri must be getting so worried. 

“Huh,” Chad says, looking down at the phone, still face down. “Someone is stalker-y. Some girl being persistent? Because I can help you deal with that.“

It dawns on Victor then, that he has never told his mother that he likes men, that’s he’s only ever been in relationships with men. They’ve never talked about this. They’ve never been close enough for Victor to share about his boyfriends or his heart breaks. Victor blinks, and then again. Eyeing the phone that's gone quiet. He doesn’t want to have this conversation, he wants them to leave. 

“I have no idea, you won’t give me my phone back so I can check.” 

Chad looks him over, silence filling the room. His phone starts ringing again. Victor holds Chad’s eye, because he won’t back down. 

“You know, in college I had several girlfriends-,” Chad starts but is interrupted by the door slamming open, revealing a wide eyed Yuuri, chest heaving a little. He’s clearly been running up the stairs, and even then it’s almost impossible for him to have gotten here so fast on foot. Maybe someone gave him a ride. Poor Yuuri, he must have been worried sick. Victor adores this man so much he almost starts crying when he sees him. Yuuri’s eyes go wide, gaze bouncing between the three persons in the room. 

“Uhm. Hi,” Yuuri says as he toes off his shoes. 

Victor rises immediately, closing the gap between him and his boyfriend so he can wrap his arms around him. He can feel Yuuri’s heart thunder against his chest, breaths still deep. 

“It’s okay, I’m okay,” he says, arms around Yuuri’s waist. He feels Yuuri relax, tense body melting against him as he wraps his arms around Victors neck.    
“I got worried, the texts and-. Otabek gave me ride. I-.”

“I know, I’ll explain later.”

“Victor,” his mother calls and with a deep sigh he lets go of Yuuri, who lets his right arm drop to Victor’s waist. He’s never thought about it before, but he and Yuuri are almost always touching, and now his mother’s eyes follow Yuuri’s arm as it lands around his waist, hand curling around Victor’s hip. 

“Mom, this is Yuuri. This is his apartment,“ Victor introduces and Yuuri releases him as he steps forward, arm outstretched. He walks ahead of Victor, so Victor can’t see his face, but there is a tension in his shoulders, much like when he’s nervous about an exam. 

“Hi, nice to meet you,” Yuuri says, stepping up to shake his mother's hand. She smiles, all soft and polite, but her eyes are glued on Victor.

“And this is her boyfriend, Chad,” Victor gestures to the man and Yuuri greets him too, as Victor’s mother clears her throat. 

“Actually, we’re married now.” 

Of course. Victor is in no way surprised that he had no idea this had happened, or that they had  gotten married in the first place. He sits down on the couch, as Yuuri sits down next to him, polite smile on his face. Victor has never seen that expression on Yuuri before. 

“Congratulations,” Yuuri says and Victor can’t help but press his thigh hard against Yuuri’s, hip to knee. 

“Yes, it was a beautiful wedding, the place was packed,” Chad says and there it is again, that pinch of pain in Victor’s chest. He must have tensed, because Yuuri’s hand come to rest on his own thigh, palm up. A silent invitation for comfort and support. Victor takes it immediately and squeezes it tight. 

“So, how long have you known each other? It can’t be too serious. Victor has never mentioned a boyfriend?” His mother says and Victor feels like his patience is starting to run out. This entire meeting has been uncomfortable to say the least, and if any of them insults Yuuri, Victor will have to kick them out, literally. 

“You didn’t tell me that you got married,” Victor counters and Yuuri squeezes his hand. In his mind, Victor imagines Yuuri smirking, calling him sassy.  

“That's different-,” his mother starts but Victor is done now, tired of this charade of family he doesn't want, has grown out of a long time ago. 

“Why, because mine is gonna last?” 

His mother lets out a shocked gasp, eyes wide. “Victor!” 

“That is extremely rude,” Chad says.

“No, I think showing up here without any heads up, inviting yourselves in, taking my phone and insulting my relationship is rude,” Victor shoots back. No one says anything for a few long moments. 

“I think it would be best if you left,” Yuuri finally says, tone light but stable. “You have clearly insulted my boyfriend, in our home, and I feel like I don’t really want you in here after that.” He stands, clearly showing that this conversation is over, and Victor has to bite his cheek, hard, so not to grin widely. His mother and Chad seems rather dazed, standing up to make their way towards the door. There is a soft goodbye before the door falls shut behind them. When it does, Victor throws himself back into the couch, unable to contain his laughter over the absurdity of the situation. Yuuri turns to look at him, smile amused but eyes worried. Victor makes grabby hands and Yuuri immediately sinks down into the embrace, weight solid and heavy on Victor’s chest. 

“That was crazy,” Yuuri comments, nose brushing against Victor’s neck before he softly kisses him there. Victor hums contently. 

“I can’t believe all I wanted with this day was to watch you teach eight year olds how to swim and had to deal with that awful mess.” 

“You okay?” Yuuri asks and Victor nods. He wishes he would have realised sooner, how he does not need his mother in his life, not with the way things are now. 

“Yeah, sorry for worrying you. Chad took my phone.” 

“It’s okay. Tell me what happened?” 

They roll to their sides, Victor going through the entire meeting, word for word, as well as he can remember. Yuuri listens, laughs and kisses him at all the right places. After he’s done, the twinge in his heart is gone. 

“Who’s turn is it to cook today?” Victor asks. Yuuri is tracing patterns on his back, and Victor is sure if they stay here, they’ll fall asleep. Which would be nice, but last time they did, they woke up with whipped cream on their faces. 

“Hm, Hikaru, I think.” 

“Wanna help him out, start early?”

Yuuri snuggles closer, squeezing Victor tight, before leaning back to give him a soft kiss on the lips.

“Yeah, let’s do that.” 

 

One of Victor and Chris’ favourite study procrastinations are to go to the swimhall and sit in the stands to watch their boyfriends swim. They always pull out their books, even opening them on some occasions. However, somewhere between opening a text book and actually starting to read, Victor’s eyes wander down to the pool. Yuuri is always magnificent to watch, body strong and lithe, moving gracefully through the water. Victor never thought that swimming could look differently, depending on who did it, but since meeting Yuuri he has learned otherwise. Therefore, the book lays open in his lap, as he watches Yuuri swim and swim and swim, each stroke hopefully bringing him closer to his goals. 

It’s on one of these trips to the swimhall, Victor and Chris quietly sneaking in after lunch, when Yuri scares the shit out of them. 

“THAT’S FUCKING IT!” Yuri’s angry voice bounces around the arena, echo harsh. Victor contemplates turning and running far away, before he sees that the shouting isn’t directed at him and Chris, it’s at the swim team. 

Said swim team is currently lined up, all of them looking quite sheepish. Yuri, on the other hand looks furious. Victor wonders what all of them could have done to make Yuri this angry. It’s not uncommon or Yuri to yell at them, but Victor has never seen all of them be in trouble at the same time. 

“Oh god,” Chris breaths next to him as they sit down, eyes wide.

“What?” Victor asks, turning from Yuri scolding the swim team, now a little quieter than the initial exclamation. 

“They’re all covered in hickeys,” Chris says and Victor turns back, only to realise Chris is right. It almost seems silly that he didn’t see it before. Leo and Guang Hong seems to be worst, entire chests spattered with blue and purple spots, all the way from their jaws to their sternums. Phichit has a few on his neck, but is definitely the one who has the least, not counting Minami who seems to have none. Yuuri has a few on his neck and one clavicle covered, and two on his right hip bone. Victor knows there are a few lower than that, but those are covered by by his swimpants. He can’t help but chuckle at Yuuri’s terrified expression. Victor has no regrets. 

“Nationals is in a week, and you look like sex crazed teenagers, all of you,” Yuri rages. “So, from right now and until after the competition, none of you are allowed any sex. You can’t look like this at an official competition. You will all be disqualified.”

“Fuck,” Chris says and Victor laughs.

“No, clearly there will be none of that.”

Down by the pool, all of the boys pale. Yuuri looks equal parts embarrassed and appalled, and Victor can’t help but feel smug about that. Still, an interesting idea is born with it. As Yuri orders all of the swim team into the pool, Victor leans back and lets his mind wander. 

 

They’re on the fifth day of the sex ban, and Victor has decided to put his plan into action. It’s not completely unheard of in their relationship that they’ve gone these many days without sex, but their touches have become more and more intent as the days have passed. Victor is pretty sure Yuuri doesn’t really care about the ban. That if Victor pushed a little, he would have no problem taking things further. Still, they both seem to enjoy the teasing, the flirting and lingering touches. It makes Victor giddy, that they’ve come this far in their sexual relationship, that he can feel comfortable in knowing Yuuri wants him, even when he pulls away. 

It’s the middle of the day, and Victor has no classes today. The dorm is empty except for a few of the others studying in their own rooms. Finals are approaching and they spend less and less time hanging out and more and more staring into books next to each other. Yuuri has a morning lecture today, and should be coming home around lunch, a time when the apartment is usually empty anyway, so they should not be disturbed. It’s a perfect opportunity. 

Victor retrieves the bag of things he bought when he and Chris went to the sex shop, purposely hidden in their dorm room by Chris, to get ready. He bought a few things and had gotten a little too caught up in the fantasies he and Chris had been spinning, so he’s not ready to use all of it yet, but a few things should be fine. 

He pulls out one of the lingerie sets he bought, black lace panties that ties at the sides, with a matching garter belt that will hold black lace garters on his mid thigh inplace. It’s a beautiful piece, and Victor hopes Yuuri will think so too. The other part of the plan is to use a plug. Victor has never used one before, and the idea is both a little thrilling and intimidating. He’s only fingered himself open once, and that was under Yuuri’s careful instructions and heavily lidded gaze.  Yuuri had made him feel safe and cared for, even if it was his own hand stretching himself. He hopes he will be able to feel the same way now. 

He lies down on his and Yuuri’s bed, lube and plug next to him, lingerie set carefully put aside for now. He doesn't want to ruin it, plans on getting it on when he’s done. There has been a buzzing in his veins ever since he thought this out, even more so the last few hours as he’s been waiting for time to pass, erection half flagging by the time he settles down to prepare. He lets thoughts of Yuuri wash over him, how Yuuri looked that night at the pool, hot and heavy gaze, hips moving up to meet Victor’s. He thinks about how Yuuri’s hands feel when they grip his hips and how his cock fills him so well. 

He wraps his hand around his cock, slow strokes bringing it to full hardness. Then, he lays it heavy on his stomach, aching for more touch. Victor grabs the lube and coats two fingers with it. He wraps a hand around his cock again, letting his legs fall open so he can bring his lube coated fingers to his hole. He circles the rim a few times, just like Yuuri always does, imagining that it’s Yuuri’s fingers that slowly press forward, pushing into his tight hole. Victor thinks of Yuuri’s eyes on him, whispering praises as he lets the finger push deeper inside, knuckle for knuckle. He starts pumping then, body slowly giving in to the intrusion, as pleasure builds in his stomach from him stroking himself off. He has to let go of his cock, biting the inside of his cheek just so not to whine at the loss. He can’t come now, he wants to be keyed up and wanting when Yuuri comes home, and he’s not sure he can get it back up that fast. 

When he thinks his body is ready, a second finger joins the first, gasping at the burning stretch. It feels different from when it’s someone else's hand. Like this, he can immediately adjust so the burn is less, fingers moving faster to build a pace as his body relaxes. It’s quicker in general, his body trusting his own movements more than anyone else's, even Yuuri’s. Still, it feels like something’s missing. Without Yuuri’s warmth surrounding him, lips on his skin, whispered praises, the process feels less erotic. 

He scissors his fingers, stretching himself wider, before retracting them completely. 

He feels empty and throbbing, the buzzing in his veins feels like hot electricity, aching to be touched. God, he hopes Yuuri comes home soon. 

He reaches for the plug and lube, coating it generously. He picked a pretty small plug, the thought of something big and foreign breaching his body slightly intimidating. Maybe he can work himself up to it, some other time. He spreads his legs wider, pushing the silicone plug in, gasping as the base catches. God, he’s so aroused. He takes a few moments to breathe and calm down, moving his hips slightly to feel how it shifts. The plug isn’t reaching very far, so it doesn't touch his prostate, but it’s an almost thing. It keeps arousal burning inside him, leaving him hot and wanting. 

He grabs the towel he brought and wipes lube and pre come off himself before he stands, reaching over to the desk to retrieve the lingerie. 

It fits like a dream, and he goes to look in the full size mirror on the inside of Yuuri’s wardrobe door, to make sure all the parts sit just right. He adjusts the garter straps a little, so they’re fully symmetric. He looks good. Hopefully, Yuuri will think so too. He feels a little exposed with nothing on his torso, so he pulls the elastic out of his hair, letting long silver strands fall down his shoulders. Yuuri loves his hair, so having it out is probably a good idea. He still feels a little exposed, and standing with Yuuri’s closet open gives him an idea. 

He pulls out one of the few button ups Yuuri has, dark blue cotton, and pulls it on, leaving it open. It’s a little big for him, but it looks good with the lingerie and his hair out, plus it makes him feel a little more comfortable with this whole idea. It smells like Yuuri, which seems to be a good reminder as to what's to come. With a deep sigh, and one last look at himself in the mirror, he closes the door and heads out into the living room. 

Yuuri should be home soon, and Victor has an idea, a fantasy, about how this is supposed to go. He walks over to the dining room table, carefully sitting down on top of it, moaning softly as the plug shifts. He places the lube behind him, and stars scrolling through his phone as he waits. The lace keeps teasing his hard erection, every time he shifts. The plug presses deeper into him, now just grazing his prostate from the pressure from the table, making it so tempting to touch himself. He’s just started softly running his fingers up and down his shaft outside of the panties, soft sighs falling from his lips, when the door opens. 

His heart rate picks up, sitting up straighter as he crosses his legs carefully, arms crossed on top of them. 

It feels like his heart skips a beat when Yuuri walks through the door. He’s in jeans today and a soft deep blue sweater, which is rare, since he’s usually in workout gear. He looks so hot, and Victor wants to whimper as he shifts on the table, plug shifting.

It takes a second before Yuuri spots him and when he does, his eyes widen, gaze dropping down his body as a deep flush spreads across his cheeks.   
“Vitusha,” he breathes out and Victor smiles, still nervous but excited, happy his plan seems to be working. 

“Hi, Yuuri,” he says, leaning back on his hands, letting his legs fall open slowly. He’s fully on display like this, nowhere to hide, all of him exposed for Yuuri’s eyes only. His boyfriend’s eyes widen, shoes kicked off in a hurry as he closes the distance between them, fitting himself between Victor’s parted legs. He’s not touching Victor, and he’s not sure if he loves that teasing warmth of Yuuri’s body so close, or hates it. 

“You look amazing,” Yuuri says, one hand coming up to cup his cheek. It says so much about him, how he doesn’t immediately grab Victor’s exposed thighs or the lingerie.

“I missed you today,” Victor says, pouting a little. It’s all for show, and Yuuri takes the bait immediately.

“Aw, I’m sorry. Have I been a bad boyfriend? Not taken care of you properly?” Yuuri’s blunt fingernails scrape against Victor nape and he sighs, tipping his head up to expose his throat. 

“No,” Victor breathes. “It’s not that.” 

Yuuri hums, leaning down to kiss the juncture of Victor’s mouth, warm and dry. Yuuri’s lips are soft, always so soft, and Victor wants them all over his skin.  

“Think- Think of it more as reward.” Victor stammers as Yuuri’s lips continue downwards, kissing the line of his jaw. His hands have traveled down from his nape too, fingers dipping into the shirt collar, carefully pushing it off his shoulders, pooling by his elbows.

“Reward?”  

“You’ve worked so hard, I feel like you deserve a gift.” Victor scoots himself closer to the edge, so his feet can caress up and down the back of Yuuri’s legs, pushing him closer. As their groins brush together, the push of the lace provides amazing friction, Victor letting out a soft moan. Yuuri grips the back of Victor’s neck tight, hips rolling to meet Victor’s. They’re both hard, Victor can feel Yuuri’s erection pressing against the zipper of his jeans and moans again. 

“You are the best gift, both in lingerie and out of it,” Yuuri says against Victor’s lips and Victor laughs, breathless, as Yuuri keeps rolling their hips together, pressure so good, but not enough. 

“You like it?” Victor asks, scooting forward so he’s almost falling off the table, fingers playing with the button of Yuuri’s jeans.

“I love it, you look good enough to eat.” 

Victor hums, contently, as he finally opens Yuuri’s jeans, pushing them down just under Yuuri’s ass, so he can slowly caress Yuuri’s hard length though his boxers. Yuuri lets out a loud moan, before pressing forward to claim Victor mouth in an open mouth kiss. Victor sneaks his hand down into Yuuri’s boxers, pulling them down as well, to reveal Yuuri’s hard cock. He had planned to tease Yuuri more, but he’s so wound up he just wants Yuuri to take him, now.

He grabs the base of Yuuri’s cock, stroking a few times as Yuuri’s head rolls back with a breathy ‘Vitusha’. Victor wants him to fuck him so bad he thinks he’s going to burst. 

“Ready for your surprise?” Victor asks, still stroking Yuuri painfully slow. 

“This- haa, This isn’t the surprise?” 

Victor lets go of Yuuri’s cock, grabbing one of his hands and pulls it towards his hip. Underneath the garterbelt is a ribbon, keeping the sides together.    
“If you tug here,” Victor whispers. “They fall off.” 

Yuuri looks into his eyes, and he can feel the panties fall apart on his left hip as Yuuri tugs at the offered ribbon. Yuuri’s fingers then move with light touches, avoiding his erection, to the other side, and tug that free as well. He then pushes the fabric down, exposing Victor’s hard and aching cock. 

“Fuck, look at you,” Yuuri gasps, hands caressing up Victor thighs, making him tremble. 

“That’s not all,” Victor says, spreading his legs wider. Yuuri looks down at the movement, hands caressing further down until they reach the plug. 

“Fuck,” Yuuri breathes and Victor leans back, biting his lower lip. 

“Please, Yuuri, I want you so bad.” 

Yuuri grabs the base of the plug, pushing it in a little before slowly pulling it out, pushing his fingers into Victor’s lubed hole. Victor moans, needy and whimpering as Yuuri’s fingers fill him, reaching out to grab the lube. 

“Please, please fuck me.” 

“You want me to carry you to the bedroom?” Yuuri asks, fingers now soaked with lube as they fuck into Victor, grazing his prostate as they do. 

“No, mmh-, let's do it here. I- I want to think about h-how good you felt inside me the next time we eat.” 

Yuuri groans, fingers pulling out of Victor to coat his cock with lube, gaze heavy with want. Victor leans back, putting his hands flat on the table behind him as he raises his legs to rest on Yuuri’s shoulders. 

“Ready?” Yuuri asks, tip of his cock already aligned with Victor hole. He nods, desire white hot in his body, leaving him aching and needy. Yuuri presses in slow, the burning sensation pleasure in itself, as Yuuri fills him in one smooth movement.

“Yuuri,” Victor moans, hole clenching around Yuuri’s cock, making Yuuri let out an answering moan as Victor whines. “So good. So big.” 

When fully seated, Yuuri grabs Victor’s thighs, hips starting to move, thrusts shallow at first but growing deeper and faster. All Victor can do is hold himself up and moan as Yuuri pounds into him, the shirt still pooled around his elbows, restricting his movements. The sensation becomes too much and Victor collapses onto his back on the table, chanting Yuuri’s name. His hand finds his cock, heavy and leaking on his stomach, and starts stroking it in pace with Yuuri’s thrust against his prostate. 

“Yuuri, Yuuri I’m gonna- ah shit that feels so good.” 

Yuuri’s pace increases, but falls out of rhythm, Victor clenching down to bring him closer to orgasm. Just as he feels his own orgasm coursing through him, he feels Yuuri spill, warm cum filling him. 

Victor feels completely boneless as Yuuri half collapses, half leans over him to kiss up his chest and throat. They stay there for a while, long enough for Yuuri to have caught his breath.

“Wanna take a bath?” he asks and Victor nods, wrapping his still wobbly legs around Yuuri’s waist so he can carry Victor to the bathroom. He places Victor on the toilet and goes to tap up water in the bathtub, soft smile on his lips as he does. He comes back to Victor who has started removing the garter belt and garters, Yuuri taking them and putting them to soak in the sink. Victor raises an eyebrow.

“What? I like them, this way we might get the cum stains out.” 

“You’re ridiculous,” Victor says, shrugging the shirt off as Yuuri starts removing his own clothes. Victor stands, finding an elastic in the mirror cabinet and spins his hair into a bun up on his head. He kisses Yuuri softly on the lips before slowly sinking into the tub. The water is a little too warm, but he adjusts quickly. When Yuuri joins him he leans back against his chest, humming contently. 

Yuuri wraps his arms around Victor’s waist, tipping his head forward to rest on Victor’s shoulder. 

“Satsuki called me today.” 

Victor freezes, turning his head so he can look at Yuuri with wide eyes. Yuuri looks a little apologetic, and Victor frowns.   
“Why didn’t you say?” 

Yuuri smiles, soft and sweet, leaning down to kiss the bridge of his nose. 

“I might have gotten distracted, and all the blood in my brain might have flowed somewhere else when I got home.” 

Victor huffs, settling back into the embrace, dreaded nerves pooling in his gut. 

“She got him to sign the papers.” 

Relief washes over Victor like a wave, a tension he had no idea was so heavy on his body lifting like it was never there. It feels like breathing again after  being underwater for too long. Like freedom. He has to look at Yuuri again, turning proper this time as a smile forms on his face. Yuuri is smiling too, wide and carefree as his hands come up to cup Victor’s face.

“She did?”

Yuuri nods, leaning forward to kiss Victor’s lips, chaste and sweet. 

“Tell me everything.”

“Well,” Yuuri says, pulling Victor back to lean against his chest. Victor sinks into it, closing his eyes as Yuuri continues. “She said that I could only tell you, since most of the investigation is classified, but I got the feeling she was rooting for us a little, so she shared more than she was supposed too. She said that after she played them the interview with you, the SA wasn’t sure if they felt it was worth following up on, since neither of you are active swimmers, but Satsuki insisted, and since you both are dating swimmers going to Nationals, they agreed that it could be looked into.”

Victor leans his head completely back, resting on Yuuri’s shoulder, Yuuri’s fingertips stroking soft patterns onto his stomach. 

“They had gone to Emanuel’s swimhall and talked to him first, since they don’t really have anything to make Richard talk to them, since he’s not a swimmer. Satsuki didn’t tell me what Emanuel said, but apparently he convinced Richard to come in. The texts you showed her was pretty solid evidence and she hinted that there might have been a threat of suspending Emanuel’s competition license for a year.”

Victor laces his fingers with Yuuri’s on his stomach. He knows things must have worked out, but there is still a twisting sensation by the thought of Emanuel being punished by this. 

“Emanuel is just as good as me,” Yuuri says, and Victor snorts, because he knows that’s not true, even if Yuuri might believe it. “And if he could make it into the World Championship this year, he could have a chance to qualify for the Olympics next year. So being suspended at this time in his career could be a huge blow.” 

The knot in his stomach tightens, as his fingers doing the same around Yuuri’s. Yuuri’s lips skim over his temple and he cracks his eyes open, looking into those beautiful brown eyes he loves so much. 

“He signed them then?” Victor asks, even though he already knows the answer.

“Apparently he’s not completely heartless,” Yuuri says sarcastically, one eyebrow raised. Victor presses a kiss to his cheek, because he loves him so much for taking such good care of his heart. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time: Nationals! Swimming, smooches, Yuuri and Victor being soft and a surprise meeting.
> 
> Thank you for reading, please let me know what you think in the comment section or on other platforms like:  
> [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/linisen) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/mjaoue)


	17. Mending: For the world to know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The couple goes to Nationals, and emotions run very, very high.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Betaed by the best [takeitoffhemmo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/takeitoffhemmo)
> 
> Hey, can't get enough of fluff? - Here is another fic that will make you smile until your cheeks hurt:  
> [I don't know who I am, but I know I'm yours](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19055389)  
> A Junior High AU where Victor is pining for the cute new boy, and tries to stop blushing for just a second so he can ask for his name.

The next day, they both board the plane to fly halfway across the country to the National Championship. Yuuri and Phichit are supposed to share a hotel room, but the latter’s bags never even make it into the room, the plan of Phichit and Victor switching being made long ago. There’s just no one who has told Yakov or Yuri this, and no one plans too. Yuri has brought Otabek, which means Minami has the privilege to share rooms with Yakov, as no one would dare to suggest that Leo and Guang Hong separates, even if it’s only for a competition. 

Victor is nervous about Yuuri’s anxiety. It’s been a while since he’s had any panic attacks, but with the competition and the pressure, Victor is trying to be prepared for everything. There has been no trace of any tension in Yuuri since they landed yesterday though, and Victor makes sure to stay as close as he can, hoping it will make Yuuri feel secure. He’s not allowed into the reserved area, it’s for athletes and coaches only, but he can hold Yuuri’s hand until they reach it, kiss his cheek and wish him luck. He can sit next to Chris and the rest of the non-competing members of the swim team. He can cheer. The races for the longer distances are placed first in the competition, since they attract less audience. Yuuri has the 1500m race is first, one qualifier and the final. It’s the same distance Yuuri won his title in last year and they’re all in the stands to help him keep the title, on their feet as soon as the starter pistol goes off for the final race, loud cheers echoing through the arena as Yuuri and the others pushes of the block. 

Victor loves to see him swim, the longer distances more than the others, even if Yuuri’s focus has been more on the 200m race as of late. There is something about the slow power, as Yuuri moves easily through the water, lane after lane, pace increasing as the distance to the finish shrinks. The way Yuuri can focus on this one task for so long. 

One time, Yuuri had called himself mentally weak, and Victor had to bite his cheek so not to laugh at the absurdity of that. Not only can Yuuri find the mental mindspace in the quiet water where the only company is his own thoughts to keep pushing, he is also strong enough to be everything Victor needs, without compromising himself. He’s, without a doubt, the strongest person Victor knows. 

When Yuuri’s hand lands on the tile at the end of the race, chest heaving as he looks up to the scoreboard, Victor pays the placing no mind. He knows who won, and he only cares to see Yuuri’s reaction. 

The gorgeous smile is slow spreading, but proud. A title kept. Only two more to claim. 

Victor breaks away from the group that’s celebrating loudly as Yuuri gets out of the water in the pool, and makes his way through the masses down towards the swimmers area. He’s buzzing with the need to give his champion a kiss. Yuuri had been so graceful in the water, like a creature made for it. Victor can’t wait to have him in his arms, congratulate him. Tell him how proud he is, get to express this building joy in his chest. 

The area is still restricted, so he stops there, confident that Yuuri will come find him as soon as he can. There is a wide smile on his face, eyes roaming over all the people milling around the area. He spots familiar black hair, and then the profile of his beloved Yuuri as he turns. The person obscuring Victor’s full view of Yuui steps away and then he sees the person next to his boyfriend, and his heart sinks.

 

Richard. 

 

Victor is about to call out, to get Yuuri’s attention and warn him about who’s standing next to him, but then he hears Richard speak. It’s a little muffled by all the other chatter in the area, but the words can be heard all the same.

“Congratulations, Yuuri,” Richard says and Yuuri turns towards him fully, seemingly startled. 

“Ah, thank you.” Yuuri looks just as uncomfortable as he always does around new people, taking half a step back to create more space between them. 

“I’m Rick,” Richard introduces, holding one hand out and Yuuri eyes it carefully before grabbing it. Yuuri looks tense, and Victor considers again to call out, at the same time as he’s trying to figure out what Richard is doing. Victor is very much regretting never showing Yuuri a picture of Richard right now. It just hadn't seemed important. Clearly, it was. 

“That was an amazing race. Do you have any plans on how to celebrate? Can I take you out?” Richard asks and it’s laced with all that charm and smoothness he uses to spin people around his fingers. It’s the same charm that made Victor melt. An uncomfortable sourness spreads in his body at the sight of Richard flirting with  _ his _ Yuuri. 

“You don’t even know me,” Yuuri says, taking another half step back. 

“I want to.”

“Why?”

“I’m sure someone that can hold their breath for that long under water can put that skill to good use,” Richard says with a wink and Victor has to hold back a gag. Horrible.   
“Wow, okay,” Yuuri says and Victor can hear how irritated Yuuri is getting. With how careful Yuuri has always been in his advances towards Victor, he can’t say he’s surprised to see Yuuri react this way to something so lewd. “That was rude. You realise I breathe during the race right?” 

“I’m sorry, it was just a joke.” Richard backtracks. “I would like to take you out on a date though.” 

“What if I’m with someone?” Yuuri asks. He’s taken another step away and Richard follows, eyes filled with all that warmth he uses to make a person relax around him. 

“Are you?” Richard asks, voice curious, like he doesn’t know. 

“If I were any more taken, there would be a ring on my finger and a new last name in my passport.” 

Victor feels like his heart is about to explode from Yuuri’s words. He knows Yuuri loves him, has said so multiple times, but  _ this _ . This is so much more. This is an informal promise of a lifetime. Yuuri voicing that he doesn't have an end date for them. Yuuri saying that he wants forever. It should freak Victor out. It should make all those cracks in his hearts bleed with panic from his boyfriend thinking that far ahead. 

It doesn't. It fills them instead, molten gold filling them until it feels like  his heart was never wounded in the first place. 

“Oh, wow. Sounds serious,“ Richard says and he looks completely taken aback by Yuuri’s words, like it never occurred to him that someone could love Victor as deeply as that. 

“It is,” Yuuri agrees, looking around the crowd, trying to step away again, probably trying to spot Victor. 

“You sure they feel the same way?” Richard says, still following. 

“It doesn’t really matter.” Yuuri answers and Richard frowns. 

“What? It doesn’t matter if they feel the same?” He questions.

“Of course it does, but even if he wasn’t as ready for commitment as I am, it doesn't mean I would rush him. I’m in no hurry. I don’t love him for him to love me back, I love him because I love him.”

Victor can hardly breathe. How did he get so lucky, to find someone as pure and filled with love as Yuuri? He has to kiss him. Right now. Screw Richard and anyone else who has wounded him. Who needs them, when he can have someone as unbelievably lovely as Yuuri.

“Yuuri!” Victor calls, smiling widely as he tries to hold back joyous tears. 

Yuuri turns towards the sound of his voice, face spreading into a smile when he spots him. As if the conversation with Richard never happened, he turns completely to walk towards the band that separates them. 

“Victor! I did great, right!” 

It’s too much, the distance too great. Victor ducks under the band, rushing towards his beautiful, brilliant,  _ amazing _ , National Champion boyfriend. Yuuri smiles, speeding up as well as the distance between them closes. Victor leaps into the air, confident that Yuuri will catch him. Yuuri does, of course, and Victor laughs against  Yuuri’s lips as his arms wind around Yuuri’s neck. 

“Easy,” Yuuri laughs as he sets Victor down, stealing another kiss. “I’ve only won one so far. I still have two more to go.” 

Victor kisses him again, and again, joy filling him so much that for a second, he forgets who Yuuri was talking to. Yuuri wants to stay. Yuuri wants forever. Yuuri wants Victor to be his husband. It’s the greatest thing in the world. Yuuri squeezes him tight, and Victor leans back, because no matter how wonderful this moment is, Yuuri should know.

“Yuuri,” Victor says. “That was Richard.” 

To watch Yuuri’s face fall hurts more than Victor thought it would. The gleam in his eyes go dull as his smile drops, posture tensing in Victor’s arms before he turns, quickly pulling out of Victor’s embrace. 

“Yuuri!” Victor calls as Yuuri’s warmth leaves him, fear coursing through him. Yuuri turns back, grabs his hand tight, and then tugs Victor along into the crowd. Richard has left the spot he stood at and Yuuri looks around, grip so hard around Victor’s hand it almost hurts. They take a few steps to the side, and then Yuuri must see something, because he increases their pace, making it through the throng of people. Victor sees them as they get closer. Richard’s familiar frame, standing close to a man that Victor vaguely remembers to be Emanuel. Victor feels disgusted. Just a minute ago Richard was flirting with Yuuri, and now here he stands next to his boyfriend as if nothing happened, in an area that he shouldn't be permitted him. 

Anger radiates of Yuuri.  _ This is bad, _ Victor thinks. This shouldn’t happen here, in the place that is the closest thing Yuuri has to a workplace, a career. A scene here could damage his reputation and lose him potential sponsors.

“Yuuri, we should stop. Not here,” Victor tries but it’s too late. Yuuri is too angry and they’ve reached the pair, unaware of the storm that approaches. 

Yuuri grabs Richard’s shoulder and Victor clenches his jaws tight, not knowing if he hopes Yuuri will punch him like he did that punching bag at the gym. He really doesn’t want Yuuri to get hurt, but he sort of wants Richard to. Maybe he can punch him himself. Except, the rage radiating off of Yuuri isn’t present in Victor. He feels anger, sure, but it’s dull and hollow. 

“Hey, asshole,” Yuuri says and Victor steps close, chest pressed against Yuuri’s back, protective, shielding. “What the fuck was that?”

Richard blinks, as if surprised that he’s being called out. Beside him, Emanuel steps forward towards Yuuri. 

“Yuuri?” His eyes dart between Yuuri and Richard, who are keeping each other’s gazes. When no one answers his eyes dart down to Victor, eyebrows furrowed. “What’s going on?”

“Answer me,” Yuuri demands. 

“I don’t…” Richards says, breaking away from Yuuri’s stone hard gaze to look at Emanuel. Victor drops Yuuri’s hand in favour of wrapping his arm around his waist. Yuuri’s fingers immediately lacing with Victors, as if on impulse. Victor isn’t sure if Yuuri is conscious about doing it anymore, touching Victor, wrapping himself around him. Victor wants to be anywhere but here, but he also always wants to be by Yuuri’s side. Victor is done with Richard. The second he signed those papers, Victor wished he would just shrink into history. A ghost. Apparently, Richard has no such plans, and Yuuri’s anger is still white hot and fresh, heart so protective of Victor’s. God, he’s so amazing. 

“Don’t?” Yuuri asks and Richard sighs, turning towards Emanuel. 

“We should go.”

Emanuel’s eyes widened in surprise, turning towards Yuuri and Victor, as if searching for answers. There is something in Emanuel’s eyes, something familiar. Maybe it’s an echo of what Victor used to feel, a kinship in what this man does to others. Emanuel deserves the truth, even if Richard tires to keep it from him.

“He- He flirted with Yuuri, and after everything…” Victor trails of then, as Emanuel turns from them to look up at Richard. 

“Did you?”

“No,” Richard protests, eyes darting to Yuuri and Victor. Victor’s arm around Yuuri tightens.

“You think you can just toy with people's lives like this? You treated Victor like shit for a long time, come back to do it again and then you try to hit on his boyfriend, for what? Kicks? You think you’ve been given some sort of claim to anyone and everyone?” Yuuri demands. 

Richard doesn’t answer, he just turns and walks away. For a second, Victor thinks Yuuri might follow him, but Victor tightens his grip on Yuuri’s waist even more. Yuuri turns away from Richard’s retreating back, Emanuel following him, to look at Victor. There is something tense in his expression, mind turning, eyes a storm. 

“Let’s go back to the hotel, okay?” Victor asks and Yuuri looks away, nodding. A knot twists in his stomach as Yuuri steps away from his grip. 

 

It’s unfortunately a while until they get the chance to go back. They need to find Yuri or Yakov and tell them they’re leaving. Luckily, it’s Yuri they run into, and explaining the situation is easy. They don’t get too specific, just saying they ran into Richard and both feel like they need some time alone. Yuri gets it, even if he’s furious that  _ ‘that motherfucking bastard gets to even come here.’ _ , and he promises to handle everything. 

They walk back to the hotel, just a few blocks from the arena, hand in hand, in silence. It’s not an uncomfortable silence, but it’s not relaxed either. They both seem to be processing what just happened, words hard to find. Yuuri is tense, not looking at Victor. Something is nagging at Yuuri’s mind, and Victor can’t figure out what it is. 

When they close the door behind them, both of them toeing off shoes by the door, Yuuri immediately starts to undress. His team jacket comes off first, followed by his black t-shirt. He hangs them both over the desk chair before walking over to Victor. He grabs the hem of Victor’s soft creme shirt, strained brown eyes meeting Victor’s wide blue ones. 

“Can I take this off?” Yuuri asks, voice soft and needy and Victor nods, finally catching on to what is happening. Yuuri pulls the shirt straight off, placing it on top of his own shredded clothes. They remove pants and underwear separately, before crawling into the two twin size beds they’ve pushed together, pulling the covers up to their chins. 

They’re facing each other, legs tangled under the covers as Victor places his right hand over Yuuri’s heart, the other gripping his hip. Yuuri mirrors him, breaths coming out ragged, chipped. Victor leans forward to softly kiss the bridge of his nose, his cheek, his mouth. It’s unhurried and sweet, no heat or lust behind it.  It’s a different type of need here. Being skin to skin, as close as they can. They did this once when Yuuri almost had a panic attack after practise, and Yuuri had said afterwards that it was the most comfortable drop he had ever had. 

They stay silent for a long while, Victor just being there as Yuuri’s breaths tremble, fingers twitching, eyes closed. After a while, he tips his forehead onto Yuuri’s, breathing deep breaths, hoping Yuuri will mirror him. 

“My beautiful Yuuri, my love, my sunshine. My champion,” he whispers. “So strong, and good and kind. So good to me, always making sure I’m safe.”

He continues, soft praises filling the air between them in the unlit hotel room, only the evening light from the window illuminating them. Little by little, Yuuri relaxes, and with it, so does Victor. It didn’t turn into a full attack, Yuuri’s gaze clear the entire time, and Victor is grateful for it. Still, he wonders what set it off. Previously, the anger Yuuri has shown towards Victor’s exes has been shown though words, and rarely though anxiety. They’ve never met any of them before though. 

“You heard us.” 

Victor leans back so he can look at Yuuri, eyebrows furrowed. 

“What?”

Yuuri turns his head into the pillow, words muffeling.

“Me and Richard. You heard us.” 

_ Oh _ . 

“Uhm, yeah,” Victor says, swallowing nervously.  “I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but he started talking and I was so surprised about what he said and-,”

“How much did you hear?” 

Victor frowns, because he feels like there is something he’s missing, something crucial part of information that’s flown over his head. 

“Uhm, him congratulating you? Asking you out? You telling him that you were taken-,”

Yuuri tenses in his grip and Victor contemplates what he was going to say next and then it  _ clicks _ .

“That if you were anymore taken there would be a ring on your finger, that it didn’t matter if I were there yet or not, because you love me for who I am, not for an ego boost.” 

“Victor, I-, “ Yuuri’s voice is trembling, panic rising in his throat again and Victor can’t have that. It’s starting to sink in, that Yuuri is worried that Victor thought it was too much, that Victor will run away. 

“You mean it?” he cuts Yuuri off. Yuuri stares for a moment, eyes wide, wet and scared, before he nods, opening his mouth to say something else but getting silenced by Victor’s lips on his. It’s a soft and sweet kiss, with just the right about of pressure and warmth. 

“I’m not running away,” Victor whispers into Yuuri’s lips and a small gasp puffs hot air against Victor’s kiss wet lips. “I can’t remember feeling more whole, than in the moment you said those words.” 

A shiver runs down Yuuri’s skin, prickling it under Victor’s hands. Yuuri pushes his lips harder against Victor this time, desperation and fear bleeding out of Yuuri as he devours Victor’s mouth. When they break for air, Yuuri continues to kiss Victor’s jaw, down his neck. 

“I meant it all, every word and syllable. I don’t need anything, I just want you to be happy, I just need you.” 

Victor sighs happily, that all-consuming joy filling him again as he grabs Yuuri’s face so he can look at him proper. 

“I love you, Yuuri Katsuki. And whatever you want to give me, I will gladly give back in return, even more, if I can.” 

“I want to give you the world,” Yuuri says.

Victor laughs, kisses Yuuri’s lips twice. 

“I don’t need the world. I just need you.” 

Yuuri shakes his head, as if Victor is being ridiculous when it’s the opposite. What does Victor need the world for when he has Yuuri? 

“I adore you, you know that right? I keep worrying that things are too much and you always surprise me, always show new depths of your strength. It’s magnificent.” Yuuri’s smile is radiant, and Victor feels himself mimicking it, joy coursing through his entire being. 

“You don’t need to hold back with me, Yuuri. Please speak your mind. I’m sorry I doubted you in the beginning, but I needed to make sure, I needed time to find enough space for you in my heart, because you deserve all of it. I’m strong enough to carry your feelings now. Lay them on me.”   
“I promise.” 

 

The next day, Yuuri is relaxed again, smile soft and eyes gleaming with joy. They’re just as open with their touches as previously, but Victor can feel the shift between them. Yuuri leaning into him a little more, squeezing his hand a little tighter, pulling him back to get one more kiss before separating before the race. Yuuri had been holding back, afraid to overwhelm Victor. 

He’s glad they managed to talk it out. He fully understands where Yuuri came from, and how, if he had not been as careful as he had been, they probably wouldn't be where they are now. Still, as much as Victor loves when Yuuri takes care of him, he loves taking care of Yuuri in return. At this point, he doesn’t want Yuuri to hold back, wants him to be as open and free with Victor as Victor feels he can be with Yuuri, might need it at this point. If he knows everything that Yuuri gives him is sincere, maybe Victor can truly start believing this is real. 

Yesterday's events have visibly drained Yuuri. It might have been the win, the incident with Richard or the conversation with Victor. It might be all of them. Yuuri is nowhere near as energized as he was the previous day, and a tight knot ties itself in Victor’s stomach as Yuuri keeps looking a little faded, even after the qualifiers. Yuuri makes it into the finals, but Victor feels at a loss with how to motivate Yuuri. How to give him back that spark. The team notice it too, and when Yuuri leaves Victor and the rest of the team to go warm up and get ready for the 800m final, it only takes a minute before Guang Hong’s worried gaze catch Victor’s.

“Is Yuuri okay?” He asks, voice low. They’re in the stands, the crowd buzzing in between races. 

The team is close, shares and leans on each other. He knows Guang Hong asks because he’s worried. Because he sees the difference between the Yuuri that won gold yesterday, and the mellow Yuuri of today.  There is no gossip or nosiness, just care and worry. Victor knows Yuuri hasn’t told the team about Richard and the business they have with the SA. Not even Phichit knows. Yuuri had insisted, saying it was something for them, and that no one Victor didn’t feel comfortable with telling needed to know. Victor preferred it to be between them, so there it stayed. 

“Yes?” Victor answers, and then laughs, a little breathless. Beside him, Guang Hong’s smile is soft, but eyes still worried.  

“Something happened yesterday that sort of threw him off,” Victor says and Guang Hong nods.

“That sucks.”

“Yeah. It’s worked out now, but I think he’s kind of drained after it? It didn't feel like he had as much energy this morning as he did yesterday,” Victor admits, rocking a little in his seat. 

“Okay,” Guang Hong says. “Then we’ll have to cheer for him, right? See if that gets him in the competing mood?” 

“Cheer?” Victor asks. Of course they will, but will it really be that easy?

“Mhmm, you know, maybe you have something to motivate him? I can usually find something that makes Leo want to push a little harder.” 

Guang Hong winks, and Victor blushes as he thinks about the hickeys and the number of times Yuri has kicked the couple out of the pool area for being caught having sex there. Victor can imagine what kind of motivation  Guang Hong means.

Motivation. What could Victor do to motivate Yuuri? 

Maybe all he can do is just to believe in Yuuri. Just like he said all those months ago, when Yuuri was freaking out about Sectionals. Just like he had texted before Regionals. Victor believes Yuuri can do it, knows Yuuri has what it takes. He just needs a boost. 

The swimmers step out to loud cheers, Yuuri looking a little more in the zone, and Victor stands, cupping his hands around his mouth, in hopes of it helping the sound travel all the way down to Yuuri. Next to him, their friends are on their feet as well, shouting encouragements. 

“YUURI!” Victor calls as loudly as he can. Yuuri turns and looks up at them and Victor smiles, shaping his hands into a heart before throwing him a soft kiss. Yuuri’s smile widens, pretending to catch the kiss and Victor pretends to swoon by the action. Yuuri shakes his head but giggles. The spark is back, and Victor has no idea if it helped, but his heart flutters as Yuuri steps up on the block, adjusting glasses and cap before leaning down into a starting position. There is a moment, when the entire arena falls silent. Then, the starter pistol goes off. 

 

Yuuri wins the final for 800m, but his time is not enough to qualify to the World Championship like the time in 1500m did. Yuuri looks happy, but not ecstatic like he did the day before. Victor kisses him five times before they have even gotten up to the stands again. 

 

The day after that, Guang Hong and Leo have their races while Yuuri is free. They use the time to cuddle in the stands, except for the run Yuuri has to take in the morning and short swim in the afternoon, just to make sure his body doesn’t lock up. Victor presses close to his boyfriend’s side as they watch the competitions, one arm around Yuuri’s waist as Yuuri’s lay slung over his shoulder, Victor’s legs over Yuuri’s as they share overly sweet lemonade that Yuuri probably shouldn't drink. 

“What do you want to do this summer?” Yuuri asks, leaving a kiss on the side of Victor’s nose. Victor scrunches it, chasing Yuuri’s lips with his own instead. 

“What do you mean? Don’t you want me to come to Worlds?” Victor asks, lacing their fingers together over their legs. The hand on Victor’s shoulder start tracing patterns there, Yuuri looking down on him as he turns his face up to meet those pretty brown eyes. 

“I didn’t want to assume,” Yuuri says, soft smile on his face. Victor  _ ‘tsks’ _ .

“I want you to assume. If you want me with you, I want to be with you. Wouldn't miss it for anything.” 

“Okay,” Yuuri’s voice is almost a whisper, wonder filling the small word. “Then, afterwards, would you come with me to Hasetsu?” 

A soft gasp leaves Victor’s lips before he leans up to press them against Yuuri’s, smiling into the kiss. Yuuri’s fingers untangle from his in favour of cupping his cheek, claiming more of Victor’s mouth. He grabs Yuuri’s elbow, needing an anchor so as not to float away in happiness. 

“You really want me to come with you? To meet your parents?” Victor asks when they break apart, breathless and smiling. To see where Yuuri grew up, meet his parents, sister, old friends. Victor could never say no. 

“More than most things,” Yuuri admits.

“”Then I will happily come. I hope your mother shows me baby pictures.“

Yuuri looks horrified for a second, before violently shaking his head.

“Nope, changed my mind, we’re not going. Staying at the dorm, staycation.”

Victor laughs, poking at the blush spreading on Yuuri’s pretty cheeks. 

“Wherever with you is the best place to be anyway,” he says, mischievous grin spreading on his lips. “Besides, I’m sure she’ll send them to me anyway if I ask.” 

Victor’s giggles at Yuuri’s gasp, and tickles Victor until his laugh echoes through the entire arena. 

 

The fourth day of the Championship, it’s finally time for the 200m free swim, and Victor is ecstatic to see energy almost flowing off Yuuri. It’s almost like he’s electric, current streaming through his veins. Victor knows they all have to watch out, because Yuuri looks like he believes in himself today, more so than any other time Victor has spent with him. There is a storm in Yuuri’s eyes, dark and powerful, and he grabs Victor so hard when they’re separating by the rope, hands cupping Victor's cheeks, lips almost touching. 

“You gonna say you believe in me?” He asks and Victor almost shudders under Yuuri’s determined gaze. 

“I believe in you,” Victor echoes. It’s their good luck charm now. Yuuri knows Victor believes in him, must feel it. It needs to be said nonetheless. Then, because Yuuri's boldness is rubbing off on him, he smiles, pushing closer so Yuuri can hear him whisper.

“Go get me one more gold Yuuri, and then you can drape me in it tonight.” 

Yuuri presses their lips together, hard and wet, only for a second, before he pulls away. 

“Go to the stands, Vitusha. I’ll swim for you.” 

Victor does as told, a tingling feeling of anticipation burning in his body, his mind occupied with thoughts of Yuuri, so much so that when he turns to walk up the stairs, he doesn't notice who he’s meeting. He’s almost at the top when a voice calls out to him, and he knows, when he turns, who he’s going to see standing lower in the stairs.

“Should you not be in the stands watching your boyfriend?” Victor asks. Emanuel had qualified, just like Yuuri. Victor hadn’t gone looking for that information, but it had been impossible to avoid when the competitors were announced. Richard looks up at him and Victor shoves his hands deeper into his hoodie pockets, Yuuri’s hoodie. It smells like him, is a little too big. It reminds him of how it feels to be in Yuuri’s arms and that makes him realise how far he’s come. How different he is now, from who he was then, when he let Richard nag himself into Victor’s bed and slowly crackle his self confidence. 

“Victor,” Richard says again, voice soft and light. Victor knows it so well, the voice to pull him in, to make him open up and crumble. There is nothing for Victor here, there never was, and never will be. So, without a word, he turns back up the stairs, and taking the last few steps in a sprint, he leaves Richard behind. 

When he reaches their seats, the swimmers are already walking out. Yuuri looks up and Victor throws him a kiss again. This time, Yuuri winks and Victor is about to actually swoon. Yuuri’s determination alongside his bare torso, tight swim pants and hair slicked back from the water is almost too much, he’s too sexy.  Victor never sits down, because in a minute, Yuuri is up on the block again, ready. Phichit on one side, Emanuel two competitors away. This is the race Yuuri has been working his ass off for, for over a year, swimming a part of him for much longer than that. 

The starting pistol goes off, and the arena erupts in cheers again. Next to him, Chris roots for Phichit, their friends shouting a mix of the teammates names in cheers. Victor is quiet, eyes locked on Yuuri’s form as he flies through the water. It’s so short, in opposite to the 1500m. It feels like Victor has only taken a breath and then they’re at the first turn. The pace is increasing and Victor can’t look away, has no idea where the rest of the competitors are when Yuuri turns in the water again. Only one more turn now, and then the sprint. Yuuri looks magnificent, body so strong but light as it rushes through the water. The last turn comes and then it feels like just a blink, before Yuuri’s hands slam into the tile at the finish line. His cap and goggles are off in a second, and Victor doesn't need to look at the scoreboard to know. 

Yuuri’s hand comes up to his mouth, fingers trembling as drops that aren’t from the pool slowly drip down his cheeks. When his hand comes down from his mouth, there is a smile so bright Victor thinks he might get blinded by it. He would, gladly, if he could continue watching Yuuri’s triumph. Yuuri turns and finds him, smile wide as he places a hand over his heart. Victor mimics it, finding his heart rushing in his chest, as if it was him who had just swam. God, he loves that man so much, he’s not sure he would be able to breathe without him. 

 

They stumble into the hotel room that night, fingers twisted in Victor's hair, mouths gasping into each other as they try to rid themselves of their clothes, without breaking apart. The hoodie Victor have been wearing, Yuuri’s hoodie, hits the floor first, Yuuri gripping his naked waist tight as he presses his mouth against Victor’s again, open mouth kisses hot and sloppy. Victor gasps when Yuuri sucks his lower lip into his mouth, teeth scraping just slightly. He grabs the zipper of Yuuri’s team jacket and pushes it down, hands coming up to push it off his shoulders. Yuuri’s mouth leaves his in favour for his neck and Victor lets out a loud moan when Yuuri sucks a mark right underneath his jaw, grabbing Yuuri’s t-shirt, fabric twisting between his fingers. 

“Yuuri, off, off” he begs, tugging the shirt up, but not wanting Yuuri’s lips to leave his skin. Yuuri sucks another mark, this time over his pulse point, before helping Victor to pull the shirt completely off. Victor pushes close again, lips locking with Yuuri’s as they fall onto the bed. Victor grinds his hips down, cock filling fast, feeling Yuuri’s erection against his. There's been a buzzing arousal coursing through his body all day, and every touch from Yuuri is making his body sing. Yuuri’s fingers are in his hair again, lips breaking free to kiss Victor’s sternum as Victor rises above him a little, using one hand for balance, the other to open Yuuri's pants. Yuuri rocks up into his hand, tongue flat against Victor’s nipple.

“Haa-,” Victor gasps, losing balance and falling down to his elbow, giving Yuuri the opportunity to suck the nipple into his mouth. Victor shivers, heat erupting in his body. Yuuri rocks his hips up, friction from their clothed erections heaven, and Victor grinds down too, desperate for more. Yuuri’s hands finds his hips, slowing him and then holding them in place. Victor whines. 

“Yuuri, Yuuri, please.”

Yuuri pulls off, nipple wet and swollen.  He hooks a leg over Victor’s hip and then flips them, hovering over Victor when he hits the bed, head spinning from the movement and from lust. 

“Easy, my love, I’ll take care of you,” Yuuri promises. 

He sits back, eyes roaming over Victor’s body in that way that makes Victor feel like he’s the most beautiful thing in the world, the most desired and adored. 

“Look at you,” Yuuri says, hands caressing from Victor’s neck down his torso, stopping for a second to crickle his nipples, the one just in Yuuri’s mouth so sensitive he has to hiss at the feeling. “You’re so gorgeous, Vitusha. I can’t believe I get to have you like this.”

Yuuri’s hands continue down his sides, fingers spreading wide as they caress down his ribs and waist, to his hips. It’s as if Yuuri is trying to touch all of him, stake claim. He doesn’t need to, Victor is completely his. 

He reaches Victor’s jeans, fingers caressing softly under the hem, just missing where Victor wants it the most. 

“Yuuri,” Victor whines, bucking up into the air. 

Yuuri smiles and leans down, thigh pressing down on Victor’s cock just as he claims his lips. Victor moans into the kiss, rutting against Yuuri’s thigh helplessly, fingers gripping at Yuuri’s back. Yuuri smiles into the kiss, breaking off to focus on Victor’s pants again, the friction from his thigh disappearing as he does. 

“So unbelievably beautiful.” Yuuri opens the fastening, slowly pulling the jeans and underwear off Victor’s hips, eyes on the newly exposed skin.

“Better than any win, any race, any prize.” He pulls the garments completely off, letting them drop to the floor.

“If all I ever have is you,” Yuuri leans down, kissing from Victor’s sternum down to where his hard cock is laying heavy on his stomach. “I’ll be the luckiest man in the world.” 

Yuuri licks the head of Victor’s cock into his mouth then, sucking lighty, making Victor arch into the hotness of Yuuri’s mouth. One of Yuuri’s hands comes up to push Victor’s hip down into the bed, as his mouth slowly sinks down the length.

“Oh-, Oh, Yuuri,” Victor gasps, fingers tangling in Yuuri’s still damp hair. Yuuri hums as his lips touch the base, swallowing twice, before hollowing his cheeks as he pulls up fast. He slinks down slowly again, repeating the motion a few times before he increases the pace, bobbing up and down as Victor writhes in the sheets, Yuuri’s name falling off his lips like a prayer. 

Yuuri pulls off, lips wet with drool and precome, kissing up Victor’s stomach and chest until he reaches his lips. Victor is still a panting mess, and Yuuri’s lips are swollen and taste a little salty as they meet. 

“Hi babe,” Yuuri says as they pull apart, kissing Victor’s forehead and Victor sighs a sweet sigh, filled with adoration and love for this tender, loving, amazing person above him.  Yuuri steps off the bed to rummage through the luggage, presumably for lube. Victor turns to his side on the bed, watching Yuuri as he searches, back muscles flexing under his skin. He’s still in his sweats, and Victor hopes to get him out of them as soon as he can. 

Yuuri seems to find what he’s been looking for because he stands and walks the few steps back, throwing the lube on the bed. Victor reaches up, hooking a finger into the hem off Yuuri’s pants to pull them down. Yuuri helps, wiggling his hips until he can step out of his clothes. 

Yuuri is breathtaking naked, and Victor rises, so he can sit on the edge of the bed, pulling Yuuri close by grabbing his ass. Yuuri gasps and follows, boxing Victor in between his thighs. He lets his hands roam over Yuuri’s sculpted cheeks as he leans forward to the hard cock right in front of him, kissing the tip. Yuuri shrudders, hands coming to tangle in Victor’s hair. Victor looks up at him, locking eyes with his beautiful champion boyfriend, before opening his mouth wide to suck Yuuri down. Yuuri’s head tips back, moan escaping his lips as Victor’s eyes close as well. He starts bobbing his head up and down, caressing Yuuri’s ass as he does. He only managed to get a few bobs in before Yuuri pulls him off, eyes dark and eyelids heavy. 

“Let me fuck you,” he breathes, and Victor swallows and nods, before scooting back on the bed. Yuuri goes down on his knees on it, before crawling closer, like a predator going for it’s pray.  Victor let’s his legs fall open, Yuuri finding the lube next to them. A finger circles his rim, a now known action, before the tip of Yuuri’s index finger presses inside. Victor gasps, spreading his legs wider as Yuuri sinks his slick finger further into him. He starts thrusting, slow strokes as Victor’s body relaxes, opens up. A second finger follows, stretching him open more, and Victor gasps at the burn, Yuuri murmuring soft apologies as he kisses all the skin he can reach. Yuuri scissors his fingers before adding a third, Victor’s body adjusting faster now. 

“Ready?” Yuuri asks and Victor nods, turning his head to kiss Yuuri, wet and sloppy. 

“Fuck me good Yuuri,” he asks and the dark in Yuuri’s eyes grows, his boyfriend biting his lower lip before rising to slick his cock with lube, lining up to his entrance. 

The press of Yuuri’s cock into his body is bliss. Victor loves being connected like this, like they are one. To be with Yuuri like this feels like a privilege, a gift, and when Yuuri starts thrusting, Victor has no claims to hold back.

“Fuck, Yuuri, Fuck, that’ so good.”

“Vitusha,” Yuuri breathes, hips moving in rhythm, in and out of Victor, adjusting so he can hit Victor where if feels the most. 

“Ah! There, Fuck- right there, Yuuri,” Victor moans and Yuuri increases his pace, Victor’s legs coming up to wrap around Yuuri’s hips so he can press him further into him, holding onto his shoulders to ground himself. 

“So good,” Yuuri moans. “So good, Vitusha, so tight.” 

Victor starts rocking his hips up to meet Yuuri’s movements, one hand coming down to start stroking at his own hard cock. Yuuri’s moaning and gasping above him, both of them close.

“I love you,” Victor gasps. “I love you so fuck- ah, fucking much,” 

“Me too, God, the things you do to me.”

Victor’s orgasm takes him by surprise, head tipping back as he gasps, coming all over his hand, chest and stomach, some of if landing on Yuuri’s chest as well. Yuuri trembles above him when Victor clenches down on him, filling him with his cum with a loud moan of his name. 

Yuuri collapses on top of him, and Victor turns them, so he can look at him as he comes down from orgasm induced bliss. This beautiful person who Victor adores. Who chose to give Victor every chance, but never pushed him beyond his limits. The person who makes Victor feel complete, the only one he wants to always have by his side.

The loveliest, most wonderful being in this world. Yuuri. 

Victor’s Yuuri. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG THE FEELS.  
> I can't believe its almost done. I've just finished chapter 18 and sent it to the beta, it feels like its too soon! Just one more to write. I love this story so much, and I love all of you who read, kudos and comment. It means so much to me. Thank you. 
> 
>  
> 
> Thank you for reading, please let me know what you think in the comment section or on other platforms like:  
> [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/linisen) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/mjaoue)


	18. Mending: Only You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your never believed in life altering moments

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternatively titled:   
> -Yuuri calling himself silly when he's not  
> \- Four time's Yuuri Katsuki carried the love of his life around
> 
> Betaed by the lovely [takeitoffhemmo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/takeitoffhemmo)

Yuuri doesn’t believe in life altering moments. 

He can’t remember the first time he swam, the necessity of learning such a skill vital when living in a seaside town. Necessity turned to play, play turned to passion, which then turned into what could now best be described as a profession. Yuuri can’t pinpoint when any of those changes happened, has no distinct memory of what changed, when it did, or what caused it. He just knows that somewhere down the line, he fell in love with the way the water feels as it rushes by him, as he pushes himself to move faster against the resistance of it. How the water works against him and with him at the same time. How in the quiet of it all, he can shut his mind off completely and let the movements guide him though. 

He can’t name the first time he talked to Phichit, meeting at countless competitions since they were children. Can’t be completely sure of when they became friends for real, or when they turned into best friends. The events and feelings progressed, and no single moment were more important than the other. One day, in their early teenage years, they were just  _ best friends. _ No startling insight or proclamations. They just were, and still are.  

Yuuri can’t say when he first tasted Katsudon or when he proclaimed it his favourite dish. He’s eaten it countless times, the memories of every single time jumbled in with each other, making it hard to pinpoint each or any of them. He can remember times his mother cooked it, and that he’s eaten it on several occasions with family, friends, and celebrations. None stand out, none screams - this, this is where it all changed. 

If things as important as these, as grounded in who he is and how he got here, if they do not feel like life altering moments, how can any be? 

 

That all changes on a cloudy day, late in August, when Yuuri, a little too tired and antsy, longing to get into the water, knocks on the second door to the right on the second floor of their dorm, and Victor Nikiforov opens the door, shirtless. 

 

The day before, Yuuri had come home from swim practice to a swooning roommate. Phichit had gone on and on about the new dorm occupants, or namely one of them, Chris.

“Yuuri, he was so hot! I can’t believe my luck,” Phichit says, sprawled on the kitchen floor as Yuuri cooks. He has to step over Phichit to get to the fridge to get the carrots, and then again as he turns back. 

“Be careful though, don’t scare him because you’re thirsty and haven’t gotten laid in a while,” Yuuri scolds. 

Phichit snorts from his place on the floor, waving his arms dismissively.

“You haven’t seen him yet, Yuuri. He was like sex on legs. How am I, a gay man with needs, supposed to resist hitting on that?”

“You still need to remember that you will have to live together in the same dorm building, for two years. He’s related to Celestino. I know he loves us both but I’m sure he would rather kick you out than his nephew,” Yuuri reminds him as he starts chopping the carrots into sticks. “If you don’t plan on doing anything else than bone him, I’d say leave it.”

Phichit sighs, spreading his limbs out like a starfish.

“Okay, maybe I’ll try to get to know him first. Perhaps, he’s not just hot. Maybe he’s boyfriend material as well.”

Yuuri laughs and turns to look at his friend who has a soft smile on his face. 

“You should probably get to know him then, if he might be boyfriend material,” Yuuri teases. 

“I will,” Phichit says as he sits up. “Sara and Mila were gonna have them over for wine tonight so none of them will be coming up, but maybe tomorrow night. Did you go by and visit? Because I said you would.”

Yuuri shakes his head as he turns back to the stove.

“I knocked on their door, but they were probably already at Mila and Sara’s by then. I’ll try again tomorrow morning, before practice.” 

“Alright, cool,” Phichit agrees as he bounces off the floor. “Just know I’ve called dibs on tall, blond and smoking.” 

 

So when Yuuri knocks on the door, he’s prepared for the classic Phichit type, smirking, cocky, flirty, but kind. He expects Chris, since his roommate hasn’t been able to shut up about him since they met yesterday, even if it was only for a few minutes. He knows there is a roommate, and he knows that technically, it’s just as big a chance that he’ll be the one that opens, he just doesn't think that it will be Victor.

Yuuri, of course, has no idea his name is Victor at that point. He has no idea of a lot of things because his brain seems to have run away and left at the sight of this angel standing in the doorway.  The light from the window in the small joint space in the dormroom cascades across his shoulders, somber and gray from the cloudiness, and it illuminates his long silver hair and delicate features. Yuuri thinks he might have drowned and has ascended to heaven. Except, the angel doesn’t look very happy to see him. The door bounces against the wall with a loud  _ ‘bang’ _ and both Yuuri and the angel wince at the loud noise. Hopefully, it didn’t dent.    
“I- Uhm. Hi? I’m Yuuri?”  Yuuri unintelligently says, trying to look anywhere except on the man’s well sculpted chest.    
“Oh, right. I’m Victor,” the angel says and Yuuri smiles, trying to regain his composure.    
“Nice to meet you, Victor. I’m the second RA. Phichit said you met him yesterday?”

The conversation doesn’t go great, however much Yuuri tries to be welcoming and charming, Victor seems to just want to get the conversation over with. Yuuri tries not to feel too disappointed about it.  Just a week and a half ago, he had told Phichit he wasn’t looking to date, and here he was, trying to charm one of the freshmen. Ridiculous. It’s only when he arrives at the swimhall and dives into the pool, that he remembers Mila and Sara were treating Victor and his roommate Chris to wine last night, and that Victor was probably hung over. Great job, Yuuri.

 

The good thing is that when Victor arrives to the RA’s apartment that evening, his entire demure is different. He looks small standing in the kitchen, as if unsure if he’s allowed to be there at all. Gone is the arrogance and the stoned expression. He looks soft, vulnerable. It’s such a stark difference that Yuuri finds himself eager to know more. To reach into the depths of this breathtaking person and see what lies there.    
“Victor. Hi,” Yuuri says, smiling softly. Victor shifts in place, frowning as he stands in the doorway, clearly uncomfortable.   
“Yeah. Uhm, Mila and Sara said it was okay if we came,” Victor says, eyes darting between Yuuri and the floor.    
“Of course!” Yuuri says as a small smile forms on his face, needing to reassure Victor, for who knows what reason. There is something in those deep blue eyes that calls to him, makes him want to make Victor feel seen, and isn’t that the strangest thing Yuuri has ever thought? They’re still locking eyes, and Yuuri feels a little bit like when he lets himself sink in the water, heavy but still floating. 

Phichit sticks his head out from the walk-in pantry, flour on his cheek and a big smile on his face.   
“Most of the people who live in the house hang out here. You’re welcomed to do the same,” Phichit says, making  both of them drop the prolonged eye contact. Victor nods and shuffles his feet.    
“You hungry?” Yuuri asks, nodding towards the food  he’s preparing.    
Victor’s eyes widen in surprise, eyes dropping to the pots on the stove. He looks like no one has ever offered him food before, Yuuri really hopes that’s not the case.   
“You don’t mind?” Victor asks and  Yuuri shakes his head, heart jumping in his chest as he takes half a step forward.    
“No. Most eat here too. Wanna help?”

 

Even if they had a bit of a rough start, Yuuri finds himself becoming friends with Victor fast. Victor takes to the dorm quick, like most of them had when they moved in, and he’s almost always in the RA’s apartment when not in school. Yuuri is both extremely happy about it and completely drained by it. The more he gets to know Victor the harder he falls for him, butterflies fluttering in his chest at the mere sight of the other man.

Still, it’s evident that Victor does not share this sentiment, so Yuuri tries to keep his crush at bay as best he can. He tries his hardest to be a good friend to Victor instead. Helps him with school, hangs out with him, makes sure he’s always home safe. There are moments, when they're alone, when Yuuri can almost feel like there is something more than just friendship, but he knows that’s just his treacherous brain trying to give him false hope. It’s immensely cruel, because Yuuri would love nothing more than for them to be more.  

He can’t help but give of himself to Victor, whatever he asks, Yuuri gives. Phichit finds it incredibly funny during the first weeks, and Yuuri finds himself on the receiving end of a shovel talk from Chris three weeks after the boys moved in. 

“Yuuri, if you hurt him, I’ll have to kill you. I mean it too, people have been horrible to Victor in the past, you better not turn out to be one of them,” Chris says one day when it’s just him, Yuuri and Phichit in the apartment. 

Yuuri wants to ask what they did, how anyone could do anything to hurt someone as wonderful as Victor. He doesn’t though. It feels like intruding on Victor’s privacy to know things he hasn’t shared himself. Still, Yuuri is dying to know.

“I won’t,” he assures instead. “I would never hurt him.” 

Yuuri means it too. If he had a chance to have anything with Victor, he might break himself into pieces to make sure he was happy. Which is completely crazy for someone he’s only known for a few weeks. Yuuri has never felt this way before, never been drawn to anyone like this. 

 

Yuuri has had three people he’s called ‘boyfriend’ in his life. The first was the last year of middle school. He was fifteen and so was the other boy. They kissed, but didn’t do much more than that. Yuuri can bare remember why they broke up now, but it was probably because none of them were old enough to understand what it meant to really be in love. 

The second one was during his two final years in high school, the longest relationship Yuuri has been in. It had been a good one. They had supported each other, he had understood Yuuri’s ambitions since he was also a swimmer, and they got along well. They had gone much longer than just kissing, and as fast as losing his virginity, Yuuri would say his experience had been a pretty good one. There had been fumbling and knocking knees and more fumbling but after a while they had gotten the hang of it. They had broken it off when Yuuri decided to continue to pursue swimming, moving away to go to college, and the boyfriend had decided to quit. Yuuri was the one to break it off. In hindsight, they probably would have broken up within a short amount of time anyway. The bubbly love that they had shared had faded, without growing into something deeper. They were friends, and Yuuri still sent ‘congratulations’ on his birthday and got a similar text on his own.  

The third one had been during his first year in college. They had met at a party and it had been a one night stand, that later turned into several nights, that turned into dating. It had been a weird relationship. He had been jealous, in the possessive way, trying to get Yuuri to stop hanging out with friends and stop swimming. Yuuri had broken it off pretty quickly after that. There was one more one night stand after that but that had been the weirdest hook up Yuuri had ever experienced and after that he decided he would focus on his swimming and school. Winning Nationals his first and second year only cemented that being alone seems to help him thrive. 

The problem is, sometimes looking at Victor, Yuuri forgets all about swimming and competitions. Forgets about medals and world records he’s always dreamed of breaking. It’s so stupid, especially considering he has no chance at all. 

 

Everything changes the night before Sectionals. Well, not everything, but it almost feels like it. If meeting Victor felt like a life altering moment, feeling his lips against his cheek, two days in a row, is mind blowing. The first one could be written off as just some sort of comfort, at least that’s what Yuuri’s anxiety tells him. The second one however… There is something in Victor’s eyes afterwards, a sliver of an echo of an emotion that Yuuri feels as his heart races and cheeks flush as he promises to win for Victor. A feeling overwhelming Yuuri, that maybe there is something there, that Victor feels it too. Yuuri should leave it alone. Should not indulge in his own fantasies of Victor wanting him as well, but if there’s a chance…

He tries. It’s small at first, so small that he almost feels guilty about it. He just tries to involve himself even more in Victor life, be there more, make sure Victor knows he can talk to Yuuri if he needs to, and it works. Given the chance and without pressuring, Victor opens like a flower turning towards the sun. Yuuri loves it. He does not, however, love the things Victor reveals. 

When Chris had said Victor had been hurt, Yuuri had thought of bad breakups and some fights with friends, perhaps not getting along with parents. With everything Victor reveals it becomes evident that it’s much deeper than that. 

 

Deciding to stay during Christmas is strictly because Victor is doing so. It’s so silly, and stupid, but Yuuri can’t stop himself from doing it. His heart breaks by the mere thought of Victor being alone in the dorm, or alone at all. Then he gets the added bonus of taking Victor out on three things, that could be described as dates, which is  _ amazing _ . Not that they’re calling them dates, but still. Victor walks closer to Yuuri now, shoulders and fingers brushing when they walk side by side, pressing closer during movie night, even if the entire couch is empty. When Victor falls asleep resting on his shoulder one night, Yuuri feels so happy he could cry. He carries Victor to bed and has to tell himself to stop being a creep, as he wishes he could crawl into his bed and cuddle up to Victor. It feels like they're on their way towards that though, and even if Yuuri’s entire being screams for it to be now, Yuuri can wait. He can wait forever for Victor.    
  
“Just let me go okay?” Victor pleads, eyes brimming with unshed tears and Yuuri’s heart breaks. He hears the sentiment in the words, that Victor isn’t only referring to the hold Yuuri has on Victor’s arms. He means something deeper than that. More. Victor pulls, to get free, and Yuuri lets him, even if his heart shatters with the action. Even if it’s the last thing he wants.    
“Tell me what’s happening,” Yuuri pleads, aching for Victor to be back in his arms again.    
“No,” Victor says, shaking his head as the tears start to spill down his face. Yuuri realises then that he has never known true heartbreak before this moment. Everything else he has called so have been a mere shadow to the darkness that envelops him now.    
“Victor, please,” Yuuri begs because something is clearly wrong, and he wants to fix it. Help. Victor looks terrified and pained and Yuuri hates it so much he has a hard time to breathe. Instead of finding him in his arms, Yuuri has to watch as Victor turns and runs. 

 

He tries to convince himself that things will be alright. That Victor will have calmed down when Yuuri comes back home to the dorm and they will talk about it. Sort things out. The problem is, Victor isn’t at the dorm. Yuuri tries to call, but it cuts off. For a horrifying moment, Yuuri considers that Victor might have blocked his number. That something Yuuri did led to the tears and pain in Victor’s eyes earlier. When Chris calls, he gets cut off as well, and so does everyone else’s calls, which must mean that Victor turned his phone off, which exchanges the sadness Yuuri feels like a heavy wet blanket across his shoulder for worry and fear.

He jogs a lap around campus, goes into the library and searches the nooks Victor usually sits in, and the ones he doesn’t. He runs over to the café where Victor works, but they haven’t seen him either. Yuuri runs another lap around campus, calls Phichit to get the information that none of them has heard from Victor still. He runs another lap, continuing to call until his battery dies. He returns home, limbs cold and chest hollow. 

He contemplates calling the police or hospitals but realises that they probably won’t give out any information to a random friend. God, is that all they are? Friends. It feels like so much more. Perhaps it was all in Yuuri’s imagination. 

When he gets up to the apartment Phichit forces him to shower and sits him in front of a movie with a bowl of food. Yuuri has no idea what it is, it tastes like sand on his tongue. Phichit keeps rambling about how irresponsible Victor is being and how stupid Yuuri is for falling for such a self-absorbed boy, but Yuuri barely hears him. All he can see in front of him is Victor’s tears spilling over  those pale cheeks, eyes showing so much pain Yuuri could feel it himself. 

As the hours pass, he gets more and more worried. It’s January, and freaking freezing. Victor wasn't wearing a coat and Yuuri is an idiot who should have chased after him, or not let him go in the first place. He considers running another lap around campus, perhaps into town, when his phone starts ringing.

“Hello?”

“Yuuri, I found him,” Mila answers and Yuuri’s heart soars. 

“What? Where?” Yuuri asks, standing up to move towards the coat rack. Phichit gets up with him while Chris continues to eye them from the couch. 

“At the party. He’s pretty drunk,” Mila answers. In the background, he can hear Sara shouting ‘Hi Yuuri!’. 

“I’m coming,” Yuuri says, pulling on his thick winter coat, grabbing his extra jacket as he opens the door. 

“Yuuri, don’t you dare go get him!” Phichit shouts and Yuuri turns and gives his friend the coldest look he can muster. Phichit’s resentment towards his and Victor’s relationship has only grown and Yuuri is so sick of it.    
“Shut up, Phichit!” He shouts before he slams the door shut. 

Mila texts the address and Yuuri runs over there as fast as he can. Victor is very drunk when he gets there, and Yuuri has to hold back so not to rush in and pull Victor into his arms and whisper all the things he feels for him. Victor pushed him away. Yuuri can’t make physical advances like that if Victor does not want them, even if Yuuri’s entire body screams for it. Victor agrees immediately that, yes, he is drunk and that, yes, they should go home.  He can’t walk without tripping, so Yuuri wraps him up in the extra jacket he brought and zips his own up, lifting Victor up so he can carry him. Victor wraps his thighs around his waist and Yuuri takes a solid grip underneath Victor thighs, chest to chest, and starts walking. 

It’s the sweetest torture, having Victor pressed so close to him, smelling like he always does, but mixed with the smell of Yuuri from his coat. He’s so relieved that Victor is okay, even though he clearly isn’t fine. Something must be bothering Victor immensely to get this drunk. Yuuri hasn't seen Victor touch a drop of alcohol since he started college, so drinking can’t be something that happens often, considering they spend most waking hours not in class, at work or training, together.    
“You’re so sweet, Yuuri,” Victor mumbles into his coat. “I can’t be with you though. I’ll just ruin everything with my mess.”    
Yuuri sighs, and resists pressing his mouth against Victor’s skin. He bites the inside of his cheek and takes a leap. He feels like he’s losing Victor anyway, how much damage can it honestly do?    
“What if I want your mess?” He asks, turning his head so his nose presses into Victor’s throat. He smells heavenly. God, Yuuri wishes he was his.   
“Nobody wants a mess,” Victor says and Yuuri almost laughs, because he wants Victor any way he can have him. It’s not like Yuuri isn’t a mess too.   
“I do. If it’s you, I want it all,” Yuuri admits, tears starting to fill his eyes as he tries to prepare himself for rejection. 

“I’ll think about it,” Victor promises, leaning his head more heavily against Yuuri’s shoulder and Yuuri breathes a sigh of relief. It’s probably  as good an outcome he’s going to get from this chaotic day.    
“Thank you,” Yuuri says, pressing his nose a little deeper into Victor’s throat before pulling back, focusing forward. He means it too. He’s so grateful for any chance Victor wants to give him. Hopes he can nurture it into something they can both want. If not, he’ll have to back off. No matter how much it will hurt. 

“You have weird requests, Yuuri. You really should have higher standards, National Champion and all,” Victor teases. God, Yuuri likes him so much.

“I think I have exceptionally high standards. I’ve never wanted anyone like I want you,” Yuuri whispers into the cold January night and he can feel Victor wrapping his arms tighter around him, so Yuuri tightens his grip as well. 

“You can’t say things like that. It makes me fall in love with you,” Victor whispers back and even though it’s still aching, Yuuri’s heart does a small flip in his chest. 

“Do you not want to be in love with me?” He asks, trying to sound calm, but his voice trembles a little. 

“It doesn't matter. I don’t think I could stop if I tried,” Victor answers and Yuuri’s heart does a flip again. Maybe there's still a chance. Maybe he hasn't screwed everything up completely.  

“I’ll give you all the time you need then.”

 

After getting Victor into pyjamas, brushed and braided his hair and tucked him into bed with water, aspirin, mouthwash and a trashcan by the bed, Yuuri has to tear himself from Victor’s room. Once again he’s been hit with the want to crawl into bed with Victor and Yuuri has to hold back. Needs to show restraint until Victor gives him some sort of sign that he wants Yuuri that way. 

He’s still a mess though. When he gets on the bus that will take them to Regionals, he sits himself in the back. He puts his headphones in, pulls his feet up in the set next to him, rests his forehead on his knees, and cries for the entire four hour bus ride. The events of the previous day are catching up to him. The joy of winning, the pain from Victor’s rejection, the worry when he ran away and the small sliver of hope he was left with. The team seems to take turns to sit next to him, wordless support. He loves all of them. Even Yakov sits next to him for a while. 

They arrive the day before the 200m races are to be swam, and Yuuri goes for a run once he’s settled into the hotel, to stretch out his legs and clear his head. He tries to gather his thoughts about what could have caused the change in Victor's behavior, for the happy and bubbly Victor he met just before the races, to the heartbroken one in the lobby just a few hours later. He comes up with nothing. 

He comes back, eats with the team and gets no sleep at all. He tosses and turns, unlocks and locks his phone, typing and deleting message after message to Victor. 

_ ‘How are you doing?’ _

_ ‘I miss you’ _

_ ‘Are you feeling better? Hangover not to bad?’ _

_ ‘I just want to make you happy, I just want you to be happy’ _

_ ‘Please tell me what's wrong, it’s killing me to see you hurt’  _

None of them gets sent, of course, and the panic of going into a race without sleep makes nausea rise in his throat. At three am, he finally manages to fall asleep. 

Yuri and Phichit are saints that let him sleep in, and only wake him just before it’s time to leave for the arena. He eats a sandwich on the shuttle bus, and warms up like he usually does. He leaves his phone with Yuri and tries to focus. He knows the rest of the team are facetiming with the dorm but he can’t bring himself to go over there. He feels like he will crumble if he sees Victor right now, or maybe break apart if he isn’t even there. 

Phichit is pissed off, it’s almost impossible to miss. He and Yuuri haven’t talked much, and Yuuri knows why. Phichit doesn’t like Victor, or what he claims Victor is doing to Yuuri. He keeps saying Victor is playing him, but Yuuri doesn't think that's the case. He’s seen Victor’s tender heart, how he opens up to Yuuri, his strength and vulnerability. Phichit hasn’t. He just sees Yuuri trying to get a grip on the situation, and apparently that’s not good enough for Yuuri, according to Phichit. 

Yuri calls Phichit over just before they are to head out to the pool area for the race, and they exchange a few words before Phichit walks over to the other swimmers waiting. He doesn’t say anything, but he keeps glancing towards Yuuri. It comes just when they step up on the blocks, words rushed before they get asked to get ready to start.

“Yuri said Victor texted that he believes in you and to do your best.”

Yuuri doesn't have time to dwell too much on it, but something surges in his body by the words. Victor is watching, thinking about Yuuri, still caring. Yuuri can work with that.

 

Four days is a long time to let an event mull over and over in his mind. Yuuri feels like he’s going to explode with it. A part of him wants to never talk about this at all, and another part wants to know every single detail of how they got here. He knows that if he wants Victor to be more than a friend, they have to have this conversation. Yuuri has to push himself to do this, however much it might break him to pieces if Victor says he wants nothing to do with Yuuri.

On the way home, Yuri comes and sits down next to him. They don’t speak for a long while, Yuuri exhausted and still undecided about what he’s going to do about him and Victor. Yuri is staring straight ahead, even when he starts talking.

“So, I take it things aren't going that well with Victor.” 

Yuuri sighs. He’s talked to Yuri about Victor a few times, after Yuri had asked why he kept coming by the swimhall and if he was bothering anyone. Yuuri had been pretty clear about his feelings towards Victor, but also that he wasn’t completely sure if Victor felt the same. 

“Yeah, I guess you could say that,” Yuuri murmurs. 

“You want to tell me about it?”   
“I don’t know… I’m a little confused, to what he’s feeling, and if I’ve misread things.” Yuuri sighs. “I’m so in love with him, but I don’t want to hurt him or push him. I just wish I knew what to do.” 

They sit in silence for a moment before Yuri speaks up again. 

“That sounds exactly how I felt about Beka when we started.”

Yuuri turns, but Yuri is still staring straight ahead, looking lost in thought. 

“Really?” Yuuri asks, because he’s desperate for anything that might make this pain in his chest subdue. 

“Me and Beka met at the gym where I had my physical therapy after the attack.” Yuri clenches his jaw for a second, like he always does when mentioning the attack that cost him his swimming career. Yuuri can’t even imagine the emotional pain Yuri must have gone through, and still feels.

“We started hanging out, and I thought he was hot as fuck. I fell for him so fast it was almost unnatural. I really thought that we had something, that he was flirting back. Then I found out he had a boyfriend.” Yuri’s lip quirks up, probably from a memory. Yuuri continues to listen, watching the coaching assistant gather his mind. 

“We almost kissed once, and we realised then that this thing between us couldn’t go on. Otabek had a decision to make, and all I could do was wait, even if it sucked. We didn’t see each other for a few days, and I felt like I was going crazy. I started thinking that I had imagined the connection between us, that I had pushed him. The next time we met at the gym I asked him how he felt. He broke into that stupid grin, and kissed me.” 

Yuri smiles in ernest then, wide and grinning. Yuuri smiles too, heart a little lighter than it was a moment ago. Yuri schools his expression a little before he turns towards Yuuri, but his eyes are still shining when they lock eyes. 

“Victor strikes me as a good kid. He’s obviously in love with you too. Maybe you should just ask him what he’s feeling? You’ve danced around this for long enough.”

“What if I freak him out though?” Yuuri asks. Yuri rolls his eyes. 

“Then you know. He probably won’t. He’ll tell you what’s wrong, and then you can work together to get through it. That’s what couples do, support each other.” 

Yuuri nods and Yuri does too, before turning back to staring straight ahead. 

 

When Yuuri finds himself on the couch, fingers laced, foreheads touching, words spilling out of Victor, explaining, telling Yuuri of this horrible person trying to blackmail Victor into sex, Yuuri almost loses it. That people can be this cruel, is beyond his imagination. That someone has worked so hard to get in between them that even though Victor wants Yuuri too, is in love with Yuuri too, that Victor has made himself believe that they can never be together. 

“I don’t care about that,” Yuuri whispers in the small space between them, Victor’s ragged breaths falling over his lips.

“What?” Victor’s voice cracks as the tears continues to spill. Yuuri hates that something that involves him has made Victor so sad, so hurt. 

“I don’t care about some stupid sponsorship if that’s the price for it.” He means it too. He had already turned down those sponsors, but he doesn’t want  _ any _ sponsors that might keep him apart from Victor.    
“But Yuuri, you want to swim!” Victor protests, still crying and trembling.    
“I can still swim without the sponsors. That’s not the issue,” Yuuri says, straightening so he can look Victor in the eyes better, show how much resolve he feels about this.    
“You hate being in the spotlight like that! What if this blows up just as you make it into international competitions or win something? This will probably never go away,” Victor rambles and Yuuri aches to hold him, but he needs Victor to understand the depths of his feelings.     
“You’re worth that.” Yuuri puts as much force behind it as he can. “You’re worth more than all of that.”   
“I’m not!” Victor protests, moving backwards, but Yuuri has learned not to let go. If Victor really wants him to, he will, but for now he’s holding on, showing that he means it. That he’s not backing down. He keeps his hands on Victor’s cheeks, thumbs stroking wet cheekbones. 

“Don’t you dare say that. You are the most mesmerising person I have ever met. You’re so smart, and charming and kind. You care so much and give so much of yourself all the time and I can’t stop gravitating towards you. All the shit you’ve gone through and you’re still so strong, and I get the feeling I’ve only heard parts of that. If that shit comes we’ll deal with it together. You and me. If you want me like that, if you’ll have me.“ Yuuri is so in love with this man he aches with it. Wants no one else, probably ever. 

He can visibly see when Victor’s resolve crumbles, defenses dropping, and it’s the most beautiful gift Yuuri has even been given. Just as beautiful as the sentiment the next word holds.

“Yes. Yes I want you like that.”

Joy explodes in Yuuri’s chest, and he’s sure he will remember the moment their lips touch for the first time for the rest of his life. It feels like his centre of gravity shifts as Victor’s hands come up to tangle in his hair, pressing closer. Yuuri follows, gripping Victor’s waist to pull him into his lap. He feels like his body is moving on instinct as the kiss deepens. Like it has been waiting for this moment for a long time, and now knows exactly how much he wants Victor, and the need of having him as close as possible. Yuuri knows, that from this moment, his life will never be the same.

 

“I’m not too heavy?” Victor asks right by his ear, breath tickling the hair right at his temple. Yuuri laughs as he hoists Victor higher up, Victor’s chest to his back, shaking his head. 

“Definitely not,” he answers as they continue to move across campus, Yuuri walking carefully to avoid ice spots.”How’s your ankle?” 

When spotting Yuuri from above the stairs in front of one of the lectures buildings, Victor had taken off in a sprint down them and slipped on the last step, ankle giving out as his foot hit the ground. Yuuri had been able to catch him before his hands hit the stones but Victor had complained about his ankle being sore immediately, and what was Yuuri supposed to do, except carry him home? 

“It’s alright,” Victor answers, and Yuuri can see him rotating it, small hiss leaving his lips. “Seems to be mostly when I put pressure on it or move it.”   
“I’ll wrap it and put some ice on it when we get back to the dorm.”

Victor nods, pressing his lips against Yuuri’s cheekbone. 

“Thank you for taking care of me.” 

Yuuri’s chest swells with pride, blush spreading as he slows down, turning so he can kiss Victor back. From the awkward position he can only reach his nose, but he figures it’s the sentiment that matters. 

“It’s no problem. I like taking care of you,” Yuuri admits as he starts walking again. Victor presses closer, nose buried behind his ear. 

“Why?”

It’s so small Yuuri almost misses it in the chatter around them. If Victor’s mouth wasn't right by his ear, he probably wouldn’t have heard it. 

“You seem to really like when I do it, and I really like to make you happy.”   
He doesn’t say all the things that comes to mind. The love declarations and rants about how lovely Victor’s eyes are when he smiles, because he thinks it might be too much. He’s still so afraid to scare Victor off. To lose this.

“Why do you like to make me happy?” Victor asks, voice a little clearer now. 

It’s in moments like these that it really sinks in for Yuuri how voided of love Victor’s life must have been. He asks something like this almost daily. Looks at Yuuri with a puzzled expression, wondering why Yuuri is doing simple things like bringing him tea without him asking, wondering if Yuuri is really okay with Victor kissing him in public, asks why Yuuri likes him. It’s always hard, because Yuuri wants to reassure him, but he doesn’t want to lay too much on him either. 

“You’re my favourite person, of course I want you to be happy.” 

“You promise?” 

“I promise.” 

“Okay, stop and put me down.”   
Yuuri does as told, carefully setting Victor down on the ground and turning. Victor is standing on one leg, the other slightly lifted. He has a wide smile on his face and as soon as Yuuri is fully facing him he grabs Yuuri’s cheeks and pulls him down into a kiss. Yuuri smiles into it, arms wrapping around Victor’s waist, hoping that someday Victor will stop doubting his own self worth. 

 

Yuuri loves being with Victor. Loves waking with him in his arms each morning, walking to class, laughing during study sessions, loves the added motivation when Victor comes to swim practice. Yuuri is trying to keep all of his emotions in check, and he thinks he’s doing a pretty good job, even if it’s really hard sometimes.

Victor is sexy, and kissing him is really hot, feeling his skin under Yuuri’s hands often makes Yuuri very aroused. Yuuri wakes up with rock hard morning wood so many times that he has designed a strategy to not poke at Victor with it every time they wake up snuggled together. Yuuri wants Victor to take his time, to not feel pressured into doing anything. It leads to many jerk offs in the shower as the warm water cascades down Yuuri’s body, just so he gets to take the edge off.  

When Victor starts rolling his hips back into Yuuri’s groin while watching a movie, Yuuri’s cock fills almost immediately. 

Victor is the sexiest thing Yuuri has ever seen. With soft skin, pale eyelashes fanning over high cheekbones, legs that go on for days, perfect ass, lithe waist. Yuuri could go on and on about how gorgeous he finds his boyfriend. If Victor is willing to give Yuuri this, trust Yuuri with this, Yuuri will value it like it’s made out of gold. 

Victor keeps rocking his hips back, all thought about the movie completely forgotten, as Yuuri focuses solely on feeling Victor’s body move against his. His breath is already becoming panting, and he wonders if he could come like this, with just Victor’s full ass pressing against his hard cock. Yuuri moves Victor’s too big shirt, his shirt, to the side to expose his shoulder and neck more. He’s so beautiful, skin pale and unblemished. Yuuri longs to suck marks into it, bite. For now though, he kisses softly from outside of Victor shoulder, across it to his neck, behind his ear. He sucks the earlobe into his mouth, letting his teeth scrape against it and Victor rocks back faster and moans. It’s the sexiest sound he’s ever heard.

Yuuri glances down, seeing how Victor’s boxers are tenting. It’s a mouthwatering sight. He wonders, like so many times before, how it would feel to have Victor’s cock in his mouth, giving him pleasure, making him gasp. He wants to see it, feel the weight of it in his hand. He finds the hem of Victor’s shirt, letting his hands slide underneath it, skin hot under his touch. 

“Can I take this off?” He asks, voice low. Victor nods, continuing to rock back as he raises his arms above his head. Yuuri discards the shirt immediately, hands sliding down his bare arms to his exposed chest. Yuuri wants to touch all of it, taste it, but most of all he wants to be closer, feel them skin to skin. He reluctantly removes his hands, just so he can discard his own shirt, and then pulls Victor back against his naked chest. 

“You’re so hot, Vitusha,” he whispers as a hand finds Victor’s right nipple, rubbing softly. It perks almost immediately under the touch, Victor moaning softly. Yuuri lets his other hand slide lower, moving towards it goal. “I can’t believe you’re mine. So beautiful like this. I want you to feel so good.”

Victor moans again, still rocking backwards and Yuuri is so hard, the drag of Victor’s ass pressing against his clothed erection heaven and torture all the same.    
“This okay?” Yuuri’s breaths, because he never wants Victor to do something he doesn’t want, to feel uncomfortable with Yuuri.  His fingers trail just under the waistband of Victor’s underwear, so close now.    
“Yes,” Victor breathes, tipping his head back against Yuuri’s shoulder. Yuuri watches, enthralled by Victor’s already shallow breaths and rose tinted cheeks.    
“Can I take these off too?” He mumbles as he leaves wet, open mouth kisses across Victor’s naked shoulder. Victor nods, and together they manage to get the garment off. He looks breathtakingly beautiful naked, long cock standing, red and leaking.

Yuuri lets his hands slide down Victor’s stomach to his thighs, light pressure, a question of asking him to part them. Victor follows beautifully, spreading his legs wide on the bed. Yuuri licks his hand as the other comes to rest in the juncture between Victor’s thigh and groin.    
“You’re so sexy, Vitusha,” Yuuri breathes against his skin as he wraps his hand around Victor’s hard length. Victor jerks into the touch and he turns his head towards Yuuri as he moans, eyes fluttering close as he seeks out Yuuri’s lips. Yuuri is almost reluctant to letting his eyes fall shut, so enthralled by the sight of his boyfriend so consumed by lust, by Yuuri’s hand and mouth. He drags his hand up and down Victor’s length slowly, getting used to the feeling of it. He wants to savour this, the feeling of Victor trusting him so, giving himself to Yuuri in this way. Victor tries to jerk faster up into Yuuri’s hand, but Yuuri wants to take care of him now, so he uses his other hand to keep him put. Victor breaks the kiss to moan, hands coming up to tangle in Yuuri’s hair. Yuuri moans too as Victor presses back against his erection again, mouth dropping to suck a mark into his exposed skin. He’s stroking him faster now, letting Victor fuck into his fist. He can’t stop looking at him, marveling over how he got so lucky to get this amazing man’s trust and affection.    
“Aah, Yu-Yuuri. Aa, fuuck,” Victor moans and Yuuri can’t help but smile. He’s so happy, overjoyed that they’ve managed to get to this point. He nips softly at Victor’s neck.    
“I’ve thought so much about this,” Yuuri admits, thinking about all the times he’s gotten himself off in the shower with dirty fantasies of Victor. He starts rolling his hips up to meet Victor’s movements, his own cock so hard in his boxers. “How you would look, blissed out in pleasure in my bed. How you would sound, taste like. You’re so pretty, Victor, I barely know what to do with myself sometimes when I think about how you would feel around me, withering, coming.” 

It’s true. Yuuri had almost driven himself mad with the fantasies. This is better, so much better.    
“Yuuri, I’m- I’m, Oh, yeess.”    
“Come on my Vitusha, come for me,” he asks, because he wants to see it. See Victor spill over his hand as he completely loses it to the pleasure Yuuri is giving him.    
Victor comes with a shout, cum spurting all over the sheets, Yuuri’s hand, and his own stomach, his body trembling in Yuuri’s arms. Yuuri keeps stroking throughout the entire orgasm, until Victor is completely relaxed, resting heavy against him.    
“So pretty, Vitusha. All mine.” Yuuri sighs happily against Victor’s temple. He manages to reach his own shirt, wiping the cum off them both as Victor nuzzles into his neck. Adorable. Yuuri loves him too damn much. 

He carefully arranges Victor down on the bed, boneless and tired, Yuuri can’t help but lean down and kiss him, over his collarbone, chest, stomach. Yuuri still so hard, but as much as he wants to do something about it, this was all about Victor. Yuuri can wait, until Victor has fallen asleep, and he can make a run for the bathroom to take care of himself. 

Then, Victor looks up, his expression is still a bit hazy but gaze determined as he hooks his thumbs in Yuuri’s boxers. Yuuri’s breath catches but he nods, eyeing Victor closely. It feels heavenly when Victor pulls the garment off, revealing his hard erection. Yuuri kicks them off when Victor can’t reach any further, before setting himself across Victor lap. 

Victor reaches down, eyes on his cock, and starts carefully moving his fingers up and down the length. Yuuri can’t stop the loud moan that escapes his lips at the first touch of his boyfriend’s fingers on his length. Victor seems to be spurred on by it, grabbing the base before he starts pumping up and down. It feels amazing, and Yuuri has to grip the sheets on each side of Victor’s head to ground himself in the moment. He’s beautiful. So, so beautiful and Yuuri is lost for this man and all that he is, will never ever be the same after this.    
“Vitusha, aaa, yees,” he gasps as Victor flicks his wrist a little, pace increasing. He chants Victor's name like a prayer, maybe it is. 

He comes, pleasure overwhelming as he continues to breathe Victor’s name. He rises on his knees, so not to collapse onto Victor and the mess, trying to regain his composure, because that was a mind blowing experience. 

On the tip of his tongue is all the love declarations he wants to scream to the entire world. The ‘I love you’s’ and the ‘I adores you’s’ and the ‘I want to lay next to you for everyday of my life’. He can’t say them right now though, but he hopes that one day he will. Instead, he leans down to let his lips brush against that creamy skin and hope his feelings can get imprinted into it by mere touch. 

“Thank you. Thank you for sharing that with me.” 

 

Yuuri thinks he could kill someone. The day after Victor has opened up about all of the shit people has put him though Yuuri feels a rage he did not know was possible. It feels like it’s going to consume all of him if he doesn’t do anything about it. Usually when he needs an outlet, he turns to swimming. He gets into the water and swims until he can barely move his legs anymore, exhaustion bleeding into his entire body. He considers doing it now, when anger is flowing though his body, but he feels like he needs more, something else. 

He kisses Victor’s forehead, his boyfriend still sound asleep. He looks peaceful, and Yuuri wishes he could protect him from it all, all the horrible things from the past and the storm they’re in now. He can’t though, and that’s the root of this frustration, this pain he feels. He needs to get it out, before he snaps. 

He calls Mila as he slips out of the bedroom, gym bag already over his shoulder. Usually, on free practice day, he dances. He has no drive to dance today though. Yuuri wants to fight. Mila picks up on the third ring, voice heavy with sleep.

“Hello?”

“Mila, I need a favour.” 

Mila, being the angel she is, gets out of bed and walks Yuuri to the gym. They don’t really talk, and Yuuri is so grateful that all he had to say was _ ‘I need to punch something’ _ for Mila to get it. She sets the bag up, tapes his hands and then Yuuri just punches. 

He doesn't know how long he stands there, pounding his fists into the bag, body trembling with rage, frustration and hurt. His hands pound with pain, but he keeps going, because every time he stops he thinks about Victor and the expression he had on his face that day at the swimhall when he ripped himself from Yuuri’s arms, even though Yuuri knows now all he wanted was to stay. How many nights has Victor been alone, scared or hurt or crying, because people can’t even behave somewhat decent to such a beautiful person? 

So Yuuri punches, and punches, and screams and punches again. He’s not sure if he would have ever stopped if Victor didn’t call his name and wrap his arms around his shoulders. Victor is warm, and smells like their bed, and Yuuri loves him more than he ever thought was possible. He kisses Victor’s clavicle, twice, as his breath calms. 

“I won’t let anyone hurt you like that again.” 

Yuuri means it. Even if he and Victor were to break up, if Victor would tire of him or run away, Yuuri would be there, whatever he needs. 

The visit to the police is awful, Yuuri sits on one of the benches outside in the waiting area, bouncing his leg up and down, looking at the clock above the door Victor disappeared through. It takes two hours until he comes back, and even though it’s not even lunch yet, Victor looks exhausted. Yuuri pulls him out of the police station, and offers to carry him the entire way home to the door. Victor laughs. It’s small and tired, but earnest, as he shakes his head. They go home, discard clothes and crawl into bed, talk of only of happy things. Arms wrapped around each other, kisses pressed into every part of each other they can reach without breaking the embrace. 

 

Yuuri’s face spreads into a wide smile when he walks into the campus cafeteria and spots his boyfriend in one of the booths. He breaks away from his classmates with a quick apology, moving between tables towards the sun of his life. He should probably hang out with his classmates, and let Victor do the same with the people in the booth with him. It’s just so hard to stay away from Victor. Yuuri always feels drawn to him, like an invisible thread wrapped around them both, tugging to lace them together. Victor looks deep in thought, frowning, as one of his classmates seems to go on and on about something. The table is scattered with papers and books, a laptop in front of one of the students, who keeps nodding at what the babbling student is saying. Yuuri doesn’t recognize these students, not the ones Victor usually hangs out with. Probably a new group project. Victor had told him about it this morning, Yuuri just has trouble remembering what it was about right now, with his boyfriend looking so lovely. 

Victor is at the end ot the booth and when he spots Yuuri, just a few meters away, his frown melts away and a heart shaped smile spreads on his lips. Yuuri’s heart does a backflip in his chest at the sight. As soon as he’s at the table, Victor’s hands wrap around his, caressing from wrist to shoulder as Yuuri leans down to kiss him softly on the lips. It’s a quick and soft, but lingering, as if they both want to deepen it but know they shouldn't. It’s so silly. It’s only been a few hours since they parted outside of Yuuri’s lecture hall, and they spent hours in bed holding each other before that. It’s super silly. Yuuri doesn't care one bit, as he pulls away enough so he can look into those strikingly blue eyes. 

“Hey cutie,” Victor says and Yuuri can feel the blush spread across his cheeks as well as his smile. 

“Hi. Did you eat yet?” Yuuri hopes he didn’t because then he can validate stealing him, or join them. To his delight Victor shakes his head, ponytail swishing behind his head, arms still around Yuuri’s shoulders. 

“Can I get you something?” Yuuri asks, but before Victor can answer someone clears their throat at the table, making Victor turn away from Yuuri’s gaze. Yuuri turns too, straightening as he does. Victor arms fall off his shoulders but his fingers lace with Yuuri’s instead. The table is all looking at them, six pairs of wide eyes. Yuuri smiles apologetically. Maybe he should have introduced himself. It’s just so hard to think about anything but Victor sometimes. 

“Oh, uhm. This is my boyfriend, Yuuri,” Victor says as he looks back up at Yuuri. “Yuuri, this is my new study group in the media course.”

“Hi, nice to meet you!” Yuuri says, tilting his head. They are all still staring at them but a variations of greetings meet him before he turns back to Victor. 

“So, food?”  

Victor turns back to the group and after a quick discussion the group decides they can take a lunch break. Victor smiles widely up at Yuuri and Yuuri is so weak, he has to lean down and kiss his cheek, right where that pretty pink blush always starts. 

“I’ll go get you something then,” he tells him, turning to address the rest of the table as he rises. “If it’s okay that I join you?” 

The group agrees, and a few break free from the booth to join Yuuri in buying food. None of them speak to him though, and Yuuri manages to grab a salad for himself, and the pasta for Victor. He buys chocolate cake too, because he knows how Victor’s eyes will light up when he sees it. The rest of the group makes it back to the table before Yuuri and they all seem to be watching him, but averts their eyes as he looks over at them. Strange. 

As expected, Victor’s eyes dance when he spots the cake, and kisses him twice in the juncture of his mouth as he says thank you. Victor leans a little closer after that, breath skimming over Yuuri’s ear. 

“They’re starstruck,” he whispers and Yuuri frowns, eyes darting to the students who hastily look away. 

“Why?” Yuuri whispers back. 

Victor leans back from him, rolling his eyes, as if it’s obvious, before digging into his lunch. Yuuri frowns and looks over at the group who are still half staring, half looking away. Realisation slowly dawns on him. This is a National Champion thing. It started happening after he won his first year, and hasn’t really stopped since then. It was at its worst right after the win. He could barely leave the dorm without being crowded by people, and at the one party he went to after he had won there were far too many people trying to straddle his lap or write their phone number on his arms. It’s continued, to some extent. People he has no idea who they are still greet him, flirt with him, talk to him in the halls. It’s mostly annoying. He just wants to swim, and go to class, and smooch his boyfriend. Is that too much to ask? 

Said boyfriend is looking a little pouty, and Yuuri really doesn’t like that. The group seems to have overcome their initial shock of Yuuri showing up and are now talking amongst themselves, so Yuuri snakes an arm around Victor waist and pulls him to his side. He can eat with one hand, and he really likes Victor’s weight against his side. Victor looks up, a little startled at first, but pout turning to amusement as he leans back against Yuuri’s chest.    
“Hi,” Yuuri says, unable to avert his gaze from Victor’s gorgeous blue eyes. 

“You already said that,” Victor giggles and brings the fork with the greasy pasta towards Yuuri’s mouth. It’s definitely not on Yakov's diet plan, but right now he doesn’t care. If Victor wants to feed him pasta, he can. Yuuri opens his mouth and Victor slides the fork in. It tastes fatty, and very salty. Much better than his salad, but not better than anything they cook at the dorm. He smiles anyway, because Victor looks completely radiant. 

“You wanna watch a movie tonight?” He asks. He’s been trying to hog his boyfriend as much as he can. It’s fun to hang out with all the others too, but being able to snuggle up with Victor on their bed after a day filled with classes and training beats it all.

“I have to study,” Victor says as he continues to eat. “I have an exam on foreign affairs in a week.” 

“How about, I help you study tomorrow, and we watched a movie tonight? We can go to the library,” Yuuri suggests, remembering a study session many months ago, when he thought something like sitting in the cafeteria like this was just a silly dream. A fantasy. Victor smiles, blush telling of him thinking about something similar. 

“You’ll bring candy?” he asks and Yuuri nods, kissing the bridge of Victor’s nose. 

 

The study session does not go anything like Yuuri thought it would. He expected to tease Victor about the candy, sneak a few kisses in between. Instead, he finds himself with a hot boyfriend crawling into his lap, almost making him moan in the library as he grinds down into it, whispering dirty things in his ear. He did not expect to be pushed against their bedroom door, Victor on his knees, lips swollen and red from being around his cock, giving Yuuri the sexiest blow job of his life, asking Yuuri to fuck him.    
“You- you’re sure?” Yuuri stutters, hands leaving Victor’s hair so he can reach for his hand. He doesn’t want Victor on his knees for this conversation. Victor nuzzles at Yuuri’s groin, kissing his hard cock once and Yuuri thinks he’s going to die, because that’s so hot. Watching Victor become more comfortable with sex has been such a blessing, and Yuuri fears for what's to come when he becomes even more sure of himself. He’s sure he’ll love every moment of it. Victor takes the offered hand and Yuuri pulls him up.   
“Yes,” Victor agrees, pressing close to Yuuri, rolling his hips into Yuuri’s groin, making them both let out a soft moan. “Please, Yuuri, will you?” 

Yuuri could never deny him anything, as long as it’s what he wants, Yuuri will happily oblige. It’s not like he doesn't want to as well. He lets his fingers tangle in the hairs at the nape of Victor’s neck, pulling him close so he can kiss him. He loves him so much, never wants to do anything to hurt or harm him. If Victor wants to give this to Yuuri, he’s going to treasure it as well as he can. 

They move to the bed while discarding their clothes, Yuuri trying to worship every part of exposed skin as soon as they’re on the bed. Victor has a breathtakingly beautiful body and Yuuri loves running his tongue all over it, leave marks on it. He kisses his way up Victor's front until he reaches his mouth, grinding his hips down so their naked cocks drag against each other, making them both moan. Victor grinds up too, and Yuuri has an idea. He really wants to fuck Victor senseless, show him how amazing sex can be. If the fingering has been any indication, having Victor bottoming while actually caring for his pleasure will probably be amazing for them both, but Yuuri also wants him comfortable. If being more in control will help, Yuuri has no problems with that. 

“You sure? We can do it the other way if you like?”    
Victor shakes his head at that, leaning up to kiss Yuuri again.   
“Some other time? Just, I want you inside me. Please, Yuuri.” Victor rolls his hips up, their joined moan filling the room. “Make me feel good, Yuuri.” 

Yuuri shudders out a breath, kissing Victor again before leaning over to the nightstand to grab the lube. He settles back between Victor’s spread legs, hand caressing the inside of Victor’s thigh softly, eyes roaming over his body. He’s so pretty. The most beautiful man Yuuri has ever seen. He smiles as he leans down, kissing the juncture of Victor’s pretty mouth.    
“So pretty. Open up for me,” he whispers and Victor does, legs falling open even more. Yuuri rises again, pouring lube on his fingers, warming it. His dry hand spreads Victor a little wider, lubed up index finger circling Victor’s rim before pushing in. Victor’s breath hitches as his brows pinch, burn probably unpleasant. He relaxes fast, deep breaths as Yuuri starts moving his finger in and out, watching in fascination how his boyfriend opens up for him. 

“You’re doing so good for me baby, so beautiful,” Yuuri praises and Victor looks up at him, blue eyes warm and loving. 

“I’m gonna add another now, okay? Make you all ready for me to fill you up,” Yuuri tells him, trying to give him as much control he can.  

“Yes, Yuuri. Please,” Victor breathes and Yuuri has to bite back the sigh that almost leaves his lips. 

“Anything you want, baby.”

Yuuri adds a second finger and Victor moans. It’s such a beautiful sound, Yuuri has to try to coax more of it out of him. He curves his fingers and brushes against that spot inside Victor, sending his boyfriend arching of the bed, moaning his name loud and desperate.

“Perfect, Vitusha. Amazing,” Yuuri praises, leaning down to kiss at every patch of skin he can reach. He adds a third finger, stretching Victor even more. He needs to make sure he’ll be as comfortable as he can before he starts pushing in. Victor is a moaning mess in the bed, and Yuuri is so hard, wants him so bad. 

“Please, Yuuri. I’m ready, please.” 

Yuuri nods, pulling his fingers out before grabbing the lube again to coat his cock. He strokes it a few times, head falling back as he moans at the pleasure. It feels so good, Victor had worked him up good with his mouth before, and he’s been aching for release since then. He leans down, kisses Victor slowly, wet and filthy. He lets his hands slide down Victor’s body, until he reaches his own cock, lining it up as they continue to kiss. Just before he pushes in, he breaks off, needing to see Victor’s expression, make sure he’s sure about this.  

Yuuri presses in slowly in one movement, until he is completely seated in Victor’s body. Their lips pressed together as they share breaths, both of them panting. Victor’s arms are wound around Yuuri’s shoulders and Yuuri trembles in the embrace.

“Yuuri?” Victor asks, breathlessly.

“Sorry,“ Yuuri says against his lips, trying to get his mind back. “Overwhelmed, give me a second. Fuck, you feel so good.” 

It’s true. Victor feels amazing, and the emotional turmoil in Yuuri’s body with Victor hot and tight around him is so much. He can’t believe he gets to have this, that Victor wants him like this. 

Victor laughs, and starts slowly rocking up and down on Yuuri’s cock, shallow movements, as he’s still pressed under Yuuri’s weight into the mattress. He moans and Yuuri is so gone, trying to keep himself in control as he starts rocking in time with Victor’s moving hips, meeting his thrusts. He angles himself a little and Victor gasps and moans as he hits him just right again. 

“Yes, God, Yuuri, Yes!” 

Yuuri can’t hold back anymore, pace increasing as he pounds into Victor, continuing to kiss him. 

Victor feels so tight, hot and wet around him. It’s amazing. Pleasure building in his body again and Yuuri moves his hips even faster, moving up so he can grab Victor’s hard cock, pumping it with his thrusts. He only gets a few pumps in before Victor shouts, cum spilling out of him. 

“Ah, Yuuri, Yuurii, Aaah-”   
Yuuri’s fucks him through it, his own moans loud as his hips lose the steady pace, rhythm frantic as he too chases release. Victor just looks at him as he falls over too, emptying inside his boyfriend. They’re both panting messes after that, holding onto each other as they come down from the euphoric bliss of orgasm. 

“I adore you,” Yuuri breathes into Victor’s ear, peppering soft kisses on his jaw and behind his ear. Victor laughs. Yuuri loves him. Someday soon, he’ll tell him too. 

 

Yuuri doesn’t mean to say it. It’s his stupid tired brain that’s making his brain-to-mouth filter falter and suddenly he’s saying all the things he’s feeling and that was not the plan. 

“I love you too,” Victor answers and all of Yuuri’s apologies and take backs die in his throat. 

It’s the most beautiful thing he’s ever heard, and a warm feeling of joy and contentment washes over him as they kiss. A feeling that maybe this will last, that he’s not only been given Victor for a short while. Maybe he gets to have him for a long time. God, Yuuri hopes so. 

“I wasn’t supposed to tell you like this,” Yuuri admits, kissing Victor for what must be the twentieth time since those beautiful words were uttered out of his mouth. He’s still smiling, wide and joyus. “I wasn’t sure how you would take it and-, I thought that if I did, it should be this big thing you know. Because you deserve that.”

Victor does. It should have been flowers and airplanes writing it in the sky or those silly sweet chocolates he loves.  He strokes Victor’s braid back from his shoulder, looking at the man he loves. Victor shakes his head, hand snaking underneath Yuuri’s sleep shirt to trace patterns into his heated skin. Yuuri loves Victor’s hands on him, how they’re always restless and moving, even when he’s relaxed. 

“I don’t care. I’m just,” Victor lets out a sigh. “I’m really happy, Yuuri. I don’t-, I can’t ever remember someone saying they love me.” Victor looks down then, embarrassed expression on his face. Yuuri still can’t believe, it’s getting harder and harder to understand for every day that goes by, how people have neglected to love Victor for so long. Yuuri’s hand finds his cheek, swiping at the cheekbone before traveling down to tip his chin up again so their eyes meet.

“The world is mad, Victor Nikiforov, if it doesn't appreciate what an amazing person you are. “

 

“Yuuri! How fast do you have to swim to become National Champion?” 

“Yuuri? How old are you?

“Yuuri, do you have a girlfriend?”

“Yuuri-”

“Alright, alright! I can’t answer all of your questions when you pepper me with them like that. One at a time please.” 

Yuuri has been at this for almost an hour now. The eight year olds are intense, and Yuuri can’t help but smile at their enthusiasm. They have all been on excellent behaviour, and Yuuri is astonished by how well they keep listening to the directions he’s been giving them. 

They all came in like whirlwinds, but stopped and lined up when the teachers asked them to, bouncing in place, eager to get in the water. Yuuri could relate. The entire swim team were there and they all introduced themselves and what they were going to be doing. It would mostly be play in the water, but for those who wanted to they had separated a few of the lanes so they could time them. 

Guang Hong, Leo and Minami took the group that wanted to play to the more open water while five of the eight year olds wanted to try to race, which Phichit and Yuuri led to the other side of the pool. They started doing warm up laps, Yuuri in the pool and Phichit by the sidelines, just to make sure they all could actually swim and were comfortable in the water. They were good, and Yuuri smiled, remembering his own fierce determination when he was a child, and still had. After a few timings, Yuuri and Phichit had a friendly race and now, after Yuuri has won, they all bombard him with questions. Yuuri looks up to the stands, expecting to see his boyfriend there, but not finding him. Strange. Victor had been really excited about coming and watching the kids. Yuuri doubts that he would have stayed at home if he could help it. Hopefully, his essay writing has just ran long, but it still feels off. 

Yuuri smiles down at the kids as they depart. They have been so cute, and teaching them things have been fun. He had showed them how to do the turn in the water and they had taken to it fast. He can’t help but smile as they disappear into the locker rooms, waving. 

_I wonder if Victor wants kids someday,_ he thinks and then blushes fiercely. It’s far too early to think about anything remotely like that, them both in college and not even starting their careers fully yet, but now with the idea in his head, Yuuri has a hard time not to imagine Victor holding a small bundle, singing it to sleep with his lovely voice. Running around and playing tag outside, maybe with a few dogs. Yuuri’s smile grows. It’s an amazing daydream. Yuuri wants it instantly, which is how things with Victor usually goes for Yuuri. 

He sighs, making his way to the private locker rooms for the swim team. He washes off the chlorine and heads for his locker, frowning at the text from Victor. His pulse picks up with the strange response. He sends a string of new messages as he throws on his clothes, heading out quickly. No answer. Shit. He tries to call when he spots Yuri and Otabek outside, Otabek just gotten off his bike. 

“Hey, can you give me a ride to the dorm? I think something happened to Victor.” 

Neither Otabek or Yuri asks questions. He’s handed a helmet and within a minute they’re off towards the dorm, Yuuri’s heart beating frantically in his chest. 

 

“My beautiful Yuuri, my love, my sunshine. My champion,” Victor whispers, hold around Yuuri tight. “So strong, and good and kind. So good to me, always making sure I’m safe,” Victor cooes, praise after praise falling from his lips as Yuuri trembles in his arms.

Yuuri had been so thoughtless. He should have realised Victor could have heard him, he expected him to come after all. He hadn’t planned on giving such a personal admission, but his adrenaline from winning the race had been raging in his veins and the need to get that creep away had made him reckless. Stupid, so stupid. 

Yuuri had been careful for so long, but ever since he accidentally told Victor he loves him, it had been harder to keep himself at bay. Victor continues to say lovely things, and Yuuri feels his breath slow, body relaxing in the embrace. He needs to know how much Victor actually heard, how much he screwed up.

“You heard us,” He says against Victor’s throat. Victor leans back, eyebrows furrowed as he looks at Yuuri. 

“What?”

Yuuri turns his head into the pillow, words muffling. God, he wishes he didn’t have to do this. He doesn’t want to drive Victor away with his overflowing love. 

“Me and Richard. You heard us.” 

“Uhm, yeah,” Victor says, looking nervous. “I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but he started talking and I was so surprised about what he said and-,”

“How much did you hear?” Yuuri tries to keep calm, not let the panic flair up again. 

“Uhm, him congratulating you? Asking you out? You telling him that you were taken-,” Victor frowns and then stops talking, only for a second, eyes blinking rapidly before continuing. “That if you were anymore taken there would be a ring on your finger, that it didn’t matter if I were there yet or not, because you love me for who I am, not for an ego boost.” 

“Victor, I-, “ Yuuri’s voice is trembling, panic rising in his throat again because he needs to try to explain, take it back. 

“You mean it?” Victor cuts Yuuri off. He stares for a moment, eyes wide, wet and scared, before he nods, opening his mouth to say something about how he can pull it back, that he understands that it’s too much. He never gets the chance, because Victor’s lips are on his, silencing all his explanations. 

“I’m not running away,” Victor whispers into Yuuri’s lips and Yuuri can’t stop the small gasp that leaves him. This can’t be, Yuuri has been so scared, and Victor doesn’t look terrified at all, if anything, he looks happy. 

“I can’t remember feeling more whole, than in the moment you said those words,” Victor fills in. 

A shiver runs down Yuuri’s skin at the admission, pushing forward to press more firmly against Victor’s lips.

“I meant it all, every word and syllable. I don’t need anything, I just want you to be happy, I just need you.” The words are spilling out now, uninhibited. As if being given this permission to voice all of his feelings fills him with the need to word them out. 

Victor sighs happily, grabbing Yuuri’s face so he can look at him proper. 

“I love you, Yuuri Katsuki. And whatever you want to give me, I will gladly give back in return, even more, if I can.” God, he’s breathtaking. How did Yuuri get this lucky? What did he do to deserve something so wonderful?

“I want to give you the world,” Yuuri says.

Victor laughs and his soft lips kisses Yuuri’s, twice. 

“I don’t need the world. I just need you.” 

Yuuri shakes his head, because Victor is being ridiculous. Of course Victor should have the world. Yuuri will do his best to give it to him. 

“I adore you, you know that right? I keep worrying that things are too much and you always surprise me, always show new depths of your strength. It’s magnificent,” Yuuri says, smiling widely. 

“You don’t need to hold back with me, Yuuri. Please speak your mind. I’m sorry I doubted you in the beginning, but I needed to make sure, I needed time to find enough space for you in my heart, because you deserve all of it. I’m strong enough to carry your feelings now. Lay them on me.”   
“I promise,” Yuuri says, heart filled with love.

 

_______________________________________________________________________

 

Yuuri’s fingers play with the two rings on the necklace around his neck, eyes out the airplane window but mind elsewhere. Nervous energy is drumming his veins, making it hard to focus on anything other than the jewelry around his neck. 

“I though rings were supposed to go on your hands.”

Yuuri turns from the view of the clouds, coming face to face with the man in the seat next to him. They haven’t spoken yet, just a quick hello as they got seated before the plane took off. Yuuri clenches his hand around the rings, soft smile on his face as he feels his stomach fill with butterflies as he thinks about them, and their significance.

“That’s the plan.” 

The man's curious expression morphs into surprise and then a smile spreads across his face as well, lines at the side of his eyes crinkling. He must be in his fifties, dark hair streaked with grey at his temples, eyes blue like the ocean. Like Victor’s. Yuuri’s stomach does a flip at the thought of his boyfriend, fingers playing with the rings again.

“Engagement rings, huh?” The man says. “Aren't they supposed to go in a box?”

Yuuri flushes a little, embarrassed. He knows it’s silly, that he’s being ridiculous. 

“I was worried I’d lose it.” 

The man chuckles, shaking his head a little as his eyes fall on Yuuri’s fingers around the necklace.

“That’s a big step. Sure it’s right?”

Yuuri nods. It is a big step. It feels huge and like nothing at all at the same time, which is such a strange conflicting thing that Yuuri has a hard time wrapping his mind around it.  

“Yeah. It feels just as right as everything with him does,” Yuuri admits, a memory of Victor’s smile playing on his mind. They’ve been apart for two weeks now, and Yuuri misses him greatly. Yuuri’s been guest lecturing about his bachelor essay about self care in athletes at different colleges in another region and Victor had to stay in school to work on finals.  

“That’s sweet, how do you know though?” The man asks. “You’re young, can’t be many years over twenty?”

“Twenty three,” Yuuri agres and the man nods.

“That’s a lot of living you have left there, sure you want to be tied to another person like that?” 

Yuuri can’t help the laughter that bubbles out of him, because it’s such a silly thing to think about. Tied to Victor? Yuuri would love to. Figuratively and literally. These weeks apart have been torture, from spending almost every single day together for almost two years, ever since Victor moved into the dorm. After their first year with drama, this one, Yuuri’s last at the college, have been less dramatic, thankfully. Victor has chosen his topics for what he wants to work with when he graduates, and Yuuri has continued to swim, compete and study. It’s been a good year, their relationship feeling more solid, and Yuuri has let himself relax into the fact that Victor wants Yuuri, crazily enough, just as much as Yuuri wants him. That Victor has no plans on running, no matter how much love Yuuri showers him with, how much commitment Yuuri gives. It’s one of the reasons for the rings. Yuuri wants to show the entire world that he loves Victor more than anything. Wants Victor to be completely certain that Yuuri plans on staying for life. 

“I have a hard time imagining ever living without him,” Yuuri admits and the man hums, fingers playing with the gold band on his left ring finger. 

“How come?” 

“We went through a lot our first year of knowing each other. He had-. A lot of people hurt him, before we met. It made it hard for him to trust. We both worked hard to be able to be with each other, to trust that we wanted to be together and love each other. No one makes me as happy as him, nothing really does. Just being around him makes me feel like I’ve come home. He makes me smile so often, and he makes me feel safe, even when I don’t anywhere else. I’m sure he will love me no matter what.”

The man hums, spinning his ring again. “That does sound like good reasons.” 

“Your married?” Yuuri asks, even if he can see the worn gold band on the man’s hand. The man hums, soft smile on his face, before he frowns. 

“I’ve been married twice.” 

_ Oh _ . 

Yuuri debates on asking, if he would be intruding on something the man doesn’t want to share or relive. He is curious though. The man seems to be happily married now, considering the lovestruck expression on his face when he looked down on the wedding band. Maybe there is something for Yuuri to be learned here as well, even if he’s sure it won’t change anything about his decision to ask Victor to spend the rest of his life with him. 

“What happened?” 

The man sighs before looking over at Yuuri, pained expression on his face. 

“We had been together for all of our lives, ever since we were kids. Everyone always said ‘Alexi and Anna are going to get married’, ‘Alexi and Anna will be together forever’, and I believed that. We got married when we turned eighteen, and were just twenty when we became parents.”

Alexi looks down at his hands, thumb swiping over his right ring finger before continuing. 

“We drifted apart fast. We started living our lives next to each other instead of with each other. I focused on work, and she focused on our son and her work. It didn’t take long until we realized we had nothing in common anymore.” 

Alexi turns back to look at his hands, quiet for a minute as he contemplates. Yuuri lets him, watching as he gathers his thoughts. 

“I think we both realised what was happening, and that we should try to fix it, but none of us wanted to. We should probably just have broken it off then, but we continued just living together, acting as if nothing was wrong. After a few years, I met someone.

“It was a bad way to end things. Anna found out and that lead to her throwing me out. I don’t blame her, we should have made a clean break before that. I’m still with Adam, and we got married three years ago. I don’t regret it. I’m much happier now. Still, I wish I would have handled things differently. Maybe I would have had a relationship with my son if I did.” 

“You don’t have any contact with him?” Yuuri asks, thinking about Victor and how being estranged from his father had hurt him so.

“No, Anna took Victor and-”

Yuuri’s mind does a double take by the name, mind scrambling to catch up. It must just be a coincidence, but at the same time, it’s all very similar, just like he was just thinking and…

“Victor?” Yuuri cuts Alexi off, blinking rapidly as his hand squeezes the rings again. Alexi tilts his head, eyebrows rising. 

“Yes, that’s my son’s name.” 

“How old is he?” Yuuri tries to stop the panic rising in his throat. The man furrows his brows in though. 

“Oh, uhm. Twenty one now, I guess. This December that passed. I haven't seen him since he was thirteen.” 

Yuuri sucks in a breath, eyes roaming over Alexi’s face. Now that he knows, almost certainly knows, he sees the resemblance. The eyes, the nose. 

“Is- Is your name Nikiforov?” 

Alexi’s expression morphs into surprise as he nods, looking suspiciously at Yuuri now. 

“You have the same eyes, and nose.” Yuuri says and Alexi’s mouth drops open. “You used to have a cat named Zvezda, your mother used to call him Vitya. He has long silver hair and his smile sort of looks like a heart when he’s really, really happy.” Yuuri’s heart is hammering so hard in his chest he thinks it might over work itself. He can’t believe... It’s not possible. He must be mistaken.

“You know Victor?” Alexi asks and Yuuri nods, pulling out his phone and opens the gallery. He chooses a picture Phichit took just a few weeks ago. Victor is resting against Yuuri’s chest as they sit in the grass in the park behind the dorm, fingers buried in Seung Gil’s dog’s fur. Victor’s smile is soft and Yuuri’s face is half buried in Victor’s hair, expression love struck. Just like he is. He smiles as he turns the phone, Alexi gabbing it with shaky hands. 

He just stares at the picture for a long while, not saying anything. Yuuri leans over and exits the picture, scrolling back to the beginning, and shows Alexi one of the first pictures Yuuri took of Victor. 

He’s sitting on the couch in the RA apartment,  the soft light from the window shining down on him. He has his hair out, cascading down his shoulders. Yuuri had been enthralled by this literal angel that was sitting in front of him, picking up his phone to take a picture. Victor had been looking down into a book but just when Yuuri took the picture he looked up, blue eyes bright and gaze straight into the camera. The next one is similar, only Victor is smiling in that one, head slightly tilted to the side. 

Alexi’s hands shake and he keeps staring at the picture, as if locked in position. Yuuri twirls his fingers in the rings as he waits, the flight attendant calling out that they have started descending and will be landing shortly. 

“He got so big,” Alexi says as he looks up, eyes wet. Yuuri smiles as he nods, even if he has no idea. He’s never seen baby pictures of Victor. He mourns it immediately. “He’s your boyfriend? The one you’re going to propose to?” 

Yuuri nods, smiles fond but heart racing. 

“He’s the light of my life. I love him very much.“

 

They don’t speak much after that. They both seem to be dealing with some emotional whiplash as the plane sinks beneath the clouds and down to the ground. When it has stopped and docked, passengers starting to move out of the plane, Yuuri realises he has to say something. 

“I- can I have your number?” he asks. “In case Victor wants to contact you?”

“You’re going to tell him?” Alexi says. He seems generally shocked by this and Yuuri frowns and nods.

“Of course. I can’t just go on without not telling him that I met you.”

“And if I asked you not to?” 

Yuuri shakes his head.

“I’m sorry, but Victor is always my top priority. He deserves to know.“

Alexi still looks shocked, but he smiles a little at that. 

“Sounds like he found a good man,” Alexi says as he slips a business card out of his pocket and hands it over. “Tell him he can call, or email, if he wants.”

They exit the plane and go through security, standing next to each other as they wait for their luggage in silence. Both of their bags come quick. They step towards the arrival gate and Alexi stops just before they walk out. 

“Will you- Take care of him?” he asks and Yuuri nods. He wasn’t planning on doing anything else. 

When they walk out into the crowded arrival area, Alexi darts to the side and Yuuri stops to watch him go, wondering what the chances are that he ended up sitting next to the love of his life’s estranged father on the short airplane ride home. 

“Yuuri!” 

A huge grin spreads on Yuuri’s face as he hears Victor’s beautiful voice fill the arrival hall. He tucks the rings into his shirt and turns, spotting a familiar heart shaped smile a few meters away. Pushing through the crowd, he closes the gap, the feeling of longing growing now that he’s so close. He drops the bag when he’s just a meter away,  speeding up so he can lift his boyfriend off the ground. Victor yelps and laughs as he’s elevated, eyes turning soft as he leans down to press his lips against Yuuri’s. Yuuri kisses back, hands squeezing Victor’s thighs that have wrapped around his waist. 

“I missed you,” Victor whispers against his lips and Yuuri hums happily, opening his eyes so he can gaze into those pretty blue ones. 

“I missed you too, so much.” He kisses him again, carefully setting him on the ground so he can deepen the kiss, a little more than is appropriate for an airport. They’re both smiling and blushing when they break apart. 

“Being apart sucks,” Victor says and Yuuri laughs, so happy to have Victor in his arms again. 

“It does. Let’s never do it again.” 

“Agreed,” Victor says before he comes up to kiss Yuuri one last time before tucking himself safely into Yuuri’s side. 

“Anything fun happen on the flight home?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this Yuuri pov!
> 
> Thank you for reading, please let me know what you think in the comment section or on other platforms like:  
> [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/linisen) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/mjaoue)


	19. Epilogue - Forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor comes home to Yuuri.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, I'm gonna ramble a little, so bear with me, okay? 
> 
> First of all huge thank you to the amazing [takeitoffhemmo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/takeitoffhemmo) who has been with me from the start and done all the beta for this fic. I can not express my gratitude, truly. <3
> 
> Second, an enormous thank you to everyone who has read, left kudos and commented on this fic. Your support means the world to me and I have no words for how much love you all have given me though out this story. 
> 
> Third, for those of you who follow me, and not just this story; whats coming next on this account is that I will be participating in omegaverse week. It will be between 8 through 14 July and I already have one full story written for it. You can find the event [here](https://yoi-omegaverse-week.tumblr.com)  
> After that I will continue the Junior High fic with Hockey Player!Vitya and Figure Skater!Yuuri which you can find here; [I don't know who I am, but I know I'm yours](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19055389)  
> Otherwise if you enjoy pining and romance and cute fluff and soft angst I have a World War I one shot where Yuuri is a general store errand boy who falls in love with farmers boy Victor - [Tearing down a beautiful dream](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19125040)
> 
> Thank you again to everyone who has gotten invested in this fic, I have a bit of a surprise in the end notes, but you'll have to read the last chapter to get to that. I hope you enjoy.

The cab is quiet except for the sound of the radio, Victor, the driver staying silent. The ride is uneventful, as they move through empty streets. It’s late on a Wednesday night, and the driver takes the city route from the airport. When passing the college, Victor can’t help but smile as memories of classes, exams and studying flash by in his mind. The dorm building lies on the other side from where they pass, and Victor can’t help but think of it, so closely tied to his college years. He should call Sara, it’s been far too long since he spoke to her, maybe even so long as at Hikaru’s wedding three months ago. They need to confirm that they’re still coming to her gallery opening in a few weeks, the plane tickets booked just before Victor left for this conference. He needs to check with her if she and Mila are done with the renovations of the apartment, or if they need to book a hotel room. 

Hikaru's wedding had been a joyous affair, and they had all approved of Ketty, who Hikaru had met through work after he had graduated college. All of the old dorm occupants, and Leo and Guang Hong, had been placed at one table, and it had almost felt like old times when they ate, talked about old memories and new plans. Chris and Phichit had been happy to have a night away from the kids, who were keeping them up all hours of the night. Minami had just come home from working abroad for a year, and Seung Gil had adopted two new dogs. Yuuri had swept him off his feet on the dancefloor, just like he always did. It had been an amazing night.

The cab turns towards the quieter and darker suburbs, and just as they leave the city center, a familiar song starts playing on the radio, memories from another wedding starting to play in Victor’s mind. 

 

_ Come away with me in the night, Come away with me _ _  
_ _ And I will write you a song _

Victor sighs, the longing in his chest escalating from the always slightly hollow feeling in his heart, when he doesn't have Yuuri in his proximity, to a roaring emptiness. He remembers Yuuri’s hand on his waist, hand in his as he gently led him across the dancefloor, feet light as they moved in practised steps.

_ Come away with me on a bus _ _  
_ _ Come away where they can't tempt us, with their lies _

Yuuri’s smile so soft, cheeks dusted pink as his gaze never left Victor’s, eyes wet with joyous, unspilled, tears. His waltz frame strong as he led Victor through the dance, hand slightly trembling. 

_ And I want to walk with you, On a cloudy day _ __  
_ In fields where the yellow grass grows knee-high _ _  
_ __ So won't you try to come

Victor could almost feel the echo of his heart pounding against his ribcage as he remembered the joy he felt that day, surrounded by everyone who cares for them, celebrating their love. Perhaps his heart was pounding just as hard now, just thinking about how he was soon going to be in those same arms that led him in a melodic waltz around the dancefloor. 

_ Come away with me and we'll kiss, On a mountaintop _ _  
_ _ Come away with me, And I'll never stop loving you _

How Yuuri had spun him, just like how Victor was spun around Yuuri’s fingers, helpless to how he followed this beautiful man who had given Victor more than he could even set into words, around the room and in life. Yuuri always attentive, caring, mesmerizing. 

_ And I want to wake up with the rain, Falling on a tin roof _

_ While I'm safe there in your arms _

 

Yuuri’s lips on his as they stilled and the song drifted to a close, softly pressed against each other as the tears that had threatened to spill throughout their entire first dance finally did just that, wetting Victor’s cheeks as he grabbed Yuuri tighter, feeling his husband’s smile into the kiss. 

 

_ So all I ask is for you _

_ To come away with me in the night _

_ Come away with me _

 

He lets out a trembling breath and shakes his head, trying not to let the exhaustion and overwhelming emotions overpower him in the cab, holding out until he gets home. Home to his Yuuri. 

When the cab stops, he pays the driver and steps out, grabbing his bag from the trunk, before stepping up to the house. He carefully unlocks the door, stepping in with as little sound he can, closing and locking the door behind him. Victor drops the bag with a heavy sigh, kicking off his shoes and shrugging off his coat as fast as he can while still trying to be quiet. He doesn’t want to wake Yuuri or the dogs, hoping to get in completely unnoticed. Of course, he is not a ghost, so the dogs do wake up. He hears their clipped nails clicking against the floor, tapping down the stairs as they come to see who it is that has come through the door in the middle of the night. 

Mizu comes around the corner first, tongue lolling out as he spots Victor, pace increasing. The large white poodle almost tackles him to the ground, licking Victor’s face in greeting. Makkachin follows soon after, pace slower but equally excited. Victor succumbs to his destiny, and sits down on the floor so he can greet them both properly. They are usually enthusiastic when their owners come home, with Victor being away for a week only makes the reunion even more excited. He pets them both thoroughly, and when the dogs have calmed down, Victor stands and heads for the bathroom. He washes his face and hands, brushes his teeth, before walking up the stairs towards the bedroom. He slips in quietly, shedding his clothes and placing them on a chair next to the closet, all the while he watches his love sleep.

Yuuri’s black hair is scattered across the pillow, a little longer now than when they met. It’s messy and wild, and Victor longs to thread his finger though it, feel the silky strands in his hands as fingers scrape against Yuuri’s scalp. His face is relaxed, mouth slightly open and expression soft. His glasses rest as always on the nightstand on top of the book he’s currently reading. It’s probably one of those fantasy ones Victor never really grasps. 

Age has not yet touched Yuuri’s soft features, and Victor thinks he’s just as beautiful as the day Yuuri knocked on his dorm room fourteen years ago, eyes wide and cheeks blushing. Victor doesn’t get to see that blush as often anymore, which is a damn shame, but he can still tease it out of Yuuri from time to time. 

When rid of all his clothes except underwear, Victor walks over to Yuuri’s nightstand to turn off the alarm set for the morning, the one to wake Yuuri up to come get him. He smiles at the homescreen, a picture of Victor kissing Yuuri’s cheek, while at a concert they went to a few years ago. They’re both smiling, and Yuuri’s glasses are a little crooked, but they both look so happy, so in love. 

He puts the phone back on the nightstand and then, finally, crawls onto the soft bed, sliding under the covers. Yuuri is warm, and Victor lets his hand slide underneath Yuuri’s sleep shirt to his chest, palm pressed against his love’s heart. Yuuri turns towards him, instinctively, and Victor slides his leg in between Yuuri’s as his husband’s arms wrap around him. 

“Vitusha,” Yuuri mumbles, and Victor smiles. He didn’t mean to wake Yuuri, but now that he has, he can’t help but take advantage of it. 

He pushes up a little, hand caressing Yuuri’s side to his back so he can pull him close, and softly press their lips together. It’s chaste and sweet, and Victor pulls back after only a second. Yuuri’s dark eyelashes flutter against his cheeks, brown eyes slowly opening to focus on Victor. God, he’s breathtaking. 

“Hi love,” Victor whispers, and a sleepy smile spreads on Yuuri’s face. 

“What are you doing here?” he asks, pulling Victor close so he can kiss him again. They kiss slowly for a few minutes, reconnecting from the days they’ve been apart. Yuuri’s touches are soft, and Victor loves how it’s almost as if he’s trying to map out Victor’s body again, make sure nothing's changed since he last got to touch him. They break apart, both of them smiling, as Victor relaxes further into the pillow, Yuuri angling their bodies so they’re still pressed together, but can see each other’s face. 

“I missed you, so I came home early.” 

Yuuri shakes his head, smile fond. 

“So silly,” he slurs, voice still heavy with sleep. 

“What? I love you. I can’t stay away if I have the option to be near you,” Victor says, and is rewarded with one of those gorgeous blushes. Yuuri buries his head into the pillow but is still looking at Victor, fond look on his face. 

“I love you too, so much. I really, really missed you, Vitusha.” 

Victor leans in to kiss him some more, because he loves his husband so much, and he loves his lips and his voice and his lovely, lovely words. The soft kisses turn to playful pecks all over Yuuri’s face as Victor rolls them over, so he gets better access to completely cover Yuuri’s face in kisses. Because he also loves Yuuri’s forehead and hair, his cute nose and soft high cheekbones, his sharp jaw and pretty lashes. Yuuri giggles, squirming a little, but mostly just holding onto Victor’s upper arms, smile brilliant. When Victor feels he’s done enough, he places his elbows on each side of Yuuri’s face, kissing the bridge of his nose one last time before leaning up, swiping the hair off Yuuri’s forehead so he can look at his entire gorgeous face. 

“How was the last day of the conference?” Yuuri asks, eyes a little clearer now. Victor, who was sure he was going to fall into bed and fall asleep within seconds, feels no traces of tiredness right now. 

“It was good. The last lecture was canceled, which is why I came home early. It was a shame. I think it would have been a really interesting one as well.” 

“I’m sorry,” Yuuri says, brows furrowing a little. “Maybe you can hear them some other time?”   
Victor hums and nods. He probably will. The subject of sexual assault and rape have been a growing subject within the science and journalist faculties, and Victor had been honored to be invited to hold a seminar about it at one of the country's biggest yearly conventions. It feels amazing, knowing the work he’s been doing to expose the lack of laws against sexual assault online and broadcast the lack of awareness that still exists surrounding rape within relationships. 

Yuuri runs his fingers through Victor’s hair, the now shorter hairstyle much better for such an act, a lot less tangling, thoughtful expression on his face. 

“How was dinner with your dad? I didn’t get a chance to talk to you last night? It must have gone on till late, if you didn’t call?” 

“It was alright, a little stiff. It’s always easier when you’re there. I’m still happy I went though. They had managed to sell the house, so they were happy about that.” 

Victor had been letting his father back into his life, one step at a time. After Yuuri had ran into him thirteen years ago on that flight, Victor had been pensive about reaching out. He was doing fine without his father, and it wasn’t as if the man had made any major advances in trying to get in contact with Victor in all of those years. Yuuri had supported whichever decision he decided to make, and for a long time, Victor was sure he wasn't going to reach out.  Still, curiosity had won, and Victor had sent a two line email, introducing himself and asking how his father was. The correspondence had been slow blooming, weekly emails for a year, before Victor agreed to meet. His father had flown out, and Victor and Yuuri had met him in a coffee shop. It had been a slow start, but Yuuri had been a great buffer, and after a while, the conversation had been flowing more freely. They tried to meet once a year after that, and it was always strange and stiff in the beginning, even if they texted and talked on the phone almost every month. 

“That’s good, what made it stiff?”

Victor shrugs, leaning down so he can put his entire weight on top of Yuuri. 

“We started talking about mom.” 

“Oh. Oh, Vitusha, I’m sorry I wasn’t there.” 

Yuuri starts tracing patterns on his naked back, soft letters, hearts and stars. Victor lets out another deep sigh and slumps even harder against Yuuri’s chest. Yuuri lets out a strained sound before hooking his leg around Victor’s hip, rolling them to their sides, probably so he can breathe. Victor buries his head in Yuuri’s shoulder, breathing in the smell of home. He hasn't talked with his mom since he kicked her out of the RA apartment, even if she still calls sometimes. Victor feels better, not having her in his life, but it's still hard to talk to his father about her. His parents clearly feel a lot of animosity towards each other, but Victor would rather not take sides. How do you compare the one who left for almost a decade without a word, to the one who stayed but didn’t care? 

“It’s fine, it was just uncomfortable.” 

Yuuri hums, blunt fingernails scraping at Victor’s nape, making Victor relax into the embrace. God, he’s missed Yuuri so much. Sometimes when they’re apart for too long, Victor feels like he’s breaking apart a little, like a piece of him is missing. It’s not healthy, people tell him, being so connected to someone. He doesn’t really care, when he feels so completely loved in the embrace he’s in now. 

“I told Yuri today.” 

Victor pulls back, eyes widening in surprise by his husband’s admission. 

“What? I thought you were gonna wait and do it when I came back?” Victor asks. They had talked about it several times. Yuuri was so nervous about it and he wanted to know Victor would be there to comfort him if things got bad.

“Yeah,” Yuuri says, laughter a little breathless. “That would probably have been better.” 

The pain in his eyes is clear, and Victor feels a pang of it in his chest. He hates when Yuuri is upset, especially if he wasn't there to help him through it.

“Oh, Yuuri. Was he mad?” 

Yuuri sighs, looking down as he frowns before looking back up at Victor. Victor moves his hands so he can cup Yuuri’s cheek, showing how much he’s there, even if he wasn’t last night. Coming home earlier seems like an even better idea now. 

“He was, but you know, in his Yuri way. I think he was mostly surprised. He calmed down pretty quick but he managed to get a few good jabs in before that.” 

Victor frowns. Yuuri and Yuri have such a great relationship, Victor can’t remember them ever fighting. Yuuri is so good at handling Yuri’s outbursts, in a way Victor’s only seen Otabek do otherwise, but perhaps this hit a little too close to home. Still, Yuri can’t just go around shouting hurtful things to Victor’s husband and get away with it. 

“What did he say?” Victor questions. 

“It doesn’t matter…”

“Yuuri.”

Yuuri sighs, small smile tugging at his lip. Victor knows he doesn’t want to talk about it, but appreciates Victor’s care anyway. Victor loves caring for him. Taking care of Yuuri is one of his favourite things in life, just like being taken care of by Yuuri is another. They make a good team, carrying each other when life gets tough. Victor can’t believe he got this lucky.

“He was just upset, he doesn’t want me to throw everything we’ve worked for away. I think he sometimes forgets that we’re getting older, and that I can’t swim forever,” Yuuri answers, leaning into Victor’s hand, eyelashes fluttering shut. 

“I guess he has been living vicariously through you. Are you sure about retiring though?” Victor asks. He has doubts about it too, so maybe he’s just as bad as Yuri. He just doesn’t want Yuuri to feel like he’s being forced to do something he doesn’t really want to himself. 

“I’m sure,” Yuuri says for what must be the hundredth time

“Because you don’t have to yet-” Victor argues. 

“Vitusha, I’m sure. Six Olympic golds are enough,” Yuuri cuts him off, smile turning from soft to amused. 

“It’s not like you’re old or anything, and you are still winning more than half of your competitions-”

Yuuri leans in to kiss him, stopping Victor’s rambling before it gets out of hand. Victor sighs and relaxes into the kiss, Yuuri’s soft lips heaven against his. When they break apart, they’re both smiling. 

“I’m excited about this, terrified, but excited. I want this. It’s time,” Yuuri says, just like he had the first time he brought it up, just like he has every single time. 

“You can still swim a few more years,” Victor protests, even if it’s mostly going through the motions at this point. 

“I really don’t want to develop arthritis in my thirties,” Yuuri teases and Victor laughs, kissing him sweetly. A hum leaves Victor’s lips as they part and Yuuri pushes him into the bed, kissing down Victor’s throat. 

“Ah, yes,” Victor breathes, eyes falling shut as he focuses on the feeling of Yuuri’s lips on his skin. “That would be a problem.”

“Yes,” Yuuri’s lips leaves his neck as he rises, and Victor looks up to Yuuri smirking above him, eyes dark. Victor can’t help the shudder that goes through him, the now so familiar look in his husband’s eyes already sending heat though his body. “Because who will carry you from the couch to the bed, when you want to go to sleep after I fuck you senseless on it, if I can’t lift you up?”

“This is a good point,” Victor agrees, wrapping his arms around Yuuri’s shoulder to pull him closer, rolling his hips up into Yuuri’s groin. “You should have led with that.”

“Yeah, I should have, shouldn't I?” Yuuri’s smile turns fond, kissing the juncture of Victor’s lips. Victor tilts his head so he can kiss Yuuri proper on the lips, once.

“Was Yuri really mad? Do you need me to go over there and kick him in the shins?” Victor asks and Yuuri laughs, shaking his head. 

“Nah, it wasn’t so bad. It was mostly my brain afterwards, feeling like I’m letting him down,” Yuuri said, brushing his nose against Victor’s. 

“Being apart sucks,” Victor says, echoing the words they say so often say after being separated. Yuuri laughs again, the tension that had been set in his shoulders previously bleeding out with it. 

“Yeah, we should stop doing it.” 

“We should!” Victor agrees, rolling his hips up again. “Now come down here so I can show how much I missed you.” 

Yuuri does as told, claiming Victor’s lips with his. The press of lips turns heated, Victor angling his head so he can pull Yuuri closer, fingers tangling in Yuuri’s hair as they rock their hips together. Victor drags his hands down Yuuri’s torso until he finds the rumpled edge of his sleeping t-shirt, pushing it up until Yuuri has to pull away, sitting up on his lap as he pulls the shirt over his head, slim swimmer muscles being revealed. Yuuri is so sexy, and Victor can’t help but run his hands over his husband’s body, adoring the feel of Yuuri’s warm, soft skin under his palms. Yuuri smirks, rolling his ass down. 

“See something you like?” 

Victor nods, fingers brushing over Yuuri’s nipples, watching them stiffen as Yuuri lets out a soft gasp. Yeah, Victor loves what he is seeing. 

“Definitely,” he says, pushing himself up to a sitting position so he can kiss Yuuri again. “How did I get so lucky as to get an as hot husband as this?” 

Yuuri wraps his arms around his shoulders, starting to grind down into Victor’s lap in a rhythm as their lips meet. Yuuri tilts his head and Victor wastes no time in deepening the kiss, tongues swiping together as soft moans fall off Victor’s lips against Yuuri’s. When they break apart, Victor already feels wrecked, and Yuuri smiles that dangerous smirk again. 

“Well, first, you were kind of rude to him,” Yuuir teases, and Victor leans in to nip at his lower lip with his teeth, startling a squeal and a soft laugh out of Yuuri. 

“Shut up, I was hung over!” Victor tries to pout, but he really can’t with the huge smile spreading across his face. “It worked out anyway, right?”

“It did,” Yuuri agrees, leaning down to kiss him again, fingers scraping across Victor’s scalp, ass still rocking down. “I love you so damn much, Vitusha. I still can’t believe you’re mine.”  

Victor’s heart still bursts sometimes when Yuuri says things like this. Like Yuuri is the lucky one, when Yuuri came in when Victor was broken and wounded, and saw past all that. Who stood by him, nurtured him and gave room for Victor to grow. Who still does, whenever Victor falters or fails, who celebrates every triumph and loves him wholeheartedly. Like Victor is the gift in Yuuri’s life, when it’s the other way around. 

The emotions still get too much sometimes, and now is one of those moments, He takes a solid grip around Yuuri’s neck with one hand, around his waist with the other, and flips them over slowly. Yuuri follows beautifully, kissing him all the way down, until his back hits the mattress. Victor kisses him deeply, fingers hooking in Yuuri’s black briefs and pulls them down. Yuuri follows so easily, like a dance they’ve done so many times before. 

They have of course. Countless hours of mapping out each others bodies, learning every sensitive spot, reveling in every gasp and moan. Victor knows how much he’s grown in the fourteen years since he met Yuuri, how much more comfortable he is with his own body and with sex now. It almost feels a little silly, how scared he felt about certain things, now that he’s tried most of them. Positions that felt scary before, not being able to see Yuuri, is something they do reguarly now. Yuuri suggesting they do it against a mirror the first time, so he could fuck Victor from behind, but Victor could still see Yuuri’s face. It had been one of the hottest experiences of Victor’s life, and all the fear all of those bad experiences that were etched into him had slowly dispatched with every consideration Yuuri took with him, every solution Yuuri suggested, but never insisted on. 

Topping had also been a hard obstacle to overcome for Victor. It took years before he felt comfortable to try, Yuuri being the calm, but very aroused partner, who guided Victor through it all. They did switch sometimes, even if they both seemed to prefer Yuuri topping. Victor just loves the way Yuuri makes him feel completely cared for when he does. 

Yuuri is breathtaking naked and Victor can’t help but push up to stare, drink in the sight of Yuuri completely bare. He sits back on his knees between Yuuir’s legs, hands trailing down his husband’s chest to his thigh, purposefully avoiding his hard erection. Yuuri sighs, a sound half a moan, half whine, and Victor preens under it, knowing he affects Yuuri just as much as Yuuri affects him in return. Victor keeps his touches light, continuing to caress the inside of Yuuri’s thigh as he leans over to the nightstand on his side, grabbing the lube there. 

He lays it down next to Yuuri’s thigh, leaning down as his hand caresses up to grab around the base of Yuuri’s cock. He places himself so his mouth is just above the tip, breath ghosting across it as he looks up into Yuuri’s dark eyes. Keeping eye contact, he licks across the tip, Yuuri moaning as he does, eyes glued to Victor.

“Aaah-.” 

Victor smirks, sinking lower so he can lick from base to tip in one slow sweep. Yuuri pants, bucking up a little, chasing the touch. When Victor comes up to the head, he sucks it into his mouth. 

“Fuck,” Yuuri breathes, breathless, and Victor hums around the length. 

He sinks down slowly, bobbing his head up once when he’s reached halfway down the length. He still can’t take Yuuri all the way down, but Yuuri never complains, and when Yuuri’s hard cock hits the back of his throat, Yuuri’s moaning loudly, hands fisting in the sheets. 

“Aah, so- so good.”

Victor starts building a pace then, head moving up and down as his eyes fall shut, getting lost in the movement. He is so hard himself, the hand not wrapped around the base of Yuuri’s cock coming down to palm himself through his underwear. The friction isn’t enough, and he lets his hand push into the bikini briefs instead, wrapping around himself to stroke slowly. God, it feels amazing. 

Yuuri’s hands find his face, pulling him off Yuuri’s hard cock, lips wet and swollen. His husband looks just as wrecked as Victor wants him, and he can’t help but smirk as he crawls up Yuuri’s body, straddling his lap as he leans down to kiss him, hoping Yuuri can taste himself in Victor’s mouth. Yuuri starts tugging Victor’s underwear off, and soon they are both completely naked, Yuuri’s hand wrapping around Victor’s cock, stroking up slowly. 

“Oh, Yuuri,” Victor moans, head tipping back and eyes falling shut, because the sensation is so good. 

“Can I fuck you, my darling husband?” Yuuri asks and Victor loves that voice, the purr of seduction, the breathless need. 

He nods, words hard to find with Yuuri’s hand wrapped around him, pleasure building. God has he missed him. A week is far too long to go without this. Yuuri’s hand leaves his cock, and Victor sighs for the loss, but keeps himself seated across Yuuri’s lap, feeling Yuuri’s hard cock press against his ass. He opens his eyes to see Yuuri opening the lube, smearing a great amount on his fingers before looking up at Victor again. 

“Rise a little for me.”

Victor does, leaning forward so he can kiss Yuuri slowly as Yuuri’s fingers finds his entrance, one finger pushing in slowly. Victor gasps against Yuuri’s lips, rocking onto Yuuri’s finger, his cock sliding across Yuuri’s stomach, friction teasing and so good. Yuuri adds another finger, and Victor loves the pressure of it, the arousal building as he feels stimulation grow. Yuuri adds a third finger, and keeps them still as Victor fucks himself back on them, having to break the kiss to gasp. 

“Yuuri, Yuuri, please give me your cock,” he pants against Yuuri’s lips and Yuuri nods, fingers pulling out before Yuuri pushes up harder into the kiss, making Victor rise, following as Yuuri repositions them. When they’re both sitting, Victor rises a little again, positioning himself until he can feel the blunt head of Yuuri’s cock press against his rim. He sinks slowly, relaxing his body to open up and take Yuuri. 

“Fuck, fuck that feels so good,” Yuuri pants, as Victor moans, stretch blissfully good. He sinks down further, until Yuuri is completely bottomed out, grabbing around Yuuri’s shoulders to pull him into a heated kiss. Yuuri grabs his waist, and while still kissing, they start rocking together. Victor pushes himself onto Yuuri’s cock, pace increasing as pleasure builds in his groin, muscles tightening from the stimulation of his hard erection rubbing against Yuuri’s stomach and Yuuri’s big cock filling him just right. 

“Yuuri, Yuuri, I’m gonna-” he pants, moving faster as the feeling of release rushes in him. 

“Yeess-” Yuuri moans, wrapping a hand around Victor cock to starts pumping with the movements of their hips. The room fills with their moans as orgasm claims them, both of them panting hard as Victor slumps against Yuuri’s chest and Yuuri falls back into the bed. 

 

Victor wakes the next morning, warm and cozy in their soft bed, realising that he must have completely blacked out after their love making. He’s still naked, but not sticky, which means his lovely husband cleaned him up sometime during the night, which is far more than Victor deserves for falling asleep right after sex. To his defence, it must have been well after three am when they finished, and he had been traveling half the night before that. Still, Yuuri is a saint, who is, unfortunately, not in bed. Pouting, Victor sits up and looks around the room. No Yuuri in sight. 

He sighs and pulls himself from bed, heading for their bathroom to shower. When he’s done, plane smell washed off, he grabs one of Yuuri’s large sweatshirts and a pair of his husband’s boxers and treads downstairs. Just as he hits the last step, the front door opens, two excited poodles trotting in. When inside, they both sit down on the hallway floor. Yuuri follows, seemingly not to have noticed Victor yet. He gives both dogs a once over for mud and dirt before letting them run in, both of them heading towards the water and food bowls with excited barks, chasing each other. Victor smiles as Yuuri starts humming, pulling off his coat and shoes. There’s a familiar warmth that spreads in his chest by just the sight of Yuuri in their home, even if they’ve been together for so long, married for almost  a decade. 

When thinking back about how low he was the summer before college, what a dark place he was in, Victor can barely recognize himself from who he is today. He is truly happy with how his life has turned out, and even if some part of him will always live with regrets about some of the things he had to live through, he will never wish it away, for it led him to the most wonderful man in the world. 

Yuuri looks up, eyes turning warm and mouth breaking into a gorgeous smile as he spots Victor, and even now, Victor’s heart flutters in his chest. Being Victor Katsuki will forever be one of his favourite accomplishments. 

“Already up?” Yuuri asks, walking over so he can wrap his arms around Victor’s waist, Victor still on the last step of the stairs. 

“I woke up to a cold bed,” Victor answers as explanation, and Yuuri scrunches up his nose, tilting his head. 

“Sorry, the dogs needed to go out.”

Victor knows, still he can’t help but take advantage of the situation. He places a hand on his forehead, sighing dramatically. 

“I don’t know if I can survive the heartbreak, Yuuri.” 

Yuuri smiles, having to go up on his toes to peck Victor on the lips, hands traveling down from his waist to his hips until the reach his thighs, lifting him straight off the stairs. Victor screeches, legs wrapping around Yuuri’s waist and arms tightening around Yuuri’s neck for balance. Yuuri laughs as he steps back, grip solid, turning towards the  kitchen. 

“Then let me make it up to you. Breakfast.” 

Victor kisses his temple, very happy with being carried around, maybe it’s good Yuuri is retiring, so he can continue doing things like this. 

“Breakfast and a quickie?” He teases and Yuuri laughs, stopping to look up at him, tilting his head up for a kiss. Victor obliges, because how could he not? 

“For you, Vitusha. Anything.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, a few chapters ago I stared getting hints about readers wanting to leave prompts in this verse, and since I'm having trouble letting it go (total separation anxiety, I know) I would love to take some! I've turned this into a series, so if you want more, you can subscribe to that, and the prompts will be in a collection fic separate form this.  
> If you want to leave a prompt, please do it on [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/linisen) or [Twitter](https://twitter.com/mjaoue), in the comment section, or if you know me personally, write a DM on discord. 
> 
> Thank you again, and I hope you've enjoyed this story. 
> 
> <3


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